Spider-man (1967) Sins of the Green Dad Part I: Swing City

What day is it? Saturday? At night? Oh, guess I should get started on the Spider-man. Tonight's episode features a mad scientist. I know! How unexpected! Let's see how this plays out.

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BOOMSHAKALAKA

IS IT THE SHOES?

SWISH! NOTHING BUT NET

Shooting freethrows with a non-regulation basketball while shouting 8 or so phrases gets boring after a while. I can't wait until this boring gym class ends so I can see Sonia Class. I mean Science Sonia I mean Sonia in Science class.

Sup homeslice. How bout you get sauced cuz keepin' in real, I'm supafly with a bball don't be trippin'. How bout you and me pass rocks 1v1 winner's dizzle, loser's wack.

Peter: ... pardon?

Hard Bod Rod: Come on Parker I'm not taking wigga 101 class for nothing! I asked you if you wanted to have a quick 1v1 B-ball game before class ends!

No can do Hard Bod Rod, class is almost over.

Hard Bod Rod: You see me grabbing my junk? That's how confident I am that I can thrash yo' ass in under a minute. Just go in late to your next class if somehow it takes longer.

Peter: Nuh uh. That's NG. That's slang for No Good in case you weren't aware. Peter Parker never cuts class when science is on the line.

And besides, Sonia's in that class. And thinking about scoring with her and staring at her chest balls sounds a lot more fun than scoring on you.

Hard Bod Rod: Oh come on Parker! Don't be a Putz! There'll always be time for girls! The coach is sitting right and if we put on a good show for him and get all sweaty dribbling up and down the court, running past each other, bouncing the ball up and down up and down then he might like what he sees and put us on the team! Haven't you heard of showing up in class fashionably late and fashionably sweaty?

Peter: Peter Parker doesn't live by those rules.

Hard Bod Rod: Street Ball doesn't have rules.

Peter: We're not playing street ball.

Hard Bod Rod: Come on! The coach won't let us the team if he doesn't get excited! You know that!

That's correct. I also get to lick the towels when you're finished.

I'm sure you can find a way to make varsity on your own. And this is for calling me a putz.

OOOOOOOOOooooooooh

Hey Hard Bod Rodney! You doing ok? You promised panting and I'm not seeing it.

And nice dick throw, Parker! That's the move that'll win us state. You should try out for the team sometime. Apparently there's rule against crushing your opponents testicles by throwing the ball at them and I'd love to have your arm as Point forward

His ball hit my balls... did we just have sex?

Alright class, today we'll be talking about the power reactor that just got built in Manhattan. It's taken millions of dollars and many years to complete but when turned on, it should give us all the power we'll ever need. It's shielded to prevent radiation and anything else harmful from escaping and when turned on it gives count them! 10 million kilowatt hours of uranium!

This is an underside view of the reactor cube. I realize that it is not a cube, so please stop raising your hands. Originally it was intended to be a cube but you rarely ever get what you want.

Professor: The internal workings of the reactor is controlled entirely by computer, I'm not sure what Operating System, but hopefully not Windows Vista...

Peter: The Professor's droning voice, Sonia right there in front of me. Two great things that go great together. And I can stare creepily for hours!

I don't get what that yellow thing even is. Is it a giant honeycomb? Are there bees in there? What do bees have to do with nucular fission? Is that why people avoid bees? Because they're radioactive? Oh Wow, I did a science!

Sonia... Sonia... Sonia... you and me together. I can see it now.

Sonia: Thanks for saving me Spider-man! Would you by any chance of radioactive semen? Because that sounds HOT

Spider-man: Then it's your lucky day!

Sonia: Do you mind if I chew on your mask for a little bit?

Spider-man: Anything for a fan. You can chew all you want Sonia... Sonia...

Sonia! Stop appearing in other people's in-class wet dreams and pay attention and answer the question! How much uranium would a nuclear power plant use in one year assuming its located in Tromaville with no government regulation or oversight!

I didn't bring my ruler! I'm sorry!

Sonia, don't tell me you plan on becoming a nuclear scientist on your looks alone. Look at me, if I couldn't make it then no one could.

We'll ask Peter Parker to answer. He ALWAYS brings his ruler.

Ah well there's um a lot of factors and you see if you just let me stall for time I'll um (Damnit! I've got to come up with something witty or sarcastic to cover the fact that I don't know but I've got nothing!)

>*brrrrrrrnnnng*

Saved by the bell again. Alright everyone. Your homework is to design and construct a gingerbread scale model of a nuclear power plant of your choice. It will be graded on how delicious it is. You are also to write a 500 page essay on the importance of the nuclear family. Class dismissed.

