Joke thread

So my Dad told me a joke:

Why are 50 pence coins shaped the way they are?

So you can use a spanner to wrestle them from a Jew's hand.

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=JIHN1UkcSGot=4m40s
youtube.com/watch?v=SAVRFy3iS5A
youtube.com/watch?v=fUopUrwj79Y
youtube.com/watch?v=jIC1V3FiVyY
twitter.com/NSFWRedditGif

Oh man, that's a good joke. Here in the first world, we call them wrenches, though.

>Here in the first world,
nice one

How many jews can be put into a car?
2 in the front seats
3 in the back seats
1 in the trunk
6 gorillions in ashtray

Why are Jews' noses so big.?

Oxygen is free.

>Why do coins have ridges around the edge?
>To keep Jews from shaving the rim
That's not a joke that's just historical fact

A Jew goes to temple one Sabbath day. He looks to skies and prays "Oh Yahweh! I implore thee to let me wing the lottery!"

God does not answer.

The next week, he goes to temple again. With greater passion, he looks to god and shouts "Oh great Yahweh! I implore thee to let me win the lottery!"

God does not answer.

On the third Saturday, with tears in his eyes, the Jew falls to his kness and throws his hands to the sky. "OH GREAT YAHWEH! LET ME WIN THE LOTTERY".

The clouds open. God descends from the heavens and shouts... "GOLDBERG, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE MEET ME HALF WAY AND BUY A FUCKING TICKET!"

Two Jewish children are sitting on top of a roof near a chimney. A passer-by asks, ‘What are you doing there?’ ‘We are waiting for our parents.’

10/10 did laugh

When gold was circulating this was a problem everywhere, not just with Jews.

With slave labor, though, it was much easier to shave the ridges of the entire coin and re-saw them. You do that with enough coins you can't tell the difference by comparison. So coins get smaller and smaller. . .which is why there were additional markings on the perimeter.

RARE

>USA
>First world
Funny.

NEW

Just another Brit on vacation.

RARE
A
R
E

Thanks Bernard...

How was copper wire invented?
Someone tossed a penny between two Jews.

Best Jewish gag ever

youtube.com/watch?v=JIHN1UkcSGot=4m40s

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

None.

>france

@4mins 40secs

dunno why link didn't work...

The other day, I saw a black man walking down the street with a large flat-screen television in his arms. I thought, "Oh shoot, that looks like mine." But then I realized it couldn't be mine -- Mine was at home shining my shoes.

I see you are also a man of culture....

...

An Italian, A Jew, and a Greek all die at the same time and find themselves in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter tells them "You three barely qualify for Heaven. You screw up one time here, and you're going to Hell!"

He tells the Italian "You're a glutton. You eat too much pasta. Have any pasta here, and you're going to Hell!"

He tells the Jew "You care too much about money. Don't even think about getting money here, or you're going to Hell!"

He tells the Greek "You fornicate too much. You'll bugger anything with a hole in it. If you even think about sex, you're going to Hell!"

So the three walk down Heaven's gold-paved streets until they pass an Italian restaurant. The Italian smells the delicious sauce and says "I think I'll have some lunch." The other two tell him "Don't go in there! You heard what St. Peter said about eating pasta!" The Italian says "Aw, they're not going to worry about one little plate of spaghetti."

He goes, orders a plate of spaghetti, and when he takes his first bite, he disappears.

So the Jew and Greek continue their walk. Soon, they see a ten-dollar bill laying on the sidewalk. The Jew walks toward it, and the Greek says "Don't pick up that ten-dollar bill! You heard what St. Peter said about getting money!"

The Jew says, "Aw they're not going to worry about ten measly dollars." So he bends over to pick up the bill, and the Greek disappears.

...

How do you circumcise a pakistani?

Kick his cousin in the chin.

A judge, a doctor, and a jew are attending their friends funeral.

The judge weeps silently and puts a fifty dollar bill in the coffin for his friend.

The doctor comes next, but not wanting to get shown up by the judge, puts a hundred dollar bill in.

The jew, after watching both of the previous two, takes the bills and writes a check for a hundred fifty dollars and closes the lid.

youtube.com/watch?v=SAVRFy3iS5A

based Dad

haha. and a tip of the hat to you good sir.

.

JUST LIKE IN MY JAPANESE ANIMES ABOUT A WOLFGIRL AND A ((((MERCHANT))))) IN MEDIEVAL EUROPE!

