Be me

>be me
>be in coffee shop reading /pol
>girl walks up, are you reading Sup Forums wtf?
>are you a fucking nazi ???
>I smile and say, well yes I am reading it but actually I'm a journalist doing a story on Nazi propaganda here
>she is like, "really!?"
>Yes I actually work for the NYT, hold my hand out to shake as introduction
>talk for 10 minutes
>ask her if she wants to get drinks sometime
>she says yes
>I close my laptop
>well that's great but I don't date degenerate cunts like you
>Sig Heil as I walk out the door
>she is speechless

Smile all the way home

good job

Wet dream ?

>1 post by this ID

This is now an Ivanka thread

>pic not related

>not related
>literally her sister

What really happened

>Be OP
>be in coffee shop reading Sup Forums
>girl walks up, are you reading Sup Forums wtf?
>are you a fucking nazi ???
>I quickly look and stutter "y-yes, go away degenerate w-white woman"
>she looks at me in disgust
>"s-sorry" I reply
>she slaps me across the face, I guess I deserve it
>get up before the situation escalates
>accidentally trip over
>my fedora falls onto the ground
>the entire coffee shop is looking at me
>pick myself up and put on my fedora and turn around
>"M'lady" I say as I tip my fedora and walk out the door

good one m00t

kek

I want to be an American, because at least I'd know I'd be free

I said "Ivanka thread" not "Ivanka & Her family thread" you dumbass fucking burger

Not bad, but you left out the spaghetti avalanche.

You fucked up, desu senpai. You had her at NYT, and then screwed up.

Story falls apart at Fedora, keep trying mate

This is some plebbit level bait,shame on you OP.

kek confirms OP is a fucking chump

thank you skellington

Things that never happened: daily edition

Kek speaks again

>be me
>be in coffee shop reading /r9k/
>girl walks up, are you reading Sup Forums wtf?
>are you a fucking sad bastard ???
>I smile and say, well yes I am, but also I'm a journalist doing a story on depressed school shooters
>she is like, "really!?"
>Yes I actually work for buzzfeed, hold my hand out to shake as introduction
>instantly cum in my pants as our hands touch
>ask her if she wants to get me a tissue to mop cummies
>she says ewww no
>I open my laptop
>spaghetti everywhere
>well that's great but NORMIES GET OUT!!!
>REEEEEEEEEEEEE as I walk out the door
>she is speechless with laughter

ITT: Things that never happened

Would be great if it did though

>ITT: Things that never happened
>
>Would be great if it did though

Like the holohoax.

Nice Fan Fiction segment, faggot.

On a similar note how does one stop masturbating??

I'll take shit that never happened for $500 please.

>Sig Heil as I walk out the door
>she is speechless

Probably because she doesnt, like, speak french duh

>Be me, daddy's favorite girl, not Tiffany.
>Get a job at the office, despite the fact that I'm not fit for the role and I have no idea how these things work.
>Might as well take pictures of myself while my subordinates work for me.
>12 o'clock, time for the press release.
>Read what my assistant has emailed me to say to the journalists.
>"Women in leadership positions!"
>Share a shallow quote on social media.
>What a productive day.

Let me give you a real story that happened only yesterday

>be at pub with fashy friend
>spouting our autistic Sup Forums memes at each other like usual
>group of cute girls sit at our table (we're both decent looking this isnt unusual #humblebrag)
>start chatting
>one girl overhears me say 1488 to my mate and asks what it means
>already had a few drinks so i just blurt out exactly what it means and recite the 14 words to her, followed by an explanation of why the 14 words are perfectly normal and not offensive
>entire group looks at me in shock and turn away
>30mins or so later one of the girls asks me for my number
>texts me saying meet outside
>get a cab back to hers and fuck her senseless till about 4am
>didnt really speak about my comments that night
>didnt sleep just got a cab straight to work

And here we are
Havent spoken to her since yet
Possible waifu material

>sieg heil out door
BULLSHIT MY NIBBA

any of that happened

True hombre
True

ITT STORY THAT NEVER HAPPENED NICE LARP

...

Well done Lad.

All men need to stop grovelling to these cunts and put them back in their place.

good job

>be me
>be in coffee shop reading /po
>girl walks up, are you reading Sup Forums wtf?
>are you a fucking nazi ???
>I smile and say, well yes I am reading it but actually I'm a journalist doing a foldy on propagami here
>she is like, "really!?"
>Yes I actually work for the JYT, hold my hand out to shake as introduction
>talk for 10 minutes
>ask her if she wants to get drinks sometime
>she says yes
>I close my laptop
>well that's great but I don't date goyim cunts like you
>rub hands as I walk out the door
>she is speechless

>trip

kek bless

Trips of truth.

>be me
>be in coffee shop reading Sup Forums on my IBM Thinkpad laptop while squatting on a bar stool in my adidas tracksuit and leather flat cap
>green-haired girl walks up, are you reading Sup Forums wtf?
>are you a russian hacker ???
>I smile and say, well yes blyat I am but actually I'm also a high-demand software developer with six-figure salary doing an internship in NYC here
>she is like, "really!?"
>Yes I actually work for the Google, hold my hand out to shake as introduction and spit right between her feet
>talk for 10 minutes about worker rights and marxist movement in US
>she asks if I can show her my collection of vodka sometime
>i say yes of course epta
>I close my laptop
>well that's great but I don't date capitalist pigs like you
>Slawa Sovjetskomu Sojuzu! as I walk out the door giggling
>she is speechless

if true you're the shitposter we all look up to.

