MILITARYFAGS GIVE ME YOUR FUNNY STORIES

Kek me with some Arab culture stories or women 'soldiers'
Waste of time and troops. The fundamental problem is Afghan culture. They are hopelessly corrupt and incompetent. They will never put in any effort to improve their lives because they believe to the core of their being that everything is in the hands of Allah. You can't even get the dumb fucks to aim.

Westerners can't command them because they see it as an affront, a challenge to their manhood. So westerners have to give 'suggestions' to their own commanders, who are corrupt as fuck and probably high 90% of the time, and who don't even know what the fuck you're talking about because they're uneducated illiterate jackasses with more pride than brains. Most of the time they just goof around, sleep, and get high. If you can actually cajole them into going on a patrol it's a complete bumblefuck, with nobody keeping spacing or formation, guys fucking off to have sex or steal from people, chatting with their local buddies, etc. Complete goat fuck.

When the shooting starts, they just point their weapons in the general direction of the enemy and turn ammunition into noise. Then they argue with each other. Craziest shit you've ever seen. Guys on the same side under fire getting in heated arguments with each other, yelling and gesturing like an hysterical Italian. Absolutely fucking surreal.

The only way to turn them into anything useful would be to turn them into some sort of reverse Jannisary, where you take Afghan kids of maybe 8-9 years old to the US, and train and educate them for 10 years. Completely separate them from their culture, beat it out of them, and put American culture in its place.

Other urls found in this thread:

bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-25122280
popularmechanics.com/military/a8047/monkey-bites-plague-troops-in-afghanistan-12636466/
twitter.com/SFWRedditVideos

hmmm...this really gets my weiner wrangling

I didn't read, but I have a boner now.

The death of the west

lol me 2

They wouldn't go back to shithole.

These stories always leave me wondering... after fighting those kind of enemies for decades, how shocked would US troops be if they suddenly found themselves fighting hardcore Russian troops with the same technological capabilities.

Fuck man, can you imagine the vids on the interwebs?

I think the way things are going now it's much more likely that the American military (or what's left of it) will be fighting Americans.

I was doing some training with the Suadis about 3 years ago, barely survived

>show up and set up our bivouac, wait in the desert for saudis to arrive
>saudis finally show up a day late, about 2 companies worth
>most are old or really young, NCOs are nonexistent
>no uniformity, they're out of shape and chicken-legged
>my crew towered over them and you could smell them before they got close
>after they take almost an hour trying to figure our whose in what platoon, suadis finally form up
>have to wait another 2 hours for their gear to show up, they didn't come with rifles
>no one told the CO, he had planned to start training and ranges an hour before the saudis fianlly showed
>Saudis mill aimlessly around while they wait, on of the platoon commanders flip shit when they see the saudis burning some hash in a fire
>fuckers were getting stoned before the training started lol
>trucks with weapons finally arrive, start to unload a bunch of crates, Saudis drag ass to come help us out
>crack open the crates, inside are like 10 brand fucking new G36 with the integrated sight on them
>get a /k/ boner immediately, start handing them out to the Saudis
>too late to do ranges now, decide to do obstacle courses
>we gear up and begin doing the courses, buddy rushes and all that as the Saudis watch
>most of us race and try to beat each others time, Marines flying over obstacles in full gear and rifles
>Saudis start the obstacle course, most were wheezing and wobbling by the first stretch of obstacles
>noticed a Saudi stop in the middle of the course, puts his rifle on the ground and lights a smoke
>scream at him to keep going, Saudi officers do the same
>man just waves us off and keeps smoking, find out he's "taking a break"
>entire thing was a shit show, Saudis literally started to walk off halfway through the course for breaks
>we sort of just give up and start putting this little FOB together instead
>Saudis get together and start fires so they can get stoned...

I'm Iranian so perhaps I should explain a few things. Afghans are basically the more rustic version of Iranians. Afghans are extremely uneducated about everything. They haven't watched movies and tv shows, so they haven't heard of this thing about aiming and they're inclined to fill all the gaps of their education with what they know from religion. Islam, like Christianity, has a soft theme of destiny in it in the form of "God willing" or what muslims say "Inshallah".

