How fucked am I for the police test?
I've smoked a lot of weed as a minor, and sold a little bit to get by because my mom and I were poor. I've also shoplifted but haven't done so since 18. I also stopped smoking at 18. I'm 21 now and the police test is in two years.
I read that on the polygraph they will ask if you have ever committed a crime for which you have not been caught.
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Nigger if you're scared of a polygraph then you're a fucking idiot
Just believe your own lie. The polygraph is easy to trick. And stop smoking pot so you'll be clean for the piss test.
Congrats you're now a cop.
You'd need at least 5 years away from that shit to make them feel youvery matured and changed. Took me 7 for them to dismiss a dui I committed.
>comitted, not convicted of.
They asked me under polygraph lol. I'm not a psycho so I figured just answer honestly.
A polygraph just detects changes in a persons vitals right? So if they get nervous about lying that's what gives it away?
And you passed?
Squeeze your butthole like you're pinching off a stubborn turd, and you can fool the polygraph.
If you think about very upsetting things at the start of the polygraph like before they ask you the "control" questions, so when you answer your name and all that stuff, just think of stuff that will make you very emotionally upset before hand. Your control questions would then come across as a lie, because your heart rate and perspiration and such ideally would go up, assuming you are upset enough. this may fuck up your entire polygraph tho, because if a polygraph reader views you as suspicious they will just write that you were trying to game it.
best is to get to a point of calm, like meditate in preparation, where you become comfortable telling a lie and getting away with it. its cognitive dissonance, like liberals, you just have to believe the lie.
A guy I used to work with said that you want to put a tack in your shoe before you take a polygraph test.
The constant pain will raise your baseline, and they won't see any changes.
I passed the polygraph but the comitted decided I'm high risk and it was a very competitive year. Gave up for a bit and cleaned my life up, passing it is easy if you truly believe you're not a fuck up anymore. They'll do personal interviews etc and if they're not dying for recruits you still should get in.
I work with a bunch of psychos who had rough lived before joining. You're a saint compared to some leutenants.
ur fucked m8
there is a trick to fooling the polygraph test that involves clenching your asshole when they are doing the baseline measurements, then clenching it when you're telling the truth and unclenching when you're lying. i think that's how it goes i don't know, google up the method, its easy to pass a polygraph bro. good luck and if my info helps you pass oppress some niggers and jews and faggots for Sup Forums
You sit on a sensor and it detects muscle movement, you're asked to be still and if you move twice during a question it's a auto fail.
They also calibrate it if you're prone to stress so they can see the fight or flight response in being in the mental statw of "fearing getting caught lying" and it's all digital now...
You have to literally be a sociopath to truly lie on one of those and not get any red lights.
Seriously where the fuck are you guys getting your tips from 2008?
Police officers should not be drug addicts or dealers. Please find another career.
I'd be applying to one of the largest agencies in the country, but the test is only every few years. I figured if I don't do well locally I might go with the NYPD since they take anyone and everyone.
>not moving to a weedfree state and moving pounds all week
Kill yourself. I used to be a dime bagger until I got my own grow operation with 3 friends. I cleared $20,000 dollars in January alone.
They say money doesn't grow on trees but that is a lie.
And it's all legit. So go, be a fucking cop in the modern era lol have fun Barney Fife
That is the thing. I made mistakes when I was young, but cleaned up. I did not ever deal regularly like your typical dealers.
I mean shit my mom had cancer and couldn't work. I was already trying to balance two jobs and school. I know it isn't an excuse, but it's honest.
It made me realize no matter how hard shit gets, you just need to stay honest.
1 you're hooked up to a sensor around your chest to monitor breathing and heart rate. They detect changes in your breathing and heart rate.
2 you sit on the sensor like I posted above, it can detect when you're moving your toes and flexing your asshole. Need to sit still. Only 2 strikes and it's a fail.
3 you're hooked up to a sensor on your finger that detects sweat generation.
Just be honest or a psycho.
They do. It'd not as competitive as you'd think. Unless your sorted class is literally all military, minirities or women lol.
As long as you've never committed a felony, you're fine.
Police officers should not be involved with drug use or distribution in any way.
It's tragic that your mistakes have affected your life, but you are not qualified to uphold the law or to be its avatar. Please find another career. What makes you think you deserve to be a police officer? Why can't you do something else? You're like an illegal immigrant at this point. Fuck off and find something else to do with your life. Not everyone qualifies to be a police officer. You certainly DO NOT, Cheech.
You'd be surprised how many animals I work with homie.
I was flunked out just before my poly test for the Washington State Patrol. During the pre-test interview I told the polygraph examiner/operator that I thought he, along with his entire 'industry', belonged in prison for defrauding taxpayers. They get paid big bucks to operate those machines and the whole thing is based on nonsense. Lie-detecting machines are no more real than a perpetual motion machine.