Sonia: Peter, I was just thinking. I could use a tutor and you're the best at science. I was thinking that maybe you could come over and oh nevermind. I'm sure your life is busy enough without having to help little people like me. Forget I said anything.

NO NOT AT ALL. I WILL HAVE TO CANCEL A TABLETOP GAMING SESSION OR TWO BUT THAT IS A NOBLE SACRIFICE FOR A FAIR MAIDEN SUCH AS YOURSELF.

(He fell right into it!)

Well in that case maybe you could come by my house later tonight and """help""" me with understanding this nucular stuff.

Sonia: Thanks! Bye!

Peter: You're welcome! I'll bring the diet root beer! You bring the ricecakes!

She said "nucular" We have a lot of work ahead of us.

>Meanwhile at the power plant!

WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAMMING TO ADDRESS ANYONE WHO IS A MEMBER OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH. KEEP A LOOK OUT FOR THIS MAN, IDENTIFIED BY HIS TRENCHCOAT AND HAT. THAT IS ALL.

Only the best security at this facility I see. This should keep out any interlopers.

>spiderthread
MY FAVORITE PART OF THE WEEK

The Governor laughed at me, the science commision laughed at me, the women in jazzercize class laughed at me, the homeless man on the bus laughed at me, Martin Lawrence laughed at me, even the mailbox laughed at me. What do they know? I'll be laughing back at them soon enough. Except for Martin Lawrence. He doesn't get even a smile.

They wouldn't let me build my own reactor. They took one look at me, thought "The Mask 3" was in production and blacklisted me on the spot. So I'm going to use theirs! Now they'll pay for their crimes! I'm going to run it more efficiently and more productively than they could dare dream!

I, the Master Technician, am an expert of all forms of energy and now I control the plant! Now add an E as in Energy and I will control the planet!

But one can't become the most powerful man in the world from nuclear power alone which is why I went through this place top to bottom, gutted it, put it back together, changed it from the inside out! Nuclear power will seems like child's play when the world finds out that I'm the first man to create a man-made Chaos Emerald and will harness its full potential! Then I'll make more! Mwahahahaha!

But not only is it a chaos emerald, I dare say I, the master Technician have created a MASTER emerald! Let's turn it on and see what happens next!

For once everything's going right. I'm going to be early to Sonia's, there's no crime all night, it's like the stars have aligned (if you could see them past the pollution) and are pointing at me to form a constellation to pat me on the back for everything I've done.

I'd like to also thank to pre-emptively thank Nuclear Power for the chance to possibly get halfway to first base with a pretty girl who understands very little. Also for those spider-power thing.

Tonight, the world may not need Spider-man after all.

My name is Matt Murdock and I am the blindest man alive. When I was a child crime took my father and my sight away from me but in return gave me remarkable powers. By day I defend the innocent in court and by night I punish the criminals who would prey on the innocent. I AM THE DAREDEVIL

>blindest man alive
KEK

You stay out of this Murdock you shit! You have two seasons of your show and Defenders and what do I have right now? Nothing! Let me have this! This is mine! MINE MINE MINE!

With that out of the way I'd like to say, Lady Liberty you can check my ass out any time.

"I am"

name of episode pls

Spider-man: Hey, why's that power plant glowing like a little mini-sun about to explode?

GOD FUCKING DAMNIT ARE YOU KIDDING ME? NEW YORK'S FINEST HERO CAN'T GET A NIGHT OFF? Forget it! Not going to let this ruin my night. So the city's got a new nightlight. It's the city that never sleeps. It's fine.

Oh. And there's an earthquake happening too. That's fine. The people can handle that, too. I'm just going to get to Sonia.

I'm sure that everyone in that building is A-ok!

Swing City. But why?

Who am I kidding? New York doesn't get Earthquakes. What kind of self-respecting nerd would I be if didn't know that the region doesn't get tectonic activity.

*sigh*

First I'll check out the cause of it all and then I'll rush over to Sonia's. She didn't say what time tonight she's expecting me so it's fine.

What's are you doing there Question?

What the hell? Where's the diversity here? Am I the only colored person in this damned city?

I'll just use my mental powers to stop the power plant from blowing up and ARGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH MYYYYYY MIND

god damn it john.

attention attention is this reactor on? It's not picking up the good mic hold on. AHA! THERE IT IS! ATTENTION! THIS IS THE MASTER TECHNICIAN! AND I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY

>ow much uranium would a nuclear power plant use in one year assuming its located in Tromaville with no government regulation or oversight!
Fuck this got me.
Nice reference man.

You fools wouldn't listen to me before and now that I have a microphone and a speaker system now you WILL. I have taken over and improved this reactor and I want what I'm due!

