Guys, I think that "Matches" Malone might be Batman

Guys, I think that "Matches" Malone might be Batman.

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=pbHCE4aVHnw
youtube.com/watch?v=3A_PdLuL_nk
twitter.com/NSFWRedditGif

Nah, I know matches. His only kid is in juvie, someone like that would never attract all these boy wonders

Is his kid really a juvie? How do we know that his kid isn't one of those boy wonders, breaking out of juvie every night with the help of bribed guards?

>only expesode body part that we can see on batman is his the lower of his face
>No mustache

Yea, sure he is faggot

Ya know, I used to work for Penguin at the Iceberg Lounge. Was one of his chefs, got paid really well. Then, one day, this huge, massive fag named Joker came in, shot most of the place up, Penguin just decided to let him have his fun because Joker is the most likely to get beaten by the bat. I survived by hiding in the meat locker, and now I'm quitting for Penguin, gonna go and deal with somebody who is less likely to be attacked by Joker. Could probably start my own group, but it's insane to do with all the guys ruining up Gotham.

Makes more sense than that crazy conspiracy theory that Bruce Wayne is Batman.

>The Bat ruins crooks' lives.
>Matches saved my girlfriend from a traffic accident.

Fuck you, OP. Matches is the kind of person we need more of. He understands respect and pride in the business, puts his neck out there for others.

>I'm quitting for Penguin, gonna go and deal with somebody who is less likely to be attacked by Joker
You might as well just leave Gotham.
You sure as fuck won't find a better boss than Penguin around here.
Unless you somehow manage to get some superpowers and start your own group (which you likely won't).

Go to the Twin Cities, the guy from that place is 70% of the year stuck in some fucked-ass-alternative-time-dimension suffering or trying to fix his own mess

How about Mr Freeze?

Who the hell is Matches Malone?

I've seen the Bats once or twice when I was muscling for the Falcones back in 09 and let me tell ya this, the Batman is a confusing name sine he's a towering 10 feet tall so no way Matches is Bats unless Matches is some kind of stretchy guy, yahear?

Forgot to add
Last time i checked he treated his henchmen fairly.

Mediocre pay, and I'd end up getting hypothermia. Besides, he hardly does any good bank jobs and is mostly obsessed with his dead hot wife.

I think that Bruce Wayne is Batman, but maybe OP is onto something. What if Matches Malone is a disguise that Batman uses to infiltrate the underworld? That way he knows what's going on at the top as Bruce Wayne and what's going down below as Malone?

Matches Malone is BRUCE WAYNE. It's a fake mustache why can't anyone SEE this? It's painfully obvious.

If you want to freeze to death and be poorly paid, go ahead
Freeze is a hermit who barely does anything but sit in his lab and cry over that wife of his.
He barely does anything and when he does it's always some dumb shit like freeze the entire city. And he always freezes his goons by accident.
I had a friend who worked for Freeze who had to have her legs removed after Freeze accidentally hit her during a fight with Batman.

Penguin is a dick but at least he is generous with his cash and he's sane.

Listen to this guy, some prime Arkham material right here.

You say that it's crazy, but has anyone ever seen Bruce Wayne and Batman at the same time? Can ANYONE actually confirm that they're two different people?

Nah no way Matches is the Bat, ol' pointy years tried to sent him to Blackgate a few years back, but he had nothing on him. Heck I hear he even fought him once and got away.

Really? So you think a billionaire playboy with his own company to run and a platinum plated investment portfolio from his folks puts in a solid day of moving and shaking in the office, then every night he suddenly grows 10 feet tall, dresses as a giant bat and spends all the hours of darkness beating criminals to a paste, then puts his three piece suit back on at 9am to do it all again?

Buddy, you need a check up from the neck up.

Don't be silly, dead people can't be Batman.

Does anyone know if Killer Moth is hiring? I heard he actually pays pretty well, and the worst job you have is just watching his moth collection (granted they're mutated, but bears being shot by Joker).

