Offensive Jokes

There's a real SJW cunt I know and I'd like to piss her off. Give me some material for it Sup Forums.

Other urls found in this thread:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helen_Keller
youtube.com/watch?v=zMGZtkMS3sQ
twitter.com/NSFWRedditGif

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So a Jew, an Italian, a Muslim, and an Irishman walk into a bar.
On the TV, Donald trump is giving the State of the Union address halfway through his fourth term.

Reality isn't a safe space

you know what would REALLY shock her?
you could talk about your feelings to her, like a fucking man would.
then maybe she lets you fuck her?
Then you know who the jokes on?
...The universe.

How many niggers does it take to pave a driveway?

It depends how flat you can get them.

Refer to her as a Jewish Transvestite Vegan. They hate it because you are using three things they consider sacred as insults.

what do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

nothing. you done told her twice already.

What's the saddest day in Harlem?
Father's Day

Absolutely nothing, and you cease to communicate with her

>entertaining SJWs as company
>ever

no thanks

What do you call a black French man?

Jaques Custodian

If I had a dollar for every gender there was, I'd have two dollars.

How do you pick up a hot Jewish chick?

With a broom and dustpan

You know, the other day I was thinking about all of the opressing I've been doing. Like o-pressing my cock and balls all over the salad bar utensils.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?

nothing, she's already been told twice

What do you get when you cut a baby in half?
.
.
.
An erection.

this

What's better than having sex with a 5 year old?

Nothing.

>work in the i.t department for a large investment firm

>recently started a floor wide infrastructure upgrade of new computers and software

>one of the HR girls comes to my office in the morning

>"yeah hi user um my computer isn't working properly you need to fix it for me cos I can't do any work blah blah"

>I know she does jack shit day in day out but surf shopping sites and facebook

>tell her I'll get around to it during my lunch break

>she "tsks" and walks off muttering some nonsense

>lunch rolls around and I make my way over to see her

>"wow fiiinnaally. I haven't been able to do my work all morning etc"

>tell her I'm sure facebook isn't going anywhere

>she scowls and folds her arms

>"are you going to fix my broken computer or not?!"

>notice that her pc is stuck in msdos

>"the computer isn't broken, you just need to hit esc when prompted, like it says here"

>she scans over the keyboard then looks back at me with confusion

>"what's the esc key user?"

>I have a look and notice that the esc key is in fact missing

>tell her there is no escape

>charged with sexual misconduct and assault, court date is a month away

How to get Lena Dunham pregnant?

Cum on her feet, and let the flys do the rest.

oy vey how dare you pedoshame pedophiles you pedophobe

tell her to watch tommy sotomayor and see if her head explodes

What's better than fucking 21 year olds?

Fucking twenty two of them.

Lost.

7/10

I kekked. Nice one user.

"It's pretty sad that the female brain cannot comprehend that male and female brains are different."

How many niggers does it take to nigger?

just one.

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive a car?

Because she was a woman.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helen_Keller

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tell her that haplotype groups dictate that niggers are different then other races in regards besides skin and pueb hair

youtube.com/watch?v=zMGZtkMS3sQ

Whats the saddest part about the 2 black men that died when their Escalade drove off a cliff?

There were 4 empty seats.

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What is the best thing about sex with twenty six year olds?

There is twenty of them

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>There's a real SJW cunt I know and I'd like to piss her off. Give me some material for it Sup Forums.

Tell her the truth.

...

Why do women wear makeup and perfume?

Because they're ugly and they stink.

noice

Q: What's that worthless flap of flesh surrounding the vagina?

A: The Woman

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>racism is prevalent in modern society
>race is a social construct
pick one and only one


>the pilgrims in America were murderous zealots who wiped out the natives
>we should let as many immigrants in as possible
>Equality for women
>But give women advantages in divorce, child custody, hiring practices, don't ever hit a women if your a man even if she hits you, pay for everything she wants, and women are the real victims of millions of men dying in war.

>If self-identifying as a woman makes you a woman then self-identifying as a george foreman makes you a grill, no?

> Did you know that 9/10 people enjoy gang rape?

Optionally replace people with Muslims

I have nothing against black people: I think everybody should own one.

What do you call a lesbian platypus?

Lickalotapus.

What do you do when you find a black man in your family tree?
Cut the rope.

