Your Best Joke

I have to give a racist/homophobic/based joke to my professor tomorrow to pass the class. Show me what you got Sup Forums

pic unrelated.

How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they just beat the room for being dark.

how do you fit 6 million jews in a car?
>4 in the seats
>5,999,996 in the ash tray

What's red and smells like blue paint?
[spoiler]Red Paint[/spoiler]
What's clear and smells like red paint?
[spoiler] Chloroform[/spoiler]

What do you get when you saw a baby in half?

An erection.

what's the warmest part inside a dead baby's body?


My penis.
God damn, I feel bad everytime I make this joke.

What's a jew magicians' best magic trick?

Turning himself into smoke.

How do you get a Jewish baby to stop crying? Take your dick out

Why do Jews have such big noses?
>Because air is free.

What do the whales sing about?
>Feminism

How does one calculate the escape route of a Jew?
>Chimney hight times wind speed

That would be about 18 million kilos of ash

Don't make it then, geez man.

>based
Go fuck yourself, jew

Yo mama so black when she get in the car, the "check oil" light comes on.

Fucking monkeys ...spreading diseases man.

How does Podesta like his girls? Like his wine, 10 years old and in his cellar.

What's the difference between a nigger and a bench?

The bench can support a family

How many niggers do you see in the dark?

>None until they smile.

I got a joke for ya

What's the name of the new President Elect?

Why are black people so fast?
Because all the slow ones are in jail.

>How was copper wire invented?

Two Jews fighting over a penny.

...

What's so good about 28 year olds?

>There's 20 of them.

I like the version that is closer to reality.

how do you fit 6 million jews in a car?
>4 in the seats
>None in the ash tray because the holocaust didn't happen

What is brown and taps on your window?
>A nosey shite

What's the Indian leaders name?

Who cares, they poop in the street like animals.

How many jews fit into a Opel Astra?

>Six. Five on the seats, one in the ashtray

What's it called when you breed a nigger with an octopus?
I don't know, but it pics cotton like a motherfucker!

What do you call a black person rolling down a window?

Coondensation

Okay, racist jokes for user:
>How do you call the crossing between a black man and an octopus?
>I don't know either but it plucks cotton at such a speed!
> how do you know your house was robbed by Asians?
>your valuables are stolen, your homework is done and you can't find the dog anywhere

French guns from the second world war are getting the highest prices on auctions, because they were never used, just dropped for one time.

How do you starve a Mexican? Hide the food stamps under the soap

>what is gooey and red and runs up a woman's leg?
>a homesick abortion

How does a Jew smoke a cigarette in the rain?

Without an umbrella

What's the difference between a dead baby and a bag of apples?

John Podesta doesn't cum on the apples before he eats them.

...

What do you do if you see your tv floating in the middle of the night?

Shout 'drop it, nigger!'

What comes out of a thousand niggers going skydiving?
>dusk

>Why are all black people fast?
>The slow ones are in prison

How holes does a German shower head have?

Eleven because Jews have ten fingers

A Muslim walks into a bar and orders shots for everyone

AUTISM
U
T
I
S
M

What do you call a barn full of black People?

Antique farm Equipment.

this

What's the worst part about being a black jew?

You have to sit in the back of the gas chamber.

what do you tell a black jew?
>go to the back of the oven

Imagine America with over fifty percent less crime, STDs and unemployment.


America without niggers sounds nice, doesn't it? You racist bastard.

>How holes does a German shower head have?
>Eleven because Jews have ten fingers

Nailed it.

What do you call a handsome paki?

Asif

what would you call the flintstones if they were black?

niggers

A priest and a rabbi are walking together when they come across a school. The priest says to the rabbi "hey, wanna fuck some kids?" The rabbi says "out of what?"

A Catholic priest and a Rabbi are sitting on a bench in the park. A little boy walks by and the priest says, "Man, I'd sure like to fuck him..."

The rabbi replies, "Out of what?"

