Alright Sup Forums, I've gotta ask. Could John Constantine, the Laughing Magician himself...

Alright Sup Forums, I've gotta ask. Could John Constantine, the Laughing Magician himself, take on the likes of the Deadites from Evil Dead? Assuming he's in-character, and without prep, could he do it?

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No

read some comics instead of making stupid powerlevel threads

I've actually -read- these comics. I'm just asking to mostly to get a gauge on how these characters would fare. Sorry for that triggers you.

I said "no". Now leave.

>Acting as if you can tell other people to leave a board against their will.
Wow, you really -are- a raging faggot aren't you?

I said leave you fucking idiot. What part of that do you not understand? I'm not reading whatever retarded shit you wrote.

>Can't even be bothered to read a simple sentence.
Are you illiterate my dear friend? Cause it seems you do not possess the mental capacity to fathom simple sentence structures.

Holy shit go away. Leave us the fuck alone.

>Leave us the fuck alone.
>-Us-
Sup Forums is not one person, nor is it a Hivemind, fuck-munch. There are other sites for mindless simplicity if you so with for them.

STOP. POSTING.

DON'T FUCKING REPLY TO ME JESUS CHRIST

WHY IS THIS HARD FOR YOU

John could do it.
Are you the same autist who gets triggered by rec threads?

Well now I'm just going to keep replying to you.

>Being this triggered.
Holy shit, this is great. Somebody fetch the popcorn! We got a live one here!

I think it's the guy who freaked out when someone asked how comic universes would handle "It."
They ended up posting ponyporn to try and get the thread deleted

I was in that thread. Twas' glorious

how can someone be so much assblasted because of a single VS in a board that pretends to be about comics but only talks about cartoon pussy and masturbation fetishes


I think john would pull some tricks only to survive at first and run to prepare a properly ritual / search for some useful relic / "friends" to help him deal with the situation, just another weekend on Constantine's life

If you have a link to the thread I'd much appreciate the entertainment.

Fuck all of you guys. This was my last day. My last fucking chance to make things right and you took it from me.

I knew this would fucking happen. I fucking knew it and no one listened.

They won't cut the rope this time. They won't even find me. No more second chances.

desuarchive.org/co/thread/95219329
Warning, ponyporn in that thing

Bye

we'll listen you user, tell me, what's your troubles?

Why the autism?

>Going to commit suicide over something as harmless as a single VS thread.
Jesus Christ, talk about thin skin.

John can work a shotgun, so sure.

go on, your ancestors are waiting

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Anyway, ignoring the suicidal autist, I think the primary problem John would have would likely come from the Deadites ability other possess -anything-, and yes, -anything-. The Martians in the first image in thread for instance got possessed upon the spells in the book being reicted, and could only be called by Deadites-possessed germs being forced into their systems. All a Deadites would have to do is take control over a host of dead flies, and use them to fuck over Constantine. One sting is all it would need to seal his fate.

Are any of the Evil Dead comics worth reading?

OK.

John actively keeps a host of defensive spells protecting him. Some of them might work on Deadites. That just opens the can of worms of "Is x magic applicable to Y magic" though

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Most of them are. They have some pretty good writing, and thus don't fall into the pitfall that the Buffy comics ended up in. They are -ridiculously- short however, and don't have that many issues in total.

I see your pic and now I wan't Evil Dead Vs. Dead Space.

That entire series could almost be considered a love letter to Dead Space. The body horror isn't as obvious however.

