I'm a caretaker at Arkham Asylum. Ask me anything. (And to get the first obligatory question out of the way, no...

I'm a caretaker at Arkham Asylum. Ask me anything. (And to get the first obligatory question out of the way, no, none of the females here interest me. You may now proceed to call me a faggot.)

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Any of the guys there interest you? Is it true that Nygma's everyone's bitch?

No, and yes. As for your first question, I'm interested in people who aren't bound to kill me at a whim, and for the second, Nygma gets the most security, not because he's dangerous, but because the others can't stand him, and all try to kick his ass.

Have you worked at any other kind of super-penitentiary, like Stryker's or Iron Heights? If so, how does Arkham compare?

No, and I'm not sure if I wanna thank god or not. Arkham might be full of dangerous psychos, but at least most of them are non-super human psychos. Then again, having the blue and red boyscout to rely on might ensure a little more safety instead of that maniac Batman. Ask me, The Bat should be in here.

How often do the female inmates masturbate? Who is the horniest?

Man I don't know, I'd say it's probably Pamela (Or Poison Ivy as the papers have been calling her). God, I hate dealing with her. Just stepping close to her gives me a rash due to my allergies.

Who's the most dangerous inmate you've specifically been assigned to? Who's the least dangerous inmate you've specifically been assigned to?

So condiment king? Relish or no relish on hotdogs?

So whats up with security there? Why have I lost 3 of my friends and a cousin, do to you guys not able to cripple the joker?

Most dangerous? Probably The Joker. The first day I came to work, he killed three different guards and injured one with just a paper clip. Lucky for me, he didn't think it would be funny to kill me I guess when I had to watch him.

Least dangerous? Probably Fries. Guy wouldn't hurt a fly if it weren't for his wife. I've always felt real bad for him.

are you and your colleagues aware that most people in the asylum are just assholes who like to kill people but act crazy so they don't get sent to a regular prison?

why the fuck would anyone who works in the asylum even like batman? that fucker basically makes gotham a worse place. the other day, I read an article in the gotham gazette which stated that literally every fifth patient escapes from the asylum and relapses. batman is inefficient as fuck

You Frank Delano?

No relish, but BBQ sauce on hotdogs is great. Condiment King loves his relish though.

Yeah, securities pretty bad. Although, I'd say it's more that our security force is tough, but the guys we have in here would be too much for anyone man. Except Batman.

Heheh-hehe... "Del-Ano"
Huhuhuhu

Fuck off Matpat. It's only the supercriminals that really escape or relapse. Most of the normal crazy criminals reform pretty okay.

No. Are you?

How the fuck does everyone keep escaping?

Also do you agree that its an incredibly stupid idea to keep all of Gotham's worst housed IN ONE CONVENIENT LOCATION?

>do to you guys not able to cripple the joker?

jesus fucking christ, can you even speak english? you are probably one of those blüdhaven hipster fuckers

Well, for the most part, they escape alone or in pairs. Everyonce in a long while we get a massive break out, but most of the time it's just things like The Joker and his girlfriend/punching bag slip out leaving a few guys traumatized or dead.

As for the whole "Worst all in one place", your going to have to take that up with the higher ups. Not my job or my idea to stuff em all here.

Why is it that you keep Bane locked up in there? He has absolutely no mental illness whatsoever. He belongs in prison.

oh cut the fucking crap you retard. there are more supercriminals than ever right now and they all happen to get to arkham and escape? also, what the fuck does "only the supercriminals" mean? you have at least 40 of those assholes over there and still can't find the means to tighten your security up. joker has escaped over 10 times and still doesn't get the death penalty? give me a break

How many of your buddies have died?

How often does the Bat rape joker?

there's no way the whole place isn't full of corrupt retards, I swear. A friend of mine worked in the Asylum and said that security measures were pretty much inexistent. Basically the main reason why he left because adding to that, he said that guards were untrained as fuck

I work at Iron Heights Penitentiary and it only took one massive breakout to get the state to tighten the security up to an immense level. Gotham is a shithole full of corrupt politicians who are just pursuing their own agenda

We keep Bane here until we can get the papers all file to get him shipped out of the country.

Only one. I learned right away not to make buddies with my coworkers.

Jokers only around because the Bats got some leverage power around cause he's pals with that Police Commissioner. Plus, we kill Joker, we piss off Batman, and by extension, The Justice League. Tell me, you want Superman, Wonder Woman and tons of others mad at you?