Afghans are very hard working people and will do the worst jobs in society with good focus. My relatives hire them in Iran, they work for $1/hr doing laboring jobs in the heat of the sun without protection. They don't complain, they're focused on their work, they listen to you when you tell them to do something.

The problem is that you don't understand how to deal with Afghans because American mentality is very different. The 'conscripts' you're getting are basically all the deadbeats picked up from the streets that'd be homeless or in jail if not for this work you've got them.

I have a story about Afghanistan. My cousin was there secretly about 10 years ago as Revolutionary Guard working with tribal leaders in the Pashtun districts. He got sick of these little shit kids trying to steal stuff from his truck so from his headquarters he got a can of pepper spray to scare the kids off. One day this ~10 year old kid was giving him problems so he took out his can of pepper spray for time and sprayed the kid in the face. The kid didn't react at all to the spray, just angrily looked at him and ran away. So my cousin went back to his headquarters complaining about the faulty can of pepper spray. He said "look this spray doesn't work" and sprayed himself in the eyes with it. He fell on the ground screaming in agony and took the rest of the day to recover. It turns out that about 1% of the world's population is naturally not effected by pepper spray, and he wasn't one of them.

You do realize that the Russians, at the height of their power as the USSR, were beaten by the Afghans? And not only beaten, but the failed military campaign was so expensive that the USSR collapsed afterwards?

You also have to realise that the Afghans described by OP are the potheads they send to work for the westerners. They are human waste collected from the lowest bottom of the social ladder of Afghanistan to be used as sacrificial lambs until the westeners decide to fuck off again. The mujahedin of the pashtun tribes that make up the Taliban are actually a somewhat capable force, even if they are still retarded by western standards.

You have to go back.

I'm literally moving to Britain in 4 months time

true... but the ussr collapsed almost 30 years ago mate. Lots has changed since then.

bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-25122280

You sure about that, wog?

BRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPP

because we provided the towel-heads with weapons and training because of the steaming pile of bullshit known as the domino theory, directly creating every Islamic extremist organization

cont'd

>get watch roster set, Saudi officers say they'll get some of their guys so we can split the watch
>Saudi has the first 2 hours, I was supposed to have watch 0200
>go to sleep early to get as much shut eye as I can before watch
>wake up to my Corporal shaking me awake, a mix of anger and confusion on his face
>asks me if I stood watch, finally realize that I missed my watch and spring awake, start apologizing
>Cpl tells me to relax, no one stood watch last night, fucking Saudi passed out an hour into watch and woke no one up
>from then on only we stood watch, Saudis got to sleep in all night
>wake up and try to get the ranges started, finally organize the Saudis into relays
>have them watch us do our tables and courses of fire, the babble and talk among themselves
>one fucker had is ear pro dangling around his neck while he had his finger in his ears
>saudis go up on the firing line to zero their weapons, hand of ammo and get the on line
>takes almost 3 hours to get them all zeroed, we ended up doing most of the shooting and adjusting
>finally start the tables, despite having to learn a whole new weapon system and zeroing the sights for them, saudis still can't hit shit
>shooting at each others targets, shooting in the the dirt, not aiming down the sights
>caught one suadi in the prone with barrel along his cheek, had his hand all the way by his hip so he can pull the trigger with his thumb
>he was using the barrel to aim...
>suddenly hear shots go off behind us, turn around to see some saudi laughing to himself as he shoots another round into the dirt
>gets tackled by one of the RSOs, mayhem ensues in the firing line, saudis babbling and flagging each other with their fingers on the trigger
>turns out the dude behind us was collecting saved rounds so he can shoot them in the dirt
>call of the range and we retreat into our now completed FOB, give everyone a combat load and stayed in there till the Saudis left the next morning

>Afghanistan 2007
>in mountains
>dark out, platoon trying to get sleep in remote COP
>monkeys screeching like a pack of rabid roodypoos across the valley
>psg and lt get ok for willy-p to "clear brush"
>fister lays calls in coords
>fire for effect on faggot monkeys
>screeching turns into howls and then silence
>blissful screechless sleep for the next week

Best plan yet. Of course I've never seen a plan.

Why are we throwing trillions into Afghanistan? We are protecting the Chinese whole they mine the minerals. The EU gets the opium. Even their women are ugly and hairy. Let's allow Isis to gather there, feel snugly with their families cooking them dinner, then Boom!
MOAB the fuck out of 'um.

