Walking to schurch on Sunday

>walking to schurch on Sunday
>something is in the bushes
>you go to investigate
>a man jumps out of the bushes wearing chain mail and armed with a spear
>it's Varg Vikernes
>he says "time to meet your god, christian scum"

What do?

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Stab him dozens of times with a knife.

...

Set him on fire. Then I murder him because he was threatening to murder and torture me.
Sweet irony.

At least I don't masturbate and produced white chil-

a few hours with the holy inquisition he would be praising jesus harder than the pope

LESS TALKING, MORE RAIDING

...

CONVERT TO ISLAM NOW

THAT'S A NICE HEAD YOU HAVE ON YOUR SHOULDERS

>pull gun shoot him in the face and laugh
>because come on, it's 2016 who uses a fucking spear but retards and jungle niggers

Laugh at him for thinking I actually believe that ((religion)) and then sacrifice him to my pagan god before going home to watch some porn.

I'm a Baptist and I live in Texas. Deus vult motherfucker meet mr. .45

trust me you need Christ in your life. you just don't know it yet

...

Shoot him in the face with my HK45. Go to church.

...

Your bullets can't pierce my armour silly christian

convert to orthodoxy

*teleports behind u*
heh nothin personel
*slices u in half with katana*

>tfw I got the same helmet for when I LARP as a saxon warrior on medieval festivals and get drunk on cherrybeer and honeywine

wtf

WELL MEMED FRIENDO

Fuck yeah! I'm about to be a martyr. I'll start saying the Nicean Creed.

>Pull out a knife and prepare to get my shit stabbed in by a long stick
>Watch as suddenly 20 MI5 agents jump out of another bush, wrestle him to the ground and take him to an Islamic interrogation prison
>30 police officers armed with speed cameras and tasers jump out of another bush
>'GET A LOYFE, BIN DAY KNOIFE'
>Locked away for 30 years and fined for not having my TV license on me

I's be right scuppered mum.

*freezes time*
*throw a hebrewllion knifes on him*
*unfreezes time*.
Nothing personnel, kidd.

Arigato sensei

>104659961
Kek

Thank him for my ticket to heaven, tell him to have a nice life. My dying words would be, "I will see you again on the last day. This world is a lie, deliver us."

ITS ALMOST HARVESTING SEASON

>Attack him
>Make him unconscious
>Take him to the woods
>Make a snuff film
>kill im

After spreading your boipcci for him to ravage before you get speared to death for being the worlds biggest cuck?

I don't know about that first part. But as socrates said, an evil man man can never harm a good man.

Shoot him

I'LL DRINK FROM YOUR SKULL

>Take him to the woods
>Make a snuff film
>kill im
Timur, you have to go back!

>ywn go to orthodox service with modestly dressed mummy
why live

They are making movie thats supposed to have somebody playing Varg in it, but he and other black metal musicians said they wont allow the movie to use any of of their music.

And they're having a jew play Varg I think

Say that i was merely pretending to be christian so i could gain their trust before going full heill odin and burn the church down

>I am not religious in any way, but I have a Pagan ideology and Pagan values. I believe in blood, soil and honour; family, homeland and hamingja; strength, traditions and courage. And I believe in a Europe waking up.

I wait for him to yell Allahu Akbar because that's what muslims always do before they attack

Eh?

CAN'T WAIT TO COUNT OUT YOUR COIN

Invite him for a drive in the woods so we can listen to Paradise Lost demos and drink chocolate milk

>"Lords Of Chaos" is described as "the terrifying story based on real events about a dream-turned-nightmare for a group of teenagers who spiral out of control." The movie will follow the life of Aarseth, the founding member of MAYHEM who was murdered in 1993 by Vikernes. In the movie, Euronymous "becomes fixated on creating true 'Norwegian black metal' music with his band MAYHEM, and creates a phenomenon by using shocking stunts to put the band's name on the map. But as the lines between publicity and reality start to blur, acts of arson, violence and a vicious murder shock the nation."

>The "Lords Of Chaos" movie is based on the "Lords Of Chaos: The Bloody Rise Of The Satanic Metal Underground" book, which was originally published in 1998 by Feral House U.S. A second edition followed in 2003, documenting black metal activities since 1997.

>Back in 2009, when initial reports surfaced that the "Lords Of Chaos" book was being turned into a movie, vocalist Sigurd "Satyr" Wongraven and drummer Kjetil-Vidar "Frost" Haraldstad of the Norwegian the black metal band SATYRICON expressed their disgust over the plans. Satyr told Dagbladet.no: "Now that the focus on black metal finally has shifted towards the actual music, this gossip journalism in the shape of a book is made into a movie. Since 'Lords Of Chaos' is an incredibly bad book, I can only assume the movie will be bad as well."

