IRL MOMENTS: Close-Call Edition

>be me
>date is April 20, 2017
>get to work early, notice no one is here yet
>see a volkswagen commercial on the TV (it plays 24/7)
>remember it is the Fuhrer's birthday
>take out my compass
>Proceed to Sieg Heil while facing Germany
>I hear a shy "goodmorning" come from the secretary's desk
>It's the new intern girl who has been with our company for three days
>I shit myself and say "oh hi, haha. I got a really bad cramp in my elbow from rock climbing yesterday."
>she believes it and asks me more about my fake rock climbing hobby

What were your "Oh Shit" situations, Sup Forums? Power-level slips only.

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You actually did that in your workplace

didn't think there was anybody there

>KEK

>Be me
>at work with another red pilled white goy
>lunch time
>assume everyone but us has already gone to lunch
>start talking about funny racist songs
>sing "I like sugar and I like tea, but I don't like niggers, no sirree"
>tell mate it's an old KKK song
>he responds by singing "the house next door to me, got sold, to niggerrrrs"
>Also an old KKK song
>"singing the blues, man"
>we laugh as we walk past office door
>see supervisor still sitting at his desk
>he's black

>be me
>be a neet on neetbux
>date is yesterday
>i go full 3rd reich SIEG HEIL mode during the lunch in front of my mom because fuck her
>go back to my room
>this cunt just stole all my pee bottles
>wtf.jpeg
>i pissed on thee flowers as revenge and yelled FUCK YOU MOM
>then i left to meet my friends in a local pub.
>came back to my mom house
>go in my basement
>fuck this, too much beer, i need one of my pee bottle
>hofuckno.png
>was so drunk i finished pissing in the washing machine yelling 'I WANT MY PEE BOTTLES BACK MOM ITS ALL YOUR FAULT WHAT IM DOING RN'

>go see movie with friends
>we buy some popcorn and soda
>at the checkpoint, girl says "enjoy the movie!"
>i say "you too!" really loudly
>walk away in shame as i realize she's not going to see the movie

How is this story redpilled ? Are you a normie ?

you act and speak like a fucking normie


NORMIE GET OUT REEEEEEEEEEEE

Never had one.

>be me stories

go back to /r9k/ circa 2010

>watching show with family
>people arguing about free speech
>one (((person))) talks about how white people have the privilege to to speak hate to anyone they want on MSM
>angrily shout this is why hitler gassed people
>family laughs and says youre so extreme
>thank god I joke about these kids of things on the registration
>manage to recover

Christ I can't take living with these cucks sometimes.

KKK in Australia?
Why do Australians hate Catholics?

>Friend has near suicidal levels of anxiety during the elections
>Try and comfort him by telling him it'll be alright
>Goes on for a while, explain how the polls are biased and take bad samples and so on
>"Do you have a source?"
>Sup Forums is my source
>Try and explain with the LA times poll and how it works
>"I don't know man, it just doesn't make me feel any better"
>Eventually link them to Sup Forums
>They immediately send that pic of all the jews controlling media to me and goes "wtf is this"
>"Do not go down the jew pit."
>"Wtf is the jew pit"

I laughed incredibly hard but I've made a terrible mistake. It did help him get over his anxiety.

>dumb phone poster

I should be gassed for not proof reading

To be fair, he works in a place that has a TV playing, so it's not like he's an actual professional.

>Chatting with my Grandad who fought in France in the war
>Casually try to test the waters by saying "You see the state Britain is in now, do you think it was even worth it?"
>He gets furious with me and says that it was honour to fight in the war, that Hitler was a monster that needed to be stopped and that no one who was alive back then would think otherwise
>He then talks for 15 minutes about how many Nazis he personally killed and that Nazis aren't human

>What were your "Oh Shit" situations, Sup Forums?
I don't have any because I'm not a neo-nazi-nutjob. Also, posting porn models is "degenerate".

Pretty sure the KKK isn't here leafbro, we've just their yokel music on the internet and think it's funny.

