I fucked up

I've been chatting up a girl, we went to high school together but never really hung out until last year.

She invited me over to her house, so I carefully planned how to get in her pants.

Turns out she was doing some kind of normie colon cleanser, her dad is a vegan or something. Won't be getting pussy.

She hates the juice but she has to drink a gallon of the stuff. Looks like plain apple juice to me but whatever.

We talked for a few hours, until she finally gulped the last bit of juice.

She's miserable, so I try to cheer her up by saying, "Hey, you should be proud. You finished the juice, which even Hitler couldn't do!"

Her expression changes, she tells me her family is Jewish. Luckily the fucking juice puts her out of comission, she's starts shitting and tells me to leave.

We've been texting on and off, I don't want to bring it up again, but I don't think we'll be hanging out, ever. I'm gonna miss that fat old cat they had though. Cuddliest lil fucker I've ever met.

you never show your power level in a casual conversation you autistic fuck.

Why the fuck would you want to get into a girls pants on the first date? Are you some kind of "modern day swinger" human trash.
Remember, no sex until after marriage. Don't be an impatient nigger.

That was a funny joke though.

Textbook autism

...

Work on your setup. The punchline was funny, but the story leading up too it was to convoluted

4/10

It's all over Joe, your only choice now is to an hero

I wish it was a joke. Only girl I've ever considered seriously as a marriage prospect.

Goes to college, works as a waiter, bakes and cooks and told me she liked being submissive in bed.

If you're an actual man then you can simply shape the thoughts and opinions of the women, faggots, and cucks in your life to suit yourself.

Wow, maybe you should work on your "jokes"

You like a girl who is a POO POO PEE PEE!?

At least I wasn't trying to fuck my cousin like you.

...

Sorry, I meant to write that to

There must be some plan you can work out on how to visit the cat again.

I wish. He was still trying to cuddle with me before I walked out the door. It's like he knew it was the last time he'd see me.

Why would you ever make a joke light that? Why did you think that's a good idea? You should apologize to her dude

The feels are real :(

What if she hates me though? Or her dad hates me?

>chasing the literal vaginal jew
For shame user

Her dad makes her drink some liquid that gives her diarrhea?

Do jews really do this?

Yes and no. I didn't know her family was Jewish until I sperged out.

You can't fault a guy for trying.

That cat will forever haunt my dreams, a love that could never be.

Yes but you're still trying after finding out.

she's cleaning out her innards so Jamal doesn't get shit on his cock when he blacks her later imo you dodged a bullet

Look, think of it like this: No pussy vs Jewish pussy vs Negro pussy vs muslim pussy vs latina pussy. I do like Latinas but they're usually just looking for a bady daddy.

I could become gay, but I haven't met any decent dudes either. They're usually in the same boat as me.

Should've fucked the cat

But the cat is a dude, and I'm not a degenerate furry.

...

>Acting like Canada isn't a gay disneyland

Sure buddy, sure.

Impregnate her, then threat to leave her if she do not disown her family and become a Christian omnivorous traditional woman.

That might work for your muslim girls, but I could care less. She's not even fully vegan, only when her dad's around. We used to go around town eating sushi and shrimp during the summer.

You're welcome, user. You just dodged a bullet.

I guess I'll call her tomorrow and apologize. She's been nice to me overall, and she's actually fun to be with.

Besides, if I control the Jew in bed, I've basically achieved the dream.

take your made believe stories and fuck off
>>>/plebbit/

As opposed to your shitposting? The best thing to come out of your country was Proxy Paige.

...

>make funny hitler joke
>person actually gets mad

What a fucking dork. Lighten up holy shit.

I'm Italian and my friends make fun of Italians, and I make fun of them. The women too. I even get laid sometimes.

She sounds like she has autism

I thought it was funny too, but I guess not. I'm good with puns most of the time.

WEW

Dodged a bullet m8

Nah man. I'm gonna put myself if front of that bullet. I just want to die anyway lol

It's always a case of knowing your audience.
I'm half Irish and I never pass up a chance to bash Ireland for being a degenerate, cold, shit hole and the nation-equivalent of Detroit.

But I'm not going to make jokes about how terrible it is to the handful of people I know how might get triggered by that bashing.

Why do you keep blaming me? I already said I didn't know they were Jews until she told me.

It was intended as a random comment, not blame. Though if it came across that way I'm sorry for the miscommunication.

Is it gayer to apologize for a comment or apologize to someone apologizing?

I think you gotta chance user

Thanks. Last girl I asked out was a lesbian, so I'm hoping this one works out better than offering pizza and getting turned down by one of her friends online 3 hours later.

comedic fan-fiction

Again, if only. You know how they say real life trumps fiction? This is sadly one of those times.

my pecker stinks

Id fuq

A good lesbro can sometimes be better than a gf. Sometimes.

Hopefully you managed to get a slice of the Pizza you offered them. Silver linings and all that.

this isn't your blog faggot

sage

To be h it seems to come from out of nowhere and even just reading it in text form I was surprised to hear it

You need to build up to these kinds of things

>so I carefully planned how to get in her pants.

Kek. What a beta. If you were an alpha, she would have gave every sign that she wanted to fuck and you wouldn't have to do anything. Manipulating women so they would fuck you is very unsexy.

Oh yeah, I ate my feelings out and had a nice wank to Dani Daniels after.

This has nothing that relates to Sup Forums, remember to repor these types of threads

>Wondering why he doesn't get laid. kek

So you're telling me a retard doing retarded stuff surprises you? Nice job, Leaf.

Eh, that's not the kind of joke one would make to a girl, man... this sort of joke has a very specific audience, methinks.

Still, if your story is indeed true, i think you have high chances of fixing things up with her, if you wish.

That was a legitimately funny joke.

A juice is type of a solution. You should have asked her, "is this your final solution?" or something like that.

To be fair, things have progessed enough that we can hang out more like bros, I thought it would be ok to say it.

I would have said it to my other dude friends, just not Matthew and that ginger Jacob.