Tfw I have accepted the black pill

>tfw I have accepted the black pill
please help me.
how do I make it stop?

There is no turning back after you realized the dark grim truth about this universe.

I smoke weed.

Eventually you'll realize you like watching the world burn

So what do I do?
Just keep working and studying like nothing is wrong? I feel fucking lonely as fuck now. I had no friends before this of course, but now I feel like I'm 1000x more alone and it bothers the fuck out of me more than ever now.

Christ, positive Nihilism or final solution. Your choice, probably your first own choice. Don't fuck it up, or do but don't forget to live stream
>weed
Helps or makes it worse, very risky. I would go for low doses of a weak phenethylamine, if any drug.

Listen to Fash The Nation. So many white pills

And if that fails, thisIt's like watching a train wreck. You don't want to watch, but you can't look away. Except most here do want to watch.

I am trying to subscribe to positive Nihilism, but my faith and will constantly waivers day to day.

I understand that since everything is meaningless and the universe doesn't care about me, I should value every moment of happiness I have and try to make the best of every second, so I've dedicated most of my day now to just simply learning as much as I can about Science, Religion, Philosophy, and I've started Meditation.

I am taking my college tests in two days, where I will then go on to Community College for a 4 month Welding program, and then I'll get a job doing that... But then what? Will I just exist as a lonely robotic servant?

I'm trying to live every day learning as much as I can. Shit, I've even taken up learning Russian. Been studying Russian for the past fucking 4 weeks. It helps to keep the fucking pain at bay. I just try to ignore it and work so hard I can't think about it, and I exhaust myself until I can fall asleep at night (not without taking like 4 benadryll and a shit ton of melatonin though).

This isn't any way to live.

I liked watching it before, but now I'm fucking tired of this stupid shit. It's the same shit over and over again.
>Something goes wrong, everyone thinks the end is nigh
>It never fucking happens
>Repeat
This has happened with North Korea a fucking million times. I've grown sick of watching. It's like watching a fucking movie with an ending that just drags on and on for so long you just lose interest.

Oh yeah I've also developed massive anxiety.
My mother is an EMT, and she is gone all day for like 4 days a week then gets 4 days off, and I'm just fucking worried as shit she won't come home one day.
That, and I have become grimly aware of every way that something in my day to day life can go horribly wrong and kill me or those around me.
This morning my grandfather drove me up to the gas station to buy a drink, and this nigger driving in some shitty ass truck swerved out infront of us, narrowly hitting us. A cop car started chasing him after.
If we were just a second early, we would have been hit dead on.

This shit is fucking terrible.
Are there any books or something I can read to help alleviate this shit? Is there a way to induce a blue pill? I want to go back.

>I'm trying to live every day learning as much as I can
You sound like a cool user 2bh. How about sharing that knowledge you acquired with others and use the positive nihilism to not be afraid on going to talk too someone and listen what that someone has to say, after all you accepted positive nihilism, so you give a fuck if that someone tells you to fuck off or not.
>anxiety
>Paranoia
Get off the downers and maybe get a hard manual job for some 2 months
>back to the blue pill
Nope, no way, you can try another pill, but in the end you will not forget what you saw. Sorry

some more pills

So far I've compiled a bunch of books on different Scientific subjects and what not. I've read up some books on basic Electronics, Electricity, Atomic Theory, Physics, etc, and now I'm working my way through a Chemistry book. I have a shit load of notebooks to my left full of notes. It fills me with some slight form of satisfaction to see how much I've learned.

As for sharing knowledge, I'm still insecure somewhat about what I know and what I don't know. I'm always afraid of spreading the wrong information or saying the wrong thing, so depending on what the subject is I'll probably just wait until I know more before sharing.

I do kind of want to find some form of an outlet for things I've learned not just in a Scientific sense, but also my thoughts on Religion and Philosophy and Politics. I've thought of starting a Journal for this and just keeping it private.

Anyways, as for talking to someone, biggest problem is I am not entirely sure where I can go to find like minded individuals to speak with. I'm only 19 so I can't go to a bar, and even if I did go to a bar the only thing for me there are a bunch of drunks and bitches. I don't care for that.

Really the only people I talk to are on here, and a few Steam friends who I barely know and don't want to know.

I guess the main problem I am having with the Black Pill so far is just that I'm incredibly lonely. I can handle the anxiety and depression with time I'm sure, but this loneliness is fucking killing me.