Shouldn't I handle this for the Washington thieves and pussies?

cont'd

>most of us were sure the Saudis were gonna kill one of us, not because they might be terrorist but because they're fucking retarded
>they spend the rest of the night bullshitting and getting stoned while they're officers hung out in a tent
>didn't pull watch that night since I was one of the guys helping on the line
>wake up to the saudis piling up into trucks and leaving
>walking around in flip flops, a USMC sweat top and silkies, I catch one of the saudis looking at me from the truck
>gaptooth fucker smiles at me and waves goodbye
>just stare at him like a father would to his toddler when hes doing some stupid shit
>gaptooth saudi waves the whole fucking way until the truck is out of sight and all I can see is the sun rising over that saudi fucking wasteland

Fucking Saudis man

Your platoon called in an airstrike to blow up literal monkeys?

Fuck everyone must have had such a shit eating grin when those fell

>you take Afghan kids of maybe 8-9 years old to the US
They've got to go back.

>guy stops and smokes a cigarrette in the middle of the obstacle course
>tells officers to fuck off, he's taking a break

lol'd at this one, man.

I have a decent story, it's not nearly as funny as that though.

>be at Parris Island
>during crucible
> ~3rd day, barely any sleep or food, below freezing, loads of marching, running, crawling in mud, etc..
>platoon gets lost on night hike, winds up being 8 miles instead of 3
>finally get oriented and head back towrads quonset huts
>hear a voice behind me in my column
>calling out my name in a sing-song voice:
>ANOOOOOON. ANOOOOOOOON.
>shit goes on for like 15 minutes
>get pissed, because very tired and cold and badly need sleep/food
>whip around and yell out as aggressively as I can: “YO BITCH, SHUT THE FUCK UP!”
>see the dumbfounded face of the kill hat
>MFW!!!!
>mumble an apology, luckily nothing comes of it

you stay where you are abdul

>Guys on the same side under fire getting in heated arguments with each other, yelling and gesturing like an hysterical Italian. Absolutely fucking surreal.

When Hadji Paulie is lecturing Hadji Christopher for accidentally butting him in the face with his AKM stock...

let's see 'em, boys

i'm a grill btw

claims to be grill
Wants dick pics
You must be Navy

>Entire Platoon of retards "triggered" with no conception of range safety

Sounds pretty scary. Were you all ever worried that clustefuck would have diplomatic repercussions?

boot camp stories huh?

>be me
>night before the reaper hike on the crucible
>everyone put to sleep, got lucky and don't have any watch
>dozed off for maybe an hour before dude in my platoon wakes me up
>tells me he's got to take a shit somehow and needs a buddy to go to the shitters
>finally bothers me enough that Im awake so I say fuck
>can't leave the bivouac are with our rifles, have to pass it on to somebody
>after 10 minutes no one in the platoon responds, dude is about to shit himself
>says to just stick it in his sleeping bag and that he'll make it quick
>say fuck it but I put mine in my sleeping bag, fuckers ends up taking almost 30 minutes to take a shit
>come back and jump in my sleeping bag, realize my rifle is fucking gone
>dude comes over and tells me his rifle is gone too
>decide I'm a dead man anyways so lie down and go to sleep
>probably asleep for 5 minutes when killhat kicks me awake
>see his angry black face looking at me and at full volume says "I GUESS ILL TAKE CARE OF THIS FOR YOU user"
>end up standing watch the rest of the night with the other dude
>mfw had to do the Reaper hike with probably 20 mins of sleep

>From Norfolk
>Civilian Normie
>Have heard, "It's not gay if it's underway" muttered unironically.

I vote for navy also.

Oh yea, we were walking on egg shells the whole fucking time, apparently the training evolution was "historic" or something but it was a complete clusterfuck, there was probably a news report on a "Successful US Saudijoint training exercise in recaptured ISIS territory" or some stupid shit, I didn't know, I just wanted to get it over with

My old man was Navy lifer and even he referred to it as the Gayvy.

