Hey it's about time for a Spider-man. Tonight's episode has an Arthurian twist for no discernable reason

Hey it's about time for a Spider-man. Tonight's episode has an Arthurian twist for no discernable reason.

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And continuing our vote til I run out of episodes

Do I keep going?

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And if I do continue, what do I continue with?
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Let's get this show on the road.

Be begin outside a movie theater but not just any theater oh man this the Burymor, the most happening place in town with a full arcade with the japanese import games, an open bar, and it's showing "King Arthur" starring the acting powerhouse combo of Byron Kelly and Linda Lorn. It's been nearly sold out for 5 weeks straight!

"Honey, we've seen this thrice now and it's still like seeing it for the first time. That Linda Lovelace/ Linda Lorn swap, that horse they trained to swordfight with its dog rider, Lancelot setting real chickens on fire! The method acting in this movie was top notch and not to mention the rap battle lovemaking scenes. Let's go in and watch it again!

"Boy, Bea Arthur's really raking in the dough at the box office isn't she?"

"... That's King Arthur"

"Yeah but she could play a king if she wanted and it'd be super"

"You're not over Bea are you?"

"No and I never will."

In other news, I have 10,000 dollars in the cash box from today's proceeds so we're going to need a bigger box or someone's going to have to run to the bank and by that someone I mean you because I'm trapped in here when is the locksmith coming again?

Can I see the money?

Yeah sure.

Sir, if you need relief the men's bathroom is down that way and we have various flavored lubes in the vending machines near the adult movie section.

New York employs incarcerated convicts as ticket salesmen thus combining sentence serving with productive work? Truly they are an example to all correctional facilities.

Nah it's ok I'm happy to see ya AND I have a gun in my pocket. Happy to see you holding a lotta bread!

Why you bums! You ingrates! How dare you rob Hitler! Is the moustache off? Yeah ok I'm growing a new one.

You petty criminals can take the money but you'll never...

OK WE WILL THANKS, MAC

It's your fault when you think about it. You standing here, holding money without any armed guards or nuttin' Why if you had just one knight of the round table hanging around we'd be sorry.

Too bad it's all movie stuff even if the special and practical effects make it look like it could pop out of the screen any second holy shit I need to see it again.

Keep your eyes on the prize, boss.

Right.

They'll catch you, they'll make you pay. Any cop worth his salt is going to profile you over-the-top-shady cowardly crime caricatures.

Who's going to stop us? All the city's cops are inside watching your movie catered by Round Table Pizza™ as a promotional tie-in. They try and chase us they'll get a cramp for sure. It's the perfect crime!

You need yourself a white knight but there's not one to be found when you actually want one. Hyuk hyuk hyuk

>Excuseth me O'Villains!

This is about to get retarded ain't it?

*Ahem* EXCUSETH ME O'VILLAINS. I WOULD HAVE WORDS WITH YOU.

Great just great. First we get robbed by street mobsters and now the cosplayers and larpers are getting on it. Hey you! Who do you think you are and GET OFF OF MY CAR, JACKASS.

Good sir I am no donkey! I am Sir Galahad the Pure and I am one of the knights of the table round! Check it!

My lord King Arthur sent me here with my sword and shining lance to right wrongs and triumph over evil and that means you, Highwaymen.

What can we say to that? Do we shoot him?
He's got armor, our guns might not work we've never shot a man in armor before!

More than anything I'm perplexed but also slightly curious to see how this will go down.

Which of you shall receive a vicious poking from my mighty steel rod of justice first hmmm? I must do whatever it takes to save that fair maiden dressed in white

OOOOOooooo he proudly announced to the world that he's a virgin and now he's going to on the attack! He moves quickly for a man in plate.

Galahad the virgin eh? I could fix that.

How are we supposed to take this dingbat seriously after all that and how does his weight not crush the car he stands on?

This man's my only hope? Beggars can't be choosers I suppose.

What's ll the commotion? Take your eyes off street crime for one second and things go to hell.