The sale amounts I've committed were less than 25g which is a misdemeanor in New York state.
I think I qualify for a majority of reasons. Remember, officers enforce the law. They do not uphold it, that is a judges job. Not gonna explain my life to you over Sup Forums.
This isn't completely true you don't need to be a sociopath to pass it, you just need to believe you're telling the truth.
>112394848
Go to doctor and tell them you have anxiety, get klonipins or xanax.
Take that shit before your test, ezpz, you're now a sociopath that could trick satan into sending you to heaven.
The test is to find out if you are honest. Tell the truth. They can not use anything they say against you for the job other than you are lying. If they say if you have comitted a crime you have not been caught for. Everyone should says yes. You break like go to 10 or 15 laws a day without knowing
You'll be fine if what you've said was true. They weigh the mistakes with the good in finally determining your qualifications.
Just study hard and ace the test, blow through the physical and do your best in your previous history questionnaire. They allow you to explain yourself as well. Spill your guts.
That's truefully as well but not everyone can be Matt Damon in The Departed.
Sorry phone poster.
You should be fine then, if it was years ago and you've completely changed your ways they shouldn't give you a problem.
Just. Fucking. Lie. Polygraphs don't matter. It's not like you committed a terrible crime. It's not like you're committing the crime still.
I have three friends who are fighter pilots - one in the Navy and two in the Air Force. A fourth friend of ours used to smoke weed all the time with us in high school. Reason he isn't a pilot right now? He's the only one of my friends who admitted to ever smoking weed when the military asked him. Don't be that fucking kid.
>just lie where your credibility and career is dependent on your integrity and honesty.
>think law enforcement will hire people who can't even fucking be honest with their employers.
It might work, sure. But you're fucked for a long time if you fail it.
Copfag here.
When I went through the polygraph the questions were worded as such
"since the last time you told me about, have you smoked pot"
So. If you haven't smoked in years be truthful.
"have you ever stolen anything valued over x"
Hopefully you didn't steal anything too valuable.
Nothing more than $50
Then should be good.
Typically the only misdemeanors that are automatic disqualifications are domestic assault and dui.
I heard polygraphs aren't in any way reliable. They just hook you up to the machine and hope you tell the truth or get so stressed out about telling a lie that they can see everything written on your face.
> Remember, officers enforce the law. They do not uphold it, that is a judges job.
How the fuck are you going to enforce the law if you don't uphold and respect it yourself?
It will probably be legalized in two years, if you don't smoke anymore you're fine.
Don't become a police office.
As long as you're honest they won't give much of a fuck.
dont fucking lie you goon.
People are reasonable as long as you are.
What if I did police explorers from 19-21?
Don't be a cop, no one really likes cops, they only fear them because they're armed egomaniacs who have free reign to fuck people up.
Then you should have an in with your department already if you made a good impression
Thanks I really appreciate it
>Typically the only misdemeanors that are automatic disqualifications are domestic assault and dui.
Thinking about applying to be a cop cause my city is hiring and pay starts at like $50k...
I had a DWI when I was a kid though, but IIRC it was just a class C misdemeanor at the time, and it was like over a decade ago, so that should be cool right?
Also how hard is it to lie on the polygraph? Supposed to have not smoked pot in like 2 years or something but I totally have lol, but only rarely cause I don't really like pot. Also probably committed a fuck ton of crimes I never got caught for fuck if I remember lol.
I just want to make money and ride around on a bicycle hassling drunk college kids.
A cop's job is to enforce the law, not be an "avatar" you fucking autist
What if you have anxiety and so you get high heart rate and shit in any situation where they put you on the spot until you get comfortable?
>being a policeman
you already failed OP
>I read that on the polygraph they will ask if you have ever committed a crime for which you have not been caught.
Why lie? Are you a nigger and/or criminal?
Just believe in your lie.
You are scared of a polygraph? and not even a legit one like CIA/FBI? They don't care if you smoked when you were younger, I also don't think they will ask if you sold drugs. They also don't care about stupid petty crimes.
I didn't have to lie on the polygraph because I'm a fucking boyscout.
It really depends on the department man, I can't give you a straight answer. I know one of our new guys had a previous dui, but he had a background as an EMT for along time to make up for it and was already a part of the swat team, medical, before being hired
Well, yeah. You should be failed for being a retard. Attacking the premise and the guy giving the test is literally the least effective thing you could do. A letter to the editor of the Seattle Times would be infinitely more effective at getting anything done.
So you cost yourself a job because you couldn't resist a useless act of protest. Congrats.
Pfft, smoking pot isn't a crime - get into that mindset and forget about it, no dug test can detect you smoked some a few years ago.
