Tina Belcher has just asked you to take her virginity. What do you do?

Tina Belcher has just asked you to take her virginity. What do you do?

Spit on her and walk away.

Ask if she could take me to her mother so I could "ask her for permission"

Tell her, "Sorry, I can't get erections anymore unless there are a bunch of physically impossible fetishes involved."

"I think you meant to ask someone else Tina."
"Oh sorry Louise, I was just practicing."
"With those lines sisters, practicing is all your going to do."
"That's why I have to get it just right Gene. Jimmy Jr isn't going to take me if I ask like this."
"Jimmy Jr is taking you somewhere Tina?"
"No Mom I meant"
"Oh yeah, Jimmy Jr's TOTALLY going to take Tina for a spin Mom."
"Uh, no he's not Tina. We have a lunch rush coming and we need every available man we need. "
"Dad that's not"
"You could have every WO-man dad, but Jimmy Jr's going to take that."
"Wait what do you mean Gene."
"That's sweet Bob, Jimmy Jr's going to sweep up and take our little baby Tina in his arms and go on a date."
"No he's not Lin, did you forget about the Love Parade going on?"
"There's a love parade Dad?"
"Yes Louise, why do you think the burger of the day is called the "What is Guava, Baby don't Turnip Me?"
"I thought it was about 1980's club dance music."
"Well technically yes Gene, but regardless. Tina you are not going to let Jimmy Jr take you anywhere."
"DAMN IT DAD I WANT JIMMY JR TO TAKE MY VIRGINITY."
"Oh."
"WHAAAAA"
"SING IT SISTER"
"WHOOOOOOOOOO"
"Maybe in retrospect I shouldn't have said that out loud."

>What do you do?
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHH

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
"Wow, I can't believe grounded you from seeing Jimmy Jr for thirty years Tina."
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
"It could be worse, you could be grounded for thirty years too."
"No that happened Gene."
"Oh."
"I'll never be able to give out my womanhood to Jimmy Jr uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.........."
"Shh shh shh it's okay Tina. I know, me, gene and some of the neighbourhood kids will scrounge up some cash where people like you can live."
"Uhhhhhhh wait what?"
"Yeah Tina, haven't you heard? The Virgin Islands."
"Yeah! Where the women are fully clothed and the men are lonely sadsacks."
"You lost me at fully clothed but pulled me back with sacks."
"Just imagine Tina, an island full of virgins living life without ever giving it up."
[dream sequence of Tina riding a horse on the beach as a handsome man riding a black stallion catches up to her, and they fall in the water looking into each others eyes before he whispers 'Want to go power walking and watch C-span" ]
"Okay I'm in, where do I get a ticket."
"Let's just order one off the internet, that's what most people do."
"Wait hold up, get me a ticket to that island Louise."
"Why Gene."
"WHY NOT? HELLO? FIRE ISLAND! The Island...Of Fire!"
"Okay, one ticket for the Virgin Islands for Tina."
"Yes."
"And one ticket to Flaming Island for Gene."
"Laugh now Louise, but when I come back the Flaming God among men, who'll be laughing then?"
"Probably the fire department."

This nigga's an actual writer for the show or some shit

Meanwhile in resturaunt.
"I can't believe that little...harlot is already thinking about doing that."
"Don't remind me Lin."
"I mean, I was her age when I was into boys."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Heh."
"What?"
"It's just, I thought."
"Thought what Bob?"
"No Nothing."
"TELL ME BOB."
"I always thought you were the kind of girl who had to look up what, well, you know in a book."
"GASP"
"I mean it was just a"
"How dare you Bobby? I'll have you know that I was busy being a little tramp MONTHS before Tina was."
"Oh."
"In fact there was this one guy in 8th grade and I totally gave him a jimmy in the bathroom."
"laugh, a what?"
"A Jimmy"
"What's a Jimmy?"
"You know, when you...enh to a guy's..."
"No, you should explain that to me Lin."
"You know, when you enh enh with your hand."
"You mean a Handy?"
"HANDY?"
"Yeah, that's what I called it."
"Oh really? When did YOU get a Handy."
"How old is Gene?"
"OH MY GOD BOBBY."
"What? You just told me you were giving Jimmies to a guy in the bathroom."
"But I was old enough to know better Bobby, you had a bad childhood."
"Yeah I did, but at least I got a Handy."
"I'll give you a Handy."
"You mean a Jimmy?"
"HEY DAD CAN I BORROW THE CREDIT CARD?"
"No Lousie."
"YOU ARE DENYING MY FLAMING RIGHT FATHER."
"GO TO BED ALL OF YOU."
"Dad?"
"Yes Tina?"
"Am I still grounded?"
"Yea..."
"No Tina, your not grounded anymore."
"Lin..."
"Oh come on Bobby, we were doing the same thing at her age."
"Well, technically Gene's age."
"Can I go out tonight?"
"Uh sure Tina. Just be careful."
"I love you Dad."
"Uhhh...you too Tina."
Tina leaves the door and heads to the pier.
"Virgin Island here I come."

The end.

That's way too spot-on

Had me audibly chuckling while my friend is sobbing on my couch.

>"You lost me at fully clothed but pulled me back with sacks."

>OOOOH HOW ROMANTIC, BOBBY!

>REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME WE MADE LOVE?

The only correct answer.

/thread

I think Bob would have a much more visceral reaction to his wife calling a handjob a "Jimmy."

>jimmies
>kek

I'm laughing like a douche as my wife shops in Publix. Sweet Monkey Bread Jesus my sides.

You're real special user, special in a good way.

>BRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

>SORRY BAWBY I GUESS I GOT A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY

NO

>mfw imagining the sex
>she just fixes you with that vacant, autistic stare the entire time
>doesn't know what to do with her hands so she constantly moves them into awkward positions
>keeps trying to make conversation or mimic fanfiction-tier dialogue
>does her autistic freak out when you break her hymen and you have to calm her down
>does her "uhh uhh uhh" grunt all the way through

No thank you

>I can't believe that little...harlot
the only point at which you lost the show's tone
bob would never insult his own children, it's pretty much a thing

other people and other people's kids are all fair game, but the family, even when they're mad at each other, are always compassionate

That was Lin.

Still brilliant

Run.

I decline and leave before either the FBI or To Catch a Predator catch me in their sting.

Hey now....

That's Gayle. Tina is pure and untouched.

...

I don't take, I steal.

Run. I'm not going to jail for this.

>He doesn't know how disgusting teenage girls are during puberty

...

Fiend

Is this show on a schedule or do they just air new episodes at random whenever they feel like it?

fox being fox

...

>letting a girl take your wizard powers

I seriously hope you faggots don't do this.

I think you mean hot.

>>does her "uhh uhh uhh" grunt all the way through
she better

Damn right she better. I couldn't finish without it.

i tell everyone else not to take the brown acid.

later i realize i was talking to a mailbox.

Pure poetry.

fucking talented and/ or

...

You're an all-star?

You're the best kind of autistic, user