A rapist, a pedophile, a faggot and a priest go to a bar

He orders a drink

>be me
>walking down the street
>see a black man carrying a television
>"that one looks exactly like what I've got at home!"
>run home
>open door
>I sigh in relief as I notice it's still around, shining my shoes

When I was 14 I said the following joke in the library with a black kid next me

Why are black people so tall

Because they're knee-grows

Then he told me to go outside with him because he got pissed and wanted to fight

I calmly got up and followed him outside

He knocked me out and I got a head injury.

I didn't think he would get mad. I didn't mean to offend him.

I didn't understand what I did wrong.

Well shit.. Beat me to it like a good white man and his African property.

>I have to give a racist/homophobic/based joke to my professor tomorrow to pass the class.

What kind of fucking class is that?

>kikemind

I don't get it

What does Podesta and a tortoise have in common?

They both want to get there before the hare does.

i'm guessing it means similar to "scam"

How much time it takes for a nigger to take out the trash?

9 months

POO

Oh, kek

Thanks

'Fuck' in terms of American euphemisms can be used to mean cheating, screwing or scamming someone out of something.
It is a play on words.

You gotta walk up real casual, spray some throat spray and then unfurl a list of every joke in this thread that reaches the floor

Air Force ROTC class. I'm not kidding.

IN

I guess it would be a counter-euphemism. We really like you're those...

What's the difference between a nigger and a piece of shit?

Eventually the piece of shit turns white and stops stinking.

Why did so many black people die in vietnam?
Because whenever their squad leader would scream "get down!!!" they would start dancing

I kekked

difference between a black man and a pizza?

pizza can feed a family of four

difference between a jew and a pizza?

pizza don't scream when you put it in the oven

Viets thought blacks could revive after death because they couldn't tell them apart.
This pic always kills me though, them chinky blackface mannequins

of course the german would know

Why do you never run over a Mexican on a bike?

It's your bike.

how many cops does it takes to change a light bulb?


None, they beat the room because it was black

A bunch of mobiles and a nigger are sitting in a tree in the middle of the jungle. What do you call the nigger?

>branch manager

How do you starve a nigger?

You hide his food stamps in his work boots.


What did the nigger soldier do in Vietnam when his commander yelled "get down?"
>Start dancing

What do you call a drive by committed by gay guys?
A fruit roll up

Q: What did the black kid get on his SATs?

A: BBQ sauce

LOO

Does shit really turn white eventually if you let it stay there?

how do you keep a nigger from downing?
take your foot off his head

what do you call a bus half full of niggers falling down a cliff?
mixed feelings

why do niggers have flat noses?
because god stepped on their back when he ripped the tail off

why are niggers so good at basketball?
because they can run, shoot, and steel

why are fat women sought after in Africa?
for the shade

what's the difference between a white owl and a black owl?
the white owl says "who, who, who"
black owl: "who dat, who dat"

You know it, Heinz!

Pussy

Who is this hunk of prime beef?

Hitler and Mussolini meet at a castle. They sit and discuss things, and Mussolini get cold. He said to Hitler:
Can you make heating stronger?
Hitler orders a nearby soldier:
Hanz, two more jews to fire!

As far as you know.

It grows white fuzzy shit on it

Kek, that's a good one

What's the smartest thing to ever come out of a woman's mouth?

Albert Einstein's dick.

A white man, a black man and a Mexican walk into a bar and sit down.
The white man orders a shot of whiskey.
The black man orders a glass of malt liquor.
The Mexican, a shot of tequila.

The black man downs his drink, throws his glass in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots several shots before hitting the glass. He says, "That's for my country.

The Mexican pounds his tequila, throws his glass up and shoots it. He says, "That's for my country."

The white man slams his whiskey, pulls out his gun and shoots the black man and the Mexican.
He pays his tab, tips the bartender and says, "That's for my country."

>tfw you didn't get the joke, but it's ok because brit didn't get it too

What runs faster than a black guy with a stolen tv?
His brother with the VCR.
What runs slower?
His father with aids.

Why does Tylenol have cotton in the bottle?
So niggers remember they picked cotton before they got into drugs.

>fuck them gay niggers
is dat good joke?

>how did the Jews rate their trip to the concentration camp?
>gave it 1 star

>what does the Jew say to a child
>do you want to buy a candybar

These all suck

Dat so benis :DDD

What are the worst three years of a niggers life?

First grade.