Henching for Scarecrow

Question for anyone on this board who henches for Scarecrow: Literally why? Do you people get off on being used like lab rats or something? There are other bosses in Gotham who won't use you in the fear toxin experiments, you know.

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When you're laying in the streets of Gotham, with rain pouring down on your head, wishing you had something to eat, and then a guy comes by and offers you a job that pays good, i bet you'd say yes too.

I mean sure, the worms still come out of my hands every once in a while, but at least i got dinner.

Hey man, Wayne's charities would have covered for guys like you. I've done it, half of my extended family's done it. I don't know if Wayne would have approved of us going from his halfway homes to Riddler's gang, but it kept us away from guys like Scarecrow and Joker. Now all I do is help set up these dumb question mark puzzles around the city and build weird obstacle courses. The pay's decent and all I have to put up with is Riddler running his mouth whenever he gets bored. Cushy.

Not only that, but Riddler's set up electronic payments, so we get our cash even it the Bat busts him.

Hey, this seems like a pretty sweet gig. How can I join? Do I get to meet the Riddler himself?

There are worse people to work for; in fact, he's really one of the better guys to work for.

He doesn't live in the sewer, has a reasonable idea of the cost of living, you're not taking orders from a hand-puppet or rubber chicken, and he doesn't make you wear animal suits or skimpy clothes that make you freeze your ass off. He's not handsy either but the only one that's really bad about that is Poison Ivy.

Generally speaking, he only tests his stuff on people that screw up or question him anyway; so long as you keep your mouth shut and do your job, you're fine.

Solve one of those questionmark puzzles lying around the city and you're in. If you can't, hope he recruits you when he needs more dumb muscle.

You probably will meet him in person, but his hygiene has degraded in the last few years. He's not as much fun as he used to be, either.

At least he's not like how he was in his earlier years.

You damn sure didn't want to be around him when he was beefing with the clown.

Yeah, I remember what happened to him the last time The Bat and him fought. I guess The Riddler really needs that cane now.

It shouldn't be too hard to solve one of his riddles. Thanks for the heads up! I'll tell him you sent me.

>There are other bosses in Gotham who won't use you in the fear toxin experiments, you know
Oh, you mean like the clown who'll gas you with his painful "laugh yourself to death toxin" for literally no reason other than MOM'S GONNA FREAK, even if you work for him ?
Or the other guy who literally flips a coin to decide whether he kills you or not ?
Or the other guy obsessed with hats and lolis who'll mind control you ?

Crane is a shit person and a shit boss but there are way worse people in Gotham to work for. At least Crane is marginally more sane than the rest (most of the time).
The best people in Gotham to work for are Penguin, Riddler and Moth

Fuck that shit, I'm not getting fear gassed because tuesday is the random night that the Bat just so happens to crash Scarecrow's party, and obviously I can't 1v1 the guy so things go sideways.

Fuck you. The good doctor cured my arachnophobia and my acrophobia.
Unfortunately, I gained three new phobias.

Why? The worst he'd ever do was stick a particularly idiotic hench in one of his deathtraps for being extra stupid. If you're on our supersecret minion message board you can't be that dumb.

>Thanks for the heads up! I'll tell him you sent me.

Oh yeah, namefag, just tell him Anonymous sent you. He'll have a special mask for you.

Penguin pays great, but holds grudges. Beware!

Moth is a shitty boss 'cause he never scores.

Which ones?

Chiroptophobia?

I'm a thug in Gotham, I already have that.
Why do I get the impression that Moth would be a total bro to work for?

I fucked Poison Ivy and lived.

Ask me anything

Look at these fags running around with criminals! You guys should join me at LexCorp. He pays top dollar AND you get dental! For some reason, it's company policy to flip off that flying guy in a cape when he passes by, but you get used to it.

Will you have to pay child support in the event that any of her weird plants can be proven to have your genetic material in them?

Ill take "Things that never happened" for 400, Jack.

Er, I have some bad news for you bro...
Clayface has been going through some things and

well

He's been going around transformed into Poison Ivy fucking goons left right and center.

Not only did you (almost certainly) just fuck Clayface, but by now he's pretty much a walking mass of mixed up gotham criminal society semen.

How itchy is your dick?
I don't believe you.
Don't listen to this guy. Lexcorp is fucking fantastic if you're in the STEM fields.
But say you apply for a security position, suddenly you get outfitted with retarded cybernetics that you'll have for the rest of your life.
Arm cannons are cool and all, but I almost blew my dick off last week.

Get back to work Harley.

Mostly he has me haul around gas canisters, move "patients", and make sure the camera's work. Pay is decent and the only real downside is every now and then I find my self in an endless ocean with tHe knowledge that something predatory stalks the water searching for me and the uniforms usually itch.

>obviously I can't 1v1 the guy so things go sideways.

Not with that attitude you won't.

you just gotta get on her good side
>implying I'd pay child support anyway
>dick

Is it true that Joker passes Harley around his henchmen? Asking for a friend.

