Sup Forums, this is Santa Claus. I need your help to save Christmas

Sup Forums, this is Santa Claus. I need your help to save Christmas.

Alright, who do we kill?

We're on our way!

If we kill him which of us will become the new Santa?

You don't want our help, Santa.
Everyone here's been naughtier than humanly possible.

...

But what if I'm Grinch?

AGAIN?!

Alllright. Better get some candy outta this

Oh yeah? That's what you said last time, but all I remember from that escapade is you trying to covertly baptize me!

...

Let's see, that'll make four Christmases I've saved, versus six I've ruined... Two were kinda gray area, guys, would you call '98 a win or a loss?

The one who didn't have sex with a woman yet.

That doesn't narrow it down too much.

But that's all of Sup Forums!

Is it the seal men again?

Fuck christmas, its only a corporate holiday made to sell cheap plastic unarticulated spider man toys and COD expansion packs. Plus i hate 99% of the world so thier misery makes me hard. Suck an elfs dick you fat red cunt

FUCK YOU, YOU FAT FUCK
GIMME THE FUCKING BIKE
20 YEARS GODDAMNIT

I'm taking you didn't get that toy RC car you wished for 20 years ago.

Dude, just wait for your 15th birthday, it's gonna rock.

No the ziro the hutt figure i wanted when i was 13 was cancelled

Alright but I'm gonna need something from you first Mr. Claus

kek. That's pretty much Sup Forums right there.

I like the music, movies and general feeling of Christmas. The people? Not so much.

No. I've clothes for the last 5 years.

Which Sup Forums property is your favorite "save Christmas" event

Billy and Mandy save Christmas

I reeeeeeally want a Skullgirls Save Christmas now.

make the waifus real
then we'll talk

Sure why the fuck not?

>Corporate

Its one of the oldest existing holidays.

See, back in the day the filthy pre-Roman European tribesmen would have a party orgy with a chunk of what was left of food and drink to celebrate the fact food would soon not be scarce. Sort of incentive to ration yourself, since it makes the winter party better the more booze is left.

Then civilization came, and it became a party orgy where you also begged from and maybe robbed rich people. Like The Purge, but less murder and more plunder. Thats why our Christmas songs now involve a lot of going to other people’s houses and singing in exchange for food and drink, its a gentrified version.

Christians made them stop doing it for pagan gods by saying Jesus was born that time which was made uo because we don’t know when he was born, but they couldn’t end the orgies and bothering of the wealthy. Eventually different customs started to emerge. When the Pilgrims came to America, Christmas was banned because it was so bacchanalian.

Eventually German immigrants started showing up and being the first hated immigrant group that got the cool stuff in their culture made mainstream. German Christmas had become a family affair and generally a stoic affair, and the early ‘murricans loved it even if Germans were considered slime.

Germans influenced Christmas even more when Prince Albert made the German traditions like Christmas trees mainstream, and America refined Santa Clause into what we know now. Interestingly, Santa marked a return from the Victorian depictions of Elves as tiny fairies back to human-sized ones, inspiring Tolkien later as he appropriated viking Elves in Lord Of The Rings. So Santa made modern fantasy.

Now shut the fuck up and go buy a Porg toy.

I want Skullgirls anything. That franchise died.

Interesting history user, shame we cant have holiday orgies anymore
>Now shut the fuck up and go buy a Porg toy.
Fuck you

The franchise didn't die, if anything it survived shit it shouldn't have. It's just a small IP whose creators are busily working on something else at the moment.

They should have merchandised more for funding.
Chinese are making shit tons of fake merch.

Again?

Fuck you, Santa

...

Not till I get my Uranium-238 you fat man

Shut the fuck up, Boco. You ruined the last 3

On my way.

Alrightly Santa man. But I hope you understand that I want a little something in return, even if I have been pretty naughty this year.

Assemble a team of teenagers with attitude!

My blade is yours Santa, but first you must promise to use your Christmas magic to bring my waifu to life.

There was a Pokemon Christmas special I really liked that was just about the creatures and no humans.

Can we save Yuletide instead.

No way buddy, the last time I tried to help you kept placing your hands on my thighs.