Whoops. In my ramblings I didn't complete the first paragraph.

I've compiled a bunch of different books and I have made sure to get only quality books. I suppose maybe I could upload these books somewhere on a dropbox and let other Anons who want to learn download them. That'd be kinda cool. And then let them add things to it as well. Yeah that'd be sweet.

Take the silicon pill

>I'm always afraid of spreading the wrong information or saying the wrong thing
You can't control what others do with what you tell them, well not 100% and not without experience. Really most people just enjoy hearing stuff they haven't heard yet, or even a new perspective (that's how one redpills). I wouldn't be afraid about that.

About where you find like minded people, who cares that they are like minded, look at the pit out there, it is a permanent fight, no one on here thinks the same, that's the whole fun. Just don't walk into an Antifa protest. Maybe visit your church, a book club in your college.
>I guess the main problem I am having with the Black Pill so far is just that I'm incredibly lonely
Pro tip, even those who party every weekend with 100s of "friends" feel lonely, unless they are shizoid. And you know what, they like being seen; be the one who sees them.

>Compiled books
I hope you are already uploading them :)

>be the one who sees them.
but don't be an /r9k/ orbiter, that's just sad

And as you seem to be Murrican, how about joining a shooting club or going to the range.
Ask for some tips. They love naked feet btw

Here's what I atleast have as a goal.
I want to learn investing, and eventually I want to build my own house somewhere and then provide my own electricity for this house by building some sort of generator for it. I already have a few ideas of how to do it, but with my beginner's knowledge on Electronics and Physics I'm not sure if they're feasible or not. I basically just wanna make a perpetual motion generator and a series of solar panels with wind mills and all sorts of other power generation methods. Then I want to have either an indoor or outdoor hydroponics area to grow my own food, and I'll then get some water by making a well. Then, I'll just have to figure out how to get internet.

I just wanna live off the grid in my own world left to my own devices. I am hoping Welding will allow me enough currency to begin saving up money to put this plan to action. I also wanna start up my own electronics and chemistry lab out there when I'm up and running.

I'm going to try to save as much money as I possibly can. I'm even living with my mother. (Paying rent of course, I'm not a mooch.)

Anyways,
I guess you're right about controlling people and finding like minded people. I've always sort of been able to see the value in anyone. I feel like someone always has some sort of insight that can be dug out of them and is worth learning from them and talking to them, some more or less than others. Maybe I just need to go take a shot in the dark. Go do something instead of crying about being lonely. Go meet people. Maybe a church would be good, since I'm studying the Bible anyhow.

Oh man speaking of /k/, maybe I can even somehow make my own ammunition for rifles and stuff and hunt game too. That'd be nice.

Maybe I can create something out there too and go sell it at a market or something to make money on the side so I can enjoy some of the outside world's shit every now and then...

Oh and homemade alcohol. Lots of homemade alcohol.

Fuck, and a refinery...


Well atleast I have something to aim for now that I think about it. This will be my goal: to learn as much as I can, and to eventually be self sustaining in every facet, no matter what. And above all to just stay alive. And when the time comes, watch the world burn.

Literally no reason to turn back user. Embrace it while you still can!

Nihilism is the ideology of the weak.

All these pills are DISINFO that tells people to LARP instead of making babies and getting rich.

Only the original REDPILL of real-world power and dominance is real.

Not coincidentally, the original REDPILL is missing from this list.

Fuck you, shill-poster.

Okay.
Then what is the ideology of the strong? I'm rather curious because at this point I can't see anything being better than just accepting the truth and trying to fucking just navigate this mess and keep my own interests at heart. I can't save society or save the world so I'm just going to try to save myself and maybe bring some people with me and help others along the way. Or something.

>having a goals
well there it is ;^). Just don't exhaust yourself, a plan with detailed and defined steps, else the next crisis waits around the corner. And if your mother has a good stable income, maybe ask for a rent decrease, as you have goals, they cost money, it is indirectly her fault everything is so expansive and she is your mother after all.
>Well atleast I have something to aim for now that I think about it. This will be my goal: to learn as much as I can, and to eventually be self sustaining in every facet, no matter what. And above all to just stay alive. And when the time comes, watch the world burn.
That's the lesson of the black pill
>Taking Sup Forums memes too serious,
dude

You are going to die regardless of whatever you do. Might as well serve an illusion of resistance, instead of the inevitability of decay.

