Spider-man (1967) To Catch a Spider

It's time for this week's Spider-man. What's remarkable about this one? It has Captain George Stacy making a rare appearance and there's a vibrator involved. Somehow. Somewhere.

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Previous episodes. I'll update this list sooner or later. I'll have a lot of free time this upcoming week to track stuff down.

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And we're closing up this show sooner or later. This is the end of season 2 and there's very little to do in season 3. You see, Season 3 is when 95% of some episodes were recycled footage to save money. So suggest things you'd be interested in seeing. I'm pretty flexible, I'd like to think.

Heh heh heh. This bank robbery scheme is dy-no-mite!

Done!

Oh man, I've been away from Sup Forums for awhile now and I'm glad that you're still doing them.

The best part about robbing banks is taking the cash home and stacking it neat and orderly in chronological order of the bills

Yep

I got the money! Let's jam!

Step on it, invisible driver!

"Oh there you are. You're visible now! That's so cool! I wanna spend my stolen money on bitcoin and bitcoin alternatives! That'll be worth more someday! What about you?"

"Porn, excessive amounts of porn. On fetishes you wouldn't even consider to be fetishes"

That does it. They may have gotten away with 4 bank robberies tonight but 5? Not while I'm around. I have a reputation to keep.

It's all that dynamite they use. Blowing up doors and interrupting my beauty sleep. If I don't get at least 40 winks you're in for grouchy quips instead of the usual fun-quips

Sometimes I have to wonder if it's even worth it dragging myself out of bed to swing around on rooftops in the middle of the night in a hot costume.

There they go. Bet they won't even compliment this outfit which leaves nothing to the imagination.

It's Spider-man! Floor it!

"... Are you flooring it?"

"I AM! I'M GOING AS FAST AS THIS INFERIOR CLUNKER OF AN AMERICAN CAR WILL TAKE US"

"Maybe we should have stolen a Mazda Miata instead. It's the best or so I hear."

"I got it! Quick! Throw the vibrator at him!

"...excuse me?"

"It's in the back seat!"

"ok? Why do you have a vibrator in your car?"

"I got it for my girlfriend for Christmas and she saw one look at it and now she's not my girlfriend!"

How does this fit ANYWHERE?

my sides

"You'd be surprised, kid. Just throw it!"

"But I don't want to touch it! You throw it!"

"There's no time! Wash your hands afterwards ya baby"

ew ew ew gross. One of these 74 speeds better to do the trick

The hell is that?

Maybe try some Batman!

Oh noooooo

> *THUD*

That wasn't good for me ... at allllll

"What's going on?"

"It's Spider-man! Something terrible or wonderful happened and he fell from the sky!"

He's weak and vulnerable! We can unmask him and then we'll know who he is! It doesn't do us much good but we'll get our 15 minutes of fame!

Hey yeah! You're right! I always wanted to rip his mask off!

Don't stop there! Tear it off! Tear it all off!

GIVE ME HIS FACE

Back it up, folks. Spider-man's hurt. Give him some space.

Maybe make a dub video, that will get more interest
funny stuff

HAH

Captain Stacy, with all due respect, maybe we should unmask him? He's still weak from falling 20 stories and we won't get another chance this series.

"He's got rights, officer. We can't just search his body without probable cause and we're not even sure he was committing any crimes when he fell aside from jaywalking, littering, menacing, and possibly indecent exposure. No, we need to keep to our morals no matter what the mob thinks. We're better than that and we must set an example. We are going to get Spider-man the help he needs.

Fucking Lawful Good bosses. Ruin all your fun

I her the ambulance! Everyone make room! Keep the crowd back!

We called for the ambulance and sent the Hearse?

Doctor! Come quick! We removed the vibrator! It was all the way in but there's more wrong with him! Please hurry!

Forget that! Rip his clothes to shreds and give me a piece!

No! Tear off his mask and have a pornstar wear it and make my fantasies come to life!

WHY NOT BOTH?

The crowd's growing more out of control by the second. All these deviants out here wanting to molest Spider-man. Should we bring out the shotguns? No. That would be too easy, too simple. These are otherwise good people Damnit! I just need to remind them of who they are with one hell of a speech.

Listen to me! All of you! Hear my words!

Spider-Man might not wear a policeman's uniform, a soldier's uniform, or even a mailperson's uniform! But these extremely flattering tight pajamas he wears are still a symbol, a symbol of justice!

What makes a man good: to do good as he is told, or to do good even when he is not told?

No one asked for a Spider-Man, yet here he is! He stops bank robbers, he saves hostages, he washes his hands for the medically supported 20 seconds, all to keep the rest of us safe!

What I am saying is, he protects us when we are vulnerable! How can we call ourselves citizens, how can we call ourselves human, when our first instinct is to take advantage of him when he is vulnerable and prone to lots of groping and removing of things that he doesn't have the strength to stop?

And if we were to engage in such a barbaric and backwards act, what is to stop us from one day turning on each other in the same fashion? We would throw away everything that makes this city, this country, and this world great! We all deserve freedom! Freedom to keep wearing our clothes! Freedom to keep wearing the things that make us the good people we are, whether it is a badge or a mask!

Keep New York free!

But he might be a mutie and if he is one none of that applies! Get him!

Well, I tried. Get those shotguns ready.

We're middle-aged and white as hell and we're not going to take it anymore!

