Favorite simpsons quotes

Post em!

youtube.com/watch?v=_Q--iGgtRn8

Other urls found in this thread:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Declaration_of_the_Immediate_Causes_Which_Induce_and_Justify_the_Secession_of_South_Carolina_from_the_Federal_Union
youtube.com/watch?v=5AWI_ECKrBc
youtube.com/watch?v=ik0BPKM9WQg
youtube.com/watch?v=grkwI73P9r4
youtube.com/watch?v=_BoMBEto1Ck
snopes.com/man-kicked-buffet-sues/
twitter.com/NSFWRedditVideo

"Project Arturus wouldn't have succeeded without you. This will get you a step closer to that dream of yours. It's not the Dallas Cowboys but it's a start. Drop me a line if you're in the East Coast, Hank Scorpio."

"....."

"...AW, THE DENVER BRONCOS?!"

>There are people on this board who think the civil war was about slavery

But Apu said so, and he's a pretty smart guy.

>Apu
>Apew
>Ajew

Sir, that man ate all of our shrimp and two plastic lobsters!

>Yer just like yer mother, can't take a punch!

oh fuck off Sup Forums. Of course it was about slavery

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Declaration_of_the_Immediate_Causes_Which_Induce_and_Justify_the_Secession_of_South_Carolina_from_the_Federal_Union

>wikipedia

youtube.com/watch?v=5AWI_ECKrBc

I died when I saw this as a kid

...

youtube.com/watch?v=ik0BPKM9WQg

>literally thrown out
That is literally not how you use the word "literally".

It was literally written into most of the constitutions of Confederate states and howled from the podium by confederate politicians.

"It was about economic forces!" Yes, the dying gasps of an economy based entirely on owning human beings (with a dash of convincing the people too poor to buy human beings that they were still better than the human beings who could be bought and sold).

"It was about states' rights for self-determination within their own borders!" Except the confederacy's grievances were in large part because the federal government would not enforce fugitive slave laws in free states and looked to be disallowing slave ownership in newly acquired territories.

"It was about muh heritage!" Yes, the heritage that prospered because of an argicultural economy heavily dependent on slave labor.

"Slavery would've been phased out eventually!" Yes, but the fact remains the confederacy was founded based around the alleged inherent superiority of the white race and the never-to-be-questioned institution of slavery.

It was about slavery. It will always have been about slavery. The Confederate flag symbolizes the hubris of a bunch of white supremacist rich guys who wanted to keep getting rich by owning black people and the idiocy of the poor fools they hoodwinked into fighting to let those rich guys keep owning niggers based on some abstract notion of states' rights. It is the battle flag of rebels and racists and losers and anyone who tries to whitewash it needs to man the fuck up and own their ancestors' shit.

Except the union didn't care about freeing the slaves or they would have freed all of the slaves when they won. Freeing the confederacy' slaves was pretty much a means to stop them from being economically independent

I'm real glad they showed the definition of faggot

Abolitionism was slowly winning out in the union and the confederacy was terrified of it.

Union states weren't doing shit to send back escaped slaves and the states-rights-above-all confederacy demanded the feds step in and override those states' rights not to waste time and money catching and deporting slaves.

And as I pointed out we're still dancing around the basic fact the confederacy depended almost entirely on slavery to remain an economic powerhouse, which is why they felt threatened by the spread of abolitionism and wanted other states to enforce slave states' laws.

So it's the battle flag of poor idiots conscripted by rich bastards, rebelling against a nation that looked unlikely to continue helping them enslave niggers. A shitty little four year country based entirely on the right to own slaves.

Possibly the last good joke The Simpsons ever had, even then the show was pretty damn weak and this was before they went HD, the new seasons are painful to watch, they're are so bad they don't even make for good background noise while cooking.

youtube.com/watch?v=grkwI73P9r4

>I will thank you for showing me the futility of human endeavor

jesus, why is that line so funny?

I think Grandpa is alternately the best and worst character on the show. When he pops in for one throwaway line where the punchline is "he has Alzheimer's," he's awful. But sometimes he's just perfect.
youtube.com/watch?v=_BoMBEto1Ck

>I have three kids and no money, I wish I had no kids and three money!