>On FARP near Syrian border in mountains of Iraq
>Start tearing down base, including our bunkers because nothing ever happened there anyway
>Intel tells us that 3 foot warheads are on Syrian side of the mountain aimed at us
>Redig bunkers, lay down to get sleep
>BOOM
>Loudest noise I've heard in my life
>Everyone up, grab gear, head to bunker, waiting for more explosions
>Entire camp of Marines stops and sees a few EOD guys staring at us
>They forgot to tell everyone about a controlled det

Also
>Same base, I am network guy
>Always fixing stuff for group of pilots
>After a while, never know what I am in for
>CPL user, come help us! We gotta go out but we need to fix something first!
>Run as fast as I can in middle of the night
>CPL user, who's hotter, Elizabeth Hurley or Shakira ?
>Hurley, sir
>Good man. We picked you up a steak at Mosul. Eat up.
>First nonmre in months. Split it with my LCpl.

a buddy of mine went to ukraine to train some of those idiots. plenty of stories from shitting in the showers to the time they were teaching them to clear mines. all the ukranians would shit in the shower and mash it down the drain with their foot. they went to teach the how to clear mines and told the ukranians to set up fake mines. as they start to show how to clear the road they realized the ukranians used real mines instead. a ukranian shot off a rpg right next to a guard post and blew out the windows which resulted in another ukranian with glass in his face. another retarded accidentally discharged his weapon in between the legs of one of the american soldiers. the next day that same ukranian was all black and blue from where his fellow retards beat the shit out of him

That must have sucked ass lol. But I guess you gotta get used to not sleeping at some point. MCRDPI and SD really do have training wheels. When I checked into ITB and we met our platoon sergeant he simply said, “welcome to hell gentlemen.” We didn’t sleep for 3 fucking days. Not trying to one-up you or anything, every Marine probably has loads of sleep deprivation stories, hallucinations, etc..

One of the funnier things I saw in PI

>fat ass black recruit, no idea how he even shipped or passed the IST
>loses about 90 lbs or about 1 pound a day
>has a huge flap of skin hanging off his gut, fucking disgusting
>one day he steals a bag of cookies from a box chow while we’re in the field
>literally hides them under his pillow
>kill hat sees them poking out during his final rounds, right before light out
>freaks the fuck out worse than anything I’ve ever seen in my 6 years in the Corps
>literally threatens to kill him
>verbatim quote “if you were at Parris Island when I was at Parris Island, you would have gotten thrown out the window [we were 3rd deck]. If you were here when I was here you would have god-dang died tonight”
>makes said fat ass recruit carry a huge gatorade jug filled with water around the squad bay the rest of the night

dude was in pretty bad shape the next day

Nice

Unbelievable. Reminds me of stories about black Vietnam draftees being more of a danger to us than the enemy.

>Aiming from barrel
>2017
Sounds like any call of duty player could do better. They must be basically medieval peasants.

From his saying "fire for effect" probably artillery. "Willy-p" means white phosphorus incendiary too. So BBQ.

How much does this trigger the military cuck?

Similar story
>MCRDSD in pits on range week
>Company fuck up recruit directly asks series commander for water because said recruit spilled his canteen
>In true dumbass fashion he can't answer the sercos question and makes it sound like he wasn't given opportunity to get water
>DIs fill up two of the big gas can water jugs, what, like 10 gallons?
>You are now the hydration recruit
>Spends entire day carrying water jugs to each recruit and asking ,"Does this recruit need water?"
>Never actually handed out water

ex navy here, true, Not gay if underway, the navy is my gravy, a warm loving mouth has no gender, if your fucking a whore and its got a dick "its just a hand grip or you've gone all the way through it"

Did you notice how at the height of the US's power, which is leaps and bounds above what the USSR ever had, we still can't keep those same people (generally) in check? And that we are spending a fuckload more than our enemy to maintain this not-victory while our homeland falls apart?

fucking hilarious, but also very sadly true.

