Hey Sup Forums, it's me, Mike Tyson. From the hit cartoon Mike Tyson Mysteries. And Mike Tyson: Heavyweight Champion of the World. And the same Mike Tyson from Punch-Out. I'm here to solve your mystery as part of the Mike Tyson Mysteries team.
Now lay it on me, mother fucker.
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Why do kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?
Hey Mike, I need you to write a review for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. But it can't make anyone on Sup Forums angry! That's the most important part.
How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?
How do they get the little "M"s on the "M&M's"?
Mike, teach me how to beat George Foreman.
Hey Sup Forums ith me, Mike Tython. From the hit cartoon Mike Tython Mythterieth. And Mike Tython: Heavyweighth Champion of the Worlth. And the thame Mike Tython from Punch-Out. I'm here to tholbe your mythery ath part of the Mike Tython Mytherieth team
Timestamp and picture, fgt
Cause they're fucking delicious! They're covered in cinnamon they're all toasty and crunchy and shit. I'm not even a kid and I love it.
But I like Lucky Charms more, cause those are magically delicious. If Cinnamon Toast Crunch had marshmallows, then that'd be the shit. But then they'd have to change their name to Cinnamon Toast Crunch With Marshmallows and I guess that'd ruin all their branding and they'd have to get new boxes.
Well I haven't seen the movie yet, so I guess my review is I haven't seen the movie. So hopefully that won't make anyone angry, unless they're angry that I haven't seen it yet, in which case, get off my back and send me the DVD if you want me to watch it so bad.
I can't do math and eat at the same time, user. What do I look like, some kind of nerd?
That's an interesting question, so I looked it up and found out how they're made.
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And here's how bubblegum is made.
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And here's one of my favorite scenes from Gran Torino. That Clint Eastwood is a badass.
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Just get really good at punching things. I mean anyone I've ever wanted to beat up in my life, I just punched them over and over again. It worked for me.
No you ain't, get the fuck outta here!
Those are just random words, user, that isn't a complete sentence, so I can't help you. You gotta write full sentences like this one.
What is the tastiest part of the ear?
can birds dream
Why did you bite part of a guys ear off while in a boxing match?
Would you please provide a picture with you next to a piece of paper with the current time and date so we can verify you really are the heavyweight champion of the world and not some mere pretender?
Did you vote in the last US election, and if so, who for?
What would you do for a Klondike bar?
Why does Hasbro hate the greatest Transformers series, Beast Wars?
This is a juicy question. I second this. The world needs to know how far Mike Tyson would go for a Klondike bar.
Did 6 million really die?
Hello, Mike. It's me, the ghost of Buster Douglas! I don't know if you can hear me, but whatever you do, don't do that thing next Thursday, you know, with Jay-Z and that new up and coming rapper. There's going to be an explosion and everybody dies and also you have to pick up your dry-cleaning that day anyway, so you might as well just stay home.
None of the part. They're not tasty at all. I wasn't biting Holyfield's ear cause I was hungry, I was biting it cause I was in the fighting zone! Though I guess I could see how you thought that. People usually don't bite things unless they're trying to eat. But I'm not just anyone, I'm Mike mother fucking Tyson. Getting in the ring with me is like getting in the ring with a grizzly bear. Be prepared to have some of your limbs or body parts not make it back.
Pigeon tells me all about his sexy dreams he has with whores and celebrities all the time, so yeah, birds dream. They're not what I thought birds would dream about. I thought they would have like, like what people dream about you know. Like flying and stuff. But I guess if birds can fly in real life, it's not really a dream, is it? It's more like reality.
Who the hell would pretend to be me? You think it's easy being me? And capturing the complexities of my intricate mind and personality? Bitch, give me your address and I'll come to your house and prove it's me.
Shit! Did the election happen already? Man, I missed another one. I'm out everyday solving mysteries around the world, I need like, a planner or electronic reminder or something to help keep track of that stuff.
I'd fight that goddamn polar bear and rip it right out of his paws! Or I guess hers, she's always with cubs, right? Or is that the Coca Cola polar bear? Man, what's with polar bears and junk food? Where would they even buy that stuff in the North Pole?
I don't know any of those words you said, user. Only Transformers I know of is the ones by Michael Bay. Is Beast Wars his pen name or something?
Six million what? People, dogs, flowers? I assume yes for all of those. People die everyday, user.
Be gone, Buster Douglas!
You're spot on, I read these in his voice
Yeah because he's Mike mother fucking Tyson.
>Is Beast Wars his pen name or something?
I'm going. I'm going to cry.
May I formally ask your foster daughter out for a date?
Please assume we are not already fucking each other.
Why did King of the Hill get cancelled by fox when other shows on the lineup at that time had abysmal ratings?
Mike, why are there no In-N-Outs on the Eastern Seaboard?
Who really killed JFK?
I don't remember the address, but it's in Las Vegas, Nevada. Just look for a mansion with an open-concept living room, a half-bath, a dance studio converted from a garage, and bay windows
When are you going to kill your team, Mike?
Daaaaamn straight!
Well, that sounds like something a little bitch would do, so I don't have much life experience to give you advice on that. Maybe you should see a therapist or counselor or something.
The only fucking that's gonna happen is me fucking you up if you come anywhere near her!
What?! King of the Hill is cancelled? I haven't finished the show yet! Damn, now I'm gonna be all depressed watching the rest knowing it's not gonna last forever. Why'd you tell me?! It's gonna be hard to enjoy the rest of the series like this!
Cause In-N-Out is trash. They should be called Out-N-In, as in out of the kitchen, into the trash can. Get some Burger King if you want good fast food.
What? That's basic history. Everyone knows he died in a plane crash, and planes can't conspire to kill people.
Don't think I won't be looking for you next time I'm in Vegas. You won't know when or where, and neither do I, but I'm gonna be there!
What?? Why on Earth would I do that? I love my team, they're like a family to me. Especially Yung Lee, who actually is my family. Or like my adopted family, but it still counts. Also, one of the members is a ghost, so I don't think I can kill him even if I wanted, which I never would want to. Unless they gave me a reason to, like they turned into zombies and tried to kill me or if they get involved in some kind of wreck and killing them would put them out of their misery.
So unless it's in self defense or because it's humane, I would never kill anyone on my team.
Why does shit have to cost money?
What do you think of the Scooby-Doo gang?
That's a stupid question
How else would Mike get paid?
Why didn't you beat Ip Man in Ip Man 3? That entire movie, I was rooting for you.
Did you prefer the Star Wars prequels or the original trilogy?
Does Little Mac still harass you to this day because you've lost to him?
Could I possibly come with you to solve a mystery just once?
How does it feel to take a backseat to a talking bird and a ghost on your own show?
Mikes lisp cracks me up because I think it's cute when a woman has one. Not pronounced, just slight.
>Not that I would say this to his face.
>be gone
>not rest in peace
You. Fucked. Up.