My cousin works for the metropolis coroner's office and he said every know and then they get a fucking shipment of bodies from Lex Corp in the worst condition. Always labeled "work accident".

Yeah I knew a guy who volunteered for one of the programs and now he's got a kryptonite dick and 20 years for attempted rape if I were you I'd stay the fuck away for lexcopr luthor has a really weird hate boner for Supes

Harley, would Mr. J approve of you fucking Pamela?

I henched for every one of these "supervillains" in Gotham, ask me anything

Which one is secretly the nicest person?

DO NOT TRUST MATCHES MALONE HE IS AN INFORMANT FOR THE GCPD AND SNITCHES TO THE BAT

Henching for Cobblepot is sketchy as hell. Only get half your pay unless you bet it against the house; you never come out ahead. We get free drinks though, and the girls are easy on the eyes.

Kek

Riddler

How does crime even still happen in Metropolis? Doesn't Supes show up at the speed of light to throw you in jail 1ms after you've started the job? Who's insane to try stuff with a guy like that around?

How the hell does that pointy nosed midget get those kinds of ladies, anyways?

youtube.com/watch?v=ON-7v4qnHP8

Deep pockets man. Deep pockets.

Excellent health insurance and that policy about betting money only applies to his male employees.

Yo I got a theory that'll blow you guys's minds.

'Batman' is just some character created by a private military contractor hired by the Joker. Think about it. He always lets the Joker live after the fucked up shit we've all seen him do, he goes after the other gangs in Gotham, fuck, you seen the car this motherfucker drives? Ex-military, for sure. Probably got links with Lexcorp.

Think about it. You ever worked for the clown? It's always the same. You're dumping toxic waste in silly string, or kidnapping some hotshot lawyer and holding him ransom, and lo and behold the Bat comes in and beats the shit out of you. How does he always know where the Joker is, huh?

Maybe the joke's on all of us, is what I'm saying. Maybe that's how that sick clown bastard really gets his kicks. Just some rich asshole in make-up hiring goons so he can watch them get beat up, get carted to Arkham where he oh-so-conveniently escapes.

I mean, come on, am I the only one who feels like I'm being played for a fuckin mook here?

Nah. Probably one of his rich fuckin gymnast girlies from college. He'd never lead workin stiffs like us get our fair share.

Shame, too. You ever met her? Great ass.

>Solve one of those questionmark puzzles
I fuckin' knew it would be this!

Hey at least the boss is professional and takes care of people that nearly die for him, remember the time Batman was trying to throw a batarang at the boss but Brutus tackled the Bat? Fuck's sake the thing bounced off the damn wall and would have gone through of the boss's eye.
I nearly died when it hit 1mm from my cartoid, Bat's panicked the fuck off and was knocked off, The Boss payed for my surgery and my hospital stay

Batman shows up like that for everybody though. That's just his thing.

>Wayne Industries maintains a monopoly over the electronic locking business in Gotham
>Batman can hack our doors whenever he wants
>Bruce Wayne pushed for legislation that mandated electronic trigger locks on all firearms sold in this country
>Batman can somehow jam our weapons whenever he wants
>Wayne Industries manufactures advanced all-terrain vehicle and weapon modifications for the military
>Batman constantly has the best prototype systems available
How come nobody's put the hit out on Wayne yet? He's obviously colluding with Batman. We need to silence him and put an end to Batman's supply chain, or get our hands on Wayne and make him tell us what he knows. Who's with me?

Penguin henchman here. I've had to go and pick up payments from a few of Scarecrow's sites, and he's usually pretty short staffed. Don't know if that's how it always operates, or he kills them all off and that's what left, I'm not sure. But it's never the same guys when I have to go back.
Cobblepot doesn't pay the highest, but it's still good and it's a steady income.

Nah, i henched for Joker and he tortured the last person that asked that question, turns out Joker doesn't wear make at all and he hates PMCs

Scarecrow has a hair trigger and will use his Fear Toxin or experiment on his henchman for the slightest mistake, the ones that last however are good at their jobs

>am I the only one who feels like I'm being played for a fuckin mook here?

We ARE mooks, buddy.

I heard one those rich people in one those corporations over there is heavily invested in criminal activities

He is a professional and treats then well

And what's with the kids at his place? He's a bachelor, isn't he? But he has a rotating stock of boys around... I'm starting to think he might be up to something funny. Could Bruce Wayne be doing human trafficking? Or is he a customer?

Does Joker know that he's a cuck whose gf left him for another woman?

Mooks are the lowest on the chain of command, if you get a set of skills and manage to get on the bosses good sides they tend to trust you a little more

You would believe what i found one time under Wayne Manor

Somehow he's still tenured and accepting grad students. A good number of us are just trying to finish our residency.