Hmmmm this doesn't look good.

"The crowd's too cowardly to make the first move, Captain. Thank goodness. What now?"

"Break them up. I'll be watching over Spider-man when he makes it to the prison hospital so I'm leaving everything to you."

Hey! Doughy guys! You there! Go away! Don't you have anything better to do?

"Yeah, I guess. We could get drunk and play a round of golf."

>meanwhile at the prison hospital

Vibrator damage aside, it looks like the most injury was from blunt force trauma to the head after falling 23 stories. It wouldn't be so bad but for the fact that Spider-man has taken countless blows to the head and they've all accumulated to this very point. We'll have to let him rest and see what happens.

We could have a better treatment plan but the Police Commissioner ordered us to keep our hands off of him and that makes treating the patient an arduous task.

It'd be so easy to take the mask off, see who he is, see what kind of insurance he has and keep him free, go home early and party. But SOMEONE named Captain Stacy insists that we treat him with respect and dignity. We're prison doctors. We don't do that here.

Couldn't you gentlemen say that somewhere else? I can hear you.

Everyone go take a break. I'm going to call my wife and my daughter at their Bridge Club and see if they'll bake us some ginger snaps and I'll tend to Spider-man afterwards.

Ughhhhh

My head! What happened to me. Who am I? Oh no! I have

AMNESIA

And I'm in prison! But why? Am I bad person? I feel guilty about something but I can't remember what! I'm wearing a mask for a reason but ...

No use stressing about that. It makes my brain hurt along with every other part of the body.

"Yes dear I love you too. No, Spider-man's not a threat. He's sick and I believe in him."

"No I don't wonder what it would be like if our daughter hooked up with Norman Osborn? Why would she do that? That's just crazy and contrived. Love you. Bye"

MMMRRPHHH!!!

Calm it. We don't you hurt. We're breaking free from this jail and you're our hostage. The only way out of jail is with a hostage!

Think of yourself as our "Get of Jail free Card, Captain Stacy!"

Hue Hue hue Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk

My neck, hands, arms, nose, nippes. They all hurt. I've thought about it and I'm probably Spider-man. That guy's always getting beat up

And I hear voices! Are they here to bring me get well balloons?! No wait, don't want that. Prison balloons are seldom filled with anything good.

There's Captain Stacy and a buncha prisoners! holding him hostage! Should I be happy about this?

Stacy quit trying ta' give me an indian burn! Those don't work through clothing!

Can't just stand here and do nothing! I have to do nothing! Maybe I'll play along until I know what I want to do!

Hello there fellow badguys I couldn't help but overhear you fellow hoods talking about escaping from prison. Tell me more!

Spider-man? Here? No wonder they had extra guards all over the place,

Don't need no go-gooders ruining our plan. Let's jump him!

Don't you guys read the paper? You have me all wrong! Just last week I took over hell and declared myself new satan. I want to join you! Let me be evil!

He's never helped any of us on the outside! Why should we trust him? Half of us are in here because of him!

I say, we waste him. We know his weakness is sex toys and I got a whopper of a Dildo right here rarin' to go!

That brings back some painful memories.

Lemme soften him up first!

What was that for? I just wanted to make a friend.

See? We're friends!

...

Easy now. You try anything and the Captain gets it!

Why are you keeping the old fart around? Off him and let's be on our way.

That's not they're supposed to say! He's treacherous and untrustworthy! Just like us! If he was trustworthy or honest he wouldn't be a bad guy!

I'm the boss and I get final say. You wanna join us, Spider-man? What makes you think you're so evil?

I take as many items in the 15 items or fewer checkout line. I talk on the phone during movies and then ask people around me what's happening because I don't pay attention. I burn popcorn in public microwaves on purpose and then I cook fish to add to the mess. And last but not least when I'm with friends in a crowd we all walk unreasonably slowly just to frustrate the people behind us and don't move at all when we're on escalators.

Wow Spider-man. I'm just in here for first degree murder and you've done all that! You're the leader now!

Prison break in progress! Get the good lights!

Word is a group of prisoners have teamed up with Spider-man and they're in the prison hospital!

We get to use guns today. The best part of prison work is the live ammo

"Hold up. There's a hostage. Hold your fire."

AWWWWWW

I'm a sergeant. Why don't I get a chair?

I know I want to double cross them I want it so bad but how can I get the ultimate betrayal and hurt as many people as possible in the best possible way? I'm not leaving unless I get to hurt someone.

What are you self-monologuing up there for? We can't hear a word! If you're planning to backstab us I swear...

You'll do what? You're down there and I'm up here. See? I'm bending these bars as part of my villainous plan. Someone's going to have to grab a ladder and fix it and it'll be a pain to do.

OWOWOWOWOWOWOW MY ARMS

I'll go check out the outside to see if we can get out. You go use Captain Stacy as a human shield and find a way to do the door.

Use my hostage as hostage? Spider-man you're a genius!

Captain Stacy, I hope you like spooning because we're going to spoon our way to freedom.

The most perfect way to betray them all is to pick them off one at a time and the only way to accomplish that goal is to cloak myself in darkness. And then when they realize it then I can turn off the dark

It made sense in my brain

Captain Stacy's life is at risk and we can't do anything. Yeah Spider-man! We're blaming you! We see you there!

You sure it isn't cancer?