I hear you. Gotham is run by corrupt asshats. You hear about Rupert Thorne? Guys practically untouchable, but anyone with two brain cells knows he's at least guilty of maybe 20 felonys.

Also, what's the pay like at Iron Heights?

I'll answer you with a Jeopardy reference. It's the Daily Double.

nah Delano was good people. He let my son see me after visiting hours when he turned 13.

So... were you ever on shift during one of the riots? If so, what was that like for you? Had some family who went down in '14 when some freaks broke into the place and started a riot.

>because the Bats got some leverage power

not even joking, at this point it seems as if the Bat is literally a faggot for him. by keeping him there, Batman himself could be actively killing the people in Gotham.

>Tell me, you want Superman, Wonder Woman and tons of others mad at you?

it's not that hard disabling camera feeds etc and just killing off the guy. nobody could and nobody would want to testify

You ever met this person ?
desuarchive.org/co/thread/84492391/#84492391

Only one right, thank my lucky stars. Almost got iced by that Zsaz motherfucker, when wham! Nightwing shows up and smacks him right in the back of the skull with one of those nunchuck things. And that's why Nightwings my favorite superhero.

I hear you man, I don't like The Bat all that much either. But do you think people haven't tried? You put a hole in Jokers head, he looks dead, and then bam! He's alive somehow and it's all over for you.

Plus, doesn't The Justice League have psychics and shit?

haven't heard of the Thorne guy but pretty much what you said. everybody knows they aren't crazy and yet, the lawyers seem to get them into Arkham all the time

The pay at Iron Heights is alright. Came around to climbing the ladder last year and now, I have an easier job with a higher pay. I'm making 3k a month right now but my rent is high as fuck

I work at Blackgate Penitentiary. Ask me anything.

Capes always know, man. Trust me, I live in Hub City; we don't get that many super-crooks, and our only cape is some dude that dresses like Dick Tracy, but I'll be FUCKED if he doesn't figure out every bullshit political screwjob that happens in the city. And from what I've heard, Batman's AT LEAST that good. Probably figure out you tried to plug the clown because you ate a meatball parm that morning or some shit.

Now hold on, I can tell you from first hand experience that a good majority of these fuckers are out of they're mind. I almost had my throat cut out by Zsaz, and the look in his eyes wasn't the look of a cunning criminal. They were the eyes of a deeply disturbed animalistic madman.

Also, sucks about your rent, but that's just how it is in Keystone. Looked for property there. Not cheap.

It true Sionis's mask is fried onto his face, or is that just some bullshit? Way I see it, no way someone could survive that sort of trauma, much less run a crime ring.

hows the cafeteria

so whats Dr silvana really like?

Who even knows what kind of powerhouses they have anymore? I could swear I saw that guy with the golden mask the other day, don't have a clue what the fuck he is doing in town.

The supers are increasing by the day. We had at least 6 different speedsters in my town in the last 5 years, it's insane

I wouldn't know. I bring my own food everyday. Don't run the risks of eating laughing poison that the clown might have slipped into the food.

Did you ever meet Crane?

Yes. I thought that I got out all right, cause he didn't seem to pull any shady shit then, but then I started having these really vivid nightmares. Damned fucking roaches. Every night, roaches. Every time I start to relax, the roaches.

you mean guy without a face? heard of him too, he's supposed to be pretty good, yeah. fuck batman though, guy is a maniac with serious issues. I bet he was beaten by his daddy as a kid

>Also, sucks about your rent, but that's just how it is in Keystone. Looked for property there. Not cheap.

it's horrible. actually considering about going back to Mammoth City. Would have stayed but got caught up in some illegal shit and went away. If I continue to be broke at the end of the month like it is the case now, I might as well go back and get involved again even though my old gang probably hates me

I didn't get a good look at him so I can't confirm but he never takes that shit off. Ever. He smelled terribly and I never saw him eat.

I'm afraid he wasn't at my section.

How's Penguin like ?

Well I'm sure it was a pleasure chatting with you all, but I'm afraid OP said some things that I thought were rather rude. I suppose now it is a little funny to kill him! He seems to think it's hilarious, he can't stop laughing! HAHAHAHA!

So... he really doesn't have a face? Thank fuck, thought I'd been drugged when I saw him. It was a foggy night (like half the nights in this armpit of a city) and I was working the late shift at this deli I used to work for, and I just turned around and he was THERE. Just standing in a corner staring at the display counter. Most of his face was covered up by his hat, but yeah, I would've sworn he didn't HAVE a face when I saw him. He looked at me (kind of: it was this weird looking-without-looking thing he somehow pulling off) and asked me a few questions about the people I served during a morning shift like a week ago. I answered him straight because- well, he's a cape, right?- and he muttered something weird, sounded like one of those Buddhist riddles or something. Then he just walked out and vanished into the fog.
Pretty sure he was high the whole time: dude STANK of chemicals, I could smell it across the deli.