>Fuck off you spanish cunt

A wrench is the type you can adjust spanners are a set size, it's a great word anyway calling people a spanner is fun

that's fucking great.

(forgot pic)

>be american
>not realize how shit our country really is
>first world lulz

haha
my sides!

Not strictly a Sup Forums joke, but one of my favourites:

youtube.com/watch?v=fUopUrwj79Y

Kek, pretty good

The ones you can adjust are called a crescent wrench. The set ones are just called wrenches.

How do you start a Jewish marathon?

Toss a penny down a hill.

Not bad Vlad...take a piece

This.

What is jewish kid doing on the swing?
Pissing off the sniper

You do realize that our state of California makes as much money as you right? And we've still got 49 territories to throw on top of that...Have fun with En Marche.

they should both disappear tho

>so he bends over to pick up the bill, and they both disappear\

Did you hear about the Gypsy who got into Oxford university?

Some cunt left the window open.

a hostory teacher says to his students he will give them 1p dollars if they name the single most important historical figure in the history of the world.

Jimmy raises his hand and says George Washington.

no, no, its not him, but good effort jimmy.

paul guesses next and says nicola tesla - the impact of his findings have revolutionised the world.

intriguing, very insightful, but no ... it's not him.

Cohen from the back of rhe class yells: JESUS CHRIST.

the teacher is stund and says he thought Cohen would surely believe that Moses was more important then Jesus, Cohen being a jew after all.

Cohen replies: Moses is Moses, but business is business.

lost

Hitler - How many Jews can this car hold?
Salesman - 2 in front, 2 in back and 17 in the ashtray.

Why are niggers getting stronger?

TVs are getting heavier.

kek, strange type of humor tho

Technically air is roughly composed of 78% Nitrogen, 21% Oxygen and 1% of other ones.

Anyway why there are no Jews on Jupiter? Because it is a gas planet.

What do you say if you see a television floating in the middle of the night? "Oi, nigger, put my TV down"

What do you say if your fridge is floating? Nothing, that's one big nigger.

What you should say when in the middle of the night you see your TV set floating away?
>STOP, NIGGER!

sounds like the story behind the making of the passion of the christ

What's black,hairy and got 8 legs?
Gang rape

HOLY SHIT, LADS!

THERE WAS A BLACKOUT LAST NIGHT!

It's ok though, my neighbour shot him.

funny thing about the shape of coins, they actually had to do this because jews were shaving the coins down. Jews have been jewing since the beginning of time.

no it was a problem with the bankers. Christians never took jobs like these because they were considered deplorable jobs.

What do Germans call when they're being raped?

> NEIN NEIN NEIN!

Christianity was a psyop to allow the Jews to take all the banking roles

What the fuck is wrong with putting nice Christian men in charge of the money of the country they love?

Fuck you bible.

Shitty sniper. Still funny tho.
How many Jews does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, he just pays the white man to do it, then a nigger to steal the money back.

sure kid.

>>Lost at hostory.

A truck driver is driving through a little town in Georgia with a truck load of bowling balls He sees a little black boy on a bike hitchhiking. he picks up the little boy but tells him, "you cant ride up here but you can ride in the back. So he put's the little black boy and his bike in the back and gets on the interstate. Some time later he pulls into a weigh station and there two state cops who start giving him hell just looking for something to write him up for. They can't find anything so they are about to let him go then one says to the other, "We forgot to check the back." So one goes to the back opens the doors, slams them back comes up to the truck driver. The cop is whiter than a ghost and scared as hell, and says "Get the hell out of my town, get the hell out of my county, get the hell out of my state and don't ever come back." So the truck driver leaves. when they get back into the car one looks at the other and says "what the hell did you see back there?" the other says, "That guy was carring a truck load of nigger eggs and one had already hatched and stole a bike".

I've heard this in longer variation:
In the court, judge asks rapefugee that is under trial for gang rape:
>mr muhammad, why you joined in gang rape of this poor helga?
>I wanted to help, there were 8 guys holding her down or fucking her, and she was screaming:
>NEIN NEIN NEIN

I give France maybe 50 years before it's equal or worse.

Irl lol

Two Hasidic Jews in Miami are walking down the street, one spots a sign in front of a Baptist Church:

"Convert to Christianity, get $20!"