Unfortunately I work in IT, jobs are only in Vienna and the industry as well as the city are unbelievably cucked.
I'm doing everything to not reveal my powerlevel, but saying nothing when everybody else is happy about like stuff like Hofer not getting into office kind of gives it away.

The eternal Anglo strikes again

btw I just came for for MILF titties, so good job OP, i guess

>be me
>listening to GLR speeches on laptop late at night
>close the screen to go to bed
>doesn't close tabs or turn laptop off
>next morning arrive early to class, only few people present as of yet
>room is silent
>open up laptop to check FB
>GLR video resumes playing in the browser
>volume turned all the way up
>everyone in the room hears GLR rambling about NatSoc from my PC
>struggle to turn off volume, but have to sign in first
>laugh it off as if I was just memeing
>mfw they believe me

>be me
>18 years old going to some chick's Formal (that's Prom for you yanks)
>go back to her home after Prom
>She puts on James Bond Casino Royale
>parents say goodnight and go upstairs
>something something happens eventually my pee-pee is out and she's licking the head, about to be the first blowjob for both of us
>her dad comes downstairs to get something out the fridge
>her head pops up and she says "oh hi dad we're just watching TV"
>I'm panicking, she should have just said she was sucking me off, it's the same thing
>her father looks mortified and wonders back upstairs
>I say to her "he fell for it!"
>she giggles and continues sucking me off
>I cum in her eyes because I can't aim

It was the best of times. It was the blurst of times

>be me

In 8th grade class, do a project where we have to weigh ourselves and write the weights on this assignment sheet.

Teacher grades papers and puts them on back table, tells us to get them ourselves like animals.

Stand around the crowd sorting through papers, think I see my paper, grab it because it has the same weight as me.

Realize it's not my paper, it's Short Fat Girls paper, autism kicks in.

"OMG Short Fat Girl sure is fat!"

Drop her paper back in the pile keep trying to find mine. Look up, everyone is looking at me, Short Fat Girl standing right next to me looking like she's gonna cry.

Stammer, everyone starts laughing at her and congratulating me on the great mean joke, didn't think you had it in you user, thought you were a fag or something. Most popular I'd ever been in a class.

TFW you die a little inside.

he was right though. Nobody really knew how bad the USSR was until later on in the war. At the time Britain and Germany went to war it was Germany being the greatest threat. And Germany and Britain were at war with each other for ~3 weeks until the USSR decided to take the opportunity to invade Poland. What was Britain going to do? Declare war on USSR too?

Britain didn't become the shithole it is today because they defeated Germany in WW2. Britain became a shithole because of their own choices they made in the decades following. Opening the doors to the Commonwealth was entirely your own doing.

Fuckin lol

That's why democracy doesn't work.

That didn't happen, but that slut is kinda sexy.

Yes, in a "Ulla Goes to Work" kinda way
youtube.com/watch?v=1WcXPRQZK7E

how old is your grandad

Is that a from a Mel Brooks movie?

I had to take her to the store to get eye drops because my spunk was too salty.

>sitting at home after work
>tv is on, blasting kike inspired pro nigger bs
>immediately I'll at seeing a nigger on the tv
>wife turns the channel stating she hates kikes and niggers

Also

>at work
>interviewing a new employee
>everything checks out, good trade school grades, has his certifications
>He's white, got hired
>tell him we don't hire niggers or spics
>responds that's why he came to me

I own my own business and only hire racist whites. Fuck you loser neets

>be cook
>talking to other cook who is black
>we are both cooking mexican food
>the irony is that a white guy and a black guy are cooking mexican food and everyone else who works there is mexican and tons of mexican patrons
>all the white people come to the drive thru
>I say to him, "You know people are conquered when the food they eat most is another culture's food."
>He agrees

yeah, Young Frankenstein as I recall.
Classic "Roll in the hay" scene too.

How do I identify a racist business in IT?
Looking at the employees is not enough, they obviously are all-euro because nogs are too stupid for the job and wouldn't meet the qualifications.
We have a few kikes (or at least good goyim), though.

Which is worse? She gets double teamed by nogs. Or her cuck husband filming it.