priceless. I could tell boot camp stories all day

>gas chamber day
>a different fat ass recruit standing in line is talking loudly about how he knows exactly what to do, his dad was in the army
>Im right next to him because alphabetical arrangement
>go into gas chamber
>Senior DI walks past us in MOPP gear, casually flips his mask off recruit's face and laughs
>said recruit makes a noise like a porpoise giving birth, truly pitiful, tries to run out of the gas shack
>gets slammed back against the wall, told to put mask on properly while blubbering and sputtering
>MFW

immediately before this

>platoon fuck up, absolute retard, who lost his intel rate and was forced into infantry because he failed the PI piss test in receiving
>in line for gas chamber
>I’m in the last chalk
>recruit fuck up goes in, 5 minutes pass, first chalk comes out
>recruit fuck up is crying and blubbering pitifully, stumbling, barely able to see where he is going
>Kill hat, who is in full MOPP, grabs him by the arm, swings him around, and walks him straight back into the gas shack with the next chalk
>5 minutes go by
>recruit fuck up comes out again, looking even worse
>DI grabs his arm again, sends him straight back in with the 3rd chalk
>finally is allowed to rinse off and shit after the 3rd straight time
>MFFW

Knew a guy who got chaptered out at Ft Benning for something similar. It was a few years ago so it's a little fuzzy, but it was during grenade training and everyone was policing for spoons, when he hears someone point one out to him, and instead of turning around he says something to the effect of "fuck you, get it yourself"

Turns out it was like a master sergeant or something that was running the range.

Fucking hilarious, they started his paperwork the same day.

i live in columbus ga. this place is a shithole. i mean im on the northside so definitely nicer than around benning

Yeah, Georgia is full of niggers, so I'm not surprised it would be described as a shithole.

top kek. Always laughed at these kinds of stories.

When I was in infantry training battalion at camp gieger, a private told a full bird colonel to fuck himself after he was corrected on something.

I don't know what they did to him but they secured the entire company's libbo that weekend.

>Gas chamber day as a hat
>You know who is going to be scared shitless, so a few days prior walk up to recruit and tell them
>I got something special for you when we go to the gas chamber, recruit fuckstick
>Day of gas chamber, find piece of black plastic, put in pocket
>Said recruit is in line, next chalk to go in
>Stand next to recruit so he can't see what you're doing
>Grab at his mask a little bit and say, "You didn't need that anyway"
>Throw plastic so it goes past his face and off into the nether
>Their misery is my only reason for waking

We used to send kids through a few times like that. One time we got a little carried away.

>300 recruits to go through, six chalks of fifty
>CO and 1stSgt go sit in gas chamber
>6 chalks go through
>Pic is COs face when he leaves gas chamber and there's still 2 chalks waiting to go through

>Reminds me of stories about black Vietnam draftees being more of a danger to us than the enemy.
My boss was there in the Army Corps of Engineers.
Said the same thing.

This didn't make any fucking sense man.

What were you doing with the black plastic?
And you never explained why the CO was confused, cause you never said what you did when you got carried away.

Fucking dumbass.


>be 1 day before graduation
>drill hat comes in drunk as fuck at 3 am
>wakes up a recruit, forces him to call his ex-wife (who was a female DI)
>passes the fuck out, won’t get up at reveille
>we have to take ourselves to chow hallucination
>drunk dumbass drill hat shows up
> “which one of you faggots wants to take a shot at me?”
>former guide says, “I do, sir.”
>DI laughs and rubs his hands, says “take your best shot.”
>former guide kicks him in the leg pretty hard
>DI laughs, kicks the recruit back in the leg hard as fuck, in a mean way
>recruit yelps and collapses.
>has a huge ass welt on his leg
>can barely walk for graudation

That DI was a faggot and I never respected him even after it was all over. You kinda remind me of him.

I think he was saying that he'd pretend the plastic was a part of the gas mask when he tossed the plastic away.

Not military. Just found out I'm a /licensed/ engineer though.
White
Power

I thought both were obvious. The first the kid thinks you ripped something off of his mask that he needed it for it work just as he's about to go into the gas chamber.

And the second, it was in response to you seeing the recruit get sent through the chamber a few times. We just did it to so many kids that there were two full extra groups to go through. We had six groups planned to go through, so after six the CO comes out and sees we still have two groups that need to to through.

Well, whatever impression you have of me is wrong then. I have been out for a while now, and some of my recruits are on the drill field themselves. I still talk to lots of them and they sometimes contact me for advice or just to say hi. I never did anything to a recruit that I couldn't look him in the eye later on in life.

Yeah, you're probably right. Some DIs were truly faggots who didn't deserve any respect. Then there were those who were tough but fair and would only torture you if it was appropriate training to toughen you up.