As for the shoplifting, just say you shoplifted a couple of times when you were a kid and your mum gave you a hiding for it.
Be honest about it. They'll respect it. It isn't a DQ.
/thread
>took Chicago police exam last year
>open email last week
>mfw my numbers been called
wish me luck, anons.
Re: the selling pot. Don't mention it unless you have a 20% or higher chance of it coming up on a background.
Re: Smoking pot. Admit to it. Don't editorialize. Just say: "I smoked pot at a weekly basis from mid-Feb. to late November of 2011."
What if I'm just apathetic enough that I don't really give a shit about my past actions? I figure that's got to be close enough lol. That and my crippling inability to take anything seriously whatsoever.
Good luck, bro. Report / arrest an illegal for me, pls. Try not to get killed by niggers.
What city are you going in for?
I didn't take any polygraph test. If you've been clean for more than a year you should be good on the urinalysis. DON'T do any more drugs moron, period. You're going to get drug tested non-stop if you wanna be a cop. It was never an issue with me because before this I was in the military and they drug test you non-stop there too.
Another piece of information: If they really are going to polygraph you (I've never heard of such a thing), don't lie. I'm basing this not on the same circumstances. A long time ago there was a murder and one of our officers volunteered to do a poly to help the case. He apparently lied on one of the questions and it hurt the conviction, so they fired the officer.
Nothing dumb man. Keep yourself clean, stop doing nigger things if you're not a nigger. If you have a criminal record I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you're not gonna make it anyway, so I hope that shoplifting stuff you mentioned never resulted in any arrests.
also try not to get killed by crazy whites
Means he'd make a good cop though.
Also what kind of shit is on the police exam?
And how hard are the fitness standards? I've seen some fucking obese coppers.
I guess I could just go to the website and find out but yolo
According to whatever reason, it's not a crime if you are not aware of it.
Suffolk County, NY but any of the agencies around here would be good, especially on Long Island.
you'll be fine stop worrying just stay off that shit.
It'll still detect it, probably. The only way to consistently fool a polygraph machine is to believe what you're saying. We used to play with one in the Army to see what it could do.
Clenching stuff can confuse it sometimes, but even better is to zone out, ignore the questioner, and talk to yourself about other things, saying only part of the words.
>Have you ever smoked pot?
>No [[[[[[cocks do not go in my mouth]]]]]]
If you lie on the poly, they will know, and not hire you. If you don't lie, then they will have to weigh the weight of your crimes, and make a judgement call about you.
Why would you want to be a Cop anyhow? All you do all day is deal with fucking losers, and write things down a lot. My buddy worked his ass off to become a Cop, he really wanted to, because his dad was one. He became a Cop, went through all the bullshit. Dealt with all the jail crap he had to do. Dealt with all the politics of the job. And then as soon as he fucking could, he got a new job because it was terrible. It's a thankless job, no matter what you do, most people will automatically think you're shit. Most women will avoid you, and the ones that don't are like the equivalent of a tranny chaser, meaning they only fuck Cops. So when you do find a woman, chances are she's already fucked half the people you work with.
>Chicago
Better bulk up if you're not already shredded. I work in a small town with a small nigger population, I got attacked by three niggers and was lucky help arrived. Needless to say after that I started weight lifting. I imagine more niggers=more trouble, so if I don't deal with many niggers and had to start lifting I figure you better be in the shape of your life.
What's her endgame? Can someone give me a Quick rundown
If you're caught fabricating or omitting anything under oath, you're practically useless as a cop for any investigation or case for the rest of your life. They'll probably can you anyway for it.
Even if you were the eye witness to a murder the defense will blow you the fuck out with your shit credibility and honesty.
I'll try my best but no promises.
I'm a big samoan guy and i'm getting back into powerlifting.
I'd probably do something like highway patrol, not too sure. I was always drawn to law enforcement. I have a lot of respect for them. Plus, they make a good salary around here, upwards of $100k+ after 10 or so years, good benefits, good retirement, good pension, etc. Working from 21-41 and retiring seems nice to me. 4 days on 3 off.
Anything under 18 years would be expunged from the record, so say yes when I was . Keep in mind the polygraph test doesn't detect lies and the police will even lie to you while your taking the test.
Long Island would be great.
Listen man, pay attention to the demographics of the city you're gonna work in. I don't mean to come off as the stereotypical racist white cop, but niggers are nothing but trouble.