With all paths being equal in pointlessness, the path that upholds the illusion for others is the most logical one.

Be a nihilist if you want, but be a productive nihilist.

This.
You can do anything. Keep working and studying to get enough power to do anything else you want
I am anything but weak. If anything, enduring pain and accepting it as just another part of lfie turned me into this.

dont talk about things you dont understand
in this case, its nihilism

also OP, if you actually "took the black pill" you wouldnt be here asking for help, you would be at peace, the happiest moment in your life finally you no stress and anxiety, just serenity

> not taking memes seriously
> that flag
Jew detected. Remember, your kind has always pushed the goyim too far, and gotten BTFO. why does it have to be this way?

just let the goyim keep their lunch money, and your kind would rule the universe. but nope, you're too greedy. and history shall repeat itself once again.

i'm a GATE oldfag. and sad experience has taught me that Sup Forums is right again.

No such thing as being alone. All the particles within your being are part of a greater ensemble of interacting particles. Your brain is tricking you in thinking you are apart from it all. Let go of attachments by meditating and realize that relationships are toxic and useless.

>Gate
>Oldfag
Have another meme
btw, I wrote don't take em TOO serious. It's a difference in blindly following the devil into the darkness calling him the bringer in of light and being aware who you are following.

You haven't accepted the black pill.

Nihilism is accepting that all life and all actions are inevitably pointless. Regardless of the heights or lows we choose, the outcome is to be grounded to space-dust no matter the choices in our miserable lives.

I speak with as much force as standard issue words on a computer screen can have.

With every choice being equally pointless, choose the option that is percieved to be "good" simply out of default. With no other values to weight you down, you might as well invest some pointless lipservice to what others hold in high value.

Well what pill is this? Because this sure as hell isn't the Red Pill.
I can't imagine being serene with just sitting there wasting away with a "lol it dont matter" approach.

Hm. True.
Today I actually read since atoms are neither created nor destroyed, that means we're all made up of atoms that are endlessly old. That makes us all ancient. It sounds like an incredibly simple scientific fact that everyone probably already knows but it's pretty neat to me. I'm made up of older than sin atoms that will eventually decompose and become something else. It's a very odd feeling that comes to me when I think about it like that.

I feel much better though now having spoken to people here in this thread. Thank you anons. I will continue browsing the thread until bed here in an hour or two.

You have great insight. No need for a God conjecture if time never existed in the first place and ''creation'' has no actual meaning since the notion of beginning and end of processes becomes arbitrary. Good luck and may you find a sanctuary from the noise.

wait till it hits you with the apathy pill when you realize there is no free will and that itself as a general idea is retarded

Make more money

Black pill is just a start. Than you will realize that you have magical superpowers to edit reality, if you won't fail, and that all these black pill stuff is just irrelevant.

> implying infintychan is superior
> implying shills aren't instantly called out on Sup Forums
> implying shariablue didn't lose the meme war
> implying consuming shitty pozzed content is superior to seeing the corrupt heart of reality and planning a good way forward with other jaded high-IQ patriotic oldfags

the memes shall flow, Jew, and your wiles cannot stop them. accept Christ and join the good side.

let me put it in your terms: accepting Christ, or what the nigs call "acting White", means having FIDUCIARY RESPONSIBILITY toward every other member of your race.

This means being honest. only do business that will improve your customer's lives...that, if you were in your customer's shoes, is what you would do as a thoughtful, responsible person.

Only do careers that "make the pie bigger" for everyone.

Don't profit from interest income. Don't profit from ownership of other people's relationships. Don't profit from telling people lies. Don't profit from false-flags. Don't profit from helping people destroy their futures (e.g. with drugs, Tinder, or bad debt).

Do labor (mental or physical) that will benefit your community, and enjoy the community doing the same for you.

good luck m8.

Why you are afraid? If nothing matters, why do you care? Existential death after black pill is empowering and freeing

Black pill is the last step before finding the white pill. Once day you will realize that no matter how grim things look there is a glimmer of hope, and that even against the greatest odds victory is still attainable.

Because again, nothing matters, so I should try to live life to the fullest and cherish moments that do matter. I'd rather do that than just sit and fucking be an emo all day.

Well that sounds neat I guess.
Any books on this?

This nigga gets it.

Hope is only truly found in the darkest of times. When there is so much evil, and so many bad things have happened you wonder how the world could ever go back. But you keep fighting, because there is some good in this world, and it's worth fighting for.