There are a lot of sadistic faggots who become DIs though. Ive heard stories of them forcing recruits to do homosexual shit, like getting nut-to-but naked in the showers and shit like that.

Anytime where people have absolute power over other people there are going to be abuses.

My mistake.

>SLR-104FR

If only it were a 107. That's my rifle.

this would trigger any sane person. only an antifa cuck such as yourself could find this funny, fucking another man's wife while he risks his life for his country. kys faggot

>>caught one suadi in the prone with barrel along his cheek, had his hand all the way by his hip so he can pull the trigger with his thumb
>>he was using the barrel to aim...

kek

All good, famalam. I knew a couple of sadistic faggot DIs too and I hated them for it. You can train a kid effectively and have fun fucking with them (in a sense, you know what I mean) without actual abuse. I had a hat when I was a recruit who was that way. He got sent away after like two weeks and I still won't talk to that guy to this day, so I swore I wasn't going to be like that.

I wish I'd saved the piss patrol story from years ago.

> Having a fun sunshiny day on patrol through the cornfields in kajaki
>Radio relays come back to PB quick and move casualty
>No idea why there is a casualty at PB but Ok
> Of couse it is the cool Afghan fighter who shit talks the taliban on the radio
>Hes been shot in the arm and the ass and the chest and some other spot. Looks like it feels bad man
> gets medevaced, we learn the ancop commander told the ancop first sergeant he had to stand post which insulted him. In order to defend his honor and the honor of all enlisted he fired a burst at the commander.....
> from like five feet away.......
> and completely missed and shot our favorite dude.
> commander and first sergeant make up.

It goes without saying its always the good ones who get it in war

God bless America and the cheap whores who guard her shores.

My then-squeeze fucked around on me when I was in Saudi and Kuwait back in '90-91. Didn't bother me, since I had no problem getting pussy when I went home.

Yeah. Sadly the Marines is a shelter for insecure homos at times. I heard stories about cabbies raping male Marines at Came LeJeune and Afghans trying to butt rape guys in the showers at FOBs and bigger bases with good facilities

Actually had to listen to a story during a SAPR class about a Marine who got sodomized by an Afghan. The story was extremely fucking graphic and included details like "I grimaced when I felt the shaft go in." Fucking sick.

Thought it was mostly a meme until this happened:

>be me, lcpl at the time
>in Georgia for 2 weeks
>get a sgt acting as plt leader
>forces us to get a baton and do a stupid ass chant like cheerleaders
>eventually confront him and literally say "sergeant, this is fucking GAY"
>he gets a hurt look on his face
>never mentions the baton or the chants again
>at the end of the 2 weeks get word from some other companies that this same sgt had been using an anonymous message app to ask Marines if they were down to fuck a dude.

MFW

these pics reminds me of the good old days when i worked in a hotel and fucked countless american whores . american girls are the biggest whoes( or maybe they are whores only when in vacation) followed by british ones , but they are uglyer as well , so i avoided most of them

Holy shit, good on you for standing up for yourself. That's actually why the one really bad apple DI I knew hated me. I was a new hat and me and my two of my buddies had to help this dude with some shit. He tried to treat us like we were recruits even though we were all sergeants, and I was the only one who told him to go fuck himself. Two years later, dude is an SDI and request I come work for him as his heavy because he 'likes me so much', so that cycle was just a constant 3 months of trying to make sure that fucker wasn't going to send us all to the brig. Jokes on him, the guys from that cycle like me and the 3rd hat and hate that guy.

Too many people can't handle any sort of power over other people. The best part about gaining rank is to be able to tell other people to stop fucking with your Marines. I was completely IDGAF my last year because I knew I wasn't reenlisting. I won't say where they sent me for doxxing reasons but I was put in charge of a group of ~30 Marines who themselves were all TAD to this unit, most of them problem children their units wanted to get rid of. I told them if they act like adults, I'll treat them like it, and if they do their jobs right and take it seriously I won't let anyone fuck with them. I loved those guys because they kept their end of the bargain. I got tons of compliments on their performance, and in return, anytime someone tried to get in their ass over some dumb shit, I took the heat off of them. I even stood watch for one of them on NYE since my family was out of town anyway.

Now you're making me miss it, but really, it's just the Marines I miss, not the Corps.

