Can any military anons tell me what you do when you are out on patrol or taking fire and have to take a shit...

Can any military anons tell me what you do when you are out on patrol or taking fire and have to take a shit? I am thinking about enlisting but I never shit outside so I was wondering if you could give some advice and share experiences.

you hold it in or shit your pants
sometimes you need to eat it if you are in cover fire for a long time and have no rations

You won't need to shit if you are taking fire

Imodium my dude. As the platoon medic I had a whole bag of high tech trauma management gear, but the thing I gave out the most was poop pills. Pissed me off a bit at the time actually.

when rounds fly by your head your asshole will pucker up and you won't have to worry about it.

>imodium
Jesus fuck, great for shutting down emergency shit pains but then you feel like your soul is tainted after realizing you haven't shat for 2 days.

Are there many pajeets with you in the army?

My O5 was a pajeet. Guy stunk like shit the whole time even though he was american.

In House to House (Battle of Fallujah) the author mentions how everyone ended up with dysentery like a week in and were just shitting their pants constantly throughout every firefight.

...

Depends on how acclimated to the climate you are. If you're not very acclimated then something like could happen but if you are in fact acclimated you are going to do your business back at base or you will shit your pants. You're not going to be able to remove your gear, drop your pants and take a squat when being shot at.

Thanks that is comforting. My dad told me if this shit bothers me to just join the navy or airforce but I want to follow in his footsteps.

10/10 would never join the USA's military

>You're not going to be able to remove your gear, drop your pants and take a squat when being shot at.
Thats not what my dad said. He said he was under fire in dessert storm and squatting really fast under a barricade, took a monster shit and pulled his pants up within seconds.

As quickly as humanly possible, and get back in the action.
P.S. For bonus points shit in a plastic bag and doing it at your enemy as a stench grenade.

*fling

When you're out in the shit for weeks at a time you don't really give a fuck if you shit your pants or not, user. If you joined now you'd be operating out of some COP or FOB that already has working bathroom facilities anyway, or at the very least regularly cleaned portapotties.

Quit being such a pansy and don't fucking worry about it.

Fucking streetshitters live up to their name.

Join the Navy or Air Force. If you want to be infantry, do Marines. The Army is full of fat imbeciles that would probably accidentally shoot you in the middle of combat

Lmao, you made me giggle like a little girl

>Getting free college education afterwards and a salary while literally just jerking off at a base for a couple years

I don't care what anyone says even in combat if you have to take a shit you will

You're not going to be shitting much if you're living off of MREs

>Be your father
>On patrol
>All of a sudden it starts raining cakes and cookies
>Damn I gotta take a shit quick to make room for all these pastries

MUH CRYAONS HURR MARINES HOORAH DEVIL DOGS XD

Fuck off you window licking jar head

return fire while taking a shit.

This. Army is the lower working class of the military.

Just find an unattended mortar mate. Squat over the tube. Sorted.

until we invade somewhere else with out established bases, but your right all the places in AF and IQ are pretty set up considering we've been using them for over a decade

what are you 12!

How do blacks function in the army? Are they actually disciplined and trustworthy? Can you trust your life to a black?

Yes, that's why I distinguished between between "being out in the shit for weeks at a time" and "if you joined now."

Basic reading comprehension is hard.

we were on a mission in nofuckingwhereistan. we knew it was going to be at least 7 to 15 days. buddy and i got plywood, cut a hole, a few 2x4's, made portable toilet seat. we were in a dry riverbed with huge rocks. put 2x4's on rocks, sit on plywood, take dump. it lasted almost to the end of the mission before the afghans stole it

From what I've heard, Army is by far the most garbage branch of the military.

Well it was that or shit in the ammo cans, but it made loading the belts harder...

If we end up balls deep in this shit, good luck boys.

I got your back, regardless of politics.

Not a soldier but would assume if you were in a situation where you are under fire you wouldn't be worrying about and and probably forget because adrenaline and shit or if you are just on patrol etc I would say you could probs just shit

When you are in the desert you either have diarrhea or constipation. Old folk medic treatment for diarrhea was pound cake.

I deployed to Iraq twice and the brown devil got me both times. You just throw away your underwear and if you are lucky you brought a fuck tone of wet wipes.

That's the marines
The army is the middle class of the military
the navy is the upper middle class and the air force is the rich

The afghans stole your shitter?

If you dont take your battle buddy to a shit with you you have to pick it up and repeat until the NCO is satisfied

Army/marines sort of switch positions depending on secdef, imo.

>afghans stole it

>when even Afghani goat herders know to poo in the loo

By pick it up do you mean I have to bag my own shit?

Have your gf drop you a "care package"

yeah, we were near a village way back in the eastern mountains. it was near the end of the mission anyway, plus we left them many cases of water

>between between

argument over I win

Well, when I was at the infantry patrols we always carried one of those with us.
I had one with infantile drawings on it.

Eat a MRE you will only shit once a week.
If you are lucky.

>your riverbed shitter was stolen by afghans

life is miraculous.

Nothing like trying to shit in a MRE bag while bouncing along hoping not to get hit by an IED

>army
>lower class than the marines

when you think of poor you think of the marines. at face value they look spiffy with their dress blues but they're underfunded and miserable behind the curtain.

no, with your hand a repeat the it like you were shitting the first time but this time with battle buddy guarding you

no, because it has nothing to with secdef, its funding they get from Congress. Marines always get the shittiest funding.

