You were sent back to 800 A.D. at a random time, you cannot prepare. You will have your typical EDC stuff with you

You were sent back to 800 A.D. at a random time, you cannot prepare. You will have your typical EDC stuff with you.

What would you do? Would you influence the local kings? Would you (re)invent something?

>A wind-up torch
>A Bic pen
>Decent solar charger and an iPad with Angry Birds and some classic Rock
>An SR22 Ruger with as much ammo as I can fit into a bumbag
>Pepper for trading with locals

check'd and what the fuck?


I myself would (re)invent a bicycle, and from there on id start gathering materials to get a manual electricity generator going.
By then i'd have some renown and might be able to influence the king to give me power.

Get executed for being a stranger who couldn't speak any of the languages, and failing that die of some plague or disease eradicated by modern medicine

I guess I could store a whole bunch of engineering pdf's on the iPad or bring drawings.

However, I'm thinking more short-term of how I defend myself as a stranger in a strange time, and how do I quickly win the interest and favor of people I want to influence.

Probably get raped by a bunch of abos

lol you absolute tard. You'd leave the ipad off to save battery for when you start trying to re-engineer shit, but it would slowly drain while shut off and by the time you thought you were ready, it'd be long dead anyways. kek

call myself Nostradamus

>Don't speak any relevant languages

Yeah no nothing is going to happen for a while. Best case scenario is you find a monastery and get to learn Latin because there will be literally zero resources for learning any of the vernacular tongues. Also you won't have immunity to a lot of the diseases that are going around (historical strains) so they will fuck you up, if you don't die from exposure or starvation first.

Worship trees, since the northern Phil. were pagans.

> Bring weapons
> enslave abos
> create abo army
> sail to middle east with abo army
> join crusades with abo army
> wipe out islam and deport abos back to australia
>become ruler of wallachia
>mfw ruler of ancestral homelands and middle east
>resurrect Dacia
>WE WUZ DACIANS N SHIET
>take over most of known world

ah look a realist

Learn the local powers that be how to destill alcohol to make moloctov cocktails.
Give them the basics of steam engine building
Banish joos
Make bicycles etc

Ask for a big titted harem in return

Assuming I will appear in my present geographical location I'd try to get hired at one of the local farms as a farm hand and tell them of the immense iron ore deposits just a few kilometers from where we are. Finnish hasn't changed that much so communication wouldn't be too much of a problem.

For Finns who would like to try out their chops at ancient Finnish can do this quiz:

yle.fi/uutiset/3-8420633

Spread the bubonic plague to Africa and the Middle-east.

I was about to say this, since even English back then would be incomprehensible, but then I remembered my mediocre latin speaking skills would finally come in handy.
So I'd be able to describe my symptoms to them as I shat myself to death from the food and water back then.

>be me
>speak a language which is, while remote, fairly similar to the old tongue
>have rudimentary knowledge of immunology and antibiotics
>teach people the source of the plague, quarantines
>penicillin and smallpox vaccine gets invented 805 AD
>heat milk to just below boiling, invent pasteurization
>make gunpowder with charcoal, charcoal and potassium nitrate
>make bicycles
>make simply steam engine, connect it to a wheel that surrounds a iron rod wrapped in copper, invent electricity
>start the worlds first university to spread knowledge
>usher in a golden age for my kind

>/panic/ because I'm surrounded by injuns
>pretend to be a God or something
>oh fuck they want to sacrifice their new God
>die

I would bring my PS Vita, get myself arrested and for witch craft and play Persona 4 in the dungeon for the rest of my life. Medieval NEET life for the win bitch.

>make bicycles
>make simply steam engine, connect it to a wheel that surrounds a iron rod wrapped in copper, invent electricity
You realize without modern metallurgy neither of those things would be workable, right? Are you underage or something?

Well my country would be a bunch of warring native tribes.

