Emu war

Everyone knows the emu war is Australia's biggest meme, but do you reckon you could 1v1 one of these cunts?

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youtube.com/watch?v=o99sz7iomOs
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emu
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No

The Austrailians had machineguns

Can and have. There is a very simple trick to making emus back down every time.

Of course if I told you what it is, I'd have to kill you, for national security reasons.

Depends if I have to be naked too

Yeah I know, but you reckon you could have a fist fight with an emu?

Just like that guy who banged that kangaroo in the face

I have been 1v1 with an emu. Cheeky cunt stole a sausage off the BBQ. Tried to fend him off but he just picked it up and fucked off real quick. No bullshit

Would you an emu?

>tfw you hear the stories of Australians getting mowed down and slaughtered by emus

War never changes

Could you fight one of these?

We got the same problem with fucking sea gulls mate, stealing cunts

Is that an accurate representation of Sweden these days?

I would literally pay to see you do that. But let's make things fair. They cant use their arms, so yours have you be tied behind your back too.

Fuck that, you seen the legs and feet on these cunts, I honestly ain't surprised you lost

This cheeky cunt knows that without the use of your arms, you can't do this kek

BTFO

Someone have the pic of an Emu playing accordion Remove Kebab style?

No. They have talons like an ostrich. One good kick to the gut or major artery and you are done.

I would also like to see this

We got the same problem with niggers.

We also have ((()))

Almost killed by an angry ostrich looking for a fuck when I was young, very stupid but dangerous if you're barebones.

Emus are much smaller so I reckon I have good odds.

Wait, what do you mean looking for a fuck?

Was it coming to rape you??

emus literally, i am not joking here
EAT ROCKS

they eat fucking rocks

and they can cut trees down with their blade like feet. i am not even joking.

australia is so fucked life evolved to cut down trees and eat rocks. i dont even.

It was in mating season, they roam around looking for females and they get super aggressive. I took a kick that broke three ribs and had to run and hide in a ditch while the fucker tried to get at me.

My uncle came looking for me and shot the bird.

I WASNT EVEN JOKING
youtube.com/watch?v=o99sz7iomOs

It aids digestion, lots of animals do it.

Emus probably also eat other random shit because ostriches will have a good for anything shiny or interesting looking.

Our ostrich culling is 10/10 better than Oz though.

your wild life raids white people tho
0/10

Do you have any flat Tharja?

Yours steals petrol.

Lel

sure

HOW IS THAT WORSE THAN DYING

I wonder who actually does have the worst wild life, south Africa or Australia

the problem with emus they are only there as a noob filter

Oh shit I know the cassowaries are like the SS of flightless birds

LMAO

>T user who prepped the Emu and watched his wife get fucked.
How can aussies compete?

how can you fight this?

>just grab it by the neck and strangle/break it

How hard can it be? It's not like these things are as big as ostriches.

Do I get to use a gun?

they will get you when you least expect it, their armies learnt from the dropbears the art of stealth

they are essentially dinosaurs that became beta fucks and then went right back to being badass

a club or some other striking weapon would make it easier...

but unarmed? yup. I have thumbs and can articulate my center of gravity.

more than one; probably not, much like a standard sized canid or any cat larger than a lynx.

I'd rather take on 2 emus at once than one gibbon. Fuck gibbons

Fuck any kind of monkey or ape, they will literally pull your face off


You ain't got a chance against a chimpanzee even if you ran

ye cant even 1v1 a drop bear ya bogan cunt.

>be aussie
>get btfo by cane toads

emu master race reporting in

We dont exist.
>We lost the war

i have a machete
this thing does not have a machete
>who will win?
a faggoty britbong asks
>it's a mystery to everyone

There is a way to take on any number of emus, unarmed, and guarantee they will run from you.

Yeah, I bet that cunt cant even take a hit

the father of the anglosphere is the true master of bantz

a gibbon? you literally grab one leg and go full Hulk-vs-Loki on their ass
if any brains are left, brazil seems to think they're a delicacy
enjoy, i guess

Attempting to hit it could get you killed.

