Checkmate atheists. *Brrrrrraaaaaappppppppp*

Checkmate atheists. *Brrrrrraaaaaappppppppp*

youtube.com/watch?v=9NjvYZtwk00

Does Sony disable the comments with every new trailer?

>Mary and Joseph actually look Middle Eastern

Well this is gonna piss off a lot of Cletuses

This looks really generic but it's good to see positive representation of Christianity in media/animation. It'll make my projects seem less risky.

This movie is for black Christians more than anything, look at the credits. There's probably going to be a big marketing push for it in Latin America too.

christ that looks awful

i wish all christians would just commit suicide so they can go meet their god, and let the rest of us actually enjoy the world

I have witnessed blasphemy and it is astonishing.

...

t. seething cult cuck

You really think this was made by christians?

No, but it was made FOR them. That's enough.

This is made by Sony? This looks more like a random small time studio that Lionsgate would distribute.

so Sup Forums...

would you hit it?

what the devil?


porn of deborah when?

That is a rhetorical question and you know it.

>Bible takes place in Egypt and the rest of the ancient Middle East
>WOAH WHAT THE FUCK THEY'RE ARAB?!
Nig you are dumb, also
>Cletus
gtfo

I consider my self an Atheist and even I am offended. But hey at least I can jerk it to Mother Mary now.

>it's good to see positive representation of Christianity in media/animation.

So was Joseph a cuck?

I feel like they do one of these every year

Didn't the Three Kings ride Horses?

Nah, he is a good husband and father unlike the other dude who hit it and quite it. Then came into the poor kids life decades later with a bunch of demands.

>Jesus isn't black

Who the fuck knows. That book has been tranlated and rewritten so much it probably was originally about two dudes walking to a bar called the Star

But Huey doesnt think Jesus is black either

I guess they're really going to push Mary there. Latinos are arguably more into her than even Jesus.

You sir, have won the internets. *upvotes* FOR LE SCIENCE!

But is Ronald Reagan still the Devil?

...

Why the fuck does this look like it was made in the mid 2000s?

The story of the ultimate cuck.

*Inquisition intensifies*

>Christian propaganda

Saw a screening of this actually.

It's really mediocre. The movie's worst offense is that everyone has that sort of modern writing that makes them sound like idiots. Mary is pushed as a strong lady while being nine months pregnant, Joseph is written as the butt monkey, the animals all sound annoying (specifically the sheep, fuck that sheep), and there is not a single speck of originality. Not even one original song surprisingly, it's all recycled even to the music.

I know pretty much every story of Jesus's birth is inaccurate one way or another but this movie multiplies it into almost a bastardization. Joseph in particular is written the worst. He immediately accepts the Mary is pregnant with the Messiah within the first five minutes he's told. No angel visit at all. Just kinda rolls with it. I guess thy wanted to push his feeling of inadequacy?

I can't even bother to explain the animal plot. Long story short the donkey and dove want to join the royal caravan, they leave and decide to help Mary instead. Then they save baby Jesus from Herod's dogs. The movie ends with the Oprah saying that this night will be remembered for generations, people will give gifts, etc.

Bland story, bland jokes, bland animation, this is just one of those movies.

Nigga apparently I can't even trust you to enjoy the shift key.

rule 34 when

>tan
>freckles
>t h i c c
>preggo
Of course Sup Forums would hit it, Mary's gonna be in most of the /aco/ threads once we get r34 up

Will i go to hell if i hit it?

woosh

You couldn't have gotten this stereotype more backward if you tried.

I'd stone her to death if you catch my drift

just watch Don Bluth's the small one

TO DO THE RICK
YOU GOTTA JUMP UP AND DOWN
BEND YOUR KNEES
AND MAKE THIS SOUND

WUBBA
LUBBA
DUB DUUUUUB!

hell yeah

After watching Keith be a smuck in Voltron for 3 seasons, its nice to see bad things happen to a donkey that sounds like him

holy shit why did they make Mother Mary this hot
This is Sup Forums's greatest temptation

I'm here wondering if these jokes are too tame for a mainstream audience, or too risqué for a christian audience...

Shh, let baby enjoy his little shitty strawman

Why do christfags always have terrible reading comprehension?

You clearly don't know any Catholics/have never spent any time on /his/.

That was a joke son, you missed it. It flew right past you.

I'm pretty sure they're Sephardic Jews... Which are like Arabs but more civilized.

Jesus was Jewish

>truth
>needing propoganda
lol

I will take a Christian over a jew.
Then maybe our kids could keep their genitals intact.