Take a loan off the Jews then expel them

800AD was an extremely peaceful flourishing time here. I'd probably just pull a Cortes with my white skin and hopefully hang out at the imperial court and explain about the rest of the world as much as I could with my shitty Japanese that's probably unintelligible back then

Interesting question, why would you post an image of a fairy tale castle from the 19th century though?

It's where the time machine is.

>without modern metallurgy
>implying i cant make enormous changes in metallurgy and metalworking in general through basic knowledge of the craft
it is you who are the pleb, user.

what said

Most likely I'd end up getting killed for talking weird and praying wrong.

Checked

The castle on the picture is Schloss Neuschwanstein, which was built in the 19th century.

Probably get killed by the Cherokee that used to live in this area and made into a loin cloth.

And even if I traveled back to 800 AD Britain, English has changed so much in the last 1200 years it would be completely unintelligible. I'd probably be better off being a Danish or Swedish speaker going to 800 AD England then I would a Modern English speaker.

>approach one of the tribe chiefs
>tell him in a very exaggerated manner
>I AM THE ONE THAT WILL BRING FIRE UNDER YOUR COMMAND, I WILL GIVE YOU WEAPONS THAT WILL BRING FIERY EXPLOSIONS UPON YOUR FOES, also I will give you something better than horses
>tell him that it's not gonna cost much anyway
>create molotovs and bicycles to hold up my end of the bargain
>motherfuckers think I'm a magician
>get free p00si because bitches think they'll get something out of it
>get a lot of donations and free food
>get a lot of praise from everyone
>meanwhile, the army of bicycle-riding and molotov-throwing motherfuckers is conquering other tribes to unite Poland
>in the meantime, grow a beard and get top quality silk robes from the trade with Asia you hooked your newly-founded country up
>you are basically Gandalf
>you are bored, so you create new things
>renaissance in Poland in the 9th century
>tell them to destroy Germany
>profit
>on my deathbed say "it was a good game, motherfuckers, it was a good game, well played"

>never mentions that
Chances are that all that stuff would require infrastructure and developments in agriculture before it'd be scalable beyond just being "invented" and then forgotten about. It's just like the steel used in the Ulfberht swords.

>get sent back to 800 A.D.
>see big castle surrounded by forest and backed by huge mountains
>"I am definitely not in Australia"
>approach castle
>filthy white people giving me dirty looks
>"It's OK! I'm one of you!"
>a couple run off to summon their lord's guards
>hear commotion down by a pond
>little kid is pulled unconscious from the water
>villagers wailing horribly
>push my way through the crowd
>perform CPR
>kid revives
>villagers are astonished
>guards come and arrest me
>burned at stake as a witch

Careful with what your 'new' ideas, anons.

>have much nicer clothes and look much healthier than the peasants, probably a full head bigger than anyone else too
>demand to see the king, or whatever high royalty is in the city
>tell him I come from the future, and I will help him conquer huge swathes of lands, in return he will give me my own land and peasants
>give his scientists some new basic math and stuff I know, but not the more advanced things
>he conquers land, I become royalty myself
>start my own fiefdom
>spread the word around that I will pay any scientists that come to me
>teach them the advanced stuff, modern math, chemistry, physics, everything I know, as best as I can, they will figure out whatever holes I have in my memory
>get some good smiths to make modern guns
>get some chemists to make bullets
>take over the whole continent, no one can fight back, even if the enemies get their hands on some guns and bullets, they don't know how to make more bullets
>after I subjugate all of the old continents, take over the new world too
>send out people to find the women with the best asses and tits
>live in hedonism for the rest of my life, huge orgies, while the empire crumbles because I don't care
>be in the history books forever as the dude who conquered the whole world for 50 years

>Also you won't have immunity to a lot of the diseases that are going around (historical strains) so they will fuck you up
I read that the opposite would be true; our immune systems are way stronger than the norm in those days, and we have a lot better common knowledge and hygiene to further our protection

sorry for not making a 2000 character post detailing every little step user

>performing CPR on a dirty peasant
kek, enjoy your diseases

Someone speaking Frisian would probably be the best off.

Would invent the steam/stirling engine.

