Juicero

Juicero
>$120M in investment
>makes a $400 (formerly $799) always online "juice" press, that requires a smartphone app
>it squeezes DRM protected propietary pouches of ground up fruit/vegetables to produce juice that are $7 each for 200gms (8 ounce), the pouches have QR codes and can be disabled remotely
>also pouches are based around subscriptions and once you use the pouch you have to rinse it out and mail it back
>turns out you can get the same results by squeezing the pouches with your hands

bloomberg.com/news/features/2017-04-19/silicon-valley-s-400-juicer-may-be-feeling-the-squeeze
youtu.be/5lutHF5HhVA

How to use it
youtu.be/-i0UugILBJg

Ad for it:
youtu.be/X1oHp-VvhDE

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=viejY6UZ5Bk
twitter.com/NSFWRedditImage

The bubble is gonna burst any day now...

daily casual reminder that the foudner obviously is of devout Hindu faith

not politics. Take it to biz

dat innovation

youtube.com/watch?v=viejY6UZ5Bk

the juice loosener

I don't get why you keep making this thread. This retarded botnet juicer is AIDSilicon HIValley bullshit, we know.

what kind of a fucking idiot would even want this retarded trash?

Designed by Yves Behar, Dr Oz loves it, Gwyneth Paltrow's site named it invention of the year in 2016, A-Trak is a fan, Oprah handed it out and Katy Perry enjoyed it at Coachella, why aren't you juicing with #Juicero?

Vegan/Organic retards will pay anything for something that will tell them that they are eating healthy or "helping out the planet", without even realizing what it is or how it works

Hey I'm not an idiot, the juice tastes great.

The free market will fix it.

You mean there's a better way?

i am actually planning to get this, ama.
i never drink juice because cleaning the blender takes a solid 10 minutes if you don't want rotting chunks of fruit under the blades.
i will wait until they go down to $50 like the coffee ones.

u are a fat retarded lazy fagget if u cant keep a 60 dollar juicer clean

Same honestly its a good idea it needs the following to win me over:

-Less than $200-300, the price for a good juicer (Source: I have a $300 juicer, the Omega NC800 HDS)

-No more mailing back the bags. Fuck that shit, unless they include the return label with the original shipment, but even then, fuck that.

-$4-5 per bag tops. Its 8oz of juice. $8 is fucking retarded. I'd like to see it in the $2-3 range for max value

That being said, this crypto-jew (((Evans))) is a fucking con-artist and a swindler. And his investors are fucking idiots to not know the bags could be hand squeezed.

I hope this company dies and the a less ((( ))) one makes a similar product at a fair price.

the scam is to release it at a high price, then drop it 90% overnight.
everyone will hear about the insane $400 price and then be glad to pay $50 for it a few months down the line.
becoming a meme is part of their plan.

>the pouches have QR codes and can be disabled remotely

What the fuck does this mean? Do the pouches grow superhard skin that can't be squeezed when deactivated?

it has at least 150 USD in safety measures.

the juice bags by themselves would sell. theres no market for green ready-made juice, why the fucking presser?

Just get some Innocent juice
It's the best juices I have ever had period

Its as easy as that!!

or you could, you know, just buy fucking raw juice from a farmers market or whole foods or some shit.

I had a juicer, used it fucking once and then it was out on the curb the next day. No matter how well you think you've cleaned it, those fuckers get pulp stuck in every goddamn crevice and it's like trying to scrape off superglue.

>$120 million
So this is the power of Capitalist R&D... Not bad...

Why not just drink it directly from the pouch as a grab and go take anywhere juice???

I love how the video is literally

>do you need a $400 juicer?
>no you don't need a $400 juicer
>you need this other $400 juicer

there's fiber in it, you still neet to squizz like a fucker to get it all out, thus the presser

Just use a bullet style blender... Drinking the juice alone is stupid and has barely any benefit. You are a retard if you don't consume it all and just shave off excess skin as needed then toss it, or compost or shove it up your vegan asshole if you desire.

I love how the hippy morons that obsess over shit like this just toss the packages in to the recycling/trash... To be picked up by an emission spewing vehicle to go to the emission spewing plant.

