How does Superman shave his ass/asshole?

Does he need Jonn or Jon or Kon or Mon or Kara to help him? If so, which one would be the best to actually see happen in an official story?

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naturally hairless down there. only mongrels have hair on their assholes

There are a lot of "on"s in the SuperFamily

...mirrors?

He can just use multiple mirrors you know.

Everyone knows superman is much too strong to set up mirrors that delicately

So do regular razor not work for him?

No his hair is super durable

Even if you were right- Kenan Kong is a filthy mongrel so how does he do it? Also much too strong for mirrors mode is active for him as well

A strand of his hair can hold up a boulder.

>How does Superman shave his ass/asshole?
Very carefully

He can turn his powers off.

Maybe he waxes it

Darkseid never has that problem.

How does he cut the hair on his head then?

Can you imagine Darkseid with long flowing Fabio like locks of golden hair?

i hate this meme answer

Oh fuck me

Yeah, it's pretty easy to picture Darkseid growing his hair out a little

I mean Fabio or Legolas like, not Moe Howard

Pre-Crisis Superman didn't grow any hair under a yellow sun.

Post-Crisis uses laser vision reflected off a piece of his kryptonian ship for everything.

That's kinda dumb, he has a really nice haircut and I doubt he could do it with just mirrors and his heat vision.

Also not growing any hair under a yellow sun implies that his cells don't renew either, which basically means he's dieing a slow death on earth.

are we all ignoring the spray-shaver?

Dont be stupid

Bruce invented a special eight-blade asshole shaver where the fifth and the seventh ones are lightly coated in kryptonite dust

why cant we just pretend he can shave like a normal human, just like he can have sex with a normal human.

Wouldn't that imply that every time he, say, went into a burning building to put out the flames, he would come out bald?

Married people don't shave down there

>just like he can have sex with a normal human
You opened this can of worms, not us.

>How does Superman shave his ass/asshole?
what straight man does that?

He could just use red solar light bulbs in the fortress for when he wants to groom himself

How are those related?

Ass hair is patrician tier. It silences your farts so they never sound nasty.

>tfw gay
>only attracted to hirsuit bearded thicc men
>but ironically only attracted to bald men
>gays ar only less than 1% of the population
>most easily found ones in cities are queeny and effeminate and sluts
>growing up everyone is a twink
>we live in a culture that hates body hair because women have shit taste
> the only culture that loves bodyhair and beards will throw me off a fucking roof


Just

I too wish to learn about space nair.

Couldn't he just grab them and tear them out?

>Needing to shave
Disgusting. This is why Superboy is superior.

Puberty is gonna be some shit to be witnessed for Jon

The alternative is that Lois needs to be careful against every hair in Supermans body because they can cut her like a knife.

CGI

He doesn't
Lois likes a hairy ass

How does the mirror not melt?

>One of superman's hairs detaches from his body
>Starts flowing in the wind, through the window, and to the street below
>Hits a guy in the chest
>He's thrust 600 meters away
>Someone picks up the hair and turns it into a super-cutter

speed force

From his asshole? Drawfags please.

Multiple mirrors. Bounce off one into another that then bounces into his ass.

I saw something like that happen in Totally Spies.

We suspend our disbelief for sex so why not shaving.

This starts a mob war of everyone scavenging around for all of superman's discarded hairs, scabs, and other leavings.

youtube.com/watch?v=-TM7D4Acnlw

We do?

Who shaves their ass?

why mirrors dont hurt when pew pews

>Collects your ass stench
>High risk of dingleberries

And what kind of disgusting person can't ease their farts out to not have any sound at all?

Like that but less dumb.

I hate the "it's just comic books" answer but here it really applies.

Superman's an alien. He has a different biology. For all we know 'hair' could be a parasitic organism for Kryptonians that they've just evolved to live in symbiosis with and being on Earth gives their immune system enough of a boost to stop the spread of the foreign entity.

Boom.

Took me ten fucking seconds to come up with a ridiculous Silver Age response that's sufficiently internally consistent to pass muster.

>naturally hairless down there

So you're a beta bottom meant to be ass-bred by the strong Alpha's?

>we live in a culture that hates body hair because women have shit taste
literally what

>which basically means he's dieing a slow death on earth.
Boy, aren't we all.

underrated as fuck

Bears are a pretty popular and well-known type, user. I think you should look harder

Its on you to explain why. Its not on me to explain why not

No wonder why Kryptofuck wants to fuck Clark Kent

If it makes you feel better user I work in a warehouse, don't shave, have a bit of a gut because I can't properly digest food when I do heavy lifting literally right after eating lunch, and I'm curious about sex with guys.

