Spider-man time? Yeah! Spider-man time! Tonight's episode is to a Green Goblin where he decides that he needs magic to do crimes in addition to using his goblin glider, pumpkin bombs and his oft-forgotten finger laser zaps
Kind of a step down from his plan to summon demons and the undead to do his bidding but maybe he's just setting obtainable goals.
ANYWAYS better than that pile shit that is the new upcoming Spider-man cartoon anyways.
Sit back, relax, and enjoy
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Welcome, ladies, gentlemen, And all 15 of the other genders. I am Blackwell, the great magician and this is my magic show! Please applaud every time one of my great deceptions fool your tiny minds.
For my first trick, I will make a hat appear out of thin air! For my second trick, I will use that hat to make something else appear! I could make an endless stream of hats appear from hats but then I'd be accused to being Valve
And now for something queer
rabbits! appear!
Rabbits?! That's so cliche! Why can't he make porcupines appear? That'd be way cooler
Speaking of magic, you know what's magical, user? The moment we're having right now.
And now that moment is gone. If only I had some of Blackwell's talent...
He entertains crowds were mere tricks. Me? I'd make miracles happen. What are miracles but tricks on a colossal scale?
I remember dabbling with magic back in the day. Stole Harry's nose when he was 4 and never gave it back! I thought it was funny, too bad he never forgave me
Wish I could be there watching that magic show. Spider-man likes magic too but Spider-man can't afford 25 dollar tickets
Is that... the Green Goblin? Good god, what happened to you mean, you look like some sort of creepy Keebler Elf!
What's he doing here? He's no theater lover. He can't appreciate anything more sophisticated than a Uwe Boll movie
Oh And that time Harry brought that cute girl and I sawed her in half! Magic is fun!
Spider-man: Gobby you haven't committed a crime yet but I'm taking you in anyways!
That's cheating! You're supposed to fight crime not prevent it!
But you're not ruining my night! Are you having fun riding bitch? Ahahahaha!
Laugh Goblin. Laugh
This is your stop! Thank you for riding Uber. Have a nice night
Why do I always try grabbing onto the glider for even Goblin I see?
*twhip*
*pomf*
Did anyone see me do the cool thing?! No one saw me do a cool thing. I wonder what Gobby was up to? I should try asking politely next time.
MEANWHILE AT BLACKWELL'S CASTLE FORTRESS IN THE SUBURBS
Aha! Blackwell's big book of magic. Let's see what he's got here... , black magic, white magic, strange magic, exorcism, reverse exorcism, collectible tabletop games ah! Here we are! Disappearing tricks!
This cage looks sufficiently gilded. So it said in the book all I had to do is think about what I want and make it rhyme
On the count of three we will see this bird go free!
It works!
If we're doing magic I'm going to need to go all out. This pimp cane should do the trick! Let's crack open the LOCKED book of magic!
Geode and toads! Lock explode!
...
You know what this means, right? You're going to see some cool shit.
This looks like a good place to start the magic
Hmmm this could take a while. Better park the glider.
Wouldn't want it getting impounded. Fucking meter maids. You step away from your glider for 10 seconds and they get ya. I'd never hear the end of it from Hobgoblin if I got towed.
UGH, this ensemble just screams "I'm over forty and I'm desperately trying to hide it"
Jewels and gems here we go again
I stole it! Just like magic!
What am I doing? Paying for parking? You're losing your edge, Norman.
I can feel it in me loins! Show me the coins!
There! That'll show the city who's the real mega criminal!
Here's what we're going to do next. First we're going to find the nearest crane game and take all the good prizes and then we're going to rob some more ALL NIGHT LONG
Haven't laughed this much in a while, this shit is great
Five bank robberies?! Art galleries! all the gumball machines! This can only be the work of one person! Spider-man!
Thank you
Peter: I thought we had his phone addiction under control! He was down to 2 phones a day!
Betty: You know how he relapses.
Mr. Jameson? I doubt that even Spider-man could rob all that by himself in one night. He doesn't have any pockets!