OP not posting sauce

>See a nigger walking down the street
>Give him Nazi salute
>Nigger punches me
>I punch nigger
>We fight
>Cop car pulls up
>Two cops get out and spray and taze us both
>They ask what started it
>Nigger says "He gibs me da fingah!"
>I nod and smile.

>be me when I was 20 years old
>have been masturbating to incest porn for years
>when getting horny just want to fuck my mom
>some day, while masturbating, decide that it's time to do it
>go to mom's room
>take some stockings (hngg) and a thong from her cubpoard and put them on her bed, under the cushion
>go to room, take phone and start typing a long whatsapp that basically says I want to fuck her and that if she feels the same way, to go to her room, wear what I put on her bed and come to my room to have sex
>send message
>instant regret
>I hear the stairs, she is coming
>panic
>sit on my bed, pretend I am playing videogames and hide my phone
>she opens the door
>"what are you doing user?"
>"playing games"
>"what did you do in my room?"
>"what? nothing, I'm just playing games"
>"where's your phone user?"
>"I dont know"
>"okay, we will talk tomorrow"
>try to avoid her for the next whole week
>never talk about it ever again

I hope she has forgotten about it. It's been 5 years.

>How do I identify a racist business in IT?
What kind of a retard are you? What does that even mean?

Ever had an office job?

Yes.

Newfag

>>take out my compass
>>Proceed to Sieg Heil while facing Germany

I fucking DIED from kek

you (and she) are spanish. that explains everything, amigo.

I believe that is "wifey"

This.

Sauce, you cunt.

Ok, maybe it's different in Slovenia, but here you basically get peer pressured in being a leftist. Hear or possibly partake in obnoxious gender- or womyn rights talks in the kitchen, have conversations about how FPÖ members are morons and you are voting Green - such things.
It's even bad when you choose to be passive, like pass the group, get your coffee and get back to wörk.

Kill yourself newfag

>be military
>walk into room with friend close behind me to grab jacket
>notice friend isn't behind me anymore
>walk outside room
>say "where dat other nigga at now"
>turn to left
>right beside my door is biggest black dude powerlifter that I am friendly with
>immediately overcome with embarrassment but hide it
>"oh hey man what's up"
>have quick chat about irrelevant shit
>walk away

really thought that was the end for me

>be me
>car got fucked,have to take a taxi to go to work
>fuckme.jpg get stuck in traffic
>casual talk with the taxi driver
>we talk about recent events in politics
>all of a sudden he starts to redpill me on reptile people,jews,ancient monks who protect Romania,illuminati and how 90% of our politicians are satanists
>I agree with him and start to redpill him on Donald Trump
>he gives me his number and we sometimes go for a beer and redpill eachother

sounds like the start of a blossoming romani romance

Jesus dude

Stop being your degenerate self.
Start being the volkish ubermensch you wish everyone was.

People do stupid things when horny.

Could have been good, though. Was your mom hot?

Is that wifey?

>During breakfast watching TV with fathers side of family
>All they do is try to identify who is jewish and then proceed to critique them

>be me seig heiling fellow friends in high school
>friends do the same
>no one said anything to me about it.
I did it ironically, but the power of memes are eternal and now I'm a nationalist. Oyyy veyyy.

Well, my mentor last year referred to triggers as "trigger niggers". My current job, the boss called a Russian guy that works there because he took his monitor a Russian gypsy. The other boss once told the computer he's going to punch it in the cunt if it won't cooperate. Another guy once said: "Will it be a boy or an abortion?" That nigga's a gay Serb, yo. An assistant at uni when he was checking our IDs at the beginning of the exam, told us how hard it has to be in America to do this, because all Asians look the same, so it's no surprise they all have good grades. A professor at uni told us about his experiences in America. How being white is basically P2W. About the token black people and the Asians that they trade if their grades start slipping. Or about this black lady with huge nails selling bus tickets that took so long that the black bus driver was embarrassed and let a bunch of people on for free because she was taking so much time that a lot of people didn't have the ticket when the bus was supposed to leave. Another professor once said when we were talking about colors, that he swears that there's like 10 of them, but women insist otherwise.

