The animated trifle The Star passes the Nativity through its ass

>The animated trifle The Star passes the Nativity through its ass

Alright AVClub, you got me there

avclub.com/the-animated-trifle-the-star-passes-the-nativity-throug-1820488093

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=-tVTEyuCKn4
cracked.com/article_18948_5-real-deleted-bible-scenes-in-which-jesus-kicks-some-ass.html
imdb.com/title/tt0090950/
twitter.com/SFWRedditImages

yum, thats a tasty dish...

How does one make a good religious film?

Get better source material.

No such thing

Making a great religious film is difficult because religion, by definition, is about robbing people of agency.

I'm not saying that's necessarily the case in real life, but most religious films can't seem to go an entire narrative without a point where the characters "leave it up to God". But that's boring: w want to see characters do things, not have everything fixed for them.

I think the only film that did it right was Prince of Egypt, because there was an undercurrent of tragedy in Moses following God's will. We feel a little bad for him because he's pitted against his brother by a higher power he can never understand and is helpless to resist.

It would help by including a budget larger than a direct to home video and not have obnoxious "actors" making jokes in the entire film.

Go old testament like the Ten Commandments
Use the setting and tell an original story like Ben-Hur
Make a biopic about a more recent religious figure that we know a lot about like Luther
Tell a story about a historical event concerning religion like The Crucible
Make a comedy like Bruce Almighty
Make a satire like The Book of Mormon
And of course, you can always just use stories from a religion besides Christianity. Hinduism, especially, has some real killers.

Avoid taking passages that can be completely told in a few minutes and stretching it out to feature length for one thing.

The Nativity just doesn't take all that long to tell so any movie is going to be filled with padding.

Make Silence.

Depends on what type you wanna make.
Jesus Christ Super Star, Ten Commandments, The Prince of Egypt were all great religious movies that told the stories seriously, but not in a pandering way. They were things all ages could enjoy for the most part.

Then you have more serious religious movies that actually seriously questions issues of faith in a way that isn't just pandering to christian viewers. Movies like Silence or Calvary.

It's such a shame Silence got shut out of the oscars. I'm not saying it would have won everything, but it should have gotten more attention.

From the thumbnail in the catalog, I thought Disney made an Aladdin sequel with pregnant Jasmine.

Hey man, thanks for telling me about your misconception

Big Idea did for $14 million in 2002 what Sony couldn't do for $20 million in 2017.

It currently has a 75% rating

A lot of christian theologians see it the other way. C.S. Lewis wrote that his return to Christendom eased many of his neurosis' and self doubt.
Surprised by Joy is a good read, but I generally recommend The Great Divorce as a starter.

This is why Veggietales sucks now tho, I'm on the fence as to whether or not it was worth it.

Not sure if it's possible.
Stories have to have narrative weight, but if everything is going according to God's plan, then there's no stakes.
It could be a film that sparks debate or explores the scary side of an omnipotent deity, but those are things most religious people wouldn't address.
It could be an adaptation of a Bible story, but most of those are too short to fill an entire movie, and a lot of the protagonists are hard to sympathize with because those stories take place 2000 years ago.
It could be a film taking place in the modern day, centering around God performing miracles or someone learning to believe in him, but that can come across as really preachy.
I guess the best way to do it is to have every character be a talking vegetable and make it a comedy for children.

seeBasically it either needs to be a biblical story with enough story to fill out a movie or it needs to actually ask tough questions, not just pander to audience beliefs.

I beg your pardon?
youtube.com/watch?v=-tVTEyuCKn4

They had to leave a lot of shit out of that
Like the fact that Ramses was going to let the people go, until God made him say no.
Then God killed all those kids

>Like the fact that Ramses was going to let the people go
It doesn't say that.

By making The Prince of Egypt

Hacksaw Ridge

Prince of Eygpt

I didn't see that. Was Garfield good in it? I thought he was great in Silence but people figured he only got nominated for Hacksaw ridge to avoid splitting his vote (like what people think happened to Amy Adams)

I think fundamentally religion is motivated by tragedy and suffering. In a perfect world there is no need to find a hidden meaning to life.. People make boring religious movies because they have no real need or motivation to make them besides tradition. Maybe if people had something real to care about like a famine or a genocide they could make a story that they actually give two shits themselves about.

It was a Mel Gibson masterpiece. First 15 mins is slow, the rest of the movie is solid. The banzai charges are literally wild.

Depends on which version you're reading.
Older copies say the Lord hardened Ramses' heart.
Some people didn't like that and wrote down that he hardened his own heart, but some people think that somehow being a king makes you amazing at editing.

Why do I wish I were the Virgin Mary when I am a straight biological male currently undergoing gender transitioning?

Because you are mentally ill.

Older versions say it was the Pharaohs own gods that hardened his heart

>ITT triggered fedoras who never watched Ben Hur, the Passion, Hacksaw Ridge
KEK EBIN QUADS

Go balls to the wall and try to capture the inspirational spark that's in the book itself.
But don't make shit up like that Noah movie where he had to fight an army of demons or something.

Because you, too, which to be beloved by God more than any other created being?

*wish

Oh, there's no question that a great deal of people draw strength from their faith. "I can do all things through Christ who stengthens me". But for some reason movies just miss the mark.

I liked the Almighty movies take on it, tho.

>If someone prays to God to bring their family closer, do you rhink God sends out magic love beams? Or do you think he presents them with an opportunity?

My movie idea has a shitton of Christian subtext, but it never says "Christian" or "Jesus" or anything and is very wrapped up in a lot of not only fantasy and historical influences, but a lot of Jungian motifs that I seemed to almost subconsciously lead me to the ultimate story.