Jew #1 decides to check it out and maybe pay for his lunch.

Half an hour later, he comes out in jeans and a T-shirt, bible in hand...

Jew#2: So, you bought that crap? Where's the $20?

Jew#1: It's always about money with you people.

these (((colorized))) photo memes need to stop

O man, that was a goodone

How do you get a lazy Jew to exercise?

Roll a nickle down the sidewalk.


What is the difference between a Jew and a canoe?

A canoe tips.


What does a Jewish pirate say?

Ahoy vey!

unlike germany other eu countries arnt to keen on taking refugees, you guys have an endless supply streaming in from mexico and its almost impossible to secure a boarder that large

>What does a Jewish pirate say?
>Ahoy vey!
good one

What is most popular jewish hero?
>Rabbin Hood

Why do jewish woman like circumcised dicks?
Because they can't resist anything 10% off

kek!

rare photo of a Sup Forums poster thinking hes calling out a faggot when actually he is one

Why doesn't a Jew eat pussy?

It's too close to the gas chamber.
Fucking kill me or these corny puns are gonna do it.

Nice lol.

yep

That poor Italian and Greek vanished! It should have been the Jew. I don't get it?

A priest and rabbi are sitting on a park bench. A little boy walks by.
Priest: Let's fuck him!!!
Rabbi: Out of how much!?!?

>The ones you can adjust are called a crescent wrench. The set ones are just called wrenches.
They are called skiftnyckel.

Swedish invention, swedish name.

WE
WUZ
TOOLS
AND
SHIEET

>as long as we making da monopoly money we good
t.retarded boomer
All that money means fuck all when your community and country have both turned to dogshit

*Jew watching porn*

Damn, this is good!

*Video is reversed, he is enjoying the scene where dude gets his money back*

this one made me lul

THE GREEK SURPRISE BENIS'D THE KIKE WHEN HE BENT OVER TO TAKE THE MONEY
retard

>RARE
RARE
>RARE
RARE

Oh man, how is your country? I have heard good things. Are the memes true ? Are you guys the only truely moderate Muslims in the world?

I myself am not a native here, but yeah it's true. The Muslims here are pretty cool people that aren't bothered about much. It's a lovely place, really.

I didn't know memes existed of this place, though. Most people haven't heard of Oman.

>Most people haven't heard of Oman.
there was map in BF2 called Gulf of Oman
it was fun

A Romanian couple is riding in a car. Who's driving?
1. Certainly not the vehicle's owner.
2. A police officer.

A Jew calls National Policy Institute:
- Goldberg here, is it true that Jews have sold America?
- Of course it's true. Something else, you fucking kike?
- Where can I get my share?

Two beggars sit on a sidewalk. One of them holds a sign saying "Help a Christian in need" and his cup is full of money, while another has a sign with a "Help a Jew in need" message and there's barely any money in his cup. A passerby drops a coin into the Jew's cup and says "You better get rid of that sign, people don't like your kind around here". The Jew turns to the Christian and says "Look Shlomo, this goy thinks he can teach us how to do business".

An American, a Romanian, a Pole and a Hungarian are on a crashing plane. They have to jump, but there are only three parachutes between the four of them. The Americans jumps first, then the Romanian, so the Pole says:
- Let's toss a coin to decide who gets the last parachute.
- No need to - says the Hungarian. - I gave the gypsy a fire extinguisher.

The kike took the money too though, they all should've disappeared. He's a retarded fag for not understanding it tho

youtube.com/watch?v=jIC1V3FiVyY

... put him in a round room and tell him there's a penny in the corner.

No, the kike only bent over. The Italian disappears after taking the first bite (not when thinking of doing so), and it's heavily implied that by the time the Greek disappears he's already benis'd the kike.

A guy walks into a bar and says "Ouch!"

Or when I used to say "Hey dad" He'd respond "Hey? Hey is for horses!"

"Why does the bagger at the grocery store always ask me if I want my milk bagged? just keep it in the carton!"

and the classic "See that cemetary? I heard people are just dying to get in there"

I miss you so much dad

I don't know the context of the video, but this Fred Flintstone looking cunt is a dangerous bantsman.

kek

>our country

Shut your mouth, dirty gyppo cunt.

Don't feel bad that he is gone
Be glad that you could know him
Be son he always wanted you to be

Why do pigeons fly upside down over London?

There's nothing worth shitting on.