You wake up as John Oliver, what do you do?

Let's see.

Blow my fucking head off.

instantly slit my fucking wrists, I mean its the current year after all.

Run to the nearest window and yell down to the street below

"WHAT YEAR IS IT?!!?"

>>qst

Go on air pro trump nonstop and pro capitalism nonstop.

Lure Ed Helms and Rob Riggle to my apartment and drug and force myself on them sexually.

Then home invasion robbery of Samantha Bee/Jason Jones' house where I tie up Samantha Bee and force her to watch me rape her husband Jason Jones repeatedly......

Whatever was on the days agenda.

Prepare a press release to announce I'm a huge faggot and a nazi

>wake up to this

Seems pretty nice tbqh famalamdingdong

Break the conditioning in a bombshell of a video, then gleefully await my two bullets to the back of the head in my apparent suicide.

kek

Kill myself

Fpbp

Transfer all of his money into my account.

Then go an anti-globalist, white supremacist rant while live on his show before switching back to my original body.

>You wake up as John Oliver, what do you do?

Immediately convert to Christianity because it's current year.

He's probably pretty rich so retire on the beach somewhere most likely then shitpost on Sup Forums and occasionally do stuff for the media being right wing.

How did you get your name in your post.

>Be ecstatic as I am now a famous celebrity with a running show
>Proceed to write an in depth segment about The Federal Reserve and all the redpills about how An (((Establishment Elite))) have been ruling the country, starting with the unratified enactment of the Fed and The Inconr Tax back on 1913
>Go in depth about the changes that occurred after the assassination of JFK
>Sit back and watch as America wakes up from all the Jewry

It's a good day, lads

When my show starts I immediately name the Jew and start red pilling the entire audience.

Beat me to it

Start dropping redpills on my show and make all Libtards, worldwide, kill themselves out of shock/confusion.

Then i kill myself.

go on live tv, say the holocaust never happened and say fuck all niggers

underrated

Pour a cuppa tea
Open up Sup Forums
Pull out cock
Amuse meself, blimey

>Implying you can switch back.

Blow up 2016

>wake up in cold sweat from nightmare about non-current years
>call wifes bull to make sure she is fine
>take wife's son to public school
>FORGET WIFES SON IS GENDER NEUTRAL

Kill myself because t's the current year and white males shouldn't exist

shitpost into oblivion with his twitter account

or sneak around try to gather information about pizza and about other things

Embarrass the fuck out of myself.

See a dentist immediately.

Use my platform to slowly and convincingly redpill an entire generation of cucks

Build a time machine and go back to 2015

use my new found image and 'pull' to redpill all the faggot cucks that watch my show completely destroying my career and saving the white race all in one swoop

Apply for a job at Info Wars.

...

Continue my shill campaign, because (((they))) took my children and threatened to hand them off to Podesta if I don't keep making my show into a liberal brainwashing machine.

Go to r/The_Donald and do an AMA, coming out as high energy Trump supporter.

Fix my crooked teeth.
Write a letter to my wife's boyfriend asking forgiveness for not sucking her ass after the boyfriend cream her ass.
Confess in a youtube video how much money I got for Hillary's campaign.
Kill myself with Jon Stewart dirty underwear in my mouth and a dildo up my butt.
FIN

Dear fucking liberals and über-privileged kiddos, I have a good idea that will solve everything. Stop allowing the 1% to fuck over the worker in the west. There done, when people find out large corporations and the wealthy are hiding 29 trillion dollars overseas avoiding taxes thus actually looting the people of the country they get mad.

When you look at a graph and cheer about China and other nations rising incomes people don't look at the western middle class and see actual negative growth. More are becoming poorer.

Parasite countries like Ireland, sorry folks, have a 10% corporate tax rate. Ireland is a bunch of Amazon, Google, and others opening small offices to hide money and avoid taxes they should pay. Countries are fighting for revenue and will offer lower corporate tax rates for a smaller piece of whatever they can get in taxes. A race to the bottom.