Kek

*unsheathes genital knife*
sounds like we got an ANTI SEMITE over here

I'm the guy fedoraposter originally replied to; I thought the joke was supposed to be fedora was going to slice me because he didn't want to hear anything good about Christianity.

As a Catholic I can say I'm kind of a dramatic honorfag, but I think that's more my own personality than anything. Most Catholics strike me as fairly agreeable.

The fuck, did the same people that made Alpha and Mistakea?

Jokes on you. I already lost mine.

Aren't jokes usually funny? Well, I guess they don't have to be since I ain't laughing at you either.

Once you pay a pedo to yell at you for existing until you hate yourself for enough years, it kinda warps your perception of agreeable

I was promised a braaaap, I didn't hear a braaaap

Don't worry, user, I'll lend you mine anytime ;)

Same, fuck this bullshit.

>>b-but muh black jesus

Religion is still a thing?

not at all...
hell, in the bible jesus says that we must kill the jews because they are the source of all evil

Arabs aren't native to the Levant and only invaded the region quite a bit later in history.

This, they are basically low rent Mongols. Heavy emphasis on light cavalry and raid tactics.
>Goddamn Horsefuckers

And genetics shows that most "Arab" countries are still mostly what they were like before the invasion. The dense population centers of the Levant were very hard to actually shift with such a relatively small population base that the Arab Peninsula could provide. They're basically just various peoples that have been rules over by Arabs and Arab-dominated culture for so long they now refer to themselves as Arabs, despite genetically being more or less what they were 2000 years ago.

Literally every male at Sony hates themselves and other males, what did you expect

What? When does it say that? All the apostles were Jews.

>donkey KICK
>camel HOOVES
missed golden opportunities

Also where is the brap I'm disappointed

from the creators who saw shrek

Looks boring as fuck. If not for Sup Forums bait no one would even notice this.

They did. The donkey is from a different part of a bible. Some dude is riding on his donkey to another town to tell them something, but there's an invisible angel in his path that only his donkey can see, so it refuses to continue. Eventually God lets it talk and it says "There's a fucking angel in our way, quit it."

His mother was Jewish so that makes him Jewish by default.

There's so much projection here it could only come from an atheist. I'm sorry your only feelings of intelligence come from flailing against demographics you know nothing of.

How can I hate myself if the Will is a lie?

>The most inoffensive animated movie conceivable
>Somehow Sup Forumsbait because middle easterners and Jesus
Even on Sup Forums Christianity is really polarizing. The edgy pagan larp fags are ridiculous.

Early Christianity WAS Jewish. It wasn't until after Paul showed up and let goyim join that it became its own thing.

The God Delusion was both low-effort and aimed at fedora-tippers. Why should that be sufficient to doom all atheists?

It's an interesting paradox, in that his humble acceptance earned him the ultimate Chad status: Being God's male role model.

To be fair, /his/ is the worst place for discussing religion in general. Or history. The whole board is full of loudmouthed pseuds.

I'm not sure even the Koran says that.

Why don't Christian movies do that well in theaters? Most of the 1st world is Christian. I am an atheist but I will personally watch any movie if it's good. Are Christians so sick of hearing about it in church that they wouldn't go out and pay to hear it again?

How do you think Joseph felt about getting cucked by god? I mean he never even got to fuck Marry and yet she is getting the Big Gs Big D.

So your parents admit they never actually loved you then?

Why? God hit it and he is the most holy person there is so it's only natural to want to fuck her too. It would be sinful if you didn't want to.

>Why don't Christian movies do that well in theaters?
Because they're garbage.

This

That Moses dreamworks movie was great though. The prequel, not so much.

LE KEK MEME GUYS XD
SHE GOT THE BIG D LOL EPIC
>H-hey where's my upvote >:C
Why are christfags so annoying.

It's a Catholic thing, and it gets stronger in some places because of syncretism.

Parable of the Good Samaritan kind of goes against that. Early Christianity definitely has Jewish origins, but that's more demography than anything.

It's that "Christian movies" are usually just really sanitized feelgood stuff for the religious crowd. They rarely ever raise tough theological questions and only exist to make the Christians who watch them feel good. It's really sheltering in the way romcoms are.

And when they raise theological questions many Christians yell "heresy!" (see The Last Temptation, The Shack, etc.)

A very small number of Christians are the practicing kind. Mostly its just "Well I celebrate Christmas so I guess I'm Christian " and even among the devout there will be those who hate a movie for not being a 100% word for word adaptation and then there will be the Christian movies that only appeal to one denomination.

That movie and Book of Eli are the only good Christian movies i can think of.

/tg/ is better at discussing history than /his/.

Someone got cucked I can see.

Reminder that furious judgment will fall upon all those who defile the image of the Blessed Virgin.