>I am just a simple paperboy, no romance do I seek...

>Say some gangsta is dissin' your fly girl; Just give 'em one of these.

>Aww, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
>Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
>Explain how!
>Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
>Woohoo!

>Oh very well, it's time for your bribe. Now, you can either have the washer and dryer where the lovely Smithers is standing. Or you can trade it all in for... The Box.
>The box. The box!

Just to name some, these are some that I always have off the top of my head.

>I hate every ape i see, from chimpan"a" to chimpan"z"

>Am I really that out of touch? No. It's the children who are wrong!

Is probably the best line in the entire show.

This is so fucking bad, corny and embarrassing. It fits the context of the play in the episode so well I can't help but laugh everytime I see it

I love that not long after this episode aired, the Denver Broncos would go on to win the Superbowl of that year. Or was it the year afterwards?

Point is, Homer didn't know how good he had it with the Broncos.

Hey! Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

It says here you've been pre-declined for every major credit card. It also says you grabbed a dog by the hind legs, and pushed him around like a vacuum cleaner.

The why did I have the bowl, Bart? WHY did I have the bowl?

Swedes have changed

My Homer is not a communist, maybe a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he's NOT a pornstar.

Man, we could do a whole thread with just Grandpa.

>For the love of God, help me! I've been here for four days and a turtle's got ahold of my teeth!

...

Well, it's a good thing the union allowed the former confederate states to continue to be racist assholes after the war. Now every non-urban region of America is a hotplate of bigotry and xenophobia.

Slavery played a huge role, but there were certainly other factors that played into it as well.
That said, saying the Civil War wasn't about slavery is like saying WWI was just about a guy who got assassinated. You're ignoring root causes of tension between various parties, and slavery was a big one for the Civil War.

snopes.com/man-kicked-buffet-sues/
>inb4 you can't use snopes as a source

>Look at that blubber fly!

This is some hot bait my man.

Rest Belt utterly BTFO the Dems.

Being abandoned for a decade plus will do that.

"Our position is thoroughly identified with the institution of slavery - the greatest material interest of the world. Its labor supplies the product, which constitutes by far the largest and most important portions of commerce of the earth. These products are peculiar to the climate verging on the tropical regions, and by an imperious law of nature, none but the black race can bear exposure to the tropical sun. These products have become necessities of the world, and a blow at slavery is a blow at commerce and civilization. That blow has been long aimed at the institution, and was at the point of reaching its consummation. There was no choice left us but submission to the mandates of abolition, or a dissolution of the Union, whose principles had been subverted to work out our ruin." -Mississippi secession document

"The people of Georgia having dissolved their political connection with the Government of the United States of America, present to their confederates and the world the causes which have led to the separation. For the last ten years we have had numerous and serious causes of complaint against our non-slave-holding confederate States with reference to the subject of African slavery" -Georgia secession document

C'mon, Sup Forums.

Oh and who could forget Texas.
"Texas abandoned her separate national existence and consented to become one of the Confederated States to promote her welfare, insure domestic tranquility [sic] and secure more substantially the blessings of peace and liberty to her people. She was received into the confederacy with her own constitution, under the guarantee of the federal constitution and the compact of annexation, that she should enjoy these blessings. She was received as a commonwealth holding, maintaining and protecting the institution known as negro slavery--the servitude of the African to the white race within her limits--a relation that had existed from the first settlement of her wilderness by the white race, and which her people intended should exist in all future time. Her institutions and geographical position established the strongest ties between her and other slave-holding States of the confederacy."

>The Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?

This is my favorite moment in general.

...

"Mister Simpson, surely you can't put a price on your family's lives "

"I would've have thought so either, but here we are."

Yes!

>"I would've have thought so either, but here we are."
Man I use that line whenever I can now.

>Do you reject Satan and all his empty promises?
>NOOOOOOO!!!!!

What episode was that from again?

>Hello Grandpa, my old friend,
>Your busy day is at an end.
>Your exploits have been sad and boring,
>They tell a tale that's worth ignoring.
>When you're alone, the words of your story
>Will echo down the rest-home hall,
>'Cause no one at all,
>Can stand the sound of Grampa...