Spider-man (1967) The Scourge of the Scarf

I believe it's time for a Spider-man thread. Tonight's episode features the sinister sneaky villain "The Scarf"

Par the course of not thinking very hard when making up a villain but that's what makes season 3 so delightfully retarded.

Other urls found in this thread:

pastebin.com/86qedmQu
pastebin.com/tjREijhZ
strawpoll.me/14830538
strawpoll.me/14830560
youtube.com/watch?v=uMlRpN8ANrU
twitter.com/NSFWRedditVideo

Previous episodes
pastebin.com/86qedmQu
pastebin.com/tjREijhZ

And continuing our vote til I run out of episodes

Do I keep going?

strawpoll.me/14830538

And if I do continue, what do I continue with?
strawpoll.me/14830560

Let's get this show on the road.

We begin our episode at the bustling Broadway scene. Henry Kissinger's here and that means the party's ready to begin!

I'll take a ticket for one!

(Oh! A cute girl touched my money! That's almost like holding hands!)

"Honey, would you like to grad some overpriced wine and get to our seats?"

"No teehee I want to stand in the middle of the street until the show's about to begin"

Ahhhh Saturday Night... I could be enjoying an instant Broadway classic or having a social life but who goes to a play all by themselves? Weirdos, that's who.

Tonight's the perfect time to lay back and work on a moon tan.

... This isn't the moon I signed up for

MOON?!

MOON NOOOOOOOO

MOON HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?

Gadzooks! Lookathat! It's the end of days!

We're doomed! It's just as the Book of Revelations foretold!

No! It's Nibiru!

I thought today like was like predicted by the Mayan calendar?

>YFW people try to predict the apocalypse and no one gets it right

Is religion a lie?

Let's go to church and pray and find out!

Easy boy. You've seen one ragnarok you've seen em all.

Damn!

Ugh So ... tired. You'd think the apocalypse would be more exciting but I just can't keep my eyes open even though I know there's probably going to be demons and stuff to fight

Just close my eyes for one minute...

And dream that I threw myself off a building?! Why would my mind go there?

I hear a ruckus! Now is the time for our time!

Alright boys, it's time for us to hit broadway like we've always dreamed.

Alright Gang let's get crackin' Safe crackin' that is!

Enter, The Scarf, the most dastardly clothed gang leader who'd be the most talked about man about time if you know, there was anyone to see our success.

Boss sure loves to talk a lot but at least he got us these uniforms, most crime-bosses don't spring for that stuff.

When they charge 80 bucks for a seat you're just askin' to get yourself robbed

Am I an old woman or a middle-aged man? You be the judge and only time will tell.

Now for the delicate transfer of money from marked sacks to unmarked sacks. Can't have the police tracing it back to us if they ever identify the sacks used for the robberies!

You could say that Broadway... got played. Ohohoho

DAMNIT MARK YOU SLEPT IN AND NOW YOU'RE LATE I JUST MADE MY ONE-LINER TOO.

Go make yourself useful and clean out all the quarters and other change in the registers. GOD. Set your alarm next time.

...

So it wasn't a dream and I did throw myself off a building. Odd.

And the Moon's ok now?

Then what the fuck just happened?

What the fuck happened?

"What the fuck happened" is the question on everyone's lips this morning after multiple reports of the Moon turning into some sort of massive pinwheel and the sky turned red. In the panic, rioting, and mass-suicides every theater on Broadway was robbed with the police dubbing the culprits the Fit Up Fleecers.

The sky cleared up as quickly as it began leaving more questions than answers.

Fit up fleecers? That's what they're calling us? If they thought us robbing every place on Broadway was impressive, just wait until they see what I've got planned for tonight.

"Alright boys have you sent out the invitations to my art show I'm holding tonight?"

"Yes"

"And you hand-delivered them?"

"Yes"

"And they RSVP'D?

"Yes"

"And you started hanging up my pictures?"

"Yes"

EXCELLENT

"Mr. The Scarf, I have a question? Can we clean up the pile of money on the ground?"

"Do not touch it! I happen to like my money on the floors in a place of my choosing for me to jump in and rake back into a pile to jump in again"

This scheme may sound convoluted and unnecessary and maybe it is but Mrs. Van De Rock is in town and she likes art shows and that lady's a walking jewelry store and those schemes are the best kind anyways because they let you be creative

"Boss, I know you've been working hard to make enough paintings to fill your gallery but what's with the oral fixation? (Not that I'm complaining)

"I like making mouths in my spare time? Is that a crime? Well after tonight it may be"

"The Scarf, you're truly a man of many bizarre talents. "

Yeah what he said. Who'd have thought to design and build themselves a projector to shine on the full moon to create some sort of optical illusion of the apocalypse? Besides Mysterio. Fuck that guy.

Yeah I was pretty great wasn't I? But let's talk about tonight I should probably clue you in on the robbery scheme before we go through with it.

I got the idea for it looking at this newspaper and how this lady has a valuable gem shaped exactly like a Rupee and while the green ones are only worth one, there are plenty of Zelda fans out there who'd pay a double fortune to get it and I figure that makes it the most valuable emerald on Earth and Mrs. Van De Rock loves art galleries and hates video game culture so I'd wage that she doesn't know its true value.

