Have you ever committed a crime Sup Forums?

Have you ever committed a crime Sup Forums?

...

Does eating grapes from a supermarket count?

I'm a serial jaywalker.

I hope they throw you in a cell and toss the key

Yeah I pulled the condom off and nutted in your mom.

I once stole a candy bar from a Winco

I didn't do it because I needed it or couldn't afford it, instead it was to impress a girl I was with.

It worked

But yea that's the extent of my criminal history

Ive Touched My Dick

i once shot a guy in reno

Drove drunk (Over the 0.08 legal limit) probably over a thousand times before I stopped drinking

Nothing I didn't get thrown in jail for and then released for being insane. If I convince myself I'm Satan again I can commit any crime.

Can you stop posting these stupid fucking fruit in every thread?

I took the cookie from the cookie jar.

Details?

Ive done a lot of shoplifting in my life phamalam. Once you learn how easy it is, its a tough habit to break.

I put a Canadian penny in a tip jar.

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In middle school I went full nigger with a few friends to the mall that acted like their Xbox love clan was a gang,
>On own way there was some kiosks coumpter left unguarded
>ran up and typed a bunch of shit randomly
>mall cops looking for me the whole time and are clearly coming to get me
>see a several of them near by gathering
>time to go
>leave the mall and get to scared to ever return

he did it just to watch him die

I smoked weed
I hope FBI doesn't read this

Many white collar scams, yes, many.

Violent crime? Yes, I've been arrested for assault once or twice.

Regular crimes like speeding and jaywalking and petty theft, oddly enough no.

Did you watch him die?

i is he ok?

I ran a stop sign once

Tell me about your time in Folsom

I did the Hitlergruß

Stole a book, some manga, from a school book fair in middle school
>tfw was immediately caught and sent to in school suspension and got humiliated in front of friends
Haven't stolen a thing since

cheat on my taxes every year

i stole food because i was hungry. also shopliting in general sometimes, not more than 15 USD

I once accidentally stole a packet of koolaid from a Wal-Mart.

I don't know why I find that funny, but I do.

I recently got out of prison for beating a nigger to death with a steel pipe.

>user goes hacking

Street brawled once.

Crime is for niggers leaf.

smoking isnt illegal only possession is :^)

FUCK OFF

I cheated in online gambling

I imagine there are a lot of fuck ups here.

I'm 22 and since I was 14 I've been arrested 6 times. Most recent was a DUI. That was the only one I really regretted because DUIs suck. I'm a good guy though. Whores love it too.

...

Do you think I could convince some fools I am Satan? I could start my own religion.

The crime is life. The sentence is death.

>admitting to crimes on the internet

friends*

I commit crimes everyday, like smoking or speeding and what not.

If you're talking about actually arrested and/or convicted, then yes, but only as a juvenile. Burglary, assault, possession of marijuana, pills, and cocaine, got caught with a knife in school, and got arrested for having ammo on me, but no gun.

Been a good boy since my 18th birthday.

I swear, I DINDU NUFFIN

When I was younger I used to steal salami from Tesco.

>arrested 6 times
Nigger
>I's a gud boi

>masturbated in public more times than I can count
Never been caught though. Still, I deserve death.

I used to shoplift all the time
Got in loads of fights
Used to drug deal
Also in primary and highschool I used to grab girls on their asses and tickle their pussy

Sorry that you were a pussy that sat inside and played WoW all day. I was busy selling drugs.

Stabbed two nogs who tried to rob my friend and I.

Sold drugs for a year.

Went through a police checkpoint while peaking on mushrooms.

Those were the times that I wished lasted forever.

once i enjoyed a video on youtube and didnt give a like

Stole a bag of coffe when i was 5.

Why?

Idk. Autism, maybe.

I smoke weed and shit post here about how much I hate niggers and degenerates.

>Giving him what he wants

every chance I get

Walked into a local small shop one morning to buy cigarettes and the owner was either asleep or taking a shit. Called for him loudly two or three times and got no response, so I went around the counter and "borrowed" five packs of cigs.
I was the most popular kid at school that day, free cigs for all my classmates.

Shitposting thoughtcrimes

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I spray painted illegals go home on the local Taco Bell.

I have a DWI conviction.

Seriously don't know how someone pulls this off without getting caught. Loose pants...?

choo choo motherfucker what now you crying bitch

Putting faith in the police to do their job should be a crime.

I kicked some douchebags ass

>getting caught
Try trading a pair of old skate shoes for some retard's entire adderal scrip and selling them for five bucks a piece

No because I'm not a nigger.

When I was a teenager I used to shoplift candy bars like I was some Rogue class in an RPG. I stopped when I turned 18 because I didn't want to be chuuni anymore.

I skipped taxes a couple of a couple of times.

This. Especially in W-Europe.

Smoked pot a little when i was younger and fired a gun inside city limits

I once stayed up past my bedtime as a child

Haven't done my taxes in 3 years.
Don't know what I'll get for it.

Just got out of prison a month ago. Got a 2 to 8 year bid for an armed robbery.

No crimes, only sins.
>and vandalism, but it wasn't that major

>flag
It checks out.

I once opened a gate to hell.

t. Greece not paying debnts
My, my how surprising!

When I merge lanes or make turns, I don't use my blinkers/indicators.

Someone stop me...

Did you died?

>tfw fbi thread
arson

for the most part it was an accident but they wanted somebody to take the blame so i through some cunt we carried around in our group to use as flak

youve been getting a taste of freedom

How does it feel to be the 2 most retarded people in this thread?

I-I...I h-had consensual sex with my newly wed wife on our honeymoon in the missionary position for the first time in our lives for the sole purpose of procreation, clothes on and lights off.

I've pirated loads of visual novels and h-games

>no 666 digits

this doesn't check out

thats pretty fucking gay and probably fake

No a gate to heaven opened and some angels came out and whooped some demon ass. I'm not fucking with those forces again.

haha

I've never done it in a really blatant place to be fair, mostly just public toilets. The closest I've been to getting caught was when I fapped in the woods. Some dog walker walked by while I was nutting on a bush, still don't know if he saw or not.

>used to steal pokemon VCRs under my shirt from the superstore when i was 5
>beat a 3 year old to a bloody pulp when I was 9 and justified it by saying he was secretly an evil ninja lord
>broke into my elementary school by breaking the windows with a hockey stick after hours and shredded my report card in the paper shredder
>tried setting my high school on fire a week before I graduated from Grade 12
>regularly fap to loli and shota doujins
>butt in the drive-thru line at tim hortons this morning

That's fine because everything I post on Sup Forums is RP.

Selling pot to a bunch of WEED LMAO's.

It's good money, really.

Thanks for the laugh you reprobate

also this
.I've only done it at school (except once at a concert, I just did it behind a backpack I was holding), I rub it through my pants until I finish. I kinda angle one leg to cover my hand movements, and I stop if I suspect someone looking.

I...I trespassed once.

/x/ believes me.

i once shot a guy in bizerte

>he didn't died
Good. I hope you learned your lesson, user. Cool kids don't summon demons.

Of course not.