OY VEY IT NEED 300 LBS TO PRES THE JEWS FROM THE BAG

STOP HAVING ANOTHER SHOA ALSO USE YOUR PHONE TO UNLOCK IT

This is the type of thing that when I find out it's real , catapults me to new levels of red pilling

I just can't wrap my head around what kind of world we live in where not only did someone think up something so fucktarded but they then mass produced it , AND people fucking bought it with real genuine fake fiat currency.

However I must redirect and utilize this event and many similar such occurrences to bolster my understanding of so called humanity

>juice more like jews

vitamix master race, silky smooth smoothies and soups every time, easy to clean, durable.


could you not just suck the juice out of these packets or insert a straw like a large pretentious capri sun?

Make it so you can't order JuicePods except via the JuiceApp that connects to your JuiceMachine that has to be online to connect to the JuiceCloud to make sure that your JuicePlus Subscription is still achive. Where's your hand squeezing now?

>letting any pleb with a credit card order JuicePods

The Segway, mein nigger.

BRAIN FORCE

IT'S THE CROMAGNON ZONE. I USED TO THINK I WAS STUPID AND THEN I GOT HOOK ON THIS STUFF
>the mental clarity is immesurable
>it made my wife cum 4 times and my dick hard
>i don't know how I'd fight the globalists without it
IT'S A WIN WIN WIN WHEN YOU BUY BEST PILLS ON EASTER SALE, NOW EXTENDED ANOTHER DAY

YOU'LL NEVER KNOW HOW YOU HAD A DICK WITHOUT IT

can this juicer do THIS?

this. My NutriBullet RX can blend anything up to and including Wolverine's skeleton, and makes both cold smoothies and hot sou, for less than $150 and without a fucking "subscription". Idiots.

I have a juicer that is at least twenty years old (possibly forty depending on when Grandma bought it), still works great and can also make ice cream. Why do people pay for this shit? Why did people throw away their ultra-durable seventies appliances for rickety overpriced crap?

Bay area yuppies with trust funds.

When the juicer detects an invalid/third-party pouch the light will flash red and refuse to squeeze.

When it deems your legally purchased pouch of juice wasn't squeezed within X hours(depending on the type) it will flash yellow, refuse to squeeze, and they will mail you a new pouch.

If you lose internet connectivity during the juicing process(2-3 minutes) you have to use your smartphone app to re-authenticate the bag before attempting to re-juice.

The QR code also allows you to see which farms in America produced the contents of your bag, and locate other bags sourced from the same farms to purchase.

wow someone saved and reposted my pepe colorization.

I made that like 2 years ago.

>When the juicer detects an invalid/third-party pouch the light will flash red and refuse to squeeze.
What is the source on that?

He still looks like a smug faggot. Paul Graham wrote about the Segway, before he turned cuck.

At least nobody sees you using your $400 JuicePod with the JuiceApp, your faggotry goes on behind closed doors.

The subscriptions are probably what's most important to them but they got greedy by not selling the juicer at cost like a cheap HP printer.

Because I look to none of those people as role models.

>YOU'LL NEVER KNOW HOW YOU HAD A DICK WITHOUT IT

I kek'ed

i know how it feels senpai, alex jones and RT.com posted an offshoot of my OC pepe.

What's the point of drinking fruit juice? So people can pretend they're being healthy? Because they aren't. You're just getting all the sugar from fruit while the worthwhile nutrients are being stripped out.

The shit an Aussie would say for some (You)'s

that game is top tier.

>Vegan
Get us out of that you obsessed leaflet
most vegans buy their shit cheap and are past the overpriced, niche directed trickery

I(read my retarded sister) owns one, spent a while trying to force it to squeeze a pouch we refilled, had to trick it into thinking the pouch had failed mid-squeeze and even then it only worked until the pouch's coded "expiration date" hit.

desu I think this is just a test to see how accepting of this level of control people are willing to give to a corporation/government/zog (same shit, all same bed.)

If Sup Forums could stop being retarded for ten seconds, this is obviously a social experiment, not a genuine business endeavor. They're testing the public reaction to see if the conditioning has set in enough.

Remember, Capitalism is best because Harvard scientists proved that Capitalism is best at price discovery and asset allocation. That means in capitalist society everything is always the right price and everyone gets what they deserve! If you disagree then you are the problem not society! Take your medication along with the other 40% of society that can't live in this society without medication.

