Be me

>be me
>found ancient genie lamp
>offers me 3 wishes
>instantly wish to to have a Bigger Dick
>Suddenly a 10 ft tall Dick Grayson appears
>mfw

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>wish for a million dollars
>gives me Zimbabwe bucks

That sucked.
But the important thing is you tried and making continuous efforts and failures will allow you to grow and succeed.

user, when wishing to a genie one should always write out their potential wish, and parse the hell out of it to make sure there are absolutely no ambiguities. Hire a lawyer or an English Professor if you have to

Rookie mistake
>I wish that the penis attached to my groin would become two inches - and only two inches - longer than it currently is, while still retaining the full functionality one might ideally expect of a penis on a man my age. For clarification, the inch I use as a unit of measurement is one twelfth of one foot in the Imperial system of measurement, approximately equal to 2.54 metric centimeters.

youtube.com/watch?v=sSNAWl4tHwM

Wish granted
the additional two inches grow at a 90 degree angle to the rest of it.

lemme get uuuhhhh fucking uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh goth gf

>Lookonthebrightside.jpg
>I've got Boy Wonder as a bro
>use second wish to gender swap to get a fuck buddy giantess
>Hurr duur duur Gender's a social construct and theirs an unlimited amount
>Now Dick sexually identifies as a batarang

I feel like that would impinge upon "full functionality", but it is still a good point to make

wish granted, the additional 2 inches of dick to not match the rest of your dicks race, girth, hairiness or any other attribute.

your dick looks like a frankenstein.

granted but it circumcised

you get two inches from the back going vertical so now it looks like you got a twig

Okay revised wish:
>I wish that the penis attached to my groin would become two inches - and only two inches - longer than it currently is, while still retaining the full functionality one might ideally expect of a penis on a man my age. The additional length is to match perfectly with my current penis; that is, it will match my current penis in girth, skin color, and hair distribution. As well, it must align perfectly with my current penis, and will not jut out at an odd angle inconsistent with the slight curvature of the original. Neither will it be circumcised.
The final result (that is, the original penis plus the two additional inches of penis) must function like and appear, in all respects save length, as a completely normal penis.
>For clarification, the inch I use as a unit of measurement is equal to one twelfth of one foot in the Imperial system of measurement, approximately equal to 2.54 metric centimeters.
>I expressly forbid you from altering any part of my body, except those which are necessary to fulfill my wish as outlined above.


Okay what am I missing now?

You could legally argue your way out of that one. Zimbabwe terminated its currency in 2009, and officially demonetized all ZWD in 2015, allowing some outstanding accounts to be reimbursed until 2016.... the definition of "dollar" specifies a unit of monetary value, so while historically there was a Zimbabwe dollar, even grabbing those from the past to fulfill your wish dickishly wouldn't work, as any ZWD in the current day has no monetary value.

Maybe it'd be a bit too much of "art imitating life"... but wish lawyers man

You haven't made any mention of where the 2 inches of dick will come from,

So I grant your wish, but I take the two inches from your father when he was your age, which means time travel fuckery, which will impact how you were raised if you were born and more.

Ignoring the traumatic experience of waking up one day in your... shot in the dark here 20's? and missing 2 inches of your dick, having a smaller dick would have impacted the way he acted in every way and his choice of partners.

So yeah, time travel fuckery.

Mistake 1: Wishing for anything other than the genie equivalent of legal counsel first.
Mistake 2: Not using wish 2 to spite Canada. They've had it good for too long.

>wish for perfect body
>wish for perfect soul
>wish for more wishes

The perfect Soul would be content with what he has, and would not wish for more wishes

Perfect is an abstract concept that doesn't work outside of what a being might see as "perfect"... so perfect for who? The genie?

Perhaps he thinks the perfect punishment would be a perfect joke body, where every function is reversed and you shit out your mouth. Perhaps he thinks the perfect place for you is hell, so he gives you a soul perfect for getting yous sent down there.

Perfect result for him might give you a body/mind that wishes for him to be free/benefit him on your second wish.

