Spider-man (1967) The Big Brainwasher - Series Finale

Well we've finally made it to the end of Spider-man and I saved the best for last. Tonight's episode has The Kingpin and the first appearance of Mary Jane Watson in animation and wasn't seen again for three decades. Weird isn't it?

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strawpoll.me/14830538
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Previous episodes. I haven't been updating these but I'll be sure to now that I'm done with this Spider-man show.
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And continuing our vote one last time.

Do I keep going?

strawpoll.me/14830538

And if I do continue, what do I continue with?
strawpoll.me/14830560

Alright let's do this.

Come one come all to the Gloom-Room-a-rama! We've got Go-go girls! We got creepy masks, we got music, flowers, dancin- and hyphens for days. Opening Tonight: A whirlpool. God save us all.

Ignore the judgemental faces on the wall, staring disapprovingly. This is a bonafide avant-garde establishment; tonight only you must stand because the chairs are glued to the tables and purely decorative.

Everything's all set and perfect, Kingpin. I've checked it over thrice and I will bet my life that none of my inventions will go wrong or backfire in any way.

Kingpin: Excellent! That's the level of confidence I expect from people under my employ. I notice that you got that chin-enlargement surgery to cover up your cleft, eh? So that's why you wanted that cash advance for this job. Now tell me how your inventions will put the city in the palms of my hands to control.

My expectations are Thiiiiis big.

I want every city official bowing to me, doing only what I order, obeying every command.

"Now, what does a large bald man need to make that happen? To create a future in which everyone does what I say ...

Which doesn't include invading my personal space, Josh. "

"Sorry boss, you smell like power today and I couldn't resist catching a sniff. Who does your laundry?"

"I DO"

Man, Kingpin's looking pretty trim.

Yes, I've heard your goals and how you want to control everything, everyone, etc. etc. and I think what you need is Brainwashing. Now, brainwashing isn't exactly new, people have been doing it for decades be it the watch in front of the face or optical illusions...

I invented a machine but any mad scientist with an AA degree could whip one of those out.

The problem with brainwashing and hypnotizing is that it's so gosh-darn easy to break out of it! Pain, a splash of cold water, food if you're hungry. It's so unreliable as to be unworkable for any long-term plan and THAT is where my inventions come in.

Which is why I invented this! The Comfy Plus: the world's most comfortable chair! One sit in this bad boy and you'll enter a state of complete relaxation and you'll be so unguarded that the brainwasher machine I set up above it will work with 100% success and almost nothing can break you free of its iron-grip while you're under its spell.

And then I'll own them!

However, when you came to me with your chair plan you neglected that you can't just tell someone to sit in a chair and expect them to do it no matter how comfy it is. They'll be skeptical, they'll wonder why you're not sitting in the chair, they'll ask question after tedious question, and the more you hype the chair up the less interested they'll be in sitting in it.

I ordered you to make this camera. It's function? To hypnotize people to be compelled to sit in that specific chair. To make them so uncomfortable that they'll be drawn to sit in the Comfy Plus and any other chair will be torture to them. Now? How do we get people to want to get powerful and rich people to allow us to take their picture? Answer me that.

Of course of course! I anticipated this problem and the only thing that can make anyone agree to a stranger asking if they can take their picture is a very, very, VERY, attractive woman. If a girl's hot enough she can make anyone do whatever she asks! Even get their picture taken!

With one flash of the hypnocamera our victims will be compelled to come through the bathroom through the unmarked door, sit in the chair, get super relaxed, and then scrubadubdub the city is ours, bub!
Brains are complicated.

You mean the city is MINE. MINEMINEMINEMINE.

I want the world,
I want the whole world.
I want to lock it all up in my pocket
It's my bar of chocolate
Don't care how I want it now!

Of course of course. Might I say Kingpin I love it when you sing in your bossy baritone even if you do skip a bunch of lyrics and wearing braids in your... nevermind.

OH hey! Look at the time the hot girl who answered the classified ad for a hot girl I put out yesterday is due to arrive any minute now!

>Ding Dong

"Josh, we don't have a doorbell. Find out who's saying Ding Dong."