Something's out of place here. Feels like the building's been pulled right out from under me.

We've had a long and fruitful discussion and we have elected to solve this problem with violence after carefully considering the alternatives and weighing the consequences.

How does one expect to do battle with such a small and dull weapon from so far away?

Hey, cut that out. Stop poking me.

BZZZZZZT OW MY KIDNEY I NEEDED THAT I ONLY HAVE 1 LEFT.

ARGAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

That pike or partizan or javelin or whatever they're calling pointed sticks these days is electrified!

I spy with my little eye something that should be returned to its rightful owners.

Goodnight everyone! Good has once again triumphed over evil and I am off to parts unknown until I am needed once again!

No hold on a moment! That's my money and I need it now!

You're not going anywhere Ironpants.

Has some unimaginative magician summoned a fantastical yet unimposing spider-spirit to oppose me? Meh. Seen better.

Hand back the money. I'd give you a spanking but with that metal suit it'd hurt me more than you.

Nay, I have a trusty lance. If only father could see me now. Not mother, she's a lying harlot.

Awww your lance doesn't measure up. Even still get that thing away from me I don't know where it's been.

OW right in the chest spider.

Consider yourself vanquished, evildoer. I hateth spiders they're creepy and have no honor.

Now to call my trusty steed to continue to rob from rich and give to the poor .... me. Oh flying Nimbus!

>VROOOOOOOOM

You're a good horse.

TOGETHER WE RIDE

What just happened? It feels like I got bullied by a Ren Faire

And I could have sworn he threw in some Robin Hood in there. We're dealing with a mixed up individual and how did he ride on a motorcycle so gracefully? Next time we meet there will be questions.

"HOLD IT FOR A PIC, SPIDER-MAN"

"No, no pictures I don't want to talk about it go away"

>snap

Now why'd you have to do that. You're mean.

Better get out of here now before the police arrive and blame me and I leave without answering any questions to make myself look less suspicious.

What a wonderful picture of that masked menace on the front page. That's where I'd put my picture of Spider-man.

IF I HAD ONE

PARKER WE HAVE THE STORY OF THE CENTURY SPIDER-MAN HOLDS UP A THEATRE, WE CALL IT THAT BECAUSE IT'S SPELLED FANCIER THAN A THEATER. WHAT A WORLD! STUDIOS SPEND MILLIONS ON MOVIES THAT'LL GET REMADE IN A DECADE OR TWO WITH AN EVEN LARGER BUDGET, THEY DESERVE BETTER THAN TO GET ROBBED BY THAT CRITIC WEBHEAD. WHY WEREN'T YOU THERE, TAKING PICTURES OF SWEATY MEN AND SOBBING WOMEN, THAT IS YOUR HOBBY IS IT NOT? PARKERRRRRRRR?

"Uh homework?"

"I'M NOT PAYING YOU TO DO HOMEWORK, I'M PAYING YOU TO GIVE ME SOMETHING SPIDER-MAN RELATED RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW OR YOU'RE FIRED.

Ok Mr. Jameson here goes.

Mister Spider-man
Swings around the town nightly
Has a nice buttocks

How's that?

It's crap but I can use it. I'll pay you 50 cents for it. You make that up on the spot.

New headline: Spider-man robs movie theatres across town to pay for his brazilian butt lift addiction.

Spider-man? But I understood that there was a Knight named Sir Galahad who actually committed the crime.

Galahad! That's rich. As if the bum who found the Holy Grail would be so hard up for cash he'd resort to robbing cash boxes. No, it was just a cosplayer trying to get his 15 minutes I tell you and you can quote me on this it was Spider-man behind it all, pulling the strings, well, webs to confuse retards like you.

>Brazilian butt lift addiction
Lies! It's a natural side effect of the radioactive spider bite as is everything else. Didn't you notice how thicc all spiders' bums are?

ENOUGH CHITCHAT GET ME SOME PICTURES PEOPLE DON'T READ THE PAPER JUST FOR SNAPPY HEADLINES.

You're fired.

