I've been chatting up a girl, we went to high school together but never really hung out until last year.
She invited me over to her house, so I carefully planned how to get in her pants.
Turns out she was doing some kind of normie colon cleanser, her dad is a vegan or something. Won't be getting pussy.
She hates the juice but she has to drink a gallon of the stuff. Looks like plain apple juice to me but whatever.
We talked for a few hours, until she finally gulped the last bit of juice.
She's miserable, so I try to cheer her up by saying, "Hey, you should be proud. You finished the juice, which even Hitler couldn't do!"
Her expression changes, she tells me her family is Jewish. Luckily the fucking juice puts her out of comission, she's starts shitting and tells me to leave.
We've been texting on and off, I don't want to bring it up again, but I don't think we'll be hanging out, ever. I'm gonna miss that fat old cat they had though. Cuddliest lil fucker I've ever met.
John Perez
you never show your power level in a casual conversation you autistic fuck.
Landon Roberts
Why the fuck would you want to get into a girls pants on the first date? Are you some kind of "modern day swinger" human trash. Remember, no sex until after marriage. Don't be an impatient nigger.
That was a funny joke though.
Angel Thomas
Textbook autism
Nolan Bell
...
Parker Foster
Work on your setup. The punchline was funny, but the story leading up too it was to convoluted
4/10
Isaac Anderson
It's all over Joe, your only choice now is to an hero
Brody Phillips
I wish it was a joke. Only girl I've ever considered seriously as a marriage prospect.
Goes to college, works as a waiter, bakes and cooks and told me she liked being submissive in bed.
Landon Thompson
If you're an actual man then you can simply shape the thoughts and opinions of the women, faggots, and cucks in your life to suit yourself.
Benjamin Edwards
Wow, maybe you should work on your "jokes"
Sebastian Bennett
You like a girl who is a POO POO PEE PEE!?
Adam Peterson
At least I wasn't trying to fuck my cousin like you.
Charles Russell
...
Aiden Adams
Sorry, I meant to write that to
Asher Peterson
There must be some plan you can work out on how to visit the cat again.
Zachary Butler
I wish. He was still trying to cuddle with me before I walked out the door. It's like he knew it was the last time he'd see me.
Kayden Ramirez
Why would you ever make a joke light that? Why did you think that's a good idea? You should apologize to her dude
Justin Ramirez
The feels are real :(
Juan Fisher
What if she hates me though? Or her dad hates me?
Christian Reed
>chasing the literal vaginal jew For shame user
Joseph Taylor
Her dad makes her drink some liquid that gives her diarrhea?
Do jews really do this?
Colton Barnes
Yes and no. I didn't know her family was Jewish until I sperged out.
You can't fault a guy for trying.
Aaron Wilson
That cat will forever haunt my dreams, a love that could never be.
Noah Taylor
Yes but you're still trying after finding out.
Evan Ramirez
she's cleaning out her innards so Jamal doesn't get shit on his cock when he blacks her later imo you dodged a bullet
Caleb Thompson
Look, think of it like this: No pussy vs Jewish pussy vs Negro pussy vs muslim pussy vs latina pussy. I do like Latinas but they're usually just looking for a bady daddy.
I could become gay, but I haven't met any decent dudes either. They're usually in the same boat as me.
Josiah Thomas
Should've fucked the cat
Adam Peterson
But the cat is a dude, and I'm not a degenerate furry.
Ryder Scott
...
Hunter Torres
>Acting like Canada isn't a gay disneyland
Sure buddy, sure.
Isaac Nguyen
Impregnate her, then threat to leave her if she do not disown her family and become a Christian omnivorous traditional woman.
Jace Hughes
That might work for your muslim girls, but I could care less. She's not even fully vegan, only when her dad's around. We used to go around town eating sushi and shrimp during the summer.
Mason Jones
You're welcome, user. You just dodged a bullet.
Nathan Rogers
I guess I'll call her tomorrow and apologize. She's been nice to me overall, and she's actually fun to be with.
Besides, if I control the Jew in bed, I've basically achieved the dream.
Colton Mitchell
take your made believe stories and fuck off >>>/plebbit/
Carson Fisher
As opposed to your shitposting? The best thing to come out of your country was Proxy Paige.
Gavin Collins
...
Jace Long
>make funny hitler joke >person actually gets mad
What a fucking dork. Lighten up holy shit.
I'm Italian and my friends make fun of Italians, and I make fun of them. The women too. I even get laid sometimes.
She sounds like she has autism
Parker Clark
I thought it was funny too, but I guess not. I'm good with puns most of the time.
Brody Hughes
WEW
Brandon Russell
Dodged a bullet m8
Ian Baker
Nah man. I'm gonna put myself if front of that bullet. I just want to die anyway lol
Adam Stewart
It's always a case of knowing your audience. I'm half Irish and I never pass up a chance to bash Ireland for being a degenerate, cold, shit hole and the nation-equivalent of Detroit.
But I'm not going to make jokes about how terrible it is to the handful of people I know how might get triggered by that bashing.
David Lee
Why do you keep blaming me? I already said I didn't know they were Jews until she told me.
Blake Turner
It was intended as a random comment, not blame. Though if it came across that way I'm sorry for the miscommunication.
Landon Roberts
Is it gayer to apologize for a comment or apologize to someone apologizing?
Liam Bailey
I think you gotta chance user
Colton Lee
Thanks. Last girl I asked out was a lesbian, so I'm hoping this one works out better than offering pizza and getting turned down by one of her friends online 3 hours later.
Juan Carter
comedic fan-fiction
Jacob Murphy
Again, if only. You know how they say real life trumps fiction? This is sadly one of those times.
Brody Lewis
my pecker stinks
Ian Butler
Id fuq
Zachary King
A good lesbro can sometimes be better than a gf. Sometimes.
Hopefully you managed to get a slice of the Pizza you offered them. Silver linings and all that.
Jacob White
this isn't your blog faggot
sage
Daniel Sullivan
To be h it seems to come from out of nowhere and even just reading it in text form I was surprised to hear it
You need to build up to these kinds of things
Ryan King
>so I carefully planned how to get in her pants.
Kek. What a beta. If you were an alpha, she would have gave every sign that she wanted to fuck and you wouldn't have to do anything. Manipulating women so they would fuck you is very unsexy.
Julian Miller
Oh yeah, I ate my feelings out and had a nice wank to Dani Daniels after.
Jose Lewis
This has nothing that relates to Sup Forums, remember to repor these types of threads
Jace Lopez
>Wondering why he doesn't get laid. kek
Brandon Parker
So you're telling me a retard doing retarded stuff surprises you? Nice job, Leaf.
Aaron Morris
Eh, that's not the kind of joke one would make to a girl, man... this sort of joke has a very specific audience, methinks.
Still, if your story is indeed true, i think you have high chances of fixing things up with her, if you wish.
Cooper Foster
That was a legitimately funny joke.
A juice is type of a solution. You should have asked her, "is this your final solution?" or something like that.
Adam Morales
To be fair, things have progessed enough that we can hang out more like bros, I thought it would be ok to say it.
I would have said it to my other dude friends, just not Matthew and that ginger Jacob.