Think of a superhero or supervillain (male).
Got it? Good.
That person accidentally killed Santa and is now cursed with The Santa Clause. No Lazarus pits, time travel shenanigans or other methods to revive St. Nick. Where does it go from there.
pic unrelated
I should have seen this coming
I'm sure everything stays exactly the same.
>Ghost Rider
Ghost Rider delivers presents in his chrome and bone sleigh pulled by skeletal reindeer to all the good little children and gives the fucking penance stare to all the little bad children.
Oy Vey
Every child on Earth gets boxing gloves
Oh neat, my guy is totally up to the task.
He would kill himself for killing an innocent before being Santa Claus.
Dr. Doom
He becomes a better Santa
Richards gets coal forever
Every child on earth gets exactly what they want
MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS SCUMBAG
You know thats a very dark concept for a film. Why would you give the person who killed santa claus the job of being the next santa claus? Wouldnt it probably be some demented serial killer? If so hed terrorize familys and kill millions in their sleep
Being Santa is actually a curse that only death can free you from.
Johnny: coal
Ben: coal
Reed: coal
Sue: coal
Franklin: coal
Valeria: coal crushed to a diamond
>Coal crushed to a diamond
that'd be kinda cute and totally a thing Doom would do
The story makes Slott kill himself for not thinking of it first
"The naughtiest kids, they still speak of it in whispers on the lower east side."
>Xavier has tampered with the minds of every child to be satisfied with their gift
>Luthor has profiled every child on the planet (to eliminate any threats) and given them what they actually wanted
It's fucking beautiful
Already done it.
Hope you didn't ask for clothes
I... don't know. Probably rides a sleigh with robo-reindeers. uses profiling and nanobots to know which kids are bad and which kids are good. Gives each kid the present it wants. If it's old, resentful Tony he fucks up the lives of the bad kids, and helps the troubled ones.
Children will have fine collections world-wide
...
An epidemic of superheroine abortions in January
Superhero abortions would probably be difficult if you have to work around fetus superpowers.
The elves beg him on hand and knee to stop saying "Sweet Christmas" every 5 minutes
...
He will probably use these powers to destroy this corporatist goverment world. His presents will smell badly.
SANTA IS
>within a year Apokolips is so merry New Genesis looks like hell
Oh it's the most frightening time, of the year
YES WE LOVE OUR PRESENTS PLEASE DON'T KILL US SANTA
"Honey, why did we get a talking duck"
First he steals his worshippers, now he's his errand boy. Next time he runs into Christ, Ares is probably going to have some words for him.
>Rocket Raccoon
Lotta kids are getting guns and bombs this Christmas
>Wake up on Christmas morning
>Shit is missing from your house
Ares is busy
A substantial number of women get their present in August
>YES HELLO HUMAN CHILDREN I BRING GIFTS
>What gifts Santa?
>THE EXTINCTION OF HUMANITY IN THE NAME OF ORDER
>Shit is missing from your house
NOT IF I GET THERE FIRST
Isn't this the plot of an American Dad episode
Mr. Nobody brings the wonderful gift of insanity to all.
I couldn't find a non meme edit version of this sorry
We see you when you're sleeping...
Batman finds that box with the Kryptonite in it
and makes Damian expose it to Super Claus
YES! I COULDN'T HAVE CHOSEN BETTER!
I can here it now; his cackling laughter across the night sky as he uses his newfound magic to attack Rusty.
>attempts to attack Rusty but discovers the gig also requires him to be every department store Santa for two months
Nicer then mine
MY NAME IS BARRY ALLEN AND I AM THE JOLLIEST MAN ALIVE
>dr doom
He will be better than any other Santa before him
>spends the whole time cursing the magic clause
>gets drunk on eggnog
>fucks MILFs
>gives cigars and booze to the kids he finds awake
>gets in fights with AU Santas
It's basically Bad Santa x Santa Clause: Drunk Iron Capitalist Edition
Can't you just imagine an army of the League's assassins descending upon a a Midwestern town and delivering presents with ruthless efficiency?
FUCK OFF YOU COMMIE FUUUUUUUCK!
Hopefully no one ever makes this film.
Pic unrelated.
...Sweet dreams everyone.
Richards gets coal for the rest of time!
Joy and good cheer or else
What if I arrange it so that Santa dies of semi-natural causes that don't directly involve anyone? If he dies slipping on a staircase do the stairs become Santa? If he dies of pneumonia, does the virus colony become Santa? These questions need to be answered.
Alchemax receives a sudden, massive influx of coal, then makes even more money from diamond sales. Santa Miggy is not at all happy with this development, but can do nothing about it, with the Krampus position having been phased out long ago.
>every present delivered to the wrong home
>Can't you just imagine an army of the League's assassins descending upon a a Midwestern town and delivering presents with ruthless efficiency?
>Damian dragged in as head elf against his will
I think he's done it already
WHO KNOWS WHAT EVIL LURKS IN THE HEARTS OF NAUGHTY CHILDREN ?
>everybody gets chocolate milk
I do
>Merry little gangs of Parademons making toys for good little slaves
>Granny Goodness making cocoa and cookies for the orphans of Apokalips
>Kalibak pulls the sleigh
>Kalibak pulls the sleigh
ow my heart
what a good thread.
This would be a hilarious story.
What If...The Punisher gained the powers of Santa Claus?
what a terrible fucking hack
Oh gosh
He just goes around telling kids "you didn't want a present anyway."
>Pic related
How on Earth will Jack stop him?
Who dares disturb the Tyrant of Toys, The Conqueror of Cookies, The Shogun of Snow, SantAku!
Everything is baseballs
"Hey, Jess, you know how the old Santa used to need a whole night to deliver toys to everyone? Bet he could have done it in half the time if he had one of these babies."
Santa waves out the window of his green car construct, then goes speeding off, drifting round corners and causing presents to fly out the trunk and down chimneys.
It ends up taking him longer because he delivered presents to the muslims too.
>What If...The Punisher gained the powers of Santa Claus?
There are no more naughty kids
>Mr. Freeze
i made myself sad
Most likely his wife would probably still be fucking frozen, but now a frozen Ms.Claus
The burden of Santa may transfer to someone tangentially involved if it's semi-natural. He dies falling down the stairs, then the safety inspector of the building gets it. He contracts pneumonia, then whoever spread the germs to Santa gets the job.
MY FELLOW DOOMFAG.
>does the virus colony become Santa
>implying this hasn't already happened before
You put on the hat and coat, you become Santa. That's what it says on the card.