How to cope with shame and guilt after standing up to men

hi there longtime lurker here with something for which I'd appreciate the thoughts of this incredible community. this is one of my favorite spaces on the internet

recently I've been struggling with my own feelings of guilt, shame, and selfdisgust after pushing back against men in my life. I'm thinking of one friend in particular, an exlover and friend, who is still in my life peripherally for workrelated reasons. recently I've been trying more and more to demand more from him in terms of respect and courtesy, to stop "negging" me constantly etc. I think of myself as a very independent woman who'd never let someone treat me that way (sure, it's subtle and incremental but we all know how the cumulative effect is so degrading) but the reality is i let this person (and other men) treat me this way because the fear of losing their interest terrifies me. after I push back I feel guilty and ashamed. I wonder if I was too sarcastic. I wonder if I was passive aggressive. I wonder if I was just aggressive. I wonder if maybe this instance wasn't such a big deal so my reaction looks overblown. I wonder if my reaction actually IS overblown.

I know about gaslighting. I understand what an asshole this guy is, that I should just disassociate myself and I try. I am just realizing how much a part of me is tied to male attention and approval, despite having a truly phenomenal partner (who is a man)

I understand this to be basically a conditioned response to the messages that I have received about the centrality of men to the goodness of my life, as well as the abandonment and loss I have experienced at the hands of men (not to mention the pain and shame) I know I just "shouldn't care" what he thinks but I have a deep and profound reaction to this situations that goes far beyond "choosing to react in a certain way" and operates more on the level of a physiological fear reaction.

reddit.com/r/GenderCritical/comments/5uhiaw/how_to_cope_with_shame_and_guilt_after_standing/

I'm just sort of rambling, and I wasn't even able to write this down until I'd smoked a joint to loosen up my head, so I guess I'll just leave it here. I don't know. Feeling sad that I feel ashamed and guilty, on top of the shame and guilt... feeling worn out on a micro and macro level and realizing how much I have let the spectre of men dictate so much of my life and self.

tits or gtfo

Shitty copy/pasta.

Tits or GTFO.

Up you game nigga, this is weak bait.

Ive been having some drama in my life myself, and heres my perspective from recent experiences.

1) always try to conceed a legitimate grievance against you. Tgink about your flaws and how their relevant to your relationships. This will help when someone tries to use a real problem of yours to argue an unrelated point. you'll know how far is too far.

2) define your standards of treatment very, very well and don't let people cross that line. Maybe write your "lines in the sand" down, and try to foresee any circumstance in which its justified to break them. I think this is important because I myself have been a doormat for a long time, and I have come to appreciate the importance of taking a stand whether the other party conceeds or not.

3( Don't be afraid of losing a connection if you absolutely have to. You may feel some particular people are extremely important in your life, but you can replace anyone if they're truly being shitty to you. Don't let someone hold their importance over your head.

I am a mere 21 y.o. though, so keep my inexperience in mind

How the fuck is it "bait" if I posted the link to the original thread you fucking retard?

...

Reddit?

Fucking saged.

Am I supposed to hate this person or something? Seems like someone with severe self esteem issues and probably legitimate long term psychological pain trying to make sense of whatever is happening in her life. It's not this crazy overblown "oh the patriarchy blah blah blah" post, just like some female /r9k/ shit. Also negging is a real thing, I think we all find ourselves manipulating people around us even if it isn't completely intentional. We try to put ourselves on top as subtly as possible. Not some feminist conspiracy, although it does apply to men as well as women. Nothing wrong with acknowledging and trying to avoid it.

I too have a problem standing up to the men in my life. I'm paralyzed from the waist down.

sage

>but the reality is i let this person (and other men) treat me this way because the fear of losing their interest terrifies me.

How about your base your self worth on something more than male attention. Grow up, stop being a whore.

>despite having a truly phenomenal partner (who is a man)

clearly he's not, or you're a bad person (more likely,) that enjoys chasing for what they can't have, AKA men who treat you poorly.

You're being emotionally manipulated, and shockingly it works well on women.

See my image, this is what women have become.

Pol has been so shit lately

There are no girls on the internet.

...

im going to guess the other guy is your boss.


we all have a degrading urge to do right by our boss, that's the nature of capitalism combined with not being special.

You're all retarded. This is easily identifiable bait. Or an introduction to lure gullibles to a pay wall cam site. Either or.

How about you find a respectable Christian man and stay a family. Have babies, they change your brain and body chemistry for the better.

anime watching paedophile

So basically you have a cuck at home who gives you security but are attracted to another man. Your brain tells you that he is an asshole but your body tells you to spread legs. In other words: You are a woman. Not much you can do about it. But maybe pic related can help you.

who gives a fuck, I found it relatable and I wanted to post something someone might find positive. How is this even bait? Because OP lifted from reddit? Because it asked Sup Forums for advice from a woman's perspective? Enlighten me, Fonzie. Why shouldn't I give my meager advice based on someone's real problem, even if they're not here?