Racist Uncle Jokes

It's thanksgiving! And you know what that means, racist uncle jokes! Let's here em!

What do you call a floating jew?

Why do black people have white hands and white feet bottoms?

Because there is a little good in all of us.

What????

The Clintons are FANTASTIC people.
...that's the joke...and the punchline

Get your stupid kid away from me

Smoke

What did the black kid get for his birthday?

My only sister is gay, I'm never going to be a racist uncle.

my whole family is unironically racist and redpilled on jews :(

>when you suddenly realize you're the racist uncle
Probably for the best I don't talk to my family desho

Why do Puerto Ricans wear pointy shoes?

So they can step on the cockroaches in the corner.

Here I thought it was because when God marked them he said "hands against the wall!"

What do you get when you cross a nigger with an octopus?

AIDS

My bike

What's the best game to play with a nigger?

Hangman

I don't get it

try being more assertive then.

What's the difference between a black and a tire ?

The tire doesn't sing blues when you enchain it.

How many jews can you fit in a car?

About 15 if burned into ash

Wait an average person burns into 5 pounds of ash. How many pounds of ash could you fit in a car?

Depends on the car

What does a nigger do after sex?

20 to life.

Badum tush

amazing joke, great job

How do you make a dead jew float?
>2 scoops of ice cream and 2 scoops of dead jew.

I don't get it.

A nigger, a jew and a mexican walk into a bar.

The bartender says: fuck off

>5 in the seats, 6 million in the ash tray

Anyone have the fake letter put on someone's car with this swastika? The one that went "Post this to twitter or else!!1!"

...

Thanks senpai

shut the fuck up you stupid leaf, you're a failed nation and people and I can't wait until the chinks finish colonizing you

How about a limo? I want to fit a bunch of dead kikes into this punchline

...

So I was coming home the other day and I saw a black guy carrying a TV and putting it into a car. Naturally, I went home to check if it was mine, but mine was still chained up and washing dishes.

You know, you can't tell jokes like that anymore. Everything has to be politically correct now. You can't even say "Black paint" anymore. You have to say, "Please paint the wall, sir."

Jokes aside, I'm firmly against racism. I have to be, you know, I've got a black guy in my family tree. Still hanging there...

>1488

Checked.

My whole country is unironically racist

Mine too

>tfw your dad is the racist uncle
>tfw you're the racist cousin
>tfw everyone in my family knows to fear me because I am better than every single one of them in every way

Why the fuck would you frown at that?

Be the liberal uncle.

Rember be unfunny.

only good thing in this thread so far

>synagogue
>raising money

checked

if rodney dangerfield was a racist

>Jokes aside, I'm firmly against racism. I have to be, you know, I've got a black guy in my family tree. Still hanging there...

This is not really a "racist joke" since many people are in fact against racism due to the inherited guilt of the crimes of their ancestors...

Nah mate, you got NYC and the whole SoCal

WHAT, KIWI? TELL ME

how was copper wire invented?

They are pretty adamant about having their slave labor fruits and vegetables

Oh fucking Christ I wanna kms

Better luck next time

Get the fuck out reddit

Don't know if it's work in english :

What is the most starry hostel in the world ?


Auschiwtz, 6 million stars

What's the difference between a jew and Santa?

Santa goes down the chimney...

Sup Forums has always been home to great racist joke threads on holidays.

This was my favorite joke so far.

I did some math. The 2016 Volkswagon Beetle has 29.9 cubic feet of cargo space with the rear seats folded down. The average European male is 156.1lbs. Every pound of human body weight burns down to about 1 cubic inch of ash. 29.9 ft^3 * 12^3 in/ft / 156.1 in^3 = about 330 people in the cargo space of a Volkswagon Beetle, and that is not including the front seat space, and that is a fairly small car, so the answer is a fuck ton of Jews. If we throw out a random estimate that you can fit a total of 500 burned Jews in the total volume of the VW Beetle, then you could fit about 6 million Jews in a fleet of about 12,000 VW Beetles.

>1488
Mein Gott

I had a grandfather that died in a concentration camp....

...fell out of the guard tower...

...

>Place an order with Volkswagen for twelve thousand Beetles
>Get charged by the FBI with conspiracy to commit a hate crime

Usefull math exercise !

>Goddammit my uncle got drunk again and now he's spouting some something about wage gap. (Just like every other thanksgiving) It's so embarasing!

I'm unironically racist against my whole country.

oh keke

I have no idea, but it would collect cotton like a motherfucker

I don't have a racist uncle. I have a gay uncle but he never comes out of the closet.

A bullet up the ass.

what do you call a black airplane attendant?

A nigger

This is funny because my uncle is actually racist. As is my grandma, who is very pro-Hillary

...

you ruined it

What?

A nigger.

How do you stop a black kid from jumping on the bed?

An arab, a nigger and a spic are sitting in a car. Who's driving?
The police

How?

Why does the jews have such big noses?

put velcro on the ceiling

Why dont sharks eat niggers?

>they think its whale shit

Well if you can't prove them wrong, they ain' wrong

What the fuck is with people posting the first part of the joke only? Just use the god damned enter bar.

Fucking mining for "you's"

Who recent uncle here? She's too young right now but I can't wait to say racist jokes that I won't be called out on

>1488

I have three white nephews shaping up to be fine young men.

what do you call a black man having a seizure.

A nigger

Chocolate shake.

Air is free

what's the difference between a nigger and a sack of shit?
the sack

if you drop a nigger and a jew off a building which one lands first?
the nigger, shit is heavier than ash

how was the first copper wire invented?
two jews found a 1 cent coin on the ground

what's the difference between a jew and a pizza?
you take the pizza out before it burns

alternative:
the pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven

where do you put 5 jews in a car?
2 in the front seats and 3 in the back seats, because the holocaust never happened

AYyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Not sure if it works on english.

In a beautiful day a monkey woke up without his tail. Stared at his ass, started searching for his tail and couldn't find it. Started to get desperate, started crying and went to tell the tale to a lion.
- Lion. You don't know what the fuck just happened. Today I woke up without my tail !

- Whatever, monkey, who cares?

- But, you're the king of the jungle, you have to do something about it !

The lion looked at his own ass and see that he, too, is without his tail.
- Oh my God, what will become of me? Me, the king of the jungle, without tail, everybody will think I'm a little kitten.

The monkey answer:
That's fucking nothing, it's worse for me, everybody will think I'm a nigger!

That's not true, the nigger will stop and steal every apartment before the fall.

I'm not racist.
Racism is a crime, and crime is for niggers.

it does.

or stop to wash the windows

How do you starve a nigger??


Hide his EBT in his work boots

If you drop a Jew and a black out of a tree, which lands first? The Jew, because the black is stopped by a rope

>Because there is a little good in all of us.
no

When god created them they were walking on all four