I think it's just to see if you'll spend $400 for problems.

When they work out some of the last kinks with smart refrigerators/freezers this is the kind of phone-home technology they'd kill to have access to.

I assume Juicero is reports a ton about user habits and use cases, which is part of the reason why Google gave them as much VC as they did.

This cunt knows what's up. Vitamix literally spins fast enough to blend and cook vegetables at the same time. Made some decent broccoli soup the other day

I'd rather they work out a fridge where I could just adjust the knob so it would come back on with the wrong setting after a power outage.

kek when they first introduced those keurig things my reaction was basically this.

give it a year, these fucking things will be everywhere.

its not ORANGE juice its BROCCOLI juice

GOD you people sometimes are WORSE that HITLER

Except keurig is actually convenient because it provides a convenient cup of drip coffee.

The juice machine serves no purpose, it is a bag of already made juice.

>falling for the juice Jew
Just eat a fucking piece of fruit, you get fiber and more nutrients along with it. Holy fuck you hipsters are losers. The easiest thing in the world is to separate an idiot from his money.

>the only way to use it is through the internet and a smartphone app
>have to tell the app your wifi information to get the juicer online and usable
>only rich retards would buy this hunk of shit
>google dumped a gorillion dollars into funding it
>implying this wasn't some roundabout way of hacking the personal wireless networks of celebrities and rich people for blackmailing, identity theft, or other devious purposes

You can literally just buy the bags and squeeze them. You would probably drink the thing like a big capri sun pouch u autistic fuck.

that expires so quickly they can sell it only on 17 states of america

at least it doesnt have conservants i guess

This product is next level jewery

And a cup of Keurig is only 50ยข v $7

Wow, just wow, I can't even... You really need to self-crit.

It literally just squeezes the juice out of the bag? Is that functionally all it does? Seriously?

I sometimes use a metal sieve like cup in mine and add fresh coffee grounds. I heard the new ones don't allow this

Also when has coffee ever expired? I have tins of cheap coffee that have been sitting around for years

Yeah, how about no

If you can't see how Keurig is actually convenient and how this piece of shit is not I don't know what to tell you

I can't squeeze a k cup and make coffee come out

>Doug is made of JEWCE

he looks like a fucking cryptokike

Couldn't you just, you know, buy pressed juice?
I will never understand why people would want almost pressed juice. Pressing it in a factory is no different to when they cut it up in said factory.

you have to understand that this "400 ton" presser is based entirely on the idea of preventing knockoffs

it has a camera, a wifi router, apps built to serve the device and a whole backbone infrastructure whose sole purpose is preventing its owner from squeezing jooice bags from other companies.

>Think this is some ancap satire thread
>mfw it's real

Lmao

I know this Aussie has posted this thread at least 3 times today but I'll still reply. I honestly can't believe how retarded this thing is. Not only that but the all exalted Google have this retard millions of dollars?

It's just too funny

Jewcero

>LITERALLY cutting the fiber apart in your vegetables
>decreasing the fiber content in your vegetables in fruit
>increasing your risk of colon cancer by using a blender instead of eating the veggies and fruits naturally

youre all IDIOTS. just do it NATURALLY and eat the fruit and vegetables WITH YOUR MOUTH.

ITT neets that seriously have never tried using a standard juicer before

this is actually a good invention

Jesus christ what's next a 2000$ banana peeler?

it's actually faster to do that lmao

0 liquid in that bullet

More like Jewsero amirite?

People like to feel as though they're receiving it 'fresher'. Even though, yes, it's already pressed and is significantly less fresh, they think the extra step means it's fresher.

people are retarded, but this is nothing new.

Hi thanks for repoasting this.

I have to say, this is not just a stupid investment scam, not just an awful product, it's not just a sign of the times, this jewser is a harbinger of the end time of our civilization.

It may be THE sign that this clown show faggot circus can no longer take even one more step without blindly stumbling off the edge of the late empire into the abyss of a blood drenched collapse.

There are no words for this abomination.

