Friendly reminder that if you masturbate on Christmas, you're going to hell. Same goes for Easter, 9/11...

Friendly reminder that if you masturbate on Christmas, you're going to hell. Same goes for Easter, 9/11, and the fourth of July.

Do I get extra points for 3 consecutive decades worth of this?

If you're protestant, no. You either get in or go to hell.
If you're catholic, you get 100 years knocked off purgatory.

12/25
>scheduled for approximately 3 minutes of missionary position for the purposes of procreation with my spouse .

only a faggot who is going to hell would say this non sense

I just did it and I feel terrible

...

I think that on the very long list of reasons why i'm going to hell, masturbating on christmas isn't that important of one.

thanks for the warning, I've still got an hour and a half to bust

Wow thanks for the save bro I was just about to switch to /gif/ and fap

That's weird. I remember masturbating on 9/11 and feeling kinda bad.

Tfw i just blew a load in my gf's mouth, she swallowed, and we're going to midnight mass.

>She just ate less than an hour before mass.

I kind of want to, despite my wife being in the other room.

I just want to fuck some super amazingly hot thick chick.

i just masturbated, but i'm jewish

When jesus died for your sins he died for all of them this masterbaition meme is stupid old and gay JESUS DOES NOT WATCH YOU WACK OFF

I did once I think can I be forgiven?

I masturbated on Christmas's eve, am I safe as long as I don't fap while it's the 25th?

Also "hell" doesn't exist, not even in Semitic fairy tales.

Psh, I'll live my life as a degenerate heathen and then do a deathbed conversion. Praise the holy loophole!

Fuck. Okay I won't.

tell your boyfriend to quit missing.

Perhaps, if you masturbate 7 times on August 6th and 9th.

Enjoy being a cow dung shoveler in heaven.

If masturbation is a sin explain Song of Solomon.

But these are pagan holidays. God hates Christmas and sends people to hell just for allowing it. That truck driver terrorist will probably get a golden ticket and his own cloud.

((((Christmas)))) ((((Jesus's birthday))))
aww this is all so cute.

Awww Ur cute

Enjoy being a cow dung shoveler on Earth.

Now I cum to the cuteness of this thing, whatever this is, I dont care, I just need to cum.

>believing the christian jew

""Ur"" what the fuck, you degenerate piece of shit

Solomon didn't crank it on Christmas, Easter, 9/11, or the fourth of July.

I literally just came.

This unnecessary and dangerous jesus already died for all of your sins just acknowledge the work he has done for you and your in free gift the other rewards are given for work but there are no slave quaters in heaven

How many kittens have you sinners killed?

I game the system by jacking it to hentai.

someone post the image "remember if you dont sin jesus died for nothing"

You can game God you jew

18 MINUTES CST

That thought is taken care of in the beginning of romans btw

What if I finished 10 minutes before christmas?

I masturbated in a really fucking degenerate way, I'm sorry Jesus pls no burn me forever

Nah, I'm strictly a WASP, no jewgolds in my bank.

Then why do you think you have to find a loop hole

>there are cows in heaven

So Father Child Molester at the Catholic Church will stop yelling at me

I don't think Christ gives a shit about the 4th of July. That's not a religious holiday.

Christmas eve was invented by the jews to sell more presents. You should jack it out of disrespect on Christmas eve.

But you said you where a white angalo saxson prodestent stop telling father feely about what you do with your penis

>Joseph, I'm pregnant
>But we've never had sex
>It's actually God's child
>oh ok then

Nobody actually believes this, right?

Nine minutes. Thanks for the reminder, couldn't have waited till the 26th.

Marry was 12 liveing in a society that would kill her for becomeing pregnant before mariage so yes i do

Because I like to go to mass sometimes. Sue me.

>that would kill her for becomeing pregnant before mariage
No wonder she claimed God did it.

>11:53
oh shit i have 7 minutes left

I dont blame you the music is nice and it smells good

She was already married to Joseph

Lmao at 9/11

No she was not

Mhm. Also, there are more hot Catholic girls than there are protestants, at least where I live.

And i guess it was just quintessential that the bastard became jesus and fufiled all the old testement prophecy about himself

This is true everywhere good marrage material if you catch a young one

Fuck that shit, got six days until the new year where I'm planning to no fap for the next year. I'm getting it done and out of the way.

jesus can choke on my cock and swallow when i'm done
god gets to lick my ass

9/11 was a multi-level staged psyop and insurance fraud operation to get us into an Israeli proxy war invasion.

Christmas is a pagan holiday with nothing but pagan roots. The tree, the star, presents, feasts, lights, tinsel are all pagan traditions.

Easter is a fertility holiday celebration and not Christian.

Fourth of July is a national holiday and has nothing to do with religion.

I'm planning on challenging myself, to see how long I can go without jacking it. I did it earlier today so I should be able to go longer.

No matter how hard you try you can never troll God

...

4th of july you're supposed to wank facing London

Top thread

Tell it to Satan.

This guy knows his shit

GET BEHIND ME SATAN