Your subjective pain and suffering will be real no matter how you try and rationalize your way out of it.

General occultism and hermeticism. Black pill is just a nigredo, in alchemical terms.

And yes, because nothing matters, you realize that there is nothing to fear. And than you start to see the world through different lenses, and start to transform it, until you start sitting bricks because of syncbronicities and mystical occurrences.

Lord of the Rings

Mystical Occurrences I've always been inclined to believe in. I used to browse /x/ a shit ton and I kind of already believe in some Occultist stuff. I think there is something to Runes in particular that make them stand out as something that could be maybe real. That and Nordic magic is kind of interesting.

I don't believe in Aleister Crowley nonsense though. That shit is just retarded. And he was a memelord edgefag.

Allister Crowley was correct about many thing, but his procedures were extremely degenerate. It's true that destroyed person achieve freedom and supernatural control over the world, but the way he promote to do it, is a shortcut, almost a cheat, that works only for a short period. It's literally satanism.

Oh and Astral Projection, though I am kind of inclined to believe it is just a fancy form of Lucid Dreaming.

I tried magick and it doesn't werk boyos. Sigil, charging, whatever. What do you guys do?

...

Oh yeah Sigils. I've always wanted to try those.
I am kind of cautious with occult stuff though on the off chance I mess with something I do not want to mess with.

There is a reightous angle to all the pills that a lot of nerds here cannot handle and it's hard to find it coincides with the evolian dilemma, but I'm not giving it away to faggots who are black pulled for free. Read you pussy Donald immigrants. And not stuff by anyone who gained fame and prominence post 9/11 examples include Gavin McGinness and Lauren southern.

Robert Anton Wilson?

All of it works. Just change your mind, don't be dependant on the outcome much. You may have bee trying to use it for personal gain and we're craving for the results too much. It's won't work this way, because it places solution or manifestation into infinite future, not NOW. You literally have to have a master race mentality to manage magic well, it is Ars Regia, Art of Kings, you must think like a king and do shot like a king in order to make it work properly. Furthermore, it always work, it's just you who desire things incorrectly, in the way you would never get them, that's why you don't get them. Many stupid cucks have this problem, for example there are many left leaning idiots, who hate capitalism, but want to get money via magic. How are you going to get it if you hate it????

>All of it works. Just change your mind, don't be dependant on the outcome much
I tried it. I've done some and forgot them. Burned them etc. It ain't working boyo. I tried even sigilizing meaningless shit that I had no care whether it goes one way or another. Still no go.
What did you do so far that worked?

Khm, all of what you described. Everything worked

Got any magic to give me some extra luck on my college test I take in two days? I've studied my ass off for it but anything to help me get an extra push helps.

Jordan Peterson helped me escape the black pill. His theology lectures are amazing.

can you be a bit more specific?
i had shit work with intent/visualizing from the first person pov

Watch frater fx. Best magic you can do is to learn and understand a subject well. I'm not joking.

And in general, these magic stuff need enormous mental discipline.

>be me
>completely black pilled
>6'3''
>IQ over 160
I can honestly barely hold myself together with the knowledge that I actually am superior. Without it I would no know what would happen, I would probably just drop to a weaker state.

You need to realize, that classical things associated with black pill like depression and pointless violence, are as pointless as anything else.

The problem with black pill is that there is no "you should do that". Everything is pointless.

So unless you can simply endure the abyss staring at you, and stare back into it, it will break you, it's only a matter of time.

I don't think you have already reached the full depth of black pill, what you describe is only the surface. For example if you still believe in Free Will, or if you assess any value to happiness, then you are far from there.

So just take some antidepressants, and go out with friends, you are just depressed

I don't even really believe in free will all too much. I think we're all just slaves to our own selfish desires.
>"I want that"
You want it not because you want it but because something naturally greedy and selfish inside of you wants it. That's not you being free that's just you being a slave to your own desires. Or something. Very confusing, but I think I understand it the more I think about it.

Also I'm on antidepressants and mood stabilizers. They just don't work.

>"that's just you being a slave to your own desires"
Yea, that is exactly at point.
But now that I have read your previous posts, you case is actually crystal clear.
Just get make some friends, that will fix everything.