Try and get yourself in a mostly white city, or just with a low nigger population in general. You won't regret it. Watch your ass, be polite, and remember to go easy on kids because if you manage to not get put in a nigger dungeon city most of your dealings will be with dumb kids who do dumb stuff.
more like of your scared of a polygraph your going to fail a polygraph
rip op
Every police officer should be castrated.
lol they arent idiots
they know when you are fucking with it
just chill take a xanax if your a fucking beta piece of shit
And also, off duty Cops are fucking crazy. I went to a house party full of Cops with my buddy once, and it was pretty nuts. All the Cops were drunk as fuck and there were loaded guns all over the place the they would on occasion pick up and play with. Then they started throwing empty cans off beers off their balcony at people, and yelling at them. I got pretty pissed off and left after they threw shit as just some guy, walking his daughter home after picking her up from school. It almost seems like if they like being a Cop, and stay in the job, they're not mentally sound. And their suicide rate is high as well.
A close friend's uncle joined the police force about 5-6 years ago. He admitted to being a small time cocaine dealer and constantly asked me for rides home from the bar and the force didnt really seem to have a problem with any of that.
Obviously every police force is different but I legitimately believe they're willing to overlook a lot of your past if you can prove your dedication to the job, especially because police officers have to deal with the wretches of society on a daily basis.
When you take your polygraph just don't lie. I'm willing to bet that everything you say in the polygraph is protected and only used for psychological evaluation. I'm sure they'd rather see you tell the truth about shoplifting as a kid than see you lie about something completely inconsequential. It's a mind game and they want to make sure you aren't going to crack under moderately stressful situations.
From what my Cop buddy told me, Highway Patrol are pretty based. They're one of the few types of Cops that will punish other Cops for breaking the law. My buddy made the mistake of flashing his badge on a Highway Patrol Officer, thinking he would get out of the ticket, like he was used to. He was wrong. Not only did he get a ticket, but also got his ass chewed out by the Patrolman for acting like "he was above the law"
Over here it's a beef between sheriff and police. Neither let the other off the hook, sheriff's tend to be more dick to us though because we're a much bigger department.
Well firstly, Polygraph machines don't actually detect lies.
They detect your reaction to you thinking that it knows you're lying.
It has no fucking idea if you're lying or not.
Sounds like typical egomaniacal cop behavior,
Some are good but a majority are weirdos who were probably abused by their parents and so now take it out on people.
I got by in my first one, totally straight edge and told the truth. Only hink was they asked about fictional underage porn which is fucking everywhere and who doesn't like /ss/. And I have seen CP, because I'm fucking here right now.
So many people here with no clue how a polygraph works.
The purpose of a polygraph is NOT to measure the physical response of your answer but your RESPONSE TO THE QUESTION.
Let's say you've done smoked weed in the past. You are asked if you smoked weed. Before you say a word, your body responds to the question because you worry you might be in trouble. The operator sees that response (if it is present) and already knows the answer.
If you then say no, then the operator knows you lied. If you say yes, they know you are being truthful.
Tell them the truth before the test and be honest during the test and you will be fine. Having a bit of a troubled youth is not a problem at all - in fact, being squeaky clean is often more of worrisome trait. They want someone with life experience and who has a bit of street savvy since that is where you start out - on patrol.
>'hey user, ever commit a crime and not get caught'
>needle jumping, sweating brow; readings obvious
>user, without second thought- "yes; I used to speed in long stretches where I knew cops didn't check"
>feelsgood.jpeg
>beat that machine.
You're good man
>"have you committed any other crimes for which you have not been caught?"
Never mind.
...Did he get fired for stalking his ex gf and 245ing her new bf?
Fucking kek that happened to me too.
>... so for child pornography you've admitted to seeing it?
>go on to explain my lurking Sup Forums days
>gives me a 5 minute long bert stare the entire time.
>...so you um... don't do that anymore I expect?
>no sir.
>I stay on the sports and cars board now.
Tell half-truths this masks your intentions.
"Have you ever commited any crimes you have not been convicted of?"
"Yes"
"What have you done?"
"Only little things like jaywalking and illegally streaming music"
"Anything else?"
"No, nothing more significant than the examples I gave you"
Or some stuff along those lines.
You are not "technically" lying when you say these half truths and your body does react more normally than it would to an outright lie.
My conversation was just an example, I don't know how Police convos are supposed to look like so just think of things you can say that are technically true before your interview and you should be fine.
>>...so you um... don't do that anymore I expect?
>>no sir.
>>I stay on the sports and cars board now.
Scum like you should be in jail, not a police. People like you make society horrible.
>falling for the b8
Everyone hates Highway patrol.
it's not as strict as it used to be. if you haven't used since then it will be ok. just make sure you pass the drug screening.
law enforcement fag here, i like my job.
Ooh one more thing I want to add. Police is practically paramilitary so you gotta be a bitch. Yes sir, no ma'am everything. Sgt or Lt and acknowledge/greet your superiors in rank. Besides that if you get in, get used to quick lunches because you will be shit on by everybody and if there's a call you take it.
Worse comes to worse, I could always become a fire fag and work 8 days a month