Why cant i find a job

why cant i find a job

>GPa

Is this a serious post?

If so, email me and I'll fix your resume. That's atrocious user.

[email protected]

Expand on everytthing fuck me you're trying to sell yourself.
You worked at petsmart? okay why does that make me want to hire you, what skills did you learn there?

That's literally the worst resume I've ever seen

I'm realizing this is likely a troll post, but if not, the offer still stands.

Throwaway mail changed to [email protected] though.

>no photo
>nothing about your thesis
>microsoft office
>non relevant jobs
>hobbies: gaming, politics

>GPa is low but excellent communicator
There's no way you're not trolling

Ur resume is awful looking, go to the nearest employment centre and ask them to help u fix it up

Photos aren't expected on resumes here. I assume it's the same in Canada and other Anglo countries. Maybe that's just a European thing.

I've never seen a resume with a photo on it, is that a Hungarian thing?

we don't do photos either

pls do me too

>Photos aren't expected on resumes here

thats because anglos are fucking ugly lmao

nice bait m8,nearly got me there you cheeky cunt

>>no photo
that would be discrimination here.

yeah. send a photo to show you are not a gypsy

>photos
>dick pic
>size of said dick in description
>makes photos of wife with pros and cons listed

>not putting Minecraft skillz on your resume in 2017

this

you need to mention the cyber. employees love the cyber

I heard it was a big thing for Russian woman. They get hired on the basis of who would be better to sexually harass.

>What is discrimination

>Photo

What the fuck

fucking hell this is the funniest shit I've seen today. I hope it's fake though

>Gaming
found it
everybody knows gaming past your 20's is degenerate. just dont share that info

>photo
Kek this is a thing here as well as to weed our Turks since some have german or anglo names.
Ive never done it because my name is nordic as fuck.

0/10 would not hire.

Can't put photos on leaf resumes. They think HR will discriminate against minorities (worked in HR, I just discriminated based on their name and gender)

Photos on your resume open you up to descrimination better to leave the photo off and make them wait to see in the interview if you get it

You can come a little bit south and work with me at Walmart. I need someone for the long haul for a couple of decades.

It is common here as well

Please go back to the board where you came from.

Fucking autism man.

>mfw this is most uni students and they wonder why no job

Because your resume is shit. Talk about what you did at your jobs.

I'm unemployed presently so I really don't know how to get a job. 6 months and running. Thank you CommieOregon.

>learn to feed animals and work in team
>work in team
>excellent communicator

>Writing skills
>Learned to feed animals and work in team
>Work in team

>I just can't stop getting job offers
How do I make it stop?

Please don't be real. Please don't be real.

Jesus Christ, this is REALLY bad.

Awful fucking basic CV.
Work on your CV.

Write a better resume, idiot

I applied for two cashier jobs at a grocery store and a gas station respectively, and they both require past experience.

I later applied for a job as a literal gate opener and apparently you now need a certified training course to open gates on top of experience.

At this point, I'm almost giving up, I just wanted a simple job and can't even get that.
All my former friends are doing engineering and I only have a high school diploma.

Hahahahaha you fucking loser

nigger look up some resume samples online

Hi Jimmy! I have missed you dearly, cousin.

Sup Forumsanons, I'm a dual US/UK dual citizen graduating with a prestigious oxford politics degree this year. No work experience to speak of. I want to work for Trump and help MAGA, what sort of job can I realistically hope to get and how do I make a good CV without anything to put in it besides academia?

Sorry OP, I love you man, not saying this in a mean way but this resume is so funny!
Oh man, i,m in fucking tears!

It's perfect, I have no idea why they would ever think twice about hiring you!

think with the attitude of working for yourself and and learn a skill. programming is good choice, big market in web/app dev. you can freelance it's easy money.

unless you wan't to be stuck in rat race?

> 2.5 Gigapascals
YOU MUST BE SHITTING DIAMONDS SON

yardwork/chores in a rich neighborhood-scooter repair-appliance maintenance- handyman-dog walker- find a service people need in your community.

I just gave you a list of things that you could make money doing tomorrow, for yourself, with no boss and no coworkers. Jesus christ you fucking monkies are fucked. Quit waiting for someone to hand you something and make something happen, oh and stay the fuck away from my country

As someone with 10+ years of HR management: don't put any hobbies down that aren't relevant to the job you're going for.

Case in point, "gaming" only if you're going for something in the industry.

Also, "friends and family" just means you were struggling for things to write about yourself. You're supposed to be selling yourself - yet even you're bored with who you are.

this guy needs help with his resume.

I can't tell if OP is a genius for baiting or really that retarded

My only advice would be, add "good communicator" in the hobbies sectiin, and also be more specific about Microsoft Office - e.g. Word, Excel, Powerpoint etc.
They need to know which programs you are proficient at.