It's also not about the Bible or anything, but what it means to be Christian in the modern world.

I think the problem is that most straight up christian movies are cynically made.

They are made to target a very specific demographic that will watch them solely because they are christian movies. They aren't looking to be challenged in any way, they just want something that affirms their beliefs back at them.
Thats why there are so many rather low budget christian movies. As a christian myself, they are kinda terrible. You'd have to pay me to watch them honestly.

I would love to see more religious movies that actually had depth to them. That contextualize religion in the real world where simply believing or praying isn't going to solve all your problems. That actually seriously tackle matters of faith.
But those kinds of movies are few and far between. Silence was such a movie. My only real complaint about it was the first half was pretty slow. Necessary for set up, but its the second half where the movie actually takes off.

>Brown skin
>green eyes

Why isn't this more common in anyone with dark skin? It's a perfect match.

Because most dark skinned people have black eyes, and black eyes are more dominant than green eyes.

You meant brown right? I've never seen a human with actually black eyes.

t. very dark brown eyed guy with weird green ring

>I thought Disney made an Aladdin sequel with pregnant Jasmine.

The Great Divorce is one of the smuggest, most self-indulgent pieces of literature I have ever read.

I've known people with black eyes.
It may be more of an asian thing though.

make it as gory and fucked up as possible

>black eyes are more dominant than green eyes.
If that's true then how did the first person with green eyes manage to pass that trait along?

By your logic, how do any recessive traits still exist today?

That's actually kinda hot.

Make a movie about a saint but actually explore their struggle. Read any diary by a Catholic/Orthodox mystic and you will see plenty of sorrow, doubts, and joy alongside a life filled with weird happenings and tragedy. A lot of Russian saints in particular who lived through the world wars and into the Soviet Union have expressed so much in those diaries.

Reminder that Princess Elizabeth ROMANOV, is a saint in the Russian Orthodoxy now and very much worthy of the title. I'm sure that would make for an interesting movie or at least inspiration for a princess of sorts.

Have it star vegetables.

Really? Because the sense I got from the film (and thus I guess the tale itself) is that Ramses's stubbornness and pride prevented him from deescalating the situation, and seeing what Moses was willing to do to his former people didn't engender much trust for whether Moses's demands would end at freeing the slaves or not end until Moses was the new Pharaoh and his people were in chains.

My other idea has a Romani girl growing up during the Communist regime in Romania and dealing not only with the turmoil around her but also on the fear she has regarding the supernatural shit that's happening to her and the increasing pains she feels. I based her a lot around Gemma Galgani.

>I based her a lot around Gemma Galgani.
My brother of African descent. She's a criminally underrated saint.

Adapt genesis 32: 22-32 with The Rock as Jacob

Not that user but i'm curious as to why? I've never read it but it's summary on wikipedia leaves me with the impression that this is like any other hellfire story like Dantes Inferno.

>Dante's inferno
Should it bother me when people call it this?
I assume most just don't know better.

Go extracanonical:

cracked.com/article_18948_5-real-deleted-bible-scenes-in-which-jesus-kicks-some-ass.html

>cracked
user no...

Is anything in the Talmud filmmable?

I know it's the Divine comedy but I've come across people who simply refer to it as the "Inferno". I think it's because literature classes usually just make you read the part in Hell as opposed to the epic. I personally call it Dante's Inferno out of habit because of the latter.

If you have a mutation leading to a recessive gene and your children get it, they might not manifest the trait. But that gene is out there now, and as time goes on the occurrence of it in the population could increase until two people carrying it, but not expressing it, have a child who expresses the trait.

Only Japan had the balls to do a crazy fucking Book of Enoch video game.

>Only longplay of El Shaddai without any commentary is by a guy who is clearly playing it for the first time with zero clue what he's doing

I wish they had released it for PC. Someday I'll have to track down a ps3 copy

It has problems, but it's worth playing. It's an unusual game for sure. It's one of those games that I expect will be really obscure, then become a small cult game at some point in the future.

...

Give Bibleman an actual budget

The Talmud is mostly a written record of oral debates (either literal, face to face, or figurative, as in "these guys never met but here are their recorded positions on this particular subject") between rabbis on matters of halacha or Jewish law. There are small stories sprinkled throughout but they're all to illustrate points, there's no overarching narrative involved and none of them could possibly serve as the basis for a full-length movie.

Cringe.

The Inferno is great, but the whole Comedy is great and I actually think the Inferno is the least-great part. The Purgatorio is my favorite by far.

I feel like I finally understand

>implying religous debates can't make great films
imdb.com/title/tt0090950/

>All the characters are accurate to their "historical" location
>majority the cast are either black
>the soundtrack is southern and contemporary gospel
They're going for the BET crowd on this?

Biased reviews obviously

My friend tricked me into watching it instead of Dr Strange. It was very good! And I'm not into war movies at all

Because she gets pampered with all this attention despite being super poor for the rest of her life

Because you have to wait for someone to have mutant green eyes and then everybody has to fuck him or her for offsprings. And the offsprings aren't garanteed to grow up hot like Colombians and porta ricans so no one else would want to have babies with them

It's not true black. I have to get really close to the mirror to see the brown tho

The only people who will review this will be moms and religious nuts who will give it an instant high rating.

Black eyes dont scientifically exist, what you see in people with ‘Black eyes’ is actually just a dark shade of brown

Aronofsky's Noah movie was also based somewhat on Enoch.