Would promise the king the power of electricity.

Prestor John.

Anyway I'd be around a bunch of naked bug eaters. So I'd probably live in the then vast oak woods, try to make peace with the tribe to be left alone and live in a cabin.

Also probably marry a native girl after I show the local chief how to make alcohol out of corn.

Show my smartphone to peasants and get burned at stake for witchcraft

You would fail at the second step because you couldn't speak or unterstand old high german.

...

Quiet, you Lithuanian-wannabe.

Oh and also have so many bastard kids that they will find my DNA in single digit percentages of the world population hundreds of years later, just like that dude from Mongolia

>leaves out the most important part
>doesn't think it out
>haha wow I'm not the stupid one you are!

I would say I'm sent by god to help Charlemagne conquer the world then I would reinvent the steam machine and the powder with scientific knowledge.
Then I will get filthy rich and spend the rest of my life writing and transmitting my knowledge in medicine, maths, biology, etc...

See that's the proof for them that I'm from the future, also some keywords like "König" "sehen" "reden" should be enough to communicate what I want.

>Lithuanian-wannabe
Wew lad, Strayan edukashun.

i didnt detail how id make penicillin either, i just assumed that people would understand that i knew the basics of the production methods required. your thinking was too basic for that tho.

You forgot extermination of the non-Europeans part

Start the Church of KEK

>implying all the technological developments and advances in metallurgy between 800 AD and about 1800-1900 AD (where you're trying to get) is something not worth at least a line of test
Just stop defending the indefensible position of ignorance faggot

vikings out

>800 AD
>spawn in npc village
>start babbling something in latin
>npcs notice you're a foreigner
>they kill you and take your loot

look with amazement at 1800s castle

CHECKED

>Walk to nearest priest
>Ask him in Latin to guide me to the next count or higher
>since I'm 6'3", look healthy, have all my teeth, and wear clean clothes I look like a noble so he does it
>Tell the lord that I'm going to make him Emperor if he gives me a big parcel of land (with peasants), a higher title than the one I had in my far-away home, and some hot bitches
>Make gunpowder for him
>Explain to weaponsmiths how to make guns and cannons, and even basic rifling, see if I can invent bullets instead of front-loading stuff

>Become high noble
>Develop my land with my knowledge of advanced agricultural techniques
>Build city that doesn't die of the plague thanks to my basic knowledge of modern city planning
>Read Roman literature all day, fuck bitches all night
>Life is good

>>implying all the technological developments and advances in metallurgy between 800 AD and about 1800-1900 AD (where you're trying to get) is something not worth at least a line of test
not really

Jesus Christ, you are buttblasted beyond belief. It's painfully obvious that you just want to prove a point, no matter what.
Go jerk off or something, dweeb.

>see if I can invent bullets instead of front-loading stuff
If you mean self contained metallic cartridges, the answer will be "no". With just the mini-ball, rifling, and percussion caps you'd be far ahead anything else, however you have to remember one of the things that held back weapons development was the lack of modern steels.

>All of those fuckers wanting to invent bicycles
Even if you asume you would somehow be able to create the chains precice and durable enough for this to work you still would not have a material for the weels

>>teach people the source of the plague, quarantines

...Be burned at the stake for witchcraft

I speak a fair bit of French, which as far as I know is significantly different but still fairly understandable. Probably my best bet, unless of course I stay where I am and everything around me are just Native tribes. My best bet then would probably be to become some sort of forest hermit and hope that superstition prevents anyone who find me from really fucking with me.

what's that futuristic castle doing there?

actually, i think we would infect them with our dieseases, that we carry but are immune to, thus causing a massive genocide

Wow

>y-you're just trying to find something to complain about
I agree, half of this thread is retarded or underage. I hate 80% of you

I would do everything in my power to genocide the mussels and africa.

The first thing you should do is to learn how to make modern medicine like penicillin or the fermentation of strong alchohol to clean wounds etc.

You will gain much favor very quickly if you are able to heal people (especially important ones).