*Would not

>looking for a child sex slave ring in the basement of a Wayne Manor with no basement

for

We'll to tell the truth I'm 90% sure lex luthor secretly insane and fucking hates Superman even though he's chilled out recently the guy would probably give up eternal happiness just to get him that and a lot of the yhreats here target Superman specifications

Oh yeah? What was it?

GTFO Sup Forums. We won't fall for your pizzagate bullshit again.

Hey aren't you a snitch? I thought i saw you work with GCPD and the Bat too.

Stfu you nutjob, what the hell would be under some rich bachelor's mansion? A survival shelter? A bunch of pipes? A giant penny and a T-Rex?
You should stop drinking so much during the day, it's making you loopy.

Nah i was looking for that, also old maps of the Manor showed a natural formed cave there a certain distance under it so i got curious, turns out Wayne fooled everyone!

Just found a spare Batarang the other day. Guess the Bat must have forgotten to pick one up after he threw it. What do I do with it?

>Being a pussy
Working for Scarecrow is like the world's greatest horror movie/haunted house

Nah are you fucking crazy? I found a cave and some tech

Put it back right now unless you want the Bat to go apeshit on you

>work for Riddler during Scarecrows takeover of Gotham with that guy who was clearly Jason Todd
>entire city basically deserted and the Bat is distracted
>ask the boss how were gonna get in on this action
>hands me blue prints for a gigantic underground racetrack
I still dont know how any of this is considered a riddle.

I meant Batman fooled us all, i don't know why i said Wayne.
Batman hid his base of operations were no one would look, a cave under Wayne Manor! Don't know if Wayne is financing the Bat or if he doesn't know

There's a tech-filled cave under some rich boy bachelor's mansion? Come on, this is BRUCE WAYNE we're talking about!

Fuck, you tried to kill me once! Here to finish the job?

I was there just to prove i had nothin to do with that robbery on 34th street, ya schmuck.

I ain't no rat, and i don't work with no Bat, ya hear?

My boss called me a traitor and was gonna shoot me, but he also suddenly trembled and told himself to just let me go.
Never work for a ventriloquist, shit's weird. His gang had the best thug friends i've ever made though, pretty comfy mafia family.

Wayne probably doesn't know but the Bat hid his homebase under his house, i fucking saw the bat logos and the bat equipment!

well consider who your cohenchers will be.

>Joker: xX_DaRkWoLf_ChAoS_666_Xx
>Riddler: either smug anime girls or guys with an IQ lower than their BMI
>Penguin: Ancap bird fetishists
>Freeze: HAHAHAHA
>Catwoman: MUH WAIFU
>Harley: as Joker but with added MUH WAIFU

Two-Face and Scarecrow are the exception, though Two-Face's are kinda schizo and constant exposure to can give you sleep problems.

plus, he's more predictable than Joker or Riddler, and while he's crazier than, say, Penguin, he's also not (usually) just out for profit so he's less likely to just turn you over and get away.

and that randomly using people as guinea pigs thing doesn't happen. he only uses you if you piss him off, but as long as you talk like a mild edgelord around him, it's fine.

Ya calling ME a schmuck? Fucking hell, i hear you but i tought you were more professional than that

HAVE NONE OF YOU BEEN FOLLOWING TWITTER?!???
The news dropped just a few minutes ago!

>Riddle me this: Can that car do loop-the-loops? Let's find out!

Really? Believing the guy that is going crazy?

So the rich kid is a fuckin' fanboy for a cape, so what.

I'm told Lex Luthor got a Superman costume that he gets his assistant to jerk him off in. Now that shit funny.

And Superman is a journalist i bet!
Give me a fucking break, he should learn some real shitposting.

>Freeze: HAHAHAHA
And just what's so funny about Freeze's Henchmen?

You're right, where are my manners?

That's clearly a joke, man.

Isn't that kinda illegal? I mean funing a vigilante

Same shit happened to me, the old man is fucking nuts, not to mention literally autistic.

TWEETED JUST NOW! CONFIRMED!

Freeze rarely ever commits big heists for profit and his work is inconsistent.

Alright it's okay, turns out Bruce Wayne might be funding the Bat, i saw the Bat's home base under Wayne Manor

Fake news, Superman doesn't have a twitter.

Well shit, i don't what to say... If the Potus himself confirmed that it's more believable than the MSM

>not jailbreaking your gun
Niggah did you even play MGS4, we all know where this ends

have you seen the attrition rates due to frostbite? he puts more people out of comission than fucking Joker just from equipment transportation alone. he doesn't kill them, sure, but how's your career prospects with seven missing fingers?

I hate that I share this website with poverty stricken plebians that resort to henching.

youtube.com/watch?v=zxi0RWEx94Y

Why wouldn't he? It's 2017

>Isn't that kinda illegal
Motherfucker this is Gotham there's not a single clean stooge on these streets and you and I's both know it

Seriously. Do people seriously think Supes has time to tweet? He's busy saving everyone he can. I swear I hate these role play accounts that pretend to be prominent figures, because there's always SOMEONE who falls for it.