>Gaming
>Family
>Friends
>Reading

You can fuck right off m8. How are those hobbies? Those are normal day activities and nobody gives a shit if you play games or not. Also "history/politics"? more like "Muhh secret neo weeb website xD". No.

Better start getting some real hobbies that are related to your job and make you look interesting instead of the beta boiii you are.

Pad it with tonnes of bullshit, how you volunteer for sick kids, you're a regional chess champion, you collect ancient coins, and so on.

mine was shit but it works, i cut out shit tier retail jobs from it though,

lol engineer, not even /sci/ loves you gay dick-loving retard

>Hobbies
>Gaming

Remove that shit you nigger.

>2.5 GPA
lmaooooooo

>civil engineering
Did they tell you about the Dutch
I've noticed a trend that many civil engineering teachers love the Netherlands

thats shit aswell.

Learn how to write a resume you moron. I know civil engineers are retards but come on. And if you have a low GPA, don't put it in your resume. I really hope this thread is b8.

better than mine, 1.8

Is it only one page? If so your missing references

Your killed my sides. XD

No one cares about GPA, take that shit off.
Remove the "Worked at" garbage, just list the places you worked. You need to write down more skills, and volunteer work if you can. Pad that shit son!

Is the resume also better than yours?

E-Eric? is that you

nah, there's more on the back, but there's no point posting it since it's pretty much all redacted

Hey man , do you make road projects ? Fellow civil engineer here

Some general advice.

The content of what you did is not as important as the skills it taught you. Emphasize communication skills. Presumably you wrote a thesis, write (succintly mind you) how that thesis process enabled you to learn how to research support for an argument, to communicate thoughts with sourced support, to communicate and realize goals of the project with your advisor.

It's not about what you did, it's about what the process did to you that makes you a valuable asset.

You're not using comic sans

You give references at the interview. There's no need to put them on the resume.

im a auto electrician. people just need to know i know what i know. and i got the job, barter a salary and boom, i work.

>not being 3.8
wew

This shit is the funniest thing I've seen all day! And I've been shitposting for the last 4 hours!
I guess small things amuse small minds, cause this shit's killing me!

You need to delete that soul crushingly unemployable piece of faggot garbage and tailor a resume to the specific job you want. Lie your ass off, but lie within the bounds of what you can handle. I hire people, that shit never gets checked. Fucking act like you want the money

H I R E D

eric seems to be a pretty cool.

I'm probably going for one of those workshops to work in a industry, maybe assembly lines or something, I don't know how you call these workshops in your country, but the problem is that they require almost 2 years to graduate.


scooter repair? what the fuck are you talking about my dude

Different here. They ring your references before they call you for a reference, that way it's easier to minimise the number to be interviewed and they try to catch people out on their references if they are chatting shite

Another genius

I would hire this kid, not even kidding.

Cudos on putting Australian Citizen as the first thing we see.

>2.5 GPA

KYS.

Terrible, OP. You need to embellish your duties at your old jobs, be more specific with your skills, and really sell yourself. Don't put your GPA on there, or if you have to just lie about it.

The trick to getting a job is to lie through your fucking teeth.

ignore your experience if your in australia, just say your looking a 457 visa and your willing to take a cut in wages.

total truth.

Really? I've never heard of anyone calling references prior to an interview. It's usually the final step before making an offer here.

I've since finished my grad program but that's the only one I can find on this computer. I keep them real simple and expand on it in the cover letter to meet the selection criteria. CVs are a waste of time other than a brief explanation of education/jobs/references, imo

I don't though, I've always been very smug about how at my well-resourced private school everyone else was working their balls off getting internships and work experience and volunteering and doing miserable "extra-curricular" shite while I stayed at home wanking and playing video games, and at the end of it all I was the only one who got an oxbridge place. I have a lot of legit strengths and potential to offer, I learn about new subjects very quickly and have always been struck even in a world-class university how no one else around me seems to have original insights and ideas like I do - it's just I'm not sure I can really expect them to take my word for it when other people have concrete experience in a workplace and I just have my assurance that I'm smarter than everyone else.

I suppose I have a good bit to talk about there, but will they really not require experience of some sort? Can you sustain an entire CV solely on the skills you claim to have?

Well yes, especially when the resume is already this saturated and ideal.

>emits pleasing aroma's

kek

As an actual employed Civil Engineer, I hope that CV was a fucking joke user.

I hope this is bait

Perfect resumes dont exi-

Hobbies, things you do in your spare time, things that are not really important. Lists friends and family; come across as autistic or worse psycopathic.

What do you mean? Are you agreeing with me?

are you a real engineer or one of those indian engineers with a fake degree walking around with a clipboard?

>2.5GPA
>tfw not smart enough to resist replying to brainlets

The depressing thing is, Google would probably hire that.

Oh and change your hobbies. Put shit like hiking, cooking, whatever. Normie stuff that makes you sound intelligent and well-adjusted.