>P.S. For bonus points shit in a plastic bag and doing it at your enemy as a stench grenade.
I hear you get a special medal for doing that?

>t.pajeet immigrant

Was a Marine who deployed in afghanistan twice. You lose that bullshit fear of shitting in public or in front of other people real fast in boot camp.

You will get very used to shitting shoulder to shoulder with your bbs.

MREs are scientifically designed to not only make your mouth as dry as sandpaper, but it turns your shit into a solid concrete brick.
Even if you have to shit you'll blow a capillary in your head trying to push out your food baby.

It's the Israeli way.

Before I joined the army I had a hard time pooping in public restrooms with people in them. By the end of basic I could shit without a stall and hold conversation and eye contact with 20+ people waiting in line to shit

>eating MREs
>shitting
pick one

Also mericans, in boot camp for your first outdoor camp site did you guys also manage to hold shit for 5 days? I miss that power

Adrenaline won't let you shit. Your bowels are inactive.

>Eat a MRE you will only shit once a week.

I went 3 weeks without shitting before. Not because of MREs, though.

>Even if you have to shit you'll blow a capillary in your head trying to push out your food baby.

Thanks for the laugh

Anyway what do you recommend National Guard, Coast Guard or Air Force?

It is easy as fuck to take a shit with a full combat kit. It isn't like you are a knight in a suit in armor, everything is above the waist.

Speaking of shitting in combat zones, this thread reminds me of the time when I was with the 82nd in Kandahar and we got portapotties on our COP but the Afghans would always squat on top of the seat when they shit and would break them because they were made of shitty plastic and would leave their dusty fucking gross footprints on them, so we segregated the entire COP between Afghan and U.S. toilets.

Sometimes we would catch ANA soldiers in our portapotties and we would tell the ANA company commander that we caught one of his guys using our shitters and he would physically beat him and give him extra guard duty. Reminded me of the segregated South and it even lead to some racial resentment between us and the Afghans but we didn't give a fuck because they were gross and didn't know how to shit like civilized people. Good fucking times.

If you are thinking of enlisting, this is at the bottom of the list you should be concerned about.

But, if you really have to crap. Nature will win for you as well as for a poo-in-designated-street indian.

However, the problem rarely arise. The shitters are the first thing dug/made unless under fire.

Go ahead and enlist, I recommend it. It will make you or break you. Most likely 'make', the ones who breaks were usually defective to begin with.

Had high school friends go Coastie they loved it.

I shit you not. I didn't shit for a solid first 2 weeks in boot camp. I also had the power to stop pissing on demand in the middle of 2nd phase.

If I wear a Foxhound patch on my uniform will other people laugh at me?

>I went 3 weeks without shitting before.

>Just had stomach surgery
>went 5 days without shittting
>today I had my first shit
>so happy because I felt terrible when I wasn't shitting.

You can't have 3 week old food in your guts and be feeling good.

Don't underestimate mobile streetshitting technology

no man, it's cool AF but you should wear your own squads insignia preferably

>special forces
Yes user, we know you're special.

You shit in a MRE bag went mounted or use your trench tool to dig a small hole to shit in when on foot.

Pretty much this. Or if you're unlucky and it's your first time and you're weak you'll fucking crap your pants.

MRE's have so much fucking sodium in them, that you'll shit like once every 3-5 days. And it'll probably be a cannon ball when you do.

Some of them will give you the shits though, so watch out for Beef Ravioli. That one always made me shit myself.

Isn't this from /out/?

Honestly finally shitting it was more painful than anything.

Kinda like when you don't eat for days and days and days and then finally eat something.

Restarting the digestive system is painful.

do special forces get any special treatment

or do they just have more training than regular infantry as the only difference?

>My army dad told me to join the navy

Hmm, alright thanks man. Keep in mind i'm finishing my Bachelors and i'll be 21 so i want to be an Officer.

i laughed

...

manhood.

How do you guys jack off in the military?

>around other people literally all the time
>everyone is male
>don't get to watch porn or have privacy

How do you handle the pent up sexual frustration?

USA's military concurs.

Yes special forces are Super humans, they injected with nanobots to become more than human, they can kill a man by only looking at them.
And if they sense Haram, they will instantly go into crusade mode and butcher all muslims in the room

They get better gear and more independence.

in the shitter. if you're really quiet then during sleeping hours in your bed

fuck yeah I'm gonna try out for army special forces now


thanks lads

killing

Spare me. You'll always find time and a place to shit. Don't worry about it user. Just join up.

It will be a lot more than most of these fuckers out here have done with their lives.

This was me the first time. Not a lot but I found a little nugget in my underwear after.

It's like if you had a bunch of brothers in your family.

You kinda just do it where/when you can.

I was in the Army with infantry as my MOS.

I wouldn't recommend joining the military to anyone.

You are treated like a number and pushed around by your superiors, primarily the officers.

The pay if shit.

And my friend got shot in the hand and may have to get it amputated. That could be you. You are gambling your limbs for 18k. Not worth it.

Go to college, and actually become successful.

If you are looking for something outside academia, try policing instead.

>I hear you get a special medal for doing that?
indian citizenship actually