>things that never happened

Do all the donations and charity funds from Bruce Wayne actually help? Dude seems like a bit of a douchebag.

kek. a relative of a friend lives there too and he was also questioned by him one night. told my friend that he nearly pissed his pants because the guy broke into his apartment. it was actually hilarious cause he could have sworn that the guy had eaten his last two pieces of pizza while waiting for him

Fuck off, The Jokers still in Arkham and I'm fine. Or at least, I hope he is.

A little. His tech is good, but that doesn't mean that some of the brain dead folks I work with can use the tech right.

Yeah, I heard he killed his parents to get a hold on their fortune, I mean just look at him: his entire live is a neverending party and travels the globe whenever he wants to drink, fuck bitches and do whatever he wants without a care in the world.

Cobblepot ?
He seems to treat jailtime like being grounded, and usually he always bails out with his fucktons of money. Whenever he does stay he is mostly quiet and pissed off. You can just tell he looks down on everyone, prisoner and guard alike. I don't know why this guy is a criminal considering he hates "classless commoners and thugs", as he calls them.
He fucking loves his birds though, and everytime he stays for any prolonged period his cell becomes a pigeon aviary. I was forced to clean their shit on one occasion he broke out and took the birds with him. As long as they let him keep those birds he is a model prisoner. And since most guards don't want to be attacked by the pigeons, or him, we let him.

Cobblepot is an asshole but he's mostly okay. Definitely not amongst the worst we had.
Still, I think he should be moved to Arkham with the rest of the freaks.

with all the money that guy has, he could pretty much make a suit like batman and just kill off the villains himself. too bad the guy is an alcoholic who has nothing better to do than fuck bitches (not that I wouldn't if I was in his place)

Didn't his parents die when he was like ten or nine? They were shot by some mugger, weren't they?

fuck both of you! bruce wayne is a great guy. met him a couple of times and he's totally not a douche! I have high-end technology at my disposal so think about what you are saying before you do it. I can find you both and cut you open like pigs!!!

Yeah, but his friend, whatshisface, the crazy surgeon; he tried to kill his parents at that age, too. Maybe they had a murder pact or something, only Wayne didn't fuck his up.

summer is strong with this one. lmao, did you actually use a name? get a load of this retard

>le Bruce Wayne is Batman meme
Fuck off back to Sup Forums with this shit

stop using my name you fucking asshole. the post above was not me

Ooh, we're so scared! Sure, kid, you're the big bad Batfan, what're you gonna do, huh? Hack me? Wayne's a greasy fuck with more money than he deserves, like the rest of Gotham's "elite". His only redeeming feature is the fact that he has enough of a guilty conscience to throw money at the little guy every now and then.

Ever tried to bang Catwoman ?

I can hack you alright. just spout your bullshit and you'll see. I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in a secret organisation of Ninjas, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on several high value targets, and I have over 700 confirmed kills

shut the fuck up. that's just a rumour

Yeah, yeah. And I'm Mad Hatter.

Hell no. She's hot but way too risky.
I know Catwoman and Batman have an affair and that this is why she always gets away with the shit she pulls. I don't want to be the next guy Batman beats the shit out of and most guards don't want to take the risk either.
But the bitch knows this and she's always teasing the guards to let her out and play with her, and of course there's always a dumb fuck who falls for it and lets her go.

it's just a rumour you fag. I heard Batman actually loves another woman who is way better looking than Catwoman and who is a way better fighter than her too. I also heard that Catwoman is a slut who will fuck anyone

I heard Batman's gay

no he's not you useless piece of shit. he's just not willing to commit to relationships that easily. I heard that from a friend

Is it true Bruce Wayne funds Arkham Asylum and visits it so much because he uses it as a personal harem where he can rape the mentally ill supervillainesses with impunity?

Batman's always banging broads everywhere, I don't know who is this bitch you are talking about but she doesn't seem that special.
Batman only loves that faggot clown.

He's totally gay. That new short Robin probably is too.

You know Damian, a certain someone would be very cross if they found out you were using an advanced supercomputer to defend your parents honor on the internet do you? Do try to be more careful in the future, you know how he is when he's mad.

