Please don't shit in my shower

Friday's Diary entry:

>be late 20s single white male
>be homeowner
>be well employed
>come home one day to a loose door and walk right in without thinking about it
>open to a wall of stench
>spend 20 minutes, eyes watering, searching for root of toe-curling smell
>no source
>throw work bag on bed
>strip, head to shower, hoping the smell hasn't sunk past the epidermal layer
>pick up overturned trashcan
>look around realizing a lot of shit it slightly moved
>wonder if you're mistaken
>no, pretty sure you'd never put your charger in the fishtank
>wonder if you have a brain tumor
>wonder if you have multiple personalities
>spend 3 solid minutes wracking your brain for any missing time
>walk to the shower slightly unhinged
>turn corner into walk-in shower and see a massive pile of shit
>look up to ceiling as if the drywall is rotting and somehow turning to shit on the way down
>realize that is retarded, and also, wrong
>stare at pile of shit
>turn on shower and walk away
>remember loose door
>try to remember if you saw any homeless guys on the drive home
>no memorable hobos
>shower head has literally exploded the pile of shit everywhere
>see red
>heading to detached garage to get pressure washer
>Neighbor: "Hey... A.. non..."
>realize you're naked
>yell at her - something about having a real motherfucker of a day and maybe someone else can check her fucking tire pressure
>get fucking power washer and destroy shower with several kinds of rage
>light around 100 matches until your nose is dead to the smell
>spend an extra long shower trying to figure out what the fuck happened in your bathroom
>realize someone actually broke into your house
>realize someone actually broke into your house and took a shit in your shower
>decide it might be good to double wash everything
>look at shampoo you're using, it's green
>yours is orange
>freeze in panic wondering if you are in the wrong house
>look around frantically until you see your soap, shampoo and razor

>realize someone broke into your house and took a shower
>start looking at railings for fingerprints before realizing you a) are naked and b) have no background in criminology
>see something shiny in the drain
>realize it's a stretchy hair thing and a hair pin
>realize someone broke into your house, shit in your shower, actually TOOK a shower
>and that person was female

>After shower, dress, walk slowly through your house making sure everything is there
>realize it's all accounted for but's been fucked with or jostled
>check front door to confirm the actual doorframe was split
>realize this female actually busted down your door to shit in your shower
>consider calling the cops
>realize that, even though this bitch just cost about $400 worth of property damage, the report would be discarded and likely used as comic fodder at the station
>realize that, if genders or races were reversed this would be an actual hate crime

>realize the only people who will appreciate this realization is Sup Forums

FML, Sup Forums.

...

You could not have read that in 11 seconds you presumptuous fag.

>home owner
>not a burglar alarm owner
>LIVES NEAR NIGGERS WITHOUT AN ALARM

Pics or it didn't happen

>not taking a shit in you shower first, just in case

K well no pic of the shit but

10/10 blog post
Look up some home defense sempai

shoot the shit for breaking the NAP

All my shit that's worth anything is in a built in gun safe and fire is covered by insurance. Literally never thought anyone would care to rob me. Never once thought about shower shitters.

to be honest op, thats totally hilarious.
did you check for cum in your sock drawers?

... Well now I am.

Damn dude. What kind of area do you live in?

Need a camera OP. I have three in my house for so people dont shit in my shower.

Nice actually. Mostly young families. A block from an elementary school. University across the street from sub entrance.

I definitely will be getting several.

The fact that it took you so long to realize your house was broken into is truly worrying.

Almost entirely white except the college crowd.

There is literally no excuse. I'm fucking embarrassed, user.

>all this shit
>by you

Well that clearly violates the NAP

Hmm I live in a fairly nice town myself and wonder about burglars and shit. We have a big homeless population and quite a few white trash neighborhoods. But crime is really low.
I never lock my doors and often forget my keys in the car. I should probably not be so nonchalant.

NAP?

But I bet you never thought about shower shitters huh?

>2017
>not protecting your home against shower shitters

>grew up in a simpler time... Where people pooed in the loo

non agression principle. It's a vaguely defined term regarding the acceptable use and escalation of violence.

>wonder if you have a brain tumor
>wonder if you have multiple personalities
>spend 3 solid minutes wracking your brain for any missing time
>walk to the shower slightly unhinged

>shower head has literally exploded the pile of shit everywhere

>start looking at railings for fingerprints before realizing you a) are naked and b) have no background in criminology

Would live next door to/10

screencap

Nice