The earthquake, that was me. I was fiddling around with the controls to see what messing with the bedrock would do and I regret any inconvenience I may have caused for the people I killed.

Now, if you want your precious reactor back you'll need to give into my demands. They are...

1 million dollars folded into small origami cranes.
Permission to build my own Chaos Emerald reactor and a government subsidy.
2 bowls of green M&Ms
George Lucas back in charge, writing Star Wars Rebels.
5 new seasons of Johnny Test

That is all. And if you won't give into my demands then be prepared to say goodbye to your precious city!

I draw the line at Johnny Test. I'd rather live under a mushroom cloud than hear another whipcrack.

It's going to be a rough night.

Why do these crazy guys always ask for things they know they'll never get?

We've heard your demands! Now come out with your hands behind your back, raised in the air, like you don't care.

Fools! I'm not going to walk out there like a peasant! I'm going to use what I've done here and show off my supreme power to generate anti-gravity rays! Watch! Watch and see what you've done to yourselves!

...

That can't be good. The whole city is shaking!

DUN DUN DUN

...

The madman! He's made the whole island of Manhattan float in the sky!

You didn't think I was serious? Well I am! I'm now the Sky God, ruler of Manhattan, and I shall do with it as I please. If you want your precious city back you'll have to pay.

100 million dollars pulled by a sled team made up of corgis
Wakfu canceled
The Brothers Chaps banned from the internet.
Bob Kane brought back to life with voodoo magic.

If you don't pay then maybe I'll just fly MY city over to New Jersey or who knows where? Maybe they'd like to buy themselves a nice piece of floating real estate. Better act quickly!

...

What a fine kettle of fish I've gotten myself into this time. I can't go in through the front door, he'll use his anti-gravity rays on me. And Sonia! She's still the most important thing! I need to check in with her!

Peter! Is that you? Come over! Please help make the earthquakes stop! Hold me with your average-sized arms! Hold me tight! What? You can't? You're staying with your Aunt May? But she's out of town! You told me that! Is there some other girl? Did you hook up with some other girl? It's Good Butt isn't it?! Tell the truth!

(Busted)

Oh no! I have two aunts! One's named Aunt Mae and she's also old and frail and needy and hello?

Her hanging up on me means she must have bought the excuse.

Mr. Krabs has dominated this thread.

Continue with what you were doing before, but just know that he's here.

You cockblocking piece of shit. Master Technician! You ruined my date and my night and my city and my mood!

And there's only way way to get to him! Underneath the floating island! He won't suspect a ground attack when the ground is both under his feet and hundreds of feet below! He won't know where I'll get him!

get the fuck out of here and let the rest of us enjoy some actual Sup Forums oc

Hopefully the foundation on the underside will hold...

Oh. Is that the foundation on the ground? WELP

Now that I have a floating city I have everyone's respect! Now, the next step is to change the name of my Sky Sanctuary but to what? Zeal? The residents here don't deserve the kickass music and I don't want the serfs babbling about sleeping all day. Exire perhaps? Too depressing. Skyloft? Nah. Too on the nose. I'll have to think more on it and come back to that subject later.

There's also the matter of the inevitable hero to ponder. Now that I have a chaos emerald it's only a matter of time before an animal-themed hero tries to stop me. I hope it's Spider-man!

I'm an expert of the field of energy and all its forms and call it a hunch, but Spider-man may have radioactive blood if the theme song is to be believed. Power can be given and it can be taken away and blood can be drawn and I intend to draw first blood. That Spider-man doesn't stand a chance!

Gotta be careful swinging around the bottom! One false move and a boulder could fall on my head and then I'd have to do that series of QTEs all over again!

The ground's moving again! In the sky? A skyquake?

I DON'T CARE IF THE CITY'S BEEN RIPPED FROM THE ERF. THIS SUBWAY'S GOING TO RUN ON TIME. DAMNIT

If it's a subway and it's in a flying city, hundreds of miles off the ground is it called a superway?

Is this green dude in the comics or is he an OC?

I'll have to remember to ask the Master Technician that after I web him up.

There he is. Just need to gear up to do a Maximum Spider and he'll be done for...

There's a long answer and a short answer. Short answer is OC.

Welcome! Spider-man! Nice of you to drop in!

Or was I supposed to say the one-liner after I make him fall? I'm new at this. Whatever. I'm pressing the evil button now.

Stomach! Churning! My head's spinning! Spider Sense won't stop pounding! Come on Spidey you just ... need to focus!

IT'S NOT WORKING

OW MY LUMBAR

Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive spider, giving him the proportional free throw skills of Jason Kidd.

AND MY LEG!