Laying plans to defeat a gay SJW douche roommate

Hi Sup Forums. You guys seem to know alot about dealing with douches, especially SJW ones. So I thought I'd run a plan I've been cooking up to defeat my douche roommate over by you guys for criticism.

Back story: We're both freshmen in a college dorm. This guys a shit-tier roommate. His dog barking alarm goes off at 7 AM, which he then snoozes every 5 minutes till he gets out of bed at 8:30. He also puts his messy shit on my side of the room.
This and other things went on for a semester until I started copying his doucheness. (The book The 33 Strategies of War advised this)

His main weakness, no surprise: Easily irritated. Especially anything anti SJW or opposing his political views. I tried talking politics with him but he just loses his cool, which I then tell him it's fine and it ends. He just started laughing sadistically to himself and set up 30 dog alarms to go off in unison for the next morning.
Funny this guy builds himself up as a warrior of justice yet hes the opposite.

By easily irritated I mean I don't even have to approach him.
For example: While watching a video from h3h3 about a dude that says his names "Hugh Mungus" he says to me "I hope you know that is sexual harrasment, legally". I ignore him and he leaves the room soon after.

So here's the plan guys. Basically I start watching a bunch of Trump and anti SJW videos.
Over enough time he gets pissed enough that I can just start talking to him and he'll punch me.
That's where I use my pre heated tea pot and pour boiling water on him. I also have pepper spray, so I highly doubt this dude will have a chance.

Pepper sprays good according to google. Pepper spray alone would probably win the fight over, again cause we're both wimpy. He'd run out of endurance.

Question for you guys: Will it be considered using a weapon since I used boiling hot water? I wouldn't want to turn a self defense case into jail for a year.
Any advice or alternative routes would help.

Pic related: The dorm room.

Thanks, Sup Forums.

how about, you know, ask him to keep his stuff away from your side like a reasonable fucking human being before you go psycho and plan to boil him alive

just a thought.

Dude, don't permanently scar your roommate. That's beta as fuck and you'll absolutely go to prison. Start standing up for yourself and argue your side. If you need to, write down your thoughts on topics beforehand to have good talking points and analogies and hypotheticals ready to destroy him. Bonus you can use these skills on anyone, and bonus II electric boogaloo is you don't go to prison for aggravated assault.

>says roomate looses cool easily
>plans chemical weapon attack

Just get him to punch you on camera, then show it to your RA and say you don't feel safe bunking with him. Problem solved.

Politics aside, you should just have a conversation about his habits. Politely and rationally point out that you both have to live there and if he has any problems with your habits then you'd be willing to hear him out as well.

Leave some pot on the floor tell RA it's his, he gets kicked out

>what a dick he loses his cool way too fast
>how about I wreck his face with boiling water?

Jesus dude.

>throw scalding hot water and pepper spray him
dude no lmao this shit has legit legal consequences (jail), not worth it. Best thing you can do? Take it up with whoever's managing your rooms, tell them about his disgusting habits, request a change of roommate or room.

His alarm annoys you, so you want to pour boiling water on him? What the actual fuck is wrong with you?

You are both trying to rustle each other although i sympathise with the Alarm clock shit it drives me insane, my women use to leave the alarm clock bleating for hours while she lay in bed i fucking told her to shut it the fuck up and she wouldn't listen so i tipped over the bed and bashed the fucking noisy cunt faced alarm clock to death with the bed frame fucking fuck fuck fucking cunt sits there crying on the floor then calls the police.

Fuck them and fuck their alarm clocks hit your room mate in the head with an axe.

Just talk to your RA & try to transfer to a new room, ya dope

>ancap.jpg

Sounds like a fantastic way to get expelled.

How do you know he's gay?
>we're both wimpy
Nah. I say it's just you. Who contemplates this shit? You're like a cornered animal. Best to be left in solitary confinement

he just wants you to rape him.
seriously, gay men are into that shit.
>let me act like a faggot
>get treated like a faggot
It's literally all they have in life.

What a slob.

I like your combo move OP.
If you're roomie can't hide his shame
(Like me!)
Go ahead and boil yourself a fegg.

develop an appetite for eating exclusively surströmming in you dorm room.

use Teufelslied for your alarm and be sure that it always goes off before his.

Grab em

Stop acting like a woman and tell him to quit being a bitch.

this

This

Can't you tell him what you want/need like a fucking man instead of being a passive aggressive little bitch?

No wonder niggers and shitskins cuck you all the time.

This.

This is a bad plan. If he is a professional victim, why would you give him that card to play?

Frame him for something, or social engineer all his friends against him, just become your inner Dennis Reynolds.

>He loses his cool easily
>Pepper spray and boiling water ought to do the trick

This

...

>Take powdered milk
>Lift up his bed sheets so you have just the mattress
>Sprinkle that on his mattress
>Put everything back
>He will sleep on that. It will get into his pores. He will start to smell and it will take a long time for that smell to go away.
>Wherever he goes he will smell like sour milk
>You have no idea what he is talking about
>Do not tell anyone you did this.
>He probably will leave the university due to shame.

You could also use Varg's technique for dealing with shity band members but, that might give you prison time.

You're passive aggressive little faggot, I'll beat you ass irl nerd.

>hey dude, could you like please: *insert request to stop doing x here*. That would be so great bro.

Just poison his food

If he hits you just hit him back you gigantic pussy

Jesus Christ

This

this.

"campus white male boils alive roommate over fight about social justice" doesn't sound like a positive headline.

Use his rules against him. Set your alarm a minute before his. Set it to like Muslim music or the Russian national anthem or something that will trigger him. Throw your shit on his side. Hang some pro trump posters or something. Just keep triggering him until he requests to leave.

>1 post by this id

The best revenge is a life well-lived.

In this context: don't waste your time and energy devising ways to "defeat" him. Rather, spend your time studying. Get a 4.0 GPA. Get a good job. Etc...

None of this roommate bullshit will matter in 3 years. But your GPA will guide the rest of your life.

>Autism the post

Dig into his past and see if he has any nazi ties, then start to refer to by a german name. Hang nazi flags from your balcony. Try and kill his virtue signaling.

I got kicked off campus and had to shell out for an apt after beating my room mate w a clock radio...he played Michael Bolton as an alarm at 430 am every morning...I lost it, but totally worth it

Simplify dude. Boiling water? Besides the fact that that is a completely bitchy move, you'll be the one in cuffs.

I expect this from an aussie not a kiwi