I hope that'll fix it all.
The problem though is just at the moment, I have nothing. I have no car, no job, nothing but the GED I earned by working my ass off studying, and soon come day after tomorrow, I'll take my Community College test and hope that I pass that and get started on a Welding class. My mother says she'll start on getting me a car and I can make payments once I get a job.

But that's all like... Months away. I just feel fucking horrible. Are there any places online people go to make friends? I honestly don't know.

>free gibs from mom
>claims GED was an assload of work
>recognizes good things in future, "But that's all like... Months away."

i wont start medical school until next year (although i already have a bachelors degree) and will not become a licensed physician in any less than 7 years from now

kys

What's between Gray and Silicon?

Jesus dude.
I can't even imagine being in your place. Man, how did you push yourself through the boring idle moments of life where you just do the same run of the mill shit? That is the other big thing I am afraid of in life. Man, I can't stand the thought of doing the fucking same shit every day as a slave for fucking money. That's why I want to become self sufficient. Jesus Christ man I'd kill myself. Although honestly, I feel like at this point, no matter what position I'm in in life I will eventually Sudoku. It just feels like that'll be the end. Eventually my vices and drive will cease their pushing and I will just stall and wither. I'm just passing my time until the eventual suicide. It's edgy to say it but it's true. The only reason I persist other than experiencing life is just my family would be let down, and at this point I feel like I'd have wasted my potential if I just blow my head off now. I've come too far to give up now. Might as well just see it through until the end. The lord hates a quitter.

>"places online"
Join a club at your college, or just make friends with people from your class.
Also, sport is very good anti-depressive,
join a sports team if you are any good at one.
If not, try martial arts if there is anything like that where you live.
Or just go to the gym.
If you want to make friends, just look for people you might get along with, and then just talk to them.
If your social skills are so bad that you can't do that, then I guess an online community would work. An MMO for example...
But I don't need to tell you, that you want real live friends, not online friends.

Commit suicide

I've got a road bike that I ride every now and then. It's just been too damn hot in Texas recently. And when it's not hot it's fucking raining down piss. Recently I feel like not even riding my bike is helping though.

And yeah I do want real life friends.

I have one real life friend, but he's like fucking 17, and he smokes weed all day and has always tried to push me to smoke weed as well, but I'm just not interested in that shit, and if that's all he's going to do is just push me to do drugs and not actually fucking relax then fuck it.

I took the black pill awhile ago.

>was in depression for months

>woke up one day and said fuck it

>carry on with life

>you aren't dead yet so don't lay down like a bitch

Who /2010/ here?

i realized i actually enjoy studying medical topics of all kinds when found myself doing so in my free time. i figured i could do this and become a physician to always be interacting with people and learning new interesting things.

even in my late 20's, studying undergrad sciences alongside 18-something SJWs was relatively enjoyable versus the other things i had done in my life, jobs and self-employment included. i'm sure i'll like the next phases too.

If you want friends, just take a course in anything you might like.
There will be people who share the same interests as you.
Talk to them.

/2010/ reporting in my man

I was so fucking young when i first entered this site yo

if you don't like the options you have it's probably because you know they're bad.

if you want meaning in life, you're probably not going to find it in a script. go take some chances, live on your own, you'll find meaning. i found a lot of satisfaction in the challenge of living in new states and countries, testing the extremes of the ability to support myself.

/2007/ although I don't know where the fuck my pre-2008 images are anymore.

That's the shit I'd like too.
I mean honestly, I really feel like I have no choice in life but Welding anymore. Before, I thought my only choice was Computer Science, and I have programmed for like 6 years as a hobby, and I just don't want to do it as a fucking career. It depresses me even worse to think of it.

Welding depresses me less so, because I know it's hard work, and I think I might even enjoy it somewhat. It'll atleast pass by fast, and if I play my cards right, my studying Russian will come in handy since there's lots of Welding jobs in the former Soviet Union. I can go travel there.

But fucking God. I just still feel so empty.

But if not Welding, what else is there? Atleast Welding I can be assured I'll have money or whatever. And shit, with money, I'll be able to eventually put my self sustaining plan into action... But then after I do everything I want, what the fuck am I to do? God damn. I'll eventually just end up sitting there in a fucking monument of loneliness and self-defeating self-loathing agony. Might as well just put a bullet in me now.

What a bleak fucking world this is.