If I were a knight or at least pretending to be I'd probably hang around someplace as dreary and soggy as England... right here.

Someone hand me a phone cause I called it.

Hear me heathens and wizards and serpents of sin
All your dastardly doings are past
For a holy endeavor is now to begin
And virtue shall triumph at last!

Paul, we have the whole truck you don't have to sit as close to me as possible.

"I just like your company is all. That a crime? These long armored car deliveries makes a man lonely."

"Hey I'm ignoring you but paying attention to something far more interesting. Can we change the subject to talk about that? That thing I'm looking at?"

>TFW when the power goes out when you're doing a thing.

Oh I'm checking something out alright. If you know what I mean.

"Am I seeing what I think I'm seeing? A Knight in shining armor on a motorcycle gaining on us? "

"I don't know... you know things in the mirror are always more virtuous than they appear"

Shit he is gaining on us! Floor it! Let's see if we can follow us at a blindingly-fast 55 MPH!

HE'S STILL GAINING PUSH IT TO 65!

65? ARE YOU MAD?

DO IT. HE'S GOING TO SMITE US IF WE DON'T.

Steady as she goes, Flying Nimbus. They are trying to thwart us but verily we shall foil their wicked plot.

NO HE'S DESTROYING OUR RUBBER TIRES WITH ELECTRICITY! WE DIDN'T PLAN ON THIS!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

"At least it's not our fault this time but the bank's out a third truck this week. "

"Say, how does a bank make enough money to pay for this?"

"Or make money at all?"

"One of life's deep mysteries. "

Haha! I have felled a foul giant and freed the maidens it held captive!

You are free now! Go home! Write a song about me with a heroic baseline! Remember, Sir Galahad the Pure is to thank!

Um, last time someone called me a maiden it was from Powderpuff and I'd rather not relive those memories.

Now I will take these spoils of war and return home. I would like to extend thanks to whoever drew these money signs on these bags. Unfortunately, I can only take two, for I am I doer not a planner. Who could have foreseen money took up so much room and was so heavy? Not I.

Hey mister Galahad do you have any tips for finding the holy grail? No one's found it and we're starting to lose hope.

Foul Spider-being! You vex me so! If you shan't find the grail it is due to you not looking hard enough! Now begone!

Spider's silk as a weapon? Such sorcery is useless against my non-stick adamantium armor.

I shall cut you in two or I would were you not so flexible!

The only quest you're in for is a one-way trip to Ravencroft

Your sword changed now you're ... Silver Chariot? That makes you a stand and if I can see you that makes me a stand user too! OMIGOD

I want my stand to be called Milli Vanilli! No! Rock Lobster! No! Milli Vanilli! No! Love Shack!

"Foul Spider-demon, you are mistaken. Not everything is a lame Jojo reference."

Nuts. I knew I'd make an ass of myself one way or another.

DON'T JUST STAND THERE AND LAUGH THIS COULD HAPPEN TO ANYONE.

SPIDERBERG!!!

Come my horse! We ride off to the sunrise! To slay Polyphemus!

No Spider-Man, YOU are the stand.

Odysseus has you beat arg damnit. What good is a comeback if no one's around to hear it.

"Hey Betty, long time no see. what's up? You look different. "

"Yeah I lost my lower torso, it's making coffee right now but it'll be back lickity split!"

"You mean your lower half of your body?"

"Yeah! That's what I meant! Oh, and Mr. Jameson has been screaming bloody murder all morning you should go see him right away and by bloody murder I mean your name and various expletives I didn't know existed before today. Other than that nothing's new. I'm saving up to buy some sleeves but that's about it."

In trouble again. Life can be so formulaic.

Yeah Shelby I heard you. Parker! I've been looking for you! No, Shelby I want you to park her by the curb and get the rest of the story.

Right. Tell me what you have so far. Dock 24, a boat with King Arthur's sword and the legend is all true. Right. Of course. When does the ship get in?

King Arthur's sword being delivered here? What tripe. Slow news day.