Trickle down economics can work in theory, but if the rich decide to sit on their money or more likely invest in finance. That is before the entire investment banking model collapsed in 2008. it's was much easier and more profitable than to actually start another business. Business can fail, you actually have to pay workers and taxes.

Biggest problem in the west is revenue. We have falling revenue because people like Mitt Romeny lobbied the government for loopholes, carried interest, and other fun ways so he only ends up paying 2% in taxes a year.

US used to have a 2 billion a year trade defecit with Mexico, then comes nafta and it balloons to 69 billion. All those jobs gone and they knew it back then, there was supposed to be money for re-training, never happened. These are the people who elected Trump and other populists.

It's all fine and good to talk about globalization which was an excellent scam to destroy labor. Now the rich love open borders and other such wonderful liberals policies.

You have a aging population? Well we can fix that with immigrants. Replace the peasants dying off because they cannot afford to even have kids with new peasants. Neo-liberals like Clinton, neo-conservatives like Bush are really two sides to the same coin. Both interventionists, they argue about useless shit like abortion and other social issues, while both allow the rich to do what they want.

I'm convinced this whole white privilege, identify poltics is another scam to replaced what used to be a class issue to race. No it's not the 1% it's those white people who have the power. White people push back, instead of targeting the real people in power. The 1% don't care about race, once you join their club you support each other because it's in your interest too.

Just like the women's empowerment movement funded by such nice people as Rockefeller. If a person from the 1950's found out he could not support his family with an ordinary job they would grab their guns. Now most women have to work to support a family, there is no more choice. That opens up 50% of the population for labor and thus taxable by the government.

Nice scam, now the rich can pay even less because a huge part of the population is picking up the slack for them.

And even more amazing thing is how Reddit and large part of the western pop view Google, Amazon, uber and other tech giants as these cool awesome companies instead of the biggest tax cheats. They are the robber barons of the 21st century. They are becoming huge monopolies for everything.

And they don't pay their taxes.

I have a good question. Why do we even use uber? Why do we even allow such a shitty buisness to operate? Why doesn't someone create a uber like app for their state? Where 90% of profits go to the drivers and 10% to the company?

brush my teeth.

It's even a better scenario when you look at it. You allow uber to operate, but informed consumers prefer to use the state wide app because it pays more to the drivers. Uber has to drop prices to become competitive, well that is less profits to the drivers so why would drivers even drive for uber when this other app exists?

Uber would have to compete by dropping prices and paying drives more, maybe the drivers for the other app are not independent contractors, they actually get benefits.

The bottom lines is corporations and rich people need to pay their fucking taxes, tax increase means shit because only smaller companies get hit with them when multinationals have outside income they can avoid paying taxes on.

Every time you drive over a unsafe bridge or hit a pothole that knocks your phone down thank these tech giants and other huge corporations who cheat on their taxes and are giant leeches.

Or we keep going down this race to the bottom where countries have to fight for revenue by lowering their taxes, allowing loopholes and received a ever smaller slice of the pie.

Corps and the rich don't want states to exist, they want so much power they become the new rulers. They love open borders.

Facebook and Google want a unlimited amount of H1Bs so they can undercut IT wages. They don't want to pay peasants in the US 70k a year when they can insource and pay 50k a year.

Since IT is the next on the chopping block after manfuacturing where do people go next? I guess we all will be working in retirement homes.


Then again the rich will just start a couple of massive wars to fool the people to kill each other.

...why is he so happy?

>try to come up with a funnier joke
>can't because you have a very narrow job appeasing neo-Liberal douchebags

>le not so current year man lives in Not The Current Year, yet cannot come on, people

tell everyone its 2017 now

put on nazi uniform inform everyone of the ethnic cleansing

check calender

underrated..

kek..

Keep making pro Trump shows until I get fired.

he has yellow teeth.. that is why it is funny.. hahahaha

...

This is the crap he actually should be saying. It's not even right-wing; it's just enlightened.

bhen kelode madarchod.

Empty his bank account into mine.

Get pozzed.

He doesn't have to fight in the war anymore.