Yeah Americans are God tier at everything, even skanky hoes. I did a fraternity at UT in Austin. I was fucking girls 3 or 4 points outta my range.
I couldn't imagine the mind fuck you military guys go through, pledgeship was really fun for me but some other guys had a bad time. You probably have to be a bit sadistic and laugh off fucked up shit. I wish the name of the game wasn't killing for kike interest because current tech could massacre some fucking cave people.

Dude marines are top tier. 2 of my bros were fucked up and suicide when they came back from shitganistan. I regret not getting them a pound of mushrooms when they got back.

Damn, you sound like a good leader. Doesn't surprise me you got out, most good leaders do unfortunately.

I hear you about missing the Corps. I actually fucking hated it while I was in because of all the bullshit, but I do miss my buds. Looking back you forget all the standing in formation at 0330 with a hangover and 2 hrs sleep, the 16 hr days, running til you vomit, the dickheads at the armory, etc.. You tend to remember the good times.

But I do miss it looking back, and you learn a lot of important lessons from it. I wish I could go back and do it over with what I know now, even though I got an honorable discharge as a cpl. I would have tried harder to get cooler billets and just enjoy what it had to offer. One thing I regret doing is turning down an opportunity to become a Combat Marksmanship Instructor. I felt at the time the Corps was being overrun with faggots (not literal faggots, but I suppose that is also true) and determined just to skate by until I got out.

Oh well. You live and you learn.

>build courthouse in SW Bumblefuck for corrupt local judiciary.
>only building with working AC in hundreds of miles
>"We'll take good care of this beautiful building! Thank you America!"
>ok.jpg
>come back to check on them 2 months later.
>"Why are the flourescent lights full of yellow liquid? Why does this place smell more like shit than normal?"
>"We have a plumbing problem..."
>feeling of dread. "show me."
>follow Abdul upstairs to second floor bathroom.
>Open door. Smell melts my face off. Afraid my ammo will start cooking off from the stench.
>MFW Abdul explains that the toilet clogged on day one, so everyone just started shitting in the corner, pissing in the sink, etc.
>Turn to NCO, "we're out of here."
>Abdul begins babbling his bullah bullah bullshit to translator. Visible shame on translator's face. Apologizes to me on behalf of entire country.
>Leave without another word.
>American tax dollars at work.

I have friends that joined all branches. One friend was a soldier killed in Mosul over a decade ago now and another was a Corpsman who died after EASing because of the surgeries he needed to fix his fucked up body. I have never asked his widow for the full details.

He was my best friend and he died in his sleep the night my son was born.

...

Here's one about a female marine
>be me
>be infantry training on the big island of Hawaii
>platoon attack range
>at the end there is a trench you jump in and clear and at the back of it they throw tear gas in it
>there is a group of engineers they attach to us to train
>one is a female
>dis_gonbegood.gif
>finish assault and get gassed
>entire platoon gets their gas masks on without issue
>look over to my left
>female can't get hers out the the case
>gives up and chooses writhing on the ground in agony instead of breathing
>no one helps her the entire platoon just laughs that assed off instead
>company gunny jumps in the trench without a gas mask to literally drag her out
Still the funniest thing I saw when I was in

Fucking heroes man. Sorry for all the loses. Just having the balls to join is pretty serious, but somehow the American system seems to be able to make men from boys very well.

What most people fail to understand about leadership is that for about 95% of people the following applies 1) They want as little trouble as possible in their lives and 2) They will reward loyalty with loyalty. If I wanted someone to do something I'd appeal to their pragmatic side and most of the time it worked. One dude I sat down in private when we started said billet.
>Ok, I see your old pros/cons, so you must not be well liked at your old unit. IDGAF about that. I will judge you on what you do here, so you can look at this as a fresh start. You perform, stay out of trouble, and I'll send you back with stellar pros/cons if you've earned them and even go tell your SNCOs personally how good of a job you did and act like I had no idea you were ever a shithead.

I never even had to tell the dude how to not be a shithead. He just needed to the break the cycle.