>that pic
this is why genius should include the immutable stipulation that by no wish or series of wishes may the rule of "not wishing for more wishes" be changed or circumvented in any way.

...

Just sell the wishes to other people. And then using the money from the second wish to fund a shitty reality tv show where you gather a bunch of terrible people to compete to make a wish.

Beat me to posting it, fuck, lol.

>I wish my body was changed to be identical to Karen Fukuhara's body. Though still containing my current mind, soul, spirit, subconscious, and or consciousness.
>I wish to have the winning numbers to the next Powerball lottery drawing, and to be the only winner of said drawing.
>I wish for no unintended, ironic, or genie trickery consequences to my previous two wishes.

...

user you have to put the stipulation first

Go full legal when dealing with a hostile genie. I have this saved from a stupid /tg/ discussion

>I wish that:
1) The results of any wish, whether due to deliberate misinterpretation of intent by the wish giver, language from the wish maker that unintentionally runs counter to desired outcomes, or unforeseen consequences of any alterations in reality made through the use of wishes (regardless of responsible party) that become undesirable to the wish making party shall be revoked, resetting time to the initial moment of the wish making accompanied by a brief summary (written by a neutral third party) of the impact of such a wish. The only exception is discussed in the third wish. Under that framework, it is thus implied that:
>a. any discussion of what constitutes undesirable will be made in the context of of the expectations of the wish maker at the time of making the wish, and again will be mediated by a third party (neutral) with magical knowledge of the expectations of the wish maker
b. Any magical action by the wish giver to alter the desires of the wish maker beyond what can be considered normal "individual growth" (i.e. lessons learned over time through experience, normal physiological mental changes) will be considered a violation of this wish
>2. Any violations of of the first wish shall be punished by compensation of the wish maker by the wish giver with 2 additional wishes, along with whatever appropriate punishment for the wish giver that the wish maker may decide, with no restrictoins
>3. that I had the ability to alter every aspect of reality. Any undesired alteration in reality (defined in wish one) made by the wish maker (me) shall be undone under the same provisions as in the first wish, but time will be reset to the moment I made the undesired alteration stemming from this ability, not resetting to the making of this third wish.

Countered, as the lawyer made sure that any rules regarding wishes only applied to "wishes"

>you get the body of an obese Japanese grandmother who happens to be named Karen Fukuhara
>you have the numbers. On your computer. They are appended to a random file, among thousands of other numbers. Have fun finding them.
>you put this last so the first two already happened. Too late. Also i'm pretty sure that the genie would disagree with you concerning the meanings of "unintended" "ironic" and "genie trickery"

I wish I could wish for infinite wishes

>I wishto be satisfied with this wish.

>Wish I didn't have phimosis
>Get circumcised

You can already do that.

I think we can all agree that the Monkey's Paw/Literal Genie trope has long lost any degree of cleverness or humor from overusage

so if I met a Genie like that, assuming that first wish he messes with doesn't kill me(or land me in jail or something), I would stick his lamp in a safe and then have it dropped in the ocean at a depth sufficient to ensure that it'll be decades if not centuries or even millennium before he gets a chance to be found again

>genie makes you a gay masochist, with a secret desire to be raped to death by a giant Dick Grayson being mind controlled by a genie

GIMME THE WAAA-AAA-AAAND

>I think we can all agree that the Monkey's Paw/Literal Genie trope has long lost any degree of cleverness or humor from overusage
"Wish granted but wrong" is a storytelling trope that dates back to prehistory. It's not going to stop being relevant just because you're tired of one specific iteration.

>I think we can all agree that the Monkey's Paw/Literal Genie trope has long lost any degree of cleverness or humor from overusage
Nah, fuck you.

>the lawyer made sure that any rules regarding wishes only applied to "wishes"
changing the actual meaning of the rule means you are changing/circumventing it in some way, which was specifically disallowed.

No, you just set clear boundaries before expanding the language, when the first wish is made there is no limitations on the rule. The second wish is what changes the ability to make "splorks", but specifically avoids altering any conditions or rules regarding wishes.

It's actually pretty airtight