Today in things that never happened

>be me
>be in cuck shed shop reading hentai
>girl walks up, are you reading CUM wtf?
>are you a fucking retard ???
>I smile and say, well yes I am reading it but actually I'm a journalist doing a story on Nazi cuckold propaganda here
>she is like, "onii-chan!?"
>Yes I actually work for the PEEPEEPOOPOO, hold my shit covered hand out to shake as introduction
>ask her if she wants to get raped sometime
>she looks at me in confusion
>I close my laptop
>autisticscreeching and crabwalk away
>pee and poop juice drips down my leg as I walk out the door
>she is speechless

Smile all the way home

>forgot pic related

its me

And then everyone stood up and clapped

Nice larp fagot, here's one that actually happened

>be me
>be at nightclub
>see girl I used to hook up with
>drunk and high.jpg
>say whats up, ask her to dance
>she grabs my arm and tries to swing dance
>thefuckisthis.png
>grab her but and start grinding
>big dark dude runs up making literal x motions like a runway director
>she whispers "my friend is mad that I hooked up with a trump suporter"
>leave, smoke cig outside
>finish cig, text her I just got some fire weed come over and smoke
>texts back in 10 seconds 'I'm coming'
>choking, spanking, hair pulling, stand up 69 where you really push her head down on your unit
>nut 4 times on her stupid face
>duck a booty call from her next week, haven't spoken to her since
>will probably repeat in a few weeks

DELET

*slow clap erupts into standing ovation*

Fucking stoner degenerates should be shot
Your MUH WEED MUH DICK shit is disgusting
Nigger behavior

Also
>choking, spanking, hair pulling, stand up 69 where you really push her head down on your unit
>nut 4 times on her stupid face

Stpp watching porn, your view of reality is warped

>australia not recognizing a shitpost

Met Rex jets, best shape ever
winners circle, you squares need to get it together
or stop hanging with each other, go somewhere and get it separate,
your bitch wants that vitamin D, she looking desperate!

flash mob arrives, the camera men come out from behind the plants, everyone is laughing and clapping and crying, the woman is hysterically sobbing in the middle as people are all hugging and crying in the center of the coffee shop.

Sorry I dont lurk Sup Forums for all the ebin maymays

ayyy you're alright mexibro.but you still gonna have to build that wall paco.

The next day:
>Fix my hair and get pretty for the job.
>Arrive at my new office.
>Greet everyone.
>Tap a bunch of files together on the table and make myself look busy.
>I wonder what Justin's doing...
>Check out his Twitter; he's talking about budget, taxes and bla, bla, bla.
>I'm sooo bored.
>Call dad.
>Take the rest of the day off.

You'd trade heritage for freedom?

Its more like trading communism for freedom at the moment
I cant wait to leave Straya, any badthink here can land you in prison if you talk to the wrong person.

>be OP
>be in coffe shop
>girl walks up, sir put your pants back on, we will call the police
> avoid eye contact and say: "Mom said i cant talk to strangers"
>girl slaps me
>everything goes blank as i nut and i REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE myself unconscious

More relatable

how is that warped? my girl lets me finish wherever I want, and I deepthroat the fuck out of her regularly. what's not realistic about that?

>standing 69 and nutting 4 times on her face

Tip top kek

Trading heritage for freedom is what America is about. Freedom is our heritage.

Holy shit I love australians

>fucks after knowing you for one night
>waifu material
at least she doesn't carry social truth in too high regard

Same thing happened to me once.

I ended up throwing acid in the girls face, before frog marching to my battery of doodlebug bombs as I commenced a Blitzkreig style attack on the city of Birmingham

I mean not in that order, but I bust every nut on a girls mouth, shoutout tunechi. And standup 69 is awesome, the easiest way to get a girl to deepthroat you without cocaine

shit that never happened for $100 alex

Noice

Australia will be China by 2090

stupid stories make me kek. Add a sonichu sieg heil

Ass blasted liberal cunts who can't get dates

Proud nationalist alpha males who choose women at their discretion

>girl walks up


>also general things that didnt happen thread

ʞǝʞ ǝsiɐɹԀ

Hey its better than what I'm used to in this shithole

Gr8 b8 m8

She is related to Ivanka.

>Not fucking her, getting her noodz and ruining her life
Fucking casuals.

>girl walks up

>I came and started farting

Fedoras are reddit tier

Eh, fuck it, I'm going to believe you just for the effort and the Ivanka pic.

>waifu material

Drunkenly fucks strangers behind bars. Just go get an STD test, user and if you don't have aids consider yourself lucky

Jesus Christ on a stick this woman

>slowly lifting up that little black dress

Dont be jealous user

how does a woman know what Sup Forums is?
CHECK
MATE
CHUMP

Even if fake, this story is gold.

>not related

literally related

DOR

wasted trips

>14 words.
What are the 14 words.

Slide thread.

Go here

We must secure the existence of our people, and a future for white children.
Also nice 88s

Fuck off Jew nobody cares about your gay apologist shill thread

We must secure the existence of our people and a future for white children.

larping hard tonight

slide thread/1 post by this ID

paid by the (you)

SAGE

wow, who is that?

OP didnt even fuck her before ditching what a fucking squid shit.

...

KEK is proud of you
(You) have his blessings

I saw Ryan Gosling at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

THICC

>Sig