Hogwash! You think spiders obey the laws of nature when they inject enzymes to magically liquify the insides of their prey? No! It's clearly magic! Spider-magic! Only Spider-man can make things disappear like magic!
Speaking of magic, Blackwell the Magician had his house robbed last night.
>First we're going to find the nearest crane game and take all the good prizes and then we're going to rob some more ALL NIGHT LONG
Not even magic can help you win claw games Gobby.
How can you rob a magician's house? They could turn all their valuables invisible. What got stolen?
Says here his magician's cane and cape. The cops let him file a police report for THAT?
Mr. Jameson this sounds like a scoop! I'm going to go to Blackwell's house and get pics of the crime scene!
those eyelashes.
Jameson: The hell you are, you nincompoop!
Peter: But I believe in magic and I hope you do too.
Jameson: Magicians are the most insufferable attention whores on Earth! All they do is dress like a 19th century homosexual and everyone loves em! OOOOH! I made doves appear! OOOH! I can pull a scarf from my sleeve! Baloney! I make the news appear daily where's my Vegas show with half-naked women?!
That Blackwell wants publicity AND HE WON'T BE GETTING IT FROM ME
this is beautiful
JJ can rant and rave all he wants but I know something's going to happen when Blackwell leaves for work and I'll be ready!
Spider-man: And there he goes! With his ultra-highbeams on!
It's a nice night for a stakeout wouldn't you say?
Should I pimp the glider or not? It could use more chrome...
There he is! Spidey you're a deductive genius!
Open up door! Gobby wants more!
Spider-man: I have you now, Gobby! Norman! I never knew you could read!
Spider-man? I Thought I got rid of you!
Now I have magic! You don't stand a chance!
I can do a little magic too! With the help of my lovely assistants, the police and the district attorneys we can make you disappear behind bars!
First, let's open with some slight of web
Green Goblin: Your opening act could use a little warming up!
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Faster! Faster!
*BONK*
Goblin: It's time! For this!
Spider-man: No! I don't want to go to bed!
The rain in spain falls mainly on BIND HIM WITH CHAINS
Wallopin websnappers! Waah happan?
Up! Up!
My foe had risen only to meet his doom in a plastic prison! Ahahahaha!
I swear, you're the whitest rapper since Vanilla Ice
Oh come on Spider-man you've got to get in the mood. I can be a great host, here, I'll give you a nice, tall glass of water.
To finish you underwater I'm filling this glass with drinkingwater!
Good rhyme, Kanye
I'm going to hit the banks I missed last night so I'll be leaving you now. I always did hate watching people wet themselves ahahaha!
Must... avoid....swimmer'sear!
*twhip*
I'm movin' on up!
Thankfully there was a conspicuous and consciously sturdy chandelier hanging around.
Now to do something about these chains. That's it? That's easy! All I have to do is think about what I want and make it rhyme and do it on one go. Ok here goes!
Uh.
These chains are dangerous so I'll be making something...........
CRAP
There has to be some other way. Oh that's neat, it says this book appears blank to muggles.
...
Magic spells, behelit 411, clow cards... I'm nowhere near where I need to be. Gotta keep browsing one chin page turn at a time
Toot babamoot scootadupe Open your door and give me loot!
*BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING*
You. Cut that out
...
Rhyming doesn't seem any faster than what I normally do
>STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM
WaaWHAT?
We've got you covered! No tricks! Hands behind your head and remove the mask and drop the cane!
You're telling him too many things! Yell something simple! We've gone over this!
No tricks? You think I brought this cane for show?
plop
Police: What's going on?
Goblin: No time for cops and robbers!
Goblin: Rope tether these two together!
Police: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT MY PERSONAL SPACE
Shit, forgot this was today, bumping
FUCKING 4-KIDS!
Somebody stop me!
There's probably more tricks I can learn and I should pick up Spider-man's corpse so I can get a taxidermist to stuff it and mount it beside the fireplace