FIVE YEARS YOU MOTHERFUCKING AUTISTIC FUCKING BANEPOSTING REDDITORS
FOR FIVE YEARS THIS STUPID PIECE OF SHIT MEME HAS BEEN POSTED 24/7, ONLY THIS SITE CAN BE THIS AUTISTIC. I HOPE THE FUCKING MODS PERMABAN ALL OF YOU FAGGOTS, GO MAKE YOUR OWN STUPID BOARD AND CALL IT 'LE EPIC BANE CHAN'. IT'S PROBABLY THE MOST RETARDED THING IVE EVER SEEN ON THE INTERNET, I ACTUALLY FEEL SAD FOR YOU PEOPLE THAT ARE SO AUTISTIC THAT YOU POST THIS THINKING THAT YOU'RE FUNNY, 'LOLO LOOK AT ME IM LE CIA XDDDD FOR THE WIN EPIC MAYMAY' Sup Forums IS A FUCKING SHITHOLE IM SICK OF YOU FUCKING FAGGOTS POSTING THIS STUPID ASS MEME 24/7 FUCK OFF U FUCKING FAGGOTS STOP POSTING THAT STUPID CIA AGENT AND THE OTHER ASS BANE, 5 YEARS, 5 FUCKING YEARS POSTING THE SAME SHIT, NOT EVERY WEEK BUT EVERY HOUR, EVERY HOUR THERE'S A BANE THREAD, ON EVERY BOARD OF Sup Forums, U FUCKING AUTISTS THIS BOARD IS MORE AUTISTIC THAN ALL THE OTHER BOARDS COMBINED, THE DARK KNIGHT SUCKS DICK AND SO DOES YOUR WORTHLESS LITTLE BOARD, I BET YOUR DICKLETS START TINGLING WHEN YOU POST SOMETHING ABOUT BANE, ISN'T THAT RIGHT FAGGOTS? I BET THAT YOU GET SOME SEXUAL STIMULATION FROM UPLOADING A PICTURE OF BANE TO YOUR BOARD HUH? I BET THAT YOU MASTURBATE TO THE THOUGHT OF GETTING FUCKED BY THE ACTORS OF THE DARK KNIGHT RISES. IT'S PROBABLY TRUE, YOU'RE ALL FAGGOTS AND WANT BANE'S DICK. OH LOOK ITS TIME TO REPOST UR STUPID CIA THREAD, GO AHEAD AND CLICK THE BUTTON WITH YOUR GREASY NECKBEARD FINGERS. I BET YOU WEAR FEDORAS AND TRENCHCOATS TOO. STUPID ASS FAGGOTS, THIS FORCED MEME IS NOTHING MORE THAN SHIT, TRYHARD FEDORA NECKBEARDS ATTEMPT AT BEING ORIGINAL. YOUR "OC" IS PATHETIC, JUST SOME SHITTY PAINT EDITS OF THE SAME PIC OVER AND OVER. WHAT A BUNCH OF TALENTLESS FAGGOTS, GO CHEW ON YOUR MOUNTAIN DEW AND YOUR DORITOS. IM DONE ARGUING WITH YOU FAGGOTS, GO CHECK YOUR STUPID DUBS AND RE-WATCH TDKR FOR THE 50TH TIME WHILE YOU MANCHILDREN KEEP REPOSTING THIS UNFUNNY CRAP EVERY SINGLE HOUR

FUCK OFF YOU STUPID FUCKING FAGGOTS

Why are you so hostile?

Does the thrill of anonymously attacking strangers over the internet get your chode to tickle? Perhaps you should consider paying attention to your overdue bar tab. Oh wait im going to guess you dont leave that crusty old basement you call your home. Perhaps if you took one moment, one day, nay, one passing second to think about your situation in life you would realize that in the end nothing is worth while and that the most you can do to positively impact this world and all other worlds in the known universe is to finally, FINALLY, itch that scratch in the back of your mind. The thought you dare not acknowledge lest you finally man up the cojones, balls for your impoverished foolhardy ass, to FINALLY take that power cord, sticky and grimy with caked on layers of doritos crumbs, sweat, and semen. A frothy, disgusting mixture of bodily waste that so accurately sums up who and what you and your lifestyle represent: Absolute scum. Not one more second should pass where you continue to contribute to the enthropic heat death of known reality. Take that power cable. Take that disgusting mound of semen, rubber, and disgusting food particles. Take it. Take all 8 feet of it from the very wall in which its plugged to the half dismantled box that you use to type this message to me. Take it, and finally, FINALLY, itch that scratch. Tie it as tight as you can around your neck, make sure that one end is securely fastened to the ceiling, and take that final plunge. That final step off your bent and mangled chair, the unfortunate piece of plastic used to carry your morbidly obese welfare person. Take that final step. Take that final step into the halls of darkness and obscurity. Do it. Kill yourself. For the good of all mankind you mother fucking piece of shit.

Deadites ability to possess is just a one hit kill, but not the only ability in their wheelhouse.
The whole ability to confuse, cause illusions, and paranoia can be deadly.

Why do reply to me, you miserable little asshole?
Do you realize just what a waste you are? Just what a miserable little person you've turned out to be. Think. Think back. To your childhood. Think about how full of promise and excitement you were. Now think about how you've suffocated and murdered that child under the weight of your own inadequacy. You've disappointed everyone, you know. Your mother can barely stand the sight of you, you are now as much the child she took to her breast as the cancerous lump growing in her uterus is. At least that lump of cells holds no false promise but peace from your wretched existence. Think back to all the people you ever encountered in your squandered life and say a quiet apology to them for being a complete waste of their time and faith. That girl who actually liked you, who you so foolishly indulged in fantasies of being married to and having children with and dying peaceful, gray haired on a bed with. Just think, she's currently rutting with some other, much more successful man(unlike you, who could barely be called a man, let alone human), filling her womb with his seed, propagating his lineage. Do you feel it? Do you hear it? Her nails on his back. Her moans of ecstasy when he takes her. They'll have a long, happy future together. A better one than you could've ever given her. .Your lineage is squandered on rags, dying, encrusted, yellowing rags and filling the dank air of your festering living area. You have failed not just as a person, but as a basic living being. You waste your time on message boards. You snap at people who have no identity, who will come and go through your life, and you meet them with hostility. Killing yourself would simply be a benefit to you so in all actuality I hope you never die. I hope you just keep living, in this constant state of mediocrity and anger.