The blackpill is the bluepill in disguise, idiot. You have been Jewed

>blacked

Never take the black pill, just get gud at the Bible and be happy

really sounds like you need a perspective change.

check out some places outside of the US. for example, ukraine, easy to get a tourist visa to go there, relatively cheap. you can probably border-hop to the EU and back to auto renew the visa, too. can do online work in ukraine and learn russian at the same time, which is the de facto language. probably able to teach english for money too.

flights are really cheap right now because of cheap gas.

a life's journey begins with a single step

Why not accept the Nuke Pill, op

just watch Jordan Peterson, youll feel good after it

It doesn't bother me. I know how you feel though, it isn't a sense of hopeless or anything of that sort, it's just emptiness.

All of this, it's pointless, it doesn't matter what ideology wins as long as those above remain influential. We're just pawns fighting over grains of sand in a larger, more complex play that we've yet to fully grasp.

I could care less anymore, whatever happens, happens. I only look out for myself now. That's all that matters anymore; me.

That sounds kinda cool too.
What sorts of online work is there in Ukraine? Even though Russia is where Communism had a rape spree, I'd still like to visit it someday. The Russian people seem like a hardy bunch of folk.

They got cool vidya too.

What video in particular should I start with?

Ignorance is bliss.

generally speaking you want to target the big markets with lots of demand. that means the US, typically. you can work in the online US market from anywhere in the world. i'll leave it up to you to find examples.

there's no online work in ukraine, but there are cheaper prices, which is kind of like a source of income in itself. you can get an apartment for half the price that it would be in the US, probably less.

So what if I were to just save up a shit load of money and then go live in Ukraine with all my USD? Is that a good idea?

You forget that friends will pop out and they won't judge you

Get revenge on the people you hate
Speaking from experience here, it's the only way out

I relate to what you posted. I myself see suicide as something that's almost set in stone for me so to speak, in that it feels like im destined to commit suicide. There is no purpose, reason or meaning to this life. No respite nor peace. These anons telling you just do this or just do that, or "bruh git sum friends" have absolutely no idea what you or i have come to understand. These people are lucky individuals. Try not to pull them into this with us.

On the other hand, opiates are something that help me get through the shitty motion of life. You should try them sometime.

sure it's one way to do things.

you could also try some kinds of online incomes, wait till you're reasonably satisfied with how one works, then just go, and continue doing them while out of the country. you can get a 'virtual mailbox' stateside that will scan mail for you as you get it that you can read online, usually theyre 10-20 bucks a month. i recommend opening bank accounts before you leave the country. if you go small business route, open an llc and its bank account first before you leave, if you can.

ukraine's not the only place. india has a 6 month renewable visa. southeast asia has many easy tourist visa options as well. belize too. even though you receive income from the US, you don't need a work visa, just a normal tourist visa.

Thanks Timmy

Im a construction worker and i can tell you right now, no it does not get better. You know what i do after i get off work? I think to myself "what now? What the fuck am i suppose to do? Nothing matters." Then being depressed as fuck i go home and either get drunk or high as fuck, pass out, wake up and go to work again.

Life sucks and then you die.

i should point out that i've never gone the "save up a shitton of money" route, usually i have low bank account balances when I move. it's motivational. although, i prefer moving with at least a grand or two and having an analysis of likely expenses. to get an idea of the cost of living i just look at numbeo. to find an apartment, i search the internet in the local language, usually there's 1 or 2 big peer to peer apartment sites. find a cheap hotel for when you don't have an apartment with kayak.com or booking.com. use kayak and google flights for flights. rome2rio for strange transportation methods. google maps for point A to point B. skype for calling the US.

I mean at this point, its only a matter of just experiencing some of the things I want to experience before dying. Even then I still feel the call to death growing stronger with each passing moment. Even now I lay in bed and wish I will not wake up. Shit sucks. Grandpa has a .22LR in the garage but I dont think its a strong enough caliber to do me in, plus my mom will be devastated. Gott keep fighting the fight I guess.

Ya same here user. I know my dad would be devastated if i killed myself. But a few weeks ago i had my rifle pressed against my forehead but then i thought about what my dad would find, my head half blown off with brain matter on my walls. Made me feel like shit, knowing id make him see me (for the last time) like that. Idk what the fuck im gonna do when he dies tho. But then again i slip further and further into not giving a fuck either way day by day and the drugs and alcohol arent helping as much as i wish.

Whats the black pill exactly? I thought it was knowing that the world is controlled by a jewish luceferian elite that fucks/cannibalises/kills children?