This fucker breaks into your house with Things 1 and 2

This fucker breaks into your house with Things 1 and 2
He won't leave when you ask, what will you do?

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Pull out my gun.

the cat in the hat has the powerlevel of an elder god, there's nothing i can do except ride the wild ride that is the cat in the hat.

foolish mortal, do you think a mere firearm can compete with the cat's reality bending power?

The Cat can pull endless guns from his hat
If I were you, I wouldn't try that

I turn myself into a pickle

>implying weapons can stop the force of nature that ur the cat in the hat

>user shoots, but the bullet doesn't land
>the cat is still right where he stands
>his arm raised, in triumphant deflection,
>held feet from his face in psychic reflection
>"you don't want to play nice? Here's what we'll do"
>as he points his finger and unleashes things one and two
>the fury of their might rages though the house,
>the cat drawing close enough to make you feel like a louse
>your house being wrecked, his bottomless stare,
>you try to fight back, he notes "you wouldn't dare"
>then he picks you up and reaches into your mind,
>and oh the things he did find,
>for he found your fears,
>of spiders, of Lonliness, of cheap tasting beers,
>of death and exes and wasted high school years.
>then eldritch shadows form and with gleeful chagrin,
>he launches them at you, your mind torn from within,
>and as he stands over you, his heart's content from play,
>he leans down into your ear and whispers. "I'll see you next Tuesday."

Spank the cat
youtube.com/watch?v=1SF7G9UjVi0

If the Cat's set on staying, not much can be done.
You just cannot stop him, Thing 2 or Thing 1.
So put down your pickles and put down your gun.
You must simply indulge him, allow him his fun.

The Cat in the Hat is annoying it's true,
but that can't be changed by some meddling by you.
He'll do what he wants and then leave when he's through.
Then he'll clean up and leave with Thing 1 and Thing 2.

youtube.com/watch?v=Ib2jtAbkm9M

Inform him that as a European I'm unfamiliar with whatever the fuck he's about.

>pick up the phone
>call pic related
>"It's me. I need your help."

All I've ever wanted is a cat in the hat hentai parody where he breaks in rapes the two kids and forces them to commit incest while being double teamed by thing one and thing two

is that so much to ask?

barbed

I give into whatever antics he demands.
"Today we're going to play a fun game with our hands.
Just hold them both out like you're gripping a pole,"
He said, and I did what I was told.

"Now don't be alarmed by what comes now,
In this game that I call 'Rub the Peenasow.
You just grip it firmly and shake down and up
Until something comes out, which you pour in this cup."

"When you fill up the cup all the way, then you win!
The prize is to drink it all down. Let's begin!"

Ohio has pretty generous castle laws, so...

Call that kid who hits him in the balls with a baseball bat

11/10

I point to my hat rack and tell him it's rude to wear a hat inside the house.

Why does he wear the hat?

Have sex with him.

...

A lotta loyalty for a hired cat!

Whatever you do, whether trick, trap, or crime,
It will work best if you do it in rhyme.

For Thing 1 and Thing 2, away I will shoo,
By dunking the both of them down in the loo.
With a plunger of rubber, I'll push and I'll mush,
And wave them farewell with the sound of a flush!

But the Cat in the Hat's exit I now plot,
As I bait and I tease with a laser's red dot.
Out the door I shall guide him with skill and some luck
Then out on the street in the path of a truck.

For ridding the house of these pests you will see
Is nothing at all if you plot murderous-ly!

>Not "pull out my gat"

One job user.

I'M SO EXCITED!

Best performance since the invention of green eggs and ham MREs.

This thread is the best Sup Forums's had in ages.
10/10, magnificent sages.

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WHEN U MISLAID A CERTAIN SOMETHING

bretty good