I also have a wicked beard and baldness runs in my family.

T. Soyboy

Yeah, REAL men have body hair!

He pulls the hairs out.

Why and who shaves their ass?

I think he would actually be freakier with smooth hairless skin

I spend thirty minutes looking for this. I don't even remember the comment I was going to make.

>MUH DINGLEBURRYS!
What kinda disgusting pleb doesn't know how to wipe there own ass?

I'm a woman who shaves her asshole when I shower, but I was not aware men did it, too.

I do because it itches otherwise and it's cleaner shaven.

>I don't even remember the comment I was going to make.
Something about how nude or underpants at most is the proper way to construct a computer to avoid killing it with static discharge?

Yet look, socks on a carpet floor. I doubt he had the static in mind.

That thread makes me wonder on how Clark managed to cum without trespassing Lois and their apartment walls. Sperm usually goes out with some force remember? Now apply some kryptonian levels...

Most don't unless they're going to appear in a porno or are gay.

There's been more push for men to shave pubes/body hair recently just like with women, though. Some girls don't care about it, some prefer clean shaven men.

This is like the oldest, stupidest joke about Superman

If Superman lacked the control needed to not shoot cum through a human body, he'd be blowing cities down when he sneezes. Obviously it doesn't work like that.

And another question... involuntary things like strong farts, sneezing etc. How does he doesn't destroy property with them? If a strand of hair for Clark is more powerful then steel cable... how an involuntary fish of wind from him isn't that destructive?

I don't know what bullshit they threw around before Jon was born, but he was conceived while Clark was powerless under a power dampening dome.

All I know is that they must fuck like rabbits whenever his powers are gone for more than a few hours, like during 52.

...

How do you feel about shaved cock and balls?

How come he looks 30 years older than his mom?

Unhealthy living.

> his mom
You don't even know which Ronnie reincarnation that is. Santa has good taste though

hair on the ass should be proof that there's no such thing as intelligent design

these are the same women that wear makeup like prostitutes and shave their cooches to resemble little girls

not only is it shit taste and gross as fuck, can you say mixed message?

He has super control over all his powers unless affected by magic.

...

Here's the pseudo-scientific explanation that I would use if I were writing Superman and it ever came up....

Superman's power is actually a form of physical telekinesis... including his invulnerability. This is why Superman is able to be hurt in a prolonged fight... his telekinesis is fueled by two things: the solar energy he has absorbed and his willpower, but as he burns through the solar energy his strength and invulnerability start to decrease. Incidentally, heat vision uses a shit ton of solar energy by exciting the molecules of his target, which is why Supes doesn't use it all the fucking time. X-Ray vision is simply a form of telekinetic sonar. Cold breath is the telekinetic slowing of molecular motion. Anything that works at a distance uses more power, so he uses them sparingly.

Normally, anything he's touching is inside the shield (which is why Lois isn't incinerated when he flies around the world with her at super speeds). He can retract that shield to the point where it is actually on the surface of his skin, which means any hair would be outside the shield and vulnerable to being cut...

At his basic level, without this telekinetic field, his skin can still stop small arms fire (literally, the man of steel), and he's still super strong, but this explains the power creep over the years. His hair, fingernails, and toenails are less durable because they are dead cells. Although they would still be very durable. His barber probably goes through a lot of razors and scissors.

what are you, asian?

Dude... have you ever been with an Asian chick (or in your case, a dude)? Unless you're lucky and they trim/shave/wax, it's like a fucking forest.

Kill yourself, Byrne

>Unless you're lucky and they trim/shave/wax, it's like a fucking forest.
Can confirm
t. asian man

I think TK is a bad term for this, I prefer "his invulnerability aura", in the sense that he extends his invulnerability a bit so physics doesn't destroy the shit he holds (like, that's why he can catch a bus falling from a cliff without destroying it).

so yeah I agree with you just avoid the TK talk, we need a better term

what the fuck kind of question is that?

Why would any man shave their asshole?

Make their ass appealing for cornholing?

>so yeah I agree with you just avoid the TK talk, we need a better term

That's fine... doesn't really matter what you call it. It's (mostly) consistent with the comics and even the Christopher Reeves movies (Lois was flying with Superman just fine until their fingers stopped touching, picking up a frozen lake without it falling apart).

The word "aura" always reminds me of new age wackos, though... how does the term "Kryptonian Field" grab you?

sounds as a good name for someone (us, earthlings) studying the effect that happens when Kryptonian cells are powered up by our yellow sun

It's good

>when he sneezes

Well...