>has anyone ever seen Bruce Wayne and Batman at the same time
Yes

How do you make a fake mustache? Matches runs and fights all the time, if it was fake it would have fallen off in one of his famous tussles. And why would a billionaire play mobster, go check yourself out user.

I this a Gotham henchman stories thread?

>Be me
>Worked three years for Riddler
>Simple stuff, painting question marks around the city for no reason
>He gets arrested before paying me
>Need to work for the B- whackjobs
>"Please not the faggot with the puppet! Firefly, Black Mask, anything but with the puppet"
>Fuck me! The puppet is the only one hiring
>It was not so bad at the beginning, selling Icarus on the streets, carrying contraband and keeping my eye on the sky so the batfuck don't appears
>Rhino (Very nice guy, it's a shame that he can't find a better job) ask me to go talk with the boss
>"Plase don't make me talk with that thing!"
>He took a deep breath
>"look kid! We all have to play along!"
>I enter the office
>That beta fat fuck is looking at me
>He looks scared, sweating like a pig
>"S-s-s-carface can't talk now..."
>"Well, where he is?"
>"H-He is busy...Please... Go..."
>I look below the desk
>His pants are dowm
>The puppet is dowm there
>He spins his head 180° to me
>"Fuck off you glock! i'm working on a glowjog here!"
>I run out of that place with the intention of never coming back
>Three months lates, i'm working with the Mad Hatter
>He hands me a flower costume and say "You are going to be the talking rose, okay?" with a smile
>Whatever man
>Whatever

When I was doing a stint in Blackgate a few years ago, my cellmate kept trying to sell the idea that Joe Chill was the Joker. Is this bullshit?

I heard Matches Malone is actually Tony Clifton.
youtube.com/watch?v=pbHCE4aVHnw

That old drunk fuck? Please, have he ever done something important in this city?

Guys, hear me out: What if we got someone with a pair of binoculars in a helicopter, and watched the Batmobile drive away from the city? He's got to park his car somewhere, right? Couldn't we figure out who he is by seeing where he leaves it every day?

I'm pretty sure the thing has a radar

I peed on the wheels once and i heard some weird beeping inside

Also, i got sterile for some reason, still worth it

have you ever bean to central Gotham? That place is a nightmare of buildings and houses all arranged in a maze like format. you'd lose him the second he makes a turn. Not even mentioning the sewers, i swear there's room down there to house half of Gotham.

We have radars too, don't we? Some of the boys in Gotham Aircraft Control are on Black Mask's payroll, why don't we know yet where Batman lands his plane?

Matches Malone? One of the greatest criminals this side of the country? Are you crazy?
What just because he's smart enough to get out of dodge when the Bat comes calling you think he's the Bat? Mate, that's asking for trouble, every henchman, mafioso, assassin and thief from Crime Alley to Metropolis will vouch for the guy.

That thing must have stealth tech like you wouldn't believe, otherwise someone would've found him by now

Nah that's some BS. I worked with the guy once on an arms run for the penguin and he told me about the time he ran into the Batman. Said he was lucky to get away but the guys he was with weren't as lucky.

Did that once for the mexican guy, Bean or somehing, the one that hulks out. Back when he exploded Arkham, before the Bat went all armor and claws for a while.
He just turns into ramdom alleys and disappears, like, we thought there were fake walls or something, tried to dinamite our way in, but nothing, no secret tunnel, no shit. Just vanishes into thin air.

What if the real Batmobile were the friends we made along the way

That's bullshit, you're lying. Nobody disappears into literal thin air

I'm pretty sure that there are at least five guys on this planet that do pretty much this

And i say "This planet" because i was already abducted twice, when will superman man build the space wall?

>He never saw the Batman disapear in thin air
Are you new to this town?
My buddy in Metropolis says that he could disapear from Superman, how about that?

Are you implying Batman has a ghost car, what are you stupid. My buddy in Chinatown has the the screws in his legs to prove that car is solid.

Ah, so you're new to Gotham.
The Bat does that all the time. First you're shooting at him, then he disappears and now he's behind you and your leg is broken.

