African story time

On 8th of August Kenya is having its elections and depending on how it goes there might or might not be Civil War.

Since I'm bored and free I am going to greentext for those interested in African politics

interested desu

my cousin is a docotor and did some missionary work in africa becuase he felt it was the right thing to do
every story i here is how shit it was and how he had to get dogs to keep niggers out of the compound he was living in and basically how shit it was
he spent most of his time in the country of uganda

I'd like to hear some, (thanks for the flag btw.)

>During the 1950s Kenya is winning against the bongs in the fields, spearheaded by the Mau Mau, because of there knowledge of the lands. They fight and retreat into hiding.
>Britbongs decide to bring the battle into fields they are superior to the African, Law. They have control over africans using the law as there weapon and the Mau mau, a mainly kikuyu group, raise up a young carpenter to go to college and fight on there behalf. When he wins he will hand power back to the people.
>when the carpenter, now called Uhuru Kenyata, is taking on the brits he realises that although the kikuyu are many(infact the biggest tribe in the nation) they are not enough to take on the bongs. so he reaches out to the leader of the Luo, Jaramogi Odinga, with the promise that the kikuyu will rule first then hand power over to the luo and the change will continue till the end of time.
>Odinga agrees and as his running mate they beome the first african president and vice president of the republic of kenya.

>the power deal is never held up because of a longer story i might greentext later.
>animosity starts to brew between the two tribes
>fast forward to 2007 and the son of Jaramogi, Raila Odinga, is running for president against kikuyu leader and current president Mwai kibaki.
>Odinga is expected to win in a land slide victory since most are upset with MWais regime. the night of the elections the results show Odinga leading with an outstanding lead but come morning Mwai has won in a "Shady manner and people wake up to him being sworn into office in an quick impromptu service
>the country breaks out into war

You the oil chap working there?
You still drilling for oil on the cheap?
>the above is a sexual metaphor

So what your saying is that the British should have stayed and looked after you lot?
Seems to be an awful lot of war otherwise.

>election comes up
>actual threat of civil war
>oogboog

So this occurred in 2007 and people 10 years later realize that it was stolen?

Uganda is a shithole even by african standards.
It only has two paved roads;One, is the landing strip and the other is the road leading from the airport to the statehouse via where the state guests will stay.

Flag should be kenyan but for some reason its showing zambia

Brits were worse

Why were the Brits worse? (genuine question) surely they imposed some sort of central government to control you lot?

Name some good African leaders
Which African countries may have a future

>Flag should be kenyan but for some reason its showing zambia

Probably your connection detours through Zambia for one reason or another. Be clad you even have internet connection. Africa is a shithole to try to bring to the modern age since there isn't even necessary infrastructure to lay necessary internet cables in many places. Also work is apparently dangerous. Once had a job offer doing that shit in southern African countries (SA, Zimbabwe, Kenya etc.) One of the recommended (not required) skills was experience with firearms.

Paul Kagame of Rwanda.
Gaddafi.
Al Sisi

Joseph Kony

How are things in Zambia? Is there censorship there?

>it took the then-Secretary General of the UN Kofi Annan to resolve the 2007 crisis

I mean, kenya

Isn't Malik Obama Kenyan? Just make him the president. Shitposter in chief would be bretty nice.

>Come 2012 and Odinga is running for president again but this time against Uhuru Kenyatta, Son of the first president of of Kenya.
>This time Odinga is sure he will win against his opponent because Kenyatta still has cases in hague for cries commited during the 2007 post election violence even the US is threatening to put kenya under sanctions should they vote in Kenyatta.
>Come the night after election and kenyatta is Sworn into office with people claiming rigged elections.
>There is evidence of voter numbers being inflated but the scars of 2007 still too fresh people decide not to riot instead they accept.
>"If i couldnt get him the hague will thinks Raila"
>a few months later Uhuru and his viice president both come home like jesus walking in on a donkey.
>The street are lined with people happy they have been proved innocent of their war crimes
>actually to be more specific witnesses either backed out or disappeared. The kenyan govt refused to cooperated during investigations and the two had been accopanied to court by a mutitude of African leaders who stood with these innocent angels that were being prayed upon by big bad white people.
>THe uhuru regime is the worst in history(p.s in comparison our second president was a dictator who used to whip people ib the bum with a belt )
>under the uhuru the national debt is at an all time high. the shilling is at it weakest and there billions lost every year in scandals involving his staff. most of these cases are swept under the rug
>it reaches a point where it is literally cheaper to buy fuel than it is to buy milk.
>now we are at 2017 with none of his campaign promises fulfilled.
>those he tried to fulfill? Google kenya SGR train but before you do i want you to know this was pitched and funded as if we were building bullet trains
>the common citizen is pissed and everyone wants change

You would be surprised but many places in apefrica actually have western standards when it comes to Intrnet connection. It's the result of the intervention of western corporations. We wouldn't want the starving niggers to be disconnected from Facebook™ after all!

>OP Making a phonecall

>the common citizen is pissed and everyone wants change
So, Kenyatta brought Kenya into the First-World then?

Other countries keep saying that there'll be violence after the election. That's coz they judge Kenya according to their standards.
Seriously, Sup Forums , you guys should understand that democracy doesn't work for every society. e.g., Eritrea, Rwanda, China, Libya, etc.

Is OP kill?

Niggers butchering eachother? Oh my that would be completely uncharacteristic

>now we get to the juicy bits lads.
>2017 elections happen august and everyone is making arrangements for them.
>Raila is demanding a restructure in the whole electoral system. he want the body that was involved in the last two election done away with to get rid of cronies and other stringent measures to counter interuption.
>the court refuse his plea and there riots since everyone wants a more transparent election.
>Meanwhile Uhur starts importing thousands of armoured vehicles and starting peace campaings.
>"Whatever happens this elections we MUST accept the results no matter what."
>he basically forces everyone to accept this and makes it clear it is up to the leader of the loser to keep there side docille. no matter what.
>Raila starts crying foul and say he will use all his might to stop Uhuru's "Plan"
>uhuru doesnt pay him uch attention since he has serious national duty to attend to like cases of food at certain hotels owned by politicians having cholera.
>Also, after a talk with uhuru the minister of interior security decides to go for a night out and dies the next morning so Uhuru has to find a replacement quick. One of his cronies is given the job.
>The shrewd minister wanting to prove his effectiveness say he will uphold whaterver decision the court will rule.
>some of the things raila is fighting for include;
>That the printing company for the ballots be changed.
>that independent observers be allowed to oversee the whole voting process
>voting records be made puublic to ake sure dead voters are no longer in the system and to verify numbers
>That certain people be fired from tallyng centers since they had evidence they were all army men sent in to interfere
>The court shoots down almost all of raila request

>IF the court doesnt do anything the people will
>Raila starts a campaign called adopt a polling station that will see kenyans who are afraid of there being interference to act as observers.

you should have risen up and slaughtered ever britshit occupant then and there.

Then continued the war on their own little fucked up island

Did he appeal to the UN?

as if it matters.

The UN is looking more and more like a pile of shit no one wants to step into.

>The new minster of interior security sends out a warning.
>Adopt a polling station is illegal. A shoot to kill is declared on anyone loitering around a polling station. vote and go home
>kenyans are outraged again but this time thet will get answers during the upcoming presidential debate.
>Come