>Re-posting the same pasta from the IT thread.
Wowie! You truly are utterly unoriginal!

You think you can just copy me? The way i speak? The way i think? The way in which i artistically and surgically annihilate you and your worthless opinions and self conscious?

You think that you can rival the destructive raw force that a mighty being of pure energy and nature such as i am capable of? You're nothing. You exist in a bubble of your own design, sitting and wallowing in a puddle of urine and self pity, wondering why and when your life went wrong. At some point, perhaps in grade school, high school, college, hell, maybe your mid 20's, you had dreams. You had it all. A girl you wanted, a job you needed, a family you so desperately wanted to feel the necessity of love from. But then it was all swept away. You got complacent and lazy, your lumbering useless mound of flesh and pubic lice, the meat sack, the thunderous trunks on which you walk, your individual person and design, your silhouette, a revolting mass comparable only to a midgetized blob monster of which God himself looks upon in shame. You have only ONE course of action in which you can benefit the world, nay, society at large. Those people in which you share a familiar landscape. Those individuals all of more important worth than you. You have ONE way to show that your life had any meaning other than as a means to continue the respiratory cycle of plants. Tomorrows eve, you shall commit your last sinful act as a member of this decrepit earth. The earth you made decrepit as a result of your intolerable, poisonous existence. You shall climb to the very heights of the tallest spire in the city you reside. And you'll take one step off the edge. Your body will tumble and splatter across the pavement as if a water balloon filled with blood, ink, sweat, and copious amounts of semen. You'll be a martyr for a greater cause, eliminating the inferior from this world. Making it a better place for all of us. The Master Race.

>Ash fighting off Deadites in space
I need to know the context for this.

Oh angry fired mod/janitor-chan, yr a fagot..

Basically the gist of it is that some crazy Deadite worshipping psycho stole the Necronomicon from Ash, used it to travel in your the future, boarded a rocket ship headed to space, and had loaded the spells of the book into the ships database. The story also gave the Deadites a new catchprase/Madness Mantra: "The Stars In Our Eyes".

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bump

I shall aid in the bumping.

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Was the Hack/Slash/Ash mini any good?

Not sure since I haven't read it yet, but if this cover art is any indication, it probably did well for itself.

It really is. I'm honestly sad that Dynamite are the only ones giving Evil Dead the attention and time it deserves, whilst literal trash like Gwenpool and the like get dozens of comics dedicated to them. It just pisses me off.

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Don't do it.

No, let him do it. He must do it, for the good of all.

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Dude, are you six fucking years old? Compose yourself.

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Note to self: Never get into melee with a Deadite.

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I think he had a stroke.

So, could John Constantine save you from yourself? What do you think, Sup Forums?

Utterly impossible. Constantine can do the improbable, user. Hell, he can even pull off the nigh-impossible, but he cannot perform miracles.

jesus fuck thats awful

Birthright?

Yeah, everyone knows their space animal game is too strong.

Do you mean awful like as in "OHGODWHYPLEASE", or awful as in just plain "bad"?

fuck off kid, Sup Forums isnt for baby autists

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How would Hellboy deal with them?

So long as he doesn't get bitten or scratched, he'd be good for the most part. If he -did- get scratched or bitten, well he likely wouldn't last very long. One of the comics (Furious Road), showed that Deadites can infect beings composed of normally inanimate matter, such as Gargoyles. So even with his thick skin, Hellboy might be in for a rough time.

Could Ash make it through Doom?

If he giant the ability other absorb Argent Energy with each kill, then he might just end up becoming a second Doomslayer (except less angry). Besides, Doom demons are just less bullshit all around then Deadites.

Ash meets this fucker. What happens?

They get fucking smashed together, obviously. This isn't even a question.

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[autistic screeching]

Seriously, you outfaggoted a powerlevelfag in two or three posts. What the fuck is wrong with you?

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Yes, if he's written by Garth Ennis. It would be the funniest story ever.

We shoukd be so lucky.

You weren't kidding.