You jackass, he's not vanishing, his batplane is picking the car up and flying away with it. Trust me, I saw him do this EXACT thing once -- I was staring out of my apartment window when there's the mother fucking batplane squished in between my highrise and the one next to it! Then, the Batmobile pulls some horseshit cornering to turn into the alleyway without even slowing down. His plane picked up the car and VTOL'd out of there. Didn't even make a sound, which was the weirdest part. Penguin nearly killed me when I told him this, he just said to stop making shit up. I swear it's true!

Alright guys, what we know about Batman? He is rich, has a massive ego and like to name things after himself. Batman is obviously Donald Trump

Not ghost, where would you find a ghost Batman? I bet it's magic and Batman is some type of demon. Like a demon of vengeance or something.

Honestly I don't know where you guys get these dumb ideas that Batman is some normal human, he's in the Justice League, for fucks sake, he can't be just some powerless human.

Who the fuck keeps leaving these stupid fucking question mark statues all over the neighborhood? Last time I tried picking one up, it gave me an electric shock and told me that only Batman was allowed to touch it. How much is Nigma paying you? Where is he even getting the funds for this stupid shit?

Just saying, never go anywhere near wherever the fuck Pyg is. Guy mutilates you, removes your dick, lobotomizes you, then pretty much treats you like a child. My brother was one guy who got captured by Pyg, now all I wanna do is make the motherfucker suffer. Good thing I'm working with Two Face too, from what I hear, he'd be happy to kill Pyg, as long as the coin decides it.

Bean ?

But Trump isn't fit.

Don't be crazy he's too busy running the country. You're worse than those guys who were saying Obama was Mr. Terrific

>as long as the coin decides it.
Does the coin also decide when you get paid?

You think that's bad?

>Henching for Penguin
>Good gig like the folks say, great pay and luxury benefits
>Worked my way up over the years, I get to be one of the few allowed in his personal den
>One night a shipment gets intercepted and I have to make an impromptu report
>Keep in mind there ain't no fucking receptionist for the Penguin when you hench
>Wasn't answering the phone either
>Walk right into his den and there is the butterball in all his glory
>Guy is buck ass naked, thigh deep in a penguin
>Of course he's fucking furious, but I do my best to calm him down and I bullshitted him saying I was okay with that kind of stuff
>Folks, you don't shame the Penguin.
>He gives me this weird look, can't describe it, but I make my report and get the fuck out of there.
>The next couple of weeks is fucking uncomfortable, because the Penguin starts being real nice to me
>Starts asking a lot of personal questions, like about my life and what sizes I wear
>One day, asks me to see him in his den
>Walk in, not there
>See a gift box with my name on it
>Open it up
>It's a fucking penguin costume
>I hear him call my name and I fucking bolt out of there
>Haven't been to Gotham since

I put in an appication for Lexcorp. You guys know if they actually contact your previous bosses? All I got is history with bird fucker.

>Penguin is a dick but at least he is generous with his cash and he's sane.
This. With Penguin all you have to do is not make fun of him to his face (which I get is a problem for a lot of the guys in our business, but still) and you're golden. If he's in the right mood you'll even get a sweet tuxedo to legbreak in out of the deal.

Use to be that way now it just decides whether we get our Christmas bonus. Ever since the boss set up shop in the Blud he's been a bit more generous then usual but that'll probably change whenever Batman or Nightwing finds out.

Can someone please explain to me why is this retard clown such a big deal ?
Or, for that matter, why are there people who work for him ?

He is always doing dumb shit like burning his money or killing his goons for no fucking reason. He is poor as fuck too from what I heard. He's not doing anything that horrible that I haven't seen other crime bosses do and the only reason everyone fears him is because he's so fucking irrational.

Why do people work for him ?
Why are people so scared of him ?
Why hasn't anyone killed this fucker even ?

Why do people sign up with Joker? He's just going to kill you whenever he thinks it's funny.