Then your second step is to promise them immense wealth and tell them about the undiscovered continents. Urge the rulers to build ships.

Go to South Africa first, to (Kimberley specifically) and retrieve shitloads of diamonds. Then go to Johannesburg and retrieve shiploads full of gold.

Now that you have virtually infinite funding and nobles sucking your cock, you can do whatever you wish.

Start educating children from a very young age, teach them, to read/write. science, mathematics etc.

Identify the smartest ones and use some of them to educate the enxt batch.

Tell them about future inventions, explain how they work and let them start building things.

I just don't know what this thread is doing on Sup Forums. It's more like a /tg/ thread.
Not that I'm complaining though.

Edgy.
Now stand up before you veins start clogging up.

>create molotovs and bicycles

...without petrol or roads?
stick to the toilet pump dude.

The aristocracy spoke latin, if you have some notions in french and english you could understand each other after a bit of adaptation.

Asking to see the king ("rex", which in this case would be emperor wouldn't be that hard, the average peasant would be difficult to deal with though.
By the way they would be so impressed by your cloth and your stature (we are much bigger than our ancestors, and more well fed) they would lead you to the nearest authority.

my EDC stuff:
>a pocket knife
>a lighter
>my phone
>my wallet
>and a printed version of pic related for this very moment

Because these kinds of threads are pretty popular I guess. It's just like
>wake up
>Race war
>Waut doe?

Dude stop being autistic. You're derailing the thread.

>Edgy.

>people want to have an actual discussion and think things through
>dude like XD just stop ur derailing the thread by trying to actually make people think out their posts

Lmao dude, we're the genetic offspring of the people who survived that shit in the first place.

The thing is that I had an autistic self-sufficiency obsession for years.
I know, theoretically, how to make modern steel and how the furnaces for it have to be built. Don't know how a lead or copper furnace would differ from it though.
Given enough time and money, I could probably at least figure that part out.

I also know how a bullet is supposed to look inside.
I just don't know how to get from metal to bullet.

>Thank fuck I'm British
>Thank fuck I'm white
>Shit, I'm Scottish
>900 years before the joining of the unions
>Fuck nobody speaks English in Scotland
>Need to get the fuck down to England
>Probably murdered on the way by one of the clans

Make the post-hyperwar Keisarillisen Suomen Empire great again.

This

Rubber is a tropical tree isn't it?

You carry pepper around?

Join Charlemagne's army and go with him on his campaigns to kill dirty moors and convert slavs to Christianity by brute force.

The big problem with self contained cartidges is reliably drawing out the brass and getting the chamber and bolt faces to match up plus the brass cartridge case being within a certain spec that wasn't reliably done until the mid 19th century.

>petrol
There are many flammable substances that could serve as an early substitute for petrol. Oils and alcohol could do the job.
Then you could teach the peasants how to dig deeper than usual and get coal products, and then experiment with it in order to get petrol, because nobody has a blueprint in their head.

>roads
Dirt roads would be already there.

>stick to the toilet pump
You know, in any other circumstance I'd be irritated, but knowing that this is coming from a Turkish rapechild, I'm quite amused.

>be me
>go to a monastery
>tell the high priest ive been granted the gift to make holy water
>proceed in making holy water by putting water in a tub and commence boiling it over fire
>high priest wanders in and questions me about how is this going to be holy water
>tell him that im boiling the hell out of it.

I've got this weird feeling that you're that one weird kid that doesn't have friends.

steam engine gg wp

I chuckled. Nice one Estonia. Now please send me a qt baltic gf.

...

use the word peradventure a lot and try to overthrow the monarchy with democracy only to be backstabbed by stupid peasants in the end.

>800
>posts a castle made 1000 years later

>Knife
>100m Paracord
>Umbrella
>Water Purification Tablets
>Windproof Lighter
>Machiavelli's "The Prince"
>Scout's Handbook


It doesn't matter anyway, I'm black, in 800AD I'd probably be beheaded just for existing.

Solar charger, learn to read google.