How do you save a black man from drowning in Mississippi?
Take your foot off his head.

I'm sorry for these racist jokes, racism is a crime... and crime is for niggers.

What do you call Father's day in Harlem?
Mass confusion.

What do you call a 90 year old black man sitting in a barn?

Antique farm equipment.

So a seal walks into a club.

Why can't you play Uno with Mexicans?
>They steal all the green cards.

What would MLK be if he was white?
>Alive.

Why do niggers smell so badly?
>So blind people can hate them too.

What's long and hard on a nigger?
>Third grade.

What do you call 4 black guys in the back of a truck?
>A good day's hunting.

holy kek

What's 12 inches long and makes a woman scream all night?

Crib death.

What's the difference between tires and black people?

When you put the chains on tires, they don't start to sing.

Whaddaya call a field with black guys buried up to their heads?

Afro turf.

A catholic priest and a rabbi are sitting on a park bench when a kid walks by eating some candy. The priest nudges the rabbi and says, "man, I'd like to screw that kid." The rabbi looks at him and says, "outta what?"

How was break-dancing invented?

Niggers trying to steal hubcaps off of moving cars

What's the difference between a Jew and a bullet?
>A bullet leaves the chamber.

Why are the black guys so fast?
>The slow ones are in jail.

I'm not racist; Mario was my favorite. He's an Italian plumber, made by the Japanese, who speaks English, looks like a Spic, jumps like a nigger, and grabs coins like a Jew.

Why wasn't Jesus born in Poland?


They could not find three wise men and a virgin

Mention the word "trump" im sure she will go nuts.

would take the far right one as my "mohamedan" bride

Did you know that shower heads have 11 holes because jews only have 10 fingers?

What does a Jewish pedophile say?

"Hey, kid, wanna buy some candy?"

haha excellent dude

what do you call a black man flying a plane?

nigger

What's the longest thing for black men?


The welfare line!

Underrated

Why can't Stevie Wonder read?
>because nigger

wait I don't get it

I don't get it

I love it when someone has a warped sense of humor.

>stronk
>wymen
>leaders
wew

Okay but I go to an entire school of them. What's my senior quote?

How many jews fit into a Volkswagen?

45. Five on the seats, 40 in the ashtray.

When people say donald trump is hitler, I remind them that history doesn't repeat itself but it certainly rhymes"

KEK
Didn't know this one.

>A catholic priest and a rabbi are sitting on a park bench when a kid walks by eating some candy. The priest nudges the rabbi and says, "man, I'd like to screw that kid." The rabbi looks at him and says, "outta what?"
KEK

you obviously GET it

pls explain

Why are black people so tall?

because their knee grows

What do you call an Arab standing between two buildings?

Ali

There are only two genders.

It's not a joke.

How do you save two niggers from drowning in Mississippi?

I don't know either.

>Why does niggers coffins only have 2 handlers?
Since when does trashcans have more than two?

>british humor is mispronouncing words and pretending they're homophones
You're as bad as Ra(sj)wley's diagonally.

Why can't Stevie Wonder read? Because he's a nigra

When's the last time you saw a muslim in a bar>?

What's the difference between a dead nigger in the road and a dead dog in the road?
There are skid marks infront of the dog.

kek

A black guy walks into a bar.

The bartender says "We don't serve niggers here."

The black guy replies "What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo."

He is forcefully removed from the bar. He gets some of his friends together and they start a riot and burn down half the town.

The tragic irony is that the bar was owned by black people it was in a predominately black neighbourhood.

1,000 miles away, Lena Dunham tweets "Black Lives Matter is not a domestic terrorist organization."

Tell her to stop dressing like a slut or a Muslim and nigger will rape her.

It is amaizing that nigger jokes are universal. Niggers are niggers everywhere

Remember ladies, once you go black you become a single mother.

Sorry, mate. I take it you're called Ali? I didn't mean to offend.

A group of refugees walk into a pub.

All the patrons were arrested and the business was subsequently condemned and closed down by the authorities.

Very nice

Do you know what that BLM protest is missing?

A mile of chain and an auctioneer.

Tell her about the time a muslim went to a bar and gave free shots to all the gays there.

MINDBLOWN!

BROCK TURNER IS INNOCENT

This is a good one for sluts.

Double standards