You made the right decision man. I heard the last guy who he made wear a penguin costume got tied up and mailed to the fucking Tiger Shark as a joke

>Lexcorp

Look, you will find this crazy, but aways buy cake

Really, i have no idea why, he is all serious and threatening, but if he finds cake in his desk after a day of trying to kill superman he will lick your hand like a puppy.

He also like jolly rancher's but... Things get weird

Implying he is not wearing fat suit

I can attest to similar things.
>Be me
>Hench for Falcone
>Get good pay, only do mob work
>Around the time when guys like Bane, Croc and Clayface started popping up
>Hear how Falcone's getting pushed out
>Still stay loyal to him, he's nice to guys who do the heavy work for him
>Eventually, middle of the night
>We're at the boss' lair
>Batman pops in
>Punches a guy
>Know we won't get killed, do nothing
>He just snaps his neck
>It's fucking Clayface
>And he's come here to warn that the new guys own this place now
>I bolt the fuck out as soon as possible
>Join Penguin not long after

Good healthcare

Harlley used to give therapy sessions by herself, if you know what i mean

Man I always knew Oswald was a bird fucker.
I remember that one time in the 90s he got way too crazy and started living in the sewer and claiming he was raised by penguins. For some reason his hands were all fucked up too.
But he's been a lot more chill lately. I even heard rumors he wants to start losing weight.

He just finds insane guys on the street, like some old guy with spoons, shaves them, gives them a gun, and they're good to go.

I was introduced to Freeze when I was just a soldier for Black Mask. Mask was great when he was running things, money flowed and we all lived well.

Anyway, with Mask out of the picture I looked up Freeze. Guy handled himself like a pro when my capo was assigned to work with him. I looked him up and found him hiding out in a old meat locker.

At first I was a low-level mook running around hitting trucks and collecting tech pieces for the guy. Don't ask what they were, they were way beyond my pay grade. I just knew he was upgrading his weapons and the base with the parts.

I tell ya at first it wasn't so cold, ya got by with wearing a blue turtle neck sweater and blue beanie but as more money appeared, the colder the place got.

Working for the guy is good pay but it ain't as what the other anons make it out to be.

Freeze is cold, guy will leave ya to get pinched if you become a problem. Had to leave a buddy of mine behind because he got tangled by the Dynamic Duo, shit still gets to me. The guy had a family.

Freeze would shot a henchmen without being fazed, the guy is cold-blooded. He is a robot, monotone and all. It was hard to know when he was upset or not. There was no way of knowing if he would shoot you or not. Freeze has a crazy fast draw like a Western film.

Don't believe the anons that make Freeze out to be a whiny lovestruck loser, guy never cried in front of us or showed us ANY emotion. He even got a smoking ebony chick who's totally gaga for him but he totally ignores her.

Should ya look Freeze up? Ya like carrying big hunks of machine and hanging out in the cold with a boss who don't give two shakes about you? The pay is good so go ahead but know most of your paycheck is going to buy winter clothes, cause frostbite is on you.

You ain't gonna be babied with Freeze, your heart or emotions are gonna keep ya from advancing. So get rid of it now...and learn how to skate.

What, in his face?

How is it that Batman's grapple gun makes absolutely no sound when he shoots it to swing around the place? It's unnatural man, I don't like it. What's his secret?

>the mexican guy, Bean or somehing
crying

The people who work for him are usually the loonies from arkham and blackgate who seem to like him for whatever reason. The only guys who aren't bonkers that work for Joker are those that Harley recruited and she usually does her best to keep most of them alive.

How are you still alive, man? Last person who tried to fool around with Harley was cut into tiny pieces by Joker personally.

Trust me folks, I had an old buddy that henched for the clown and you have to be in a bad spot to get recruited.

He and met when we were roaming between gigs. We got real chummy and started drinking together. I was finally settling into a gig with Hugo Strange while he was moonlighting between a whole bunch of baddies, guy never slept. Right when I was gonna try and give him a recommendation and save his poor ass, guy falls asleep at the wheel and drives a truck fulla Venom into the river. That's expensive shit, fellas.

