ITT: YOU are now jews

Repeat aftet this: "ברוך אתה אדוני אלוהינו מלך העולם, שעשה ניסים באבותינו בימים ההם בזמן הזה, אמן"

Phoneticly: "baruh ata adonai, eloheinu meleh ha olam, she asa nisim be avoteinu, bayamim haem bazman haze"

Other urls found in this thread:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capers_Funnye
twitter.com/NSFWRedditGif

Did you just use jew magic to attack our credit scores?

Kahane tzedek, Kahane chai.

It's not working. Where is my money? WHAT IS THIS WITCHCRAFT?

It is, check your penis tommorow morning, and your side profile

What does it mean?
I'm cool with kike black magic but if it's the Jew equivalent of "there is no god but allah" I ain't saying that shit.

But Jew-kun, Sup Forums is a Jewish board of peace.

Its translated to bless you god, our god who's king of the world, who did mircales to our fathers, in those days in this time, amen

If you want the equivalent of "no god but allah" its
"אין אלוהים מלבד יהוה"
"Ein elohim milvad yehova"

How would reciting one line of praise make me jewish.

Say that 3 times and your foreskin will start to fall, or so they say...

Too late. They got me at birth.

It's a hannukah blessing

Want a real prayer?
The most important prayer in Judaism, the prayer Jews say 3 times a day and the last thing a Jew will say before they die

>שְׁמַע יִשְׂרָאֵל יהוה אֱלֹהֵינוּ יהוה אֶחָד
>Sh'ma Yisrael Adonai Eloheinu Adonai Eḥad

Translates to: Hear, O Israel: the Lord is our God, the Lord is One."

Well im starting slow on them, they must get the sideways before going face to face with the kodesh

nice
now where's my:
>nose
>ability to make shekels out of thin air
>convince everyone i talk to
>telekinetic powers
>cut benis
this is bullshit

Kek

>when you leave in the "amen" אמן

what have you dooyY VEYYYY

Slow down there yankaleh, moshe didnt came down from synai mountain in one day, you must repeat it, then you'll notice the changes unfolding

This seems a tad blasphemous

Take your talmud magic outta here op

Well I got all of those except the circumcised penis.

Thanks OP! :D

I don't know user. The Talmud doesn't sound half bad if you could get on the right side of it.

Sorry im too high on kidush wine

Meka Leka Hi Make a Hiney Ho

See? it already made effect

>kidush
it's Monday

Every day is a kidush day if you set off your boundaries

What do Israelis think about birthright? I was just there last month.

Hey, fellow shekelstein!

Every jew is welcomed unless is a goy

look at all that diversity
good things jews aren't hypocrites

Kek. I was raised protestant but I've come to prefer the old testament God. Only, I have yet to see that legitimate path exists.

Look close, we had a schwartze "גר"

I say it every Friday

you say it one week of the year

Can you not just post the divine name on Sup Forums and all Jews will flee?

Oh , "ger" as from "nigger"? Those are not welcomed here

ger as in a convert

Shalom, do you think the goyim know?

Nigga on the far left has a telescopic neck. I bet the kids call him Galileo.

FPBP

You didnt get the joke efraim

anyone here wanna slice up some dick

Alright, where's my fucking NWO membership?

it wasn't funny enough so I just assumed you were either retarded or sephardic

I see my magic has worked, and not just a bit

Sepharedic? That is an insult, those are schwarze aswell

that was the point
you never know with israeli "jews"

Fucken audible kek my man

Damn, there is memes for this aswell?
And fyi, those mizrahi/sepharedic- or aka arab jews, doesnt have the mental capablity to understand english, so you'll never find those on the internet

They all gone now. Fuck. We have to exterminate the vermin now.

...

How you escaped the oven room?

Translated:

GAS THE GOYS RACE WAR NOW

Not working, I still have my foreskin. I want my money back plus interests

I traded an ss soldiers my jew gold, and he let me sneak from there

Not very tolerant, Israel needs to become more diverse.