"Who's there?"

"Face it Tiger, you hit the Jackpot"

"Casino's down the hall to the right."

>SLAM

I need a better catchphrase. He didn't let me finish!

Ding Dong!

"What now?"

"I'm Mary Jane Watson and I'm here for that dancing audition in the classified ad? It told me to come here where do you want me to bust a move?

"Wait a minute, I need to talk with the boss"

youtube.com/watch?v=2dTh3iI0is8

>HEY BOSS THE DRUG LADY IS HERE

>NAH SHE'S NOT THE GIRLSCOUTS SHE'S BRINGING THE TAGALONGS AND THIN MINTS LATER.

> YEAH SHE'S PRETTY HOT. GREAT LEGS.

>YEAH I'LL TELL HER

I can't believe I got an interview after applying just yesterday! I can't believe I'll be dancing in a place like this. Lil' ol Mary Jane Watson's going to wow the crowds and then it's a straight shot to Broadway

"Boss says you got the job."

"May I see him? Doesn't he want to see my routine I've been working on?"

"No. He wouldn't want to see that at all. You already got the job. What's with it with you dolls trying to talk yourself out of gainful employment?"

"Wait, I'm here to dance, why are you giving me a camera?"

"Boss wants you to take pictures, too"

"Ok that might be a little hard to work a camera into the routine without ending up with blurry pictures but I'll do my best!"

Hey are you looking for any more talent there's this guy I know named Peter Parker he takes pictures all the time he's never on time and always has the lamest excuses if any at all I think he'd look ok in a speedo though

Can he dance?

He knows the Electric Slide and the Macarena and Gangnam style... so no.

Boy! A date with Mary Jane Watson! I thought it'd never happen!

Tiger, I've heard you dated every other redhead in town. You've dated the rest, now try the best.

So I got a new job last week dancing for the Gloom Room. It beats modeling and the pay's good. In fact, I'm in such a good mood the meal's on me. I ordered a Jack Benny with halitosis, a mooing Blonde with Sand what are you having?

A plain hamburger and a cup of water would be swell!

Waiter! Burn a nun in a swimsuit!

So Tiger, I'll be dancing tonight. Why don't you stop in if you're not doing anything?

Everyone else in the crowd will be undressing me with their eyes, I want you to as well. I'm also taking pictures of people and I'll try to work in giving you a picture if I see you. On the house!

A girl is asking me to do things and go out with her? This makes me scared and uncomfortable. Buuuut that free picture. No one has ever asked to take my picture before!

>Meanwhie at the Gloom Room

*Pant Pant*
14 hours on the keyboard straight. I don't know if I can keep the groove up much longer!

Behold the latest dance sensation sweeping the nation.

THE MJ

Wow MJ can dance alright! And everyone of power and stature in the city is in the audience!

There's City Councilman Bob Johnson and Vice Mayor John Bobson

And there's Richard Nixon and the ladies who bake him Pot Brownies and walk Checkers over there

Even Mary Janes recluse and oft-forgotten Uncle made an appearance

So you see if I make ducks lips I can still smoke a cigar just fine.

And here I am sitting by myself gawking at more successful people.

"Hey Mister *wink* want a free picture? Compliments of the house."

"Like I could say no to you, you danced like you had a seizure and there's not a drop of sweat on you!"

Neat!

"Are you alright?"

"No! Damnit No! I'm not alright! Suddenly I hate this chair and need a new one! It's so hard and doesn't comfort my ass at all!

Uncle! You made it? Want a free picture? It's freeeeeee

Sure, Mary Jane. Fire away.

Stare directly into the flashbulb

Uncle? What's wrong?

THIS CHAIR IS WHAT'S WRONG. I NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AND FIND SOMEWHERE ELSE TO SIT

That's the eight guy to go into the bathroom tonight. A man? Going to the bathroom? How unnatural. Only women use the bathroom.

There is something else off about this place. That bathroom thing and the fact that MJ doesn't know the first thing about taking a picture. A flash that close to the face is sure to result in red-eye. The photos were free. Free photos? Who in their right mind would offer that service?