We all thought he was dead, but he was alive and at the end of his rope man! Nobody would hire this guy, and if he showed his face around any big name they'd probably shoot him. I told him to try and hold out, but one night leaving the bar I saw Joker trying tk recruit this guy. He and I talked about it before, and I told myself there's no way he'd get in with that lunatic.

Next time I see him, guy is talking up the clown big time. I try to talk some sense into him but he says that the experience would be good for his resume. He was gonna get some good light on him then get out of there.

Well, last time I saw him he was in the full clown get up. It's not even a requirement to work for the guy! Let this be a warning to you henchmen, Joker has his ways of talking you out of a bad spot into a worse spot.

You know, I currently hench for moth. Guy pays well when he gets victory, is starting to try and be the Anti-Batman he once was, and turns out he's actually good in the family and working on mutant moths. He's also got this thing where we lay low to do crime, thus making us far les likely to be killed by Batman. Only downside is that he's too obsessed with moths and Batman. I swear, he's trying to get people to be his next Robin, he already has the Mothmobile, Mothcopter and whatever the fuck the Moth-Signal is.

Somebody post that "Freeze's henchman" screen

I think Batman is a fucking robot disguised as a human in a bat-suit. Think of it, he is faster and stronger than normal human, he was killed multiple times but every time somehow survived. He using a lot of tech stuff and always has that cold look on his face. It is not normal for human. I bet he is some experimental android go crazy or something. Probably made by Lexcorp to kill Superman.

Are you for real? Because he payed me to watch and he gave me extra for doing it wearing a Batman costume

Are you suggesting he's not Superman?

Geez I thought Batman killing guys now was just a rumour. I'm with penguin and it's all I keep hearing, surely there's no way supermans ok with this right.

I personally saw Batman mow down like 20 guys with .50cal fire from pic related

This guy's nuts, Batman doesn't kill. I got buds in the ICU that wish he'd start killing, but he's not a killer.

so are batman and that old commissioner cuck gay or something?

word is they always meet on the same rooftop whenever gordon flashes the signal

who even came up with that?

What I meant was being put in the slammer, where you're more likely to get assraped by some guys in Blackgate or fucked up by Joker in Arkham.

He can't be Superman. They had been seen together multiple times

He also made you call her "Jack" for some weird reason?

Obviously Batman's working with Gotham PD.

Shut the fuck up Croc
We are all sick of your robot theory

They're obviously the result of a god splitting into two where one of them got all the smarts and the other got the power.

Where can I find Catwoman? She just cleaned my place out while I was at work and I want payback

youtube.com/watch?v=3A_PdLuL_nk

She's always fuckfighting or fightfucking with Batman. Just wait for her to show up near him and go fucking nuts with an AK-47 on her from behind.

Why he dressed up like a bat then?

>draw a gun anywhere near Batman
yeah ok pal, I'm totally gonna follow that advice, great plan you got there

WHERES FOOD?

Dude if any off us knew where the cat was do you think we would waste our nights talking on here. Seriously, have you seen how tight her outfit is.

is superman really an alien?
do you think there's a planet where they just fuck all the time?

What is Hugo Strange even doing these days ? I heard he is working for Ra's al Ghul now.
Last time I saw him he had a band and was trying to take over the world

Obviously parallels. Batman is night, knowledge, darkness, and tech, while Superman is strength, light, day, and natural abilities.

>She's always fuckfighting or fightfucking with Batman.
I thought that "Batman and Catwoman are hooking up" was just Gotham tabloid lies

Nah my moneys on nuclear radiation, why would an alien be so American I mean he might as well be an apple pie.

>Gotham thugs complaining about getting beaten up by Batman or killed by their boss

At least you fags have a job market. Metropolis is a nightmare at the moment, no ones hiring with big blue AND Luthor flying around in capes.

They fucked noisily on top of an orphanage in Crime alley. Daily Planet "debunked it" but its Fake news.