I'm %100 sure a Gibbon would fuck you up, even if you're some MMA fighter

...

there was a primate research facility on Holloman when i was stationed there. worked on the equipment they used to detect anthrax or whatever there. let me tell you something- if you have a grape, those fuckers are your best friend for about 20 seconds. give the fucker a grape and go ham. easy

why don't Aussies simply overeat them?
emu meat looks freaking delicious!

We have a few small populations of introduced wild ostriches as well and formerly blackbuck antelope but I think they've died out

when it's prepared like that, it sure does
i imagine it's game-y as fuck. had an ostrich burger one time. definitely not a fan
beef beats ostrich any day of the week, based on my experience

it's not that good, huh?

R I P australiantelopes

Plenty of introduced deer for hunting in VIC and NSW tho.

bite its neck

checked
the texture was wrong. like- it looked great, but it just wasn't satisfying
i'm also not too keen on burgers in general, but it seemed interesting. 3/10 might try again for science, but would not recommend

it would peck your brainmeats right out of your skull
no.

I'd honestly try and strangle it like it was a cartoon and if that didn't work I'd accept defeat

>Beef beats ostrich
Nah m8, I fucking love me some ostrich. Had some ostrich mince last night and it was fucking 10/10.

Here in SA as well, I went for a walk in the hills a while ago and stumbled across a whole family of fallow deer just chilling

Probably horse meat from Tescos lad

It was from Iceland, so while potentially the case, I doubt it. I do agree the texture was different, but thing is, I'm a butcher and deal & eat beef all the time because of it.
Having something different was nice.

Is Tharjaposting a thing all of a sudden?

I can't imagine an ostrich patty being great. I smoked an ostrich roast with a mustard rosemary rub (other stuff in there too) served sliced thin with a reduction sauce and it was nice. It's lean, though, definitely needed the sauce after smoking. Maybe would be good too, but I think it would be improved with a sauce. Duck and beef can be great served like that, but duck is more supple and oily and beef is marbled and nicely textured when good cuts are used.

Ok, for all those who genuinely don't know...
Here's how you can make any emu back down if it gets aggressive:

Raise your arm, and make pic related gesture.

This works every time because emus are submissive to a dominant emu, which in emu terms means... the tallest one.

A fully grown emu will not usually exceed 6 feet in height, so even if you're a 5'0" manlet, if you have arms longer than 1 ft., this always works, and on any number of emus at a time.

I can personally vouch for this method, having used it numerous times without fail.

So the war was not necessary to begin with - the army simply needed to walk around like that and corral them?

What about putting a bag over their head? I remember watching a video in school called "Ostrich Farming in the Little Karoo" (agricultural school) and that is how they got the ostriches to calm down but don't know if it would work for emus. The video also featured a graphic ostrich masturbation scene for the purposes of AI that has haunted me ever since...

Pretty much.

Not sure, never tried it.

Australian military is filled with manlets, they never stood a chance

Was this what Rod Hull was thinking?

sure with the militairy grade assault rifel the aussies had i could takeout as many as i have bullets

>1v1
>a fucking dinosaur

doubt it

Cassowaries OTOH will just fuck your day up

This is one burger who will never talk shit about Aussies vs emus.
>washing my truck one day down on me knees 4 yo daughter on the steps talking endless about big bird. Ignore her not interested in Sesame Street recap. Feel like something is watching me turn my head face to face with red beady eyes. He had his head down almost touching my shoulder. In one step I made it into the bed of that truck. Dumbass people at the end of the road was raising them and 3 got out. 4yo wasn't talking about Sesame Street.
Fuck emus

Bait.

Funny cunt

i was molested by an emu at toronga zoo

I once fingered some cunts bunghole when he came into my enclosure.

No they're completely stupid and just keep coming at you, mainly because they can't move backward but also because they go stupid aggressive.

>"Emus are large, powerful birds, and their legs are among the strongest of any animal and powerful enough to tear down metal fencing."
Crikey
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emu

If you have to fight an emu, stay on its sides, hit its neck and make loud noises. It's very hard to take down an emu but you can scare ig away. Beware its claws, it can easily slice you open

Many birds eat rocks. It's imperative for their digestive system.

you couldn't beat us with guns not sure why you think you could beat us without them. Australia is rightfully emu clay