Think about the slave children in African cobalt mines and the ecological holocaust underway in china to acquire the metals for this "product." Think about the complex plastics and technology that had to come together to manufacture this thing. Think about the chain of inventions, patents, painstaking intellectual labor over generations. Imagine the global computer networks and millions of "smart" phones that had to be intricately designed to allow this thing to function with it's preposterous juice tracking design. It's as if all of civilization has risen up to this point where we could see a shekel shucking kike swindle gullible goys for a machine that does literally nothing. You can pick a fruit off a tree and eat it you know. You can squeeze a fruit with your HAND.

It's astonishing. We have reached the end of this absurdity called civilization, or at least the capitalist neoliberal part.

In the future this product will be seen as a landmark. It's peak Jew. You saw it here with this jewser. I must thank you for reminding us how far we've come, and how far we are about to fall.

>i never drink juice because cleaning the blender takes a solid 10 minutes if you don't want rotting chunks of fruit under the blades.
buy a new blender you fuck, warm water and dish soap is all I need to clean mine

>cleaning the blender takes a solid 10 minutes if you don't want rotting chunks of fruit under the blades.
no, 1 minute.
use a goupillon
other than that, blending isnt juicing
get a masticating juicer for that, or a juice extractor (still a slow spin, low heating mofo, not a fast spinning vitamins burning one)
it should still be around 400$

i'm a pro juicer AMA
no i'm just a beginner and my colon still needs cleansing
but boy does it enhance my life to have my daily blend

pro tip: do get an expensive blender, a long warranty, tough engine model

that's the trick
you cant make a decent blender anywhere near that low price, not even 150$ cut it
aim at 300$+ and look for ten years warranties, that's the sign of a durable design

I wonder why something that is as mundane to me as tying my shoes is some kind of ritual for first world countries.
Drop fruits in a blender, press a button, serve on a jar, flood the blender with normal water while you serve and eat your lunch, shake the blender a bit and you're done. Maybe you use "le goupillon" once a month for bacteria.

this
obviously greatest ally entrepreneur has some ties to the datawiz (mossad) jews
remember it doesnt stop there, soon you wont be able to get toilet paper out of its dispenser if you havent sacrificed to google before sitting on the throne

Who the fuck funds these retards?
Stupidest idea ever

Their initial round of venture capital investing was claiming that it would be "pressed juice k-cups, capturing the millenial market with healthy alternatives, paired with a patented design to ensure no knockoffs could be created" except they forgot you can fucking squeeze the packets with your god damned HANDS, so in their flustered panic, they forced you to have bought a juicero, first hand, through the official website, to be eligible for subscription services to purchase the juice packets.

basically, if you don't buy the juicero, you can't buy the juice packets. It's hilarious.

>>increasing your risk of colon cancer by using a blender instead of eating the veggies and fruits naturally
>
>youre all IDIOTS. just do it NATURALLY and eat the fruit and vegetables WITH YOUR MOUTH.

uh no
you wont eat nearly as much fruit/juice with your mouth (say 1/3 to 1/10 the quantity)
you wont assimilate their nutrients nearly as well
if you eat veggies in a salad instead of blended/juiced you'll add seasoning like fat and salt, making the whole dish very different and less healthy

trust me goy once you tasted your blend/juice, you'll know you shouldnt have lived without it for so long

it doesnt cleanse your colon all by itself but it's a big step in the direction

Who the fuck wants a subscription to juice?
Who the fuck wants DRM in their juice?
Who the fuck wants to control a juicer with a smart phone app instead of just pressing a button?
Insanity

You could avoid all of this hassle by simply eating the fucking fruit you know.

Most people don't need to worry about the efficiency of vitamin/mineral intake since you most likely eat an excess anyway. Getting dietary fiber is significantly more important than counting micronutrients.

Rare
A
R
E

jewcero?

It's part of the rich, spoiled kids in the millennial generation that have Alexa or Echo do the work.

These are the kids that can't change a tire without BMW roadside service, certainly can't cook anything without a meal being delivered with pre-packaged, pre-measured ingredients, and very detailed, dumbed down cooking instructions.

Believe me, the people that buy these things aren't:

1. Going to figure out you can just squeeze it
2. Even care enough once they sign up and it's delivered to even want to "cheat it"

Ahhhh, you too know the tech bubble!!!!

She grows!!!!!! I agree, things are reaching peak saturation. I cannot wait to witness the fallout from my cozy Florida home.