Story time: a plane ride with a poo

>2 hour plane ride to toronto
>thirsty as all hell, lips are parched, throat is scratchy, saliva is viscous

>sitting beside male poo in his 30s, he has the aisle seat
>30 minutes in poo gets up to use bathroom
>poo sits back down looking relieved
>faint wafts of shit begin to make their way to my nose, each more pungent than the last
>i instinctively look down at the poos hands, see brown streaks on his fingernails
>please let that be pigmentation
>poo evidently notices, wipes his hands with a used kleenex
>streaks are gone
>the worst is confirmed

>1 hour in, cant take it anymore, struggling to swallow, lips feel like they will tear open
>strong plume of shit still hovers around our seats, our own personal rancid atmosphere

>drinks are served
>FINALLY
>flight attendant pours me a sprite, hands over the cup
>i reach out my hand, trembling with anticipation

>but no, wait, something is wrong
>time freezes, my brain is in overdrive
>this must be what its like as your car is just about to go over the edge of a cliff

>the flight attendant didnt push the drink trolley up far enough... she is standing too far away to reach me
>what's more, she is holding the cup by the middle.
>the poo is already reaching out to politely pass the cup to me
>there isnt enough clearance for the poo to grab it without touching the rim

>fears confirmed
>poo grabs the rim claw style, literally the worst case scenario.
>a mixture of poo oil and shit has now been imparted to the rim at equidistant spaces around the rim
>the cup is compromised

>poo passes it to me with toothy grin
>"t-thanks"
>poo sips heartily at his drink, smacking his lips and "ahh"ing after every gulp
>full sparkling drink sits on my tray, taunting me to no end

>15 minutes later poo looks over, "not thirsty?"
>"mind if i have that? i'm parched"
>"s-sure"
>poo downs my whole cup in one go and belches into his shitty poo mitt

>mfw i pretend to be looking out window the rest of the flight as my tears turn to dust

Other urls found in this thread:

mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/chef-prepared-curry-after-wiping-7745790
archive.is/pAoxI
twitter.com/NSFWRedditImage

Damn leaf. That story hurt to read. Never thought I'd feel bad for a canadian but here we are.

>my tears turn to dust
... Fuck, man
It's pretty poetic about a poo. Pooetic, if you will. This is sheer pooetry.

lmfao thnks for the story, user! Commiserations, old chap.

You raise the interesting political point that shitskins in general do not possess the same degree of self awareness as the master race, nor do they possess the ability to perceive how they are perceived.

We'd all be so much better off without all these poos and nignogs everywhere, it must be said. Recently, I've had many blaks move in to the student rental houses near enough surrounding my house. All I hear now outside in antisocial hours when I'm trying to sleep is car doors slamming and them conversing with zero self awareness when decent white people are in bed trying to sleep in the style of a bunch of chimps going "ooh ooh ook ook ooh senpai" at each other.

Whenever anyone has an unannounced loud party on a weeknight: it's blacks.

Whenever any house has been a constant source of noise, rubbish or unpleasantness: It's blacks or Romanian gypsies (poos of course)

Fuck these worthless coloured sub-humans. Seriously.

And then, of course, there are the terror attacks!!!

Just imagine how much more bearable life would be if there were NO FUCKING SHITSKINS ARAHSDSHGSDkjSKFDSSFDL:SVDS

Why didn't you just ask the flight attendant for a different drink...?

nice blog man. reblogged!

HAHAHAHA. Funniest shit (sorry), I've read in ages.

Shitty story
3/10

kek so true, I'll repost it on my tumblr account

Dude! I'm feel bad for you and I'm just reading the story, Now I'm going to take a hot shower now with soap obliviously.

I heartily enjoyed the effortpost, leaf. Have a bump

Although this particular story is likely one of those things that never happened...

Bear in mind that this DOES happen, and this is in the Mirror, quite a left-wing newspaper..:

>"Chef prepared curry after wiping bottom with his bare hands 'for cultural reasons'"
mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/chef-prepared-curry-after-wiping-7745790

Checked. Alternatively.
archive.is/pAoxI

>"He did not use toilet paper for cultural reasons. Inspectors concluded the brown finger prints was fecal matter."

Yes, this is in a Western country btw.

yes I'm sure you're a White guy on Sup Forums who's just hypersensitive about Poos and not at all a Poo yourself.

>poo grabs the rim claw style, literally the worst case scenario.

I fucking lost it there. kek. Saved. Pretty good shit

Just ask for a new drink next time

wew the things that happen when you don't assert yourself like a man.

"Do not touch my drink please. I'll get it."

It's that simple, idiot.

You see, Europeans didn't exactly have easy access to water and clean anuses.

However, Indians were slightly more civilised.

To cut the long story short, we used to wipe the rear with 'bare' hands. Then we washed that hand with water and went on with our work.

Some scrubbed there hands on rock back then, didn't we?

And I have used toilet paper when washing the rear wasn't an option. Way too much effort and you aren't sure if you are getting all of it in that manner.

sucks though!! Cold toilet seat sucks more....

Hands give feedback through a set of neurons, you know. That tells us if the rear is relatively clean. Then use water to get your hands as clean as you want.

Also, Indians are trained to keep nails short. So, that fits pretty well in the overall scheme of things.

Plus we use LEFT hand for any work below the belt and only RIGHT hand for eating and writing. ALWAYS. Pretty neat, huh!

Then the stupid Whites came here and took away our koh-i-noor, Kama Sutra, Yoga, Zero , Plastic surgery, Spices, Rocket. The list is endless.

And then they left us debating over whether washing the rear is superior to wiping it with paper. Such irony.

>have autism
>when a dude puts his fingers in your drink
>cry instead of asking for another and telling him not to do it

Doesn't matter if he had visible poo or semen on his hands, nigga shouldn't be doing that anyway. Even when white cunts do this, I ask for a different glass.

he's a leaf. it's illegal to say things like that to a minority there.

Jajajajaja! Next time say "No. Dont touch my cup". Stupid.

A dark brown man covered in body hair. The first thing you notice is his smell. Curry and poo. He has a skinny frame, oily skin and hair. Slimy. Oozing curry and poo from his pores. A thin pathetic moustache. Pitiful.

He pulls down his pants to reveal a small penis surrounded by a mane of smelly greasy pubic hair. He turns around and I see his buttocks smiling at me. His butt is covered in more coarse hair, black. Small cheeks. He bends over and parts his cheeks. A waft of pure poo fills the air. The black hair is thickest here, with a brown hue. Dangle berries can be found. Yesterday's shit clinging on to life. The poo is a light brown, like pumpkin soup. He uses his hands to part the mattered poo hair to reveal a little brown butthole. Caked in poo. Disgusting. The epicentre of filth. An ugly crater. A dirty yet prolific anus.

The Indian.

Damn, I feel bad for a Leaf.

Why didn't you just say
>ugh WTF bro don't touch my cup with your shit hands
>waitress I'd like another cup and this time hand it directly to me
I guess I'm just real like that bro.

Listen you fucking autist. What I am saying is, if he didn't like the drink, he should have asked for a new one. Shut you fucking mouth.

Apparently saying "Teri aukaad kya hai" pisses Indians off

Rode planes with poos before. They're the loudest fucking people on the plane every time. Never sat directly next to one though.

Why do foreigners feel the need to shout everything at each other instead of just speaking at a normal volume like humans?

You know OP.

Shit just happens, wipe it off