Ah, you pulled a Soros

What do you think of Rabbi Capers Funnye?


en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capers_Funnye

Smart move Shlomo

Dirty goy here wanting to convert to Judaism. How do i convince my local rabbi to convert me

Start attending shul regularly, chop your dick off

>actually being jews in 2017

It depends a lot on your reasoning and which denomination.

If you want to go into an Orthodox sect, you will be denied 3 times, and then accepted begrudgingly assuming you follow every Jewish law instantly and your desire is genuine. You will eventually require a formal brit milah.

You need to start apply a special ointment to be ready for it

Isn't ehad translated as singular?
I like how you changed YHVH to Adonai

A norwegian jew? Rare

Sa mi po, ya sabon.

what if I am a Christian? will they accept me?

I want to go full schlomo, should i give him all my shekels?

The meaning of "one" is disputed but I think the accepted meaning is that not only is there only one god, but the one god literally transcends time and space, there is nothing else but god.

That's how you're supposed to pronounce it in prayer.

Why Israel still endure Gaza my good Shlomo?

Is KY kosher?

Eee вacя, я тoжe гoвopю твoю язик

Can I still keep my foreskin?

wtf i love judaism now

>nose didn't grow
>foreskin still there
>still do not own six gorillion shekels
Have I been Jewed again?

AY YO hol up wheres mah holocost reparations at nigga???

Will i get to marry a cute Jewess with a huge nose and annoying voice that I'm unironically attracted to?

As long as not used rectaly

...

Kek proclaimed that Judaism would be new ideology of Sup Forums. I believe him, we need more rabbis here. Btw, what do you think in terms of angelology, which angel is showing up as Kek?

>Only, I have yet to see that legitimate path exists.
what do you mean? Orthodox conversion is really tough, but it exists.

Yes. If you're genuine and go through the paces they will accept you, and most Jews will accept you, at least down the ladder, because it's a bitch to do.

If it makes you happy, I guess. It probably won't help. Arguably the worst form of giving is giving that then makes you dependent on the charity of others.

If you do convert, Orthodox is the only logicla choice, the rest are cucks.

According to the bible, the jew god unleashed one of the top attack on the ancient eygiptians, called "makat ha tsfardeim" - "the attack of the frogs"
And litteraly he dropped thousand of frogs from sky who attacked the eygeptians, and im not bullshiting

...

And God said to Moshe, 'Go to Pharoh, and say to him, Thus said the Lord, Let my people go, that they may serve me. And if you refuse to let them go, behold, I will plague all your borders with frogs. And the river shall bring forth frogs abundantly, which shall go up and come into your house, and into your bed chamber, and upon your bed, and into the house of your servants, and upon your people, and into your ovens, and into your kneading troughs. And the frogs shall come up both on you, and upon your people, and upon all your servants. And God said to Moshe, Say to Aharon, Stretch forth your hand with your rod over the streams, over the rivers, and over the ponds, and cause frogs to come up upon the land of Egypt. And Aharon stretched out his hand over the waters of Egypt; and the frog(s) came up, and covered the land of Egypt. (Sh'mot 7:26-8:2)

70% of american men are already circumsized shlomo.

i said ur jew words though, my nose does look a bit more hooked

Are you using Talmudic magic to rob me out of my shekels?

Doesn't count. If you convert you will need to have blood drawn anyway.

>ywn wake up to the sight of your menorah and shed a single 6 million tears for the victims of da shoah
oy vey, why live?

say these instead, they're actually real

>Come to pol to hate on jews/dank memes
>research and learn a lot about Judaism
>slowly grows on to me
>wtf JIDF is this mk ultra?
What did God mean by this, what have you done to me schlomo

How hard is it to become a Jew? I have a big nose and bad hair genes so I should fit in.

I have read Shemot. But who is Kek?

i feel like i just summoned some ancient ghost, i am jew now

Frogs are food.

Check your bank account ;)

my. fucking. sides.
i dont have a reaction image for this