She was/is just the average looking mom 6-7/10, it was not real atraction, I only felt like fucking her when I was horny, I don't know why. Fortunately I don't feel that shit anymore.

Fucking degenerate.

>gave in to the yellow fever meme
>Hispanic male now with Japanese girl
>go out on date realize there's 2 type of jap girls giggling concubines and silent bitchy geishas
>she's the Silent bitchy type
>NO FUN ALLOWED
>have to act manly all day just to get into her panties at night
>before I finish look in her eyes and tell her I'm going to make cummies to get her to laugh
>instant turn off she says tells me to get off
>takes another hour to convince her to continue promise never to laugh again
>silent annoyed sex Tinbergen rest of the night and she wasn't even tight
>fall asleep thinking why'd I fall for the meme
thanks Sup Forums I should've stuck to white girls at least they like fun and don't go into kamikaze for emperor kill all non Nippon flashbacks
>fucking her again next week anyway every time she steals more and more of my soul

>No phone posting while still comfy in bed

Your loss m8

I thought i was the only one who likes a little GLR before bedtime. I think ive run out of recordings of him though

Yes. No ass, hips, or legs. Just a cute face and tits.

Oy vey the goyim know of our secret.

>when you lived long enough to see wifey's world end up doing bbc on camera

shitty feels lads

Fuck my life, she burns coal now too?

>Be in mcdonalds drive thru with gf in her car
>telling her my order so she can repeat it to the microphone
>Line of cars behind us
>Nice night; everyone has windows down
>I want 3 McChickens
>(((3 MCCHICKENS)))
>1 large fry
>(((1 LARGE FRY)))
>a 4-piece chicken tendies
>(((a 4-PIECE CHICKEN NUGGET)))
>To go
>(((TO GO)))
kek almost every time. She still hasn't caught on.

not just one, but multiple coals. fucking wifey's world succumbed to the jewish black cock meme. all while her husband films it.

Just deleted a vid of which I thought it was hot because blonde petite qt, but then noticed it had a big shitskin bull cock (Turk, Mexican or something) fucking her.
Outlook is bleak.

I see you have arrived recently.

Y-you too.

Whats her name?

I openly talk about how the Holocaust is a Soviet cover-up operation to distract from the Jews killing over 100 million Russians, it's how I met my current girlfriend who I want to spend my life with.

>Talking with friend
>he brings up that he goes to Sup Forums
>oh cool, I'm on Sup Forums and /k/ all the time
>looks at me like I just murdered a baby
>he just goes to Sup Forums

>take out my compass
>Proceed to Sieg Heil while facing Germany

And nazis still claim they are not muslims

I can't jack off to that shit. I just happened to be on a porn site ready to whack it and saw a wifey's world BBC video and thought to myself "OY VEY I been droppin loads to you since I was a lad why'd you have to nig yourself impossibly busty fifty year old" then jacked off to a facial cumshot compilation with the volume turned all the way up. Pretty depressing when the golden age of amateur porn stars start sucking down coon dick to try and stay relevant

>date is april 20

I'm already laughing.

I'm only here for those tig bitties

This user gets it

Nice.
Story?

Kek

>autism

here's the disgusting proof

>wtf is the jew pit

Kek

Por desgracia tio

My hero. Racist wife and your own redpilled workplace. You fucking champion

hahahah. this is amazing

Are you that fucking Spaniard who posts the communism threads?

I don't get what's so funny

goddamn that's the dumbest and saddest thing i've ever read

>be me kind of new to the area
>job transfer
>talking to new coworker
>white male, metal militia sticker on truck
>he claims he's lost a lot of respect for the local police over the last few years
>"Too many diversity hires?"
>he looks at me sternly
>"No. They are getting too lax with their physical fitness requirements."
>Oh... heh... gotcha... yeah I know what you mean

Sandra otterson. Goes by wifey. Laugh hard at people being upset she fucks nogs. Why defend a whore?

Had to read it three times myself, you can do it.

Por la santa polla tio, seguro que sois mago.

Why didn't you tell her that it was Fuhrer's birthday and you just heiled him facing Germany?

In a drive thru all orders are to go.