nothing real makes you feel good
when the 2% of phenomena that trigger your serotonergic systems are chaos-enforcing, fantasy-embracing handshakes with the devil
and when the 98% (an estimate, obviously) of your phenomenological surroundings that make you feel bad are basically everything that is real and you can't even imagine a path to correcting that situation because it a self-sustaining downward spiral toiletbowl flush into malaise, resentment and existential dissatisfaction
and when even your family members who are the closest people in your life have given up entirely on understanding you, relating to you, empathizing with you, and have ceased to care that you feel bad all the time.
when no one in your life can stand to hear your shit, well, ever.
when you go for months, maybe years, without having a mutually genuine, meaningful conversation with anyone, when the world seems empty and pointless everywhere you look
when the frustration from these difficulties turns you into a depressed husk of your former self, and when conflating this realization with the bleakness of the world around you, you'd rather embrace the decay and eventual death of whatever desiccated flakes left remaining from that former self than to do anything to try to reconnect with whatever once made you happy (the nature of which you can't recall if there ever was such a thing)
when you can't even read for 20 minutes anymore because your brain is clouded with anxiety over nothing in particular, or, more particularly, everything in general
when you think about death as a vague concept and the anti-living, anti-good, anti-human nature of the infinite every day
when suicide (in the more personal sense) doesn't sound so bad but you're keeping your meat vehicle in motion for the sake of people other than yourself
Do you guys know that feel? I feel like most of Sup Forums would know that feel