Besides yours truly of course and my photos are actually worth developing

MJ didn't offer to take my picture either after she said she would... that's a shame. I wish to be remembered.

This looks like a job for Spider-man!

There's a mystery afoot in this club and I intend to check it out but like hell am I going to pay 15 dollars to get in again after I paid the first time that's highway robbery

Not when I can sneak in and get the window entrance discount

NO FREE ADMITTANCE GO OUT FRONT AND GO IN THE FRONT

wut

You heard me

And I thought the movies were aggressive on cutters

If you're going to do the splits you'll need to try harder than that! I'll give you some pointers. 60 dollars a month for two sessions a week and you'll get a butt like mine in no time.

That takes care of that. The club really couldn't handle me right now.

Now where's the action at. Through this door?

...

>Shadman

Not even once

Ok how about here?

Batman! It's about time you showed up! Those nasty nefarious Ne'er-do-well left Valentine's Day Presents weeks ago here and you still haven't come to pick them up!

Would you like to explain the relationship between you and your Rogues Gallery? It's getting increasingly convoluted and bizarre by the day!

I'll explain it all, Commissioner, but first we must make haste to the basement!

HOLY HEARTBREAK HOTEL BATMAN

Wrong universe. Sorry. I'll be on my way.

Sorry.


Hey what gives the only thing I got was a candy heart from Venom and he had eaten all the chocolates already

Spider-man! At least! I was wondering when you'd find the right door.

No! Don't hurt Spider-man! He's my favorite!

VERMIN! When the Kingpin offers you a seat, you take it!

Spider-man! Don't hurt me I have a glass jaw!

You shouldn't have said that. When I see a chin that big I have to sock it and now doubly so!

It's so satisfying!

Arachnid we've crossed paths many times and this will be the last. A man of my willpower will not be swayed!

If you have so much willpower how come you can't skip a meal every once in a while?

Muh feelings!

>CRACK

While he's stunned we'll make our escape. Driver! To Carl's Jr!

What's my life come to? I spend more time on the ground than on my feet.

At least they rolled out the red carpet for me.

I'm a little dizzy from the large crack in my skull but I've got to save Mary Jane's Uncle and Mary Jane before it's too late!

"With my Brainwasher machine broken and no camera I have no choice but to clean up loose ends. When Spider-man catches up with us he'll be in for a little surprise. "

"A good surprise of a bad surprise?"

"Take a wild guess"

> get a load of this purple-prose-pukin' putz thinkin his $60 words make him all smart n shit
> playin' all coy and usin' big words to confuse dat redheaded bimbo an' anyone else
> Fucking hate it when people don't say what they mean an' skirt around the issue like coy little schoolgirls
> we're thugs not schoolgirls
> scare someone, insult someone, fucking SAY WHAT YOUR PLAN IS SO WE CAN DO IT AND NOT BE CONFUSED MAN
> fuck he didn't say whether to take a right on Albany St or a left on Pembroke Lane
> oh well we'll get there eventually he's too busy talking all those 6 syllable words to notice I'm lost as fuck

>If I didn't need the money so much I'd quit this job in a New York minute and work for somebody fun like Silvermane or Dr. Octopus.

Of all the abandoned warehouses this one looks the most abandoned. They must be in here!

Kingpin? Can we please please please turn on the light? I can't see shit.

FOOL! If we can't see him then he can't see us! We have the advantage!

PEPSI-MAAAAAAAAAN

Shoot him! Shoot him before he quenches our thirst!

> Shun Goku Spider-matsu

Sir? Permission to turn on the lights? I'd like to know what the hell happened.

"Proceed"

What?! A Dummy?!

Who you calling a dummy? You're the one who fell for my Cobweb Bushin-no-jutsu

And now I can see you and you can see me.

Alright Kingpin. Enough playing around. Where's Mary Jane and her mysterious uncle?

Wouldn't you like to know?

Yes! Yes I would like to know! Why do you have to be like that you ask the question and you already know what the answer is! If I didn't want to know I wouldn't ask my question in the first place! GOD!

>BANG