"And surely she'd bring it with her to the exhibit"

"Yes, she'd do just that and show it to everyone and we'll be there to nab it. And no one touch my money pile while we're away!

Boss! After this we'll be as filthy rich as that scarf of yours. Seriously, do you ever take it off? It's been the same on for weeks.

Do you plan on washing it eventually? It smells like the inside of a dog's ear. I could have sworn it was Scarlet when you got it.

Speaking of clothing, what's with the look anyways? You look like Verminous Skumm's ugly older brother

I'm on a roll here! Imma keep going.

And honestly, I'd say roughly 83% of the time we can't understand a word you're saying. It's bad enough you mumble like a high schooler giving his first speech in front of class!

We all sure as hell passed 4th grade and we talk English gooder than many, but we absolutely cannot understand the words that are comin' out of your mouf.

OH WAIT. IT'S BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT YOUR MOM'S BROADWAY SCARF OVER IT HEYOOOOO

What?! It doesn't smell at all! The Scarf is a most dignified article of clothing it-it projects power! Power and mystery!

Ahahaha! Yeah! Sure! And those flies swarming around you must be drawn to that smell of mystery

(Is it too late to call myself The Silk Cravat?)

DO IT FAGGOT

"Hey Peter thanks for inviting me to to this art gallery."

"Yeah Polly! Mr. Jameson told me to review the place and I figured what better way to get a chance to stare at you than at a place like this!"

Peter: Honestly, I like optical illusions and this place is supposed to be full of them but I don't really get art.

Polly: Don't be silly, you're not supposed to understand art. If you understand it then it's not art.

Polly: Look at all these rich people standing around. It's like they're waiting for something to happen.

Peter: Mrs. Van De Rock is the guest of honor and this gallery is supposed to have some sort of never-seen-before-mega-illusion that's said to leave us breathless. We'll see about that.

Polly: There she is! Now Peter, could you stop smelling my hair?

Peter: But it's peach-scented! How can I not? I want to lick it and see if it tastes peachy!

"UGH it smells so... middle class in here. Guide me to the champagne table and park me there."

"Darling, it'll be fine as long as you don't make eye contact"

She seems nice.

Swell party. But where is the illusion? As of yet it only feels like someone is watching me.

That's because I am! Did I say that out loud? This is the painting talking! It's art! Talking art! You're supposed to ignore it!

Look at all that bling!

Art Gallery? More like Art salary

Pfffffffffffff

Hahaha! It's a gloryhole onahole! You're supposed to fuck it! It's performance art!

Ahahaha! Gloryholes! Public sex it's hilarious! Someone degrade themselves for art while we watch!

I don't get it. Someone explain this joke to me.

youtube.com/watch?v=uMlRpN8ANrU

Polly: Explain what? It's a Gloryhole! Peter! You be the first or maybe I will I'm feeling adventurous!

Peter: This isn't art it's just obscenity for obsenity's sake! Where's the deeper meaning?

Fuck this I'm out of - DAMNIT NOW I CAN'T EVEN USE THE F-WORD HERE. YOU'VE TAKEN THAT FROM ME TOO

>Muffled sinister laughter

Solid gold earrings? I've always wanted some of these

And solid gold pearls...

Oh! Slap bracelets! They don't make these anymore! Calling dibs!

These jewels are real... those breasts however are the fakest shit I've ever seen. That boobjob looks like it was done in a Columbian dark alley

A police badge I've always wanted one of these

You know I've always wanted to go straight.

Oh God is this laughing gas or confession gas this is dangerous I have to get out of here I hope that doesn't get back to Mom

You! Are you the one behind all this artistic bullshit?

Yeah isn't it obvious?

"You've bagged your last bauble Mr. excuse me I don't have a name"

"It's THE SCARF"

"That's what you went with? When you take a shower do you call yourself The Birthday Suit? "

"How'd you know?"

In any event you can't catch me when I dive through a picture!

If someone told me to expect vore today I'd have called them crazy now look at me

And that picture has to go somewhere and this building isn't even that big. Well Mr. Pantyhose where you go Spidey follows

>*CRASH*

D:

Woooooooo

SHIT

Why does this always happen to me? Why can't I rob dozens of people blind and get away with like all the other bad guys?

Weeeeeeeee

Because you are a frumpy silly man and you're dressed like you don't know if you're going to head out to a gay desert or impersonate someone's blind grandmother

And this is for spooking everyone last night

Guess we'll have to start calling you "The Handcuffs"

Thanks for the assist Spider-man. It's not considered police brutality when you punch him!

Spider-man: But how'd you know he'd be here?

Officer: Oh that was easy. It all started last night when the sky got all wonky and we figured it had to be some sort of illusion focused on the moon. I've been a cop for a long time and I'm used to this stuff in New York.

So after the illusion we knew there'd be something else to follow it because there always is and we noticed that some guys were remodeling this building to include a giant chute and grew suspicious

Then they parked their truck under it and we knew something had to be up and waited for them to make their move

Officer: And that's how we arrested the whole gang. Just another day's work for New York's finest.

Spider-man: You mean you solved this whole thing without me?

Officer: Pretty much.

Spider-man: You mean I could have gone to a broadway show or used that Gloryhole?!

Officer: Why didn't you? I would have.

Spider-man: Maaaaan. I feel like I wasted this whole weekend!

...