Yeah, Wayne is a parasite living la vida loca with his parents' money and he's also a creep, always keeping little kids near him, it's always like this with rich guys.
I bet there's a set of caves and dungeons under his mansion where he fucks little kids or what have you, man I wish Batman could pay a visit to him if you know what I mean.

I mean, Batman is a cool guy, he keeps us safe and all that shit, I bet his parents must feel proud of him, unlike Wayne's parents who must spit on him from beyond the grave.

no he's not. he's loyal to only one woman. and she's not a bitch!!!! call her that one more time and you'll see what will happen!!!!!!

I heard the new Robin is a deadly fighter with a lot of cool moves. Many people like his costume too, it's much better than the other Robin's costumes anyway

I don't know what you are talking about. I'm a regular 36-year old living in Gotham City

Do you ever get bored and go to the evidance locker and play with the criminals stuff? Like that scarface doll, banes bear, scarecrows mask, or magpies used tampon!

>I don't know what you are talking about. I'm a regular 36-year old living in Gotham City
Just be off by 11 then at least? I don't want to stay up late and catch someone "researching" photos of Poison Ivy again.

Batman's probably fucking that new Robin every night. His thing with Joker totally gives away that he likes twinks.

If someone pulled that mask off, would Sionis die?

you have mistaken me for someone else. I just use this name here. my name's actually Clark Curry

>poison ivy
Oh please, everyone knows the hottest ones are harley quinn and the whale lady. Typically with batman its the lesser known super villainess that are hotter.
>TFW no giant fish tits to smother yourself in and suckle from
Feels bad man

Hes a big mobster

Is there anyone you think might actually reform/recover? Alternatively, do you believe in reformation?

Not since the last time a stupid newbie decided to steal and wear the Joker's suit for a cheap prank and died a minute later, because the suit was laced with the Joker's toxic sweat.
I swear to God, the Joker was locked several levels underground, but when this poor guy died and his body touched the ground, the Joker immediately began laughing and laughing while he pissed and shitted himself all over, and we almost shat ourselves as well because all of the other immates suddenly turned silient and were even more scared than us.
He had planned it all along, we still have no idea how he knew his joke had worked.

Now that you mentioned these two. I heard through the grapevine that Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy are in some kind of relationship or some shit like that, I don't know if it's true.. maybe the rumors of some sick pervert trying to get one on Joker

Jesus Christ kid you are such a Batwanker. Why can't you like someone cool like Killer Moth. He's like Batman but better and not an edgy autist.

I've heard you've got a history of inmates murdering and impersonating your psychiatrists, is it really that big of a problem?

>RP shit outside a general

What's keeping you from giving the joker a proper execution whenever you catch him? I know you guys have the death penalty. Normally against it, but it's better for society if you can't keep him locked up for more than 2 weeks at a time. Hell why can't you keep him locked up for more than 2 weeks at a time?

What kind of shows do the inmates like to watch. I heard a rumor from ratcatcher(the only cape i actually know because he likes the fuck around my apartments ventilation and check in now and then) that mad hatter likes SU. Is this true?

I'm not. Batman could be more efficient though. The new Robin seems to be more up to the task from what I can tell. He isn't afraid of anyone

Whats the deal with harley anyways? One minute shes head over heels for the clown, then a whole year comes where it seems she hates him and is banging ivy, then shes back with him again. Its like our world is in some cyclical motion and nothing ever changes for long and it eventually resets.

>Implying Hatter isn't watching the Alice in Wonderland movies on repeat

What do you think he thinks of the Burton ones?

How's Killer Croc? Is it true he big a guy's hand off?

So I hear you've got Solomon Grundy locked up there, isn't he a zombie why would do you waste your time trying to lock him up

Do any silly things ever happen? Or is Arkham always a serious house on serious earth?

Jesus christ faggot, this sites 18 and over. I know you gush and jerk off to robin just like every does at the gay bar my sister works at, but this isnt helping and bitching about men in tights on a japanesses cartoon shitposting board isnt doing anything for them. Hell, why not rob a bank dressed up like a dildo or something and maybe youll get punched by the new robin, youd like that you fucking faggot wouldnt you? Also, a question for op. Has anyone ever called condiment king condom king?

I dont understand why a government facility like star labs isnt doing tests on how to see a fucking reanimated corpse is still kicking. For fuckssake, a common tank villain has the answer for ever lasting life and no one does a damn thing about it.

nu-Robin sucks. I bet Killer Moth could kick his ass.