As for the second point, if you're good to your people, they'll want to do good for you. It was a high vis job, so lots of SNCOs/officers on a power trip liked to come by and find any reason to bitch at my guys. I always stepped in, calmly explained to the person my Marine was acting directly IAW with my direction or just told them to fuck off if the situation warranted it. Because of that, my guys went out of their way on more than one occasion to keep my ass out of trouble. Just like the 1stSgt I had who walked by me one day and asked if IPAC had straightened out my pay. I told him no and he threw me in his truck, drove to IPAC, demanded to talk to their section chief, and told them it'd been a month and I need my money. The one time I fucked up I didn't even care about getting in trouble, I just felt bad I disappointed him.

here for the pik!
MORE!
nuke israel!

Lead from the front. You are the shield and tip of the spear. Men are logical and rational if you can take the pride and who out of it.

Who knows how they train women to be selfless.

>Me Marine
>Training Iraqis from army
>Time for a PFT, 3 mile run
>Iraqis run off into the desert
>One (fatter) Iraq returns about ten minutes later
>"Done" he shouts
>Check watch
>12 minutes, 48 seconds
>THISWASA3MILERUNE.gif
>Tell him there's no way in hell he ran the whole thing
>>"Oh this was just my day! I was just feeling it today!"
>Told him to go run back and chase the turtle across the line
>Fat fuck sat down and started pretending not to understand me

>Women
>Selfless

You haven't spent time around too many female Marines. It is insanity. 4th Bn on Parris Island is the only female battalion, and we all called it the 4th dimension. The amount of insecurity and backstabbing there could pull everything out of a black hole. If you're a dude walking in there, prepare for every single female that outranks you in that place to remind you of it. It really feels like they're just LARPing being in the military there. It's like, yeah, they scream and yell and call each other by their ranks but they miss the point that those are just tools to apply to a purpose. They just go through the motions, for the most part. Like male DI companies, some of them treat you like shit when you show up to harden you and make you prove yourself, but once you've proven yourself you are treated with respect. The females just continue to treat each other like shit.

We had a barracks whore who would come from the female barracks. She fucked the entire male barracks (70 dudes maybe). Everyone had gonorrhea.

>female Marines
>Marines

pick one.

I saw a female Marine miscarry a pregnancy, fuck a corpman in a bathroom during PT, suck a gunny's dick for a bottle of vodka, and appear in a porno within the space of one month.

She was the worst one, but the others were mostly whores too. They would fuck anything, loved attention, couldn't fight or run worth shit, always caused drama, and failed at almost every basic military skill, like land navigation and basic marksmanship.

What a joke.

Was that /k/ patch shopped?

trannny

you made stuff up about that female marine
your confusing the bs you tell your friedns with the net again

It all happened. The pic is random, the story is true. Everyone who has been around WMs won't doubt it at all.

Damn sad to hear females are as worthless ad suspected in the military.
Should let them have their own division - cunts. Throw em in there with 22s and let em kill entire villages on accident or whatever.

Wastefulness and moral weakness like this is why america loses wars now

america never lost a war shit for brains

My buddy was working with PMO and they caught a wook selling BJs for $20. She was two months into her deployment and they found over 4 grand in cash on her. Another chick was doing the same thing but it was the SgtMaj who busted her. When he found her sucking sick right where someone tipped him off she would be she just looks at him and goes "I'll get you next, Sergeant Major"
Once two of my buddies met a wook
>At breakfast my buddy shows up grinning
>user, dude, Jones came over at like midnight and jumped on it and just left and I rolled over and went back to sleep
>Nice man, them titties real?
>Second friend shows up, grinning too
>You guys, Jones came over at like 1 last night, fucked and just left! It was crazy
>Some schmuck in another section started dating her the next day

wookie?

are you larping star wars?

go back to your fucking sand country fucking nigger

Split tail, a female

go to iran you fucking nomadic bastard

WM = woman Marine = walking mattress = wookie or wook because too many look like Chewbacca

wow you should be shot in the face

lolz

military sounds fun

I hear dlocal sluts spraed fast for military guys

>4 posts by this ID
>doesn't know the most basic things about the Marine Corps

white power!

Yeah, the Russians have become even less cohesive and coordinated than they were when they were a superpower.

That kid should move to Sweden. He would have a great career as a rapist.

> "moral weakness"

Fuck off. If anything, they were taking a rational precaution by using an area effect weapon.

popularmechanics.com/military/a8047/monkey-bites-plague-troops-in-afghanistan-12636466/