>He continued, "It is sad that such an inaccurate story, written by someone who doesn't understand black metal, has become a book of reference. And it is sad that someone is willing to go that far to exploit the history of black metal."

>Frost added: "This is a parasitic phenomenon."

>Teleports behind him
>unsheathe longsword
>psh nothing personell...heathen

Also Varg has a youtube channel.

youtube.com/user/ThuleanPerspective/videos

*lamp

>dat butted mail
disgusting

finally those fencing lessons will have some real life uses

But, brother, I too am against these Christian scum. Let us work together to meet our common goal. :^)

wasn't he forced to kill himself? Socrates was a Faggot (Which in his time was a good thing) But he wasn't a great thinker. Jaden smith is deeper then that fool

COVERT THAT PAGAN MOTHERFUCKER

Swords penetrate chainmail or we'd still use it. Silly user

well, that chainmail would get penetrated by a butter knife, it's just butted mail, only good for costumes

why noty call himself european christian?

fpbp

Catholics arent Christian. They are a cracker worshipping cult.

he still wants to shank you mate

>Chainmail
>Stab with knife
>American education
For fucks sake just blast him with your gun.

STOP RIGHT THERE CHRISTIAN SCUM

Pay the court a fine or serve your sentence! Your stolen theology is now forfeit!

Tell him that if he kills me he won't find the treasure.

Debate him and destroy his shit religion with logic and reason once again

Chainmail is good against slashing retard, you can stab.

>cosplaying as a roman
WE

...

forcably convert him with the almighty power of the word of christ. nothing works against norse pagans better.

>Chainmail is good against slashing retard, you can stab.
>retard
Glass houses, boyo.

youtube.com/watch?v=kl-ec6Ub7FM

worshiping their idols and their culture

tell him I'm not christian

...

kek

Brutal but true

Come at me, bro!

I'm not afraid of you I will fight.

TELL YA WHAT
YOU START RUNNING, SO I CAN STAB YOU IN THE BACK

>Varg attacks

I'd smother him in butter and invite him to feast in Praven

>medieval festival mead
Why ruin such a tasty drink user?

*unleash my katana*
I AM THE BONE OF MY SWORD

tell him there's an arab behind him, varg would immediatley take his pants off, bend over and start lubing up

5 gold dots center mass

do fucking battle I guess

> not crushing him with a steamroller
meh

*boom*

kekekek

>"Its almost Harvesting Season!"

F1 > F3, profit

I WILL DRINK FROM YOUR SKULL

>What do?
I WILL DRINK FROM YOUR SKULL

kek

>Play the first M&B for the first time
>I spawned in Nords land
>Recruit 4 Peasants
>I WILL DRINK FROM YOUR SKULL
>Recruit 3 Peasants
>LESS TALKING, MORE RAIDING
>Roll on side and cry out for mom

Deus Vult!

Run away really fast to buy myself time to draw, turn and shoot while he waddles about in his heavy gobble dee gook.

What in Ragnar’s name did you just fucking say about me, you little Swadian? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Sargoth Axe Throwing Academy. I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Swadian land and I have over 300 confirmed rapes. I am trained in pillaging and I am the top axe thrower in the king’s shieldwall. You are nothing to me but just another peasant. I will murder you with savagery the likes of which has never been seen before on Calradia, mark my fucking runes. You think you can get away with saying shit like that to me over the internet? Think again, Swadian. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of Huscarls across Calradia and your fiefs are being scouted right now so you’d better prepare for the storm, peasant. The storm that wipes out your pathetic little thing your call your kingdom. You’re fucking dead, horse-user. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over 700 hundred ways and that’s just with my beard. Not only am I extensively trained in facial combat, but I have access to the entire Nord armory and I will use it to it’s full extent to wipe your miserable arse off of Calradia, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you. Maybe you would have held your fucking tongue, but you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot! I will shit throwing weapons all over you and you will drown in them. You are fucking dead, kiddo. I will drink from your skull!

Brevik rises.

MY LORD

Die, you goyim heathen! Yahweh shall give me victory!

I pay him in a few hundred denars and hope to scavenge enough kinsmen to fight him, lest I cross his path again.

I'm a Rhodok, you bitch, don't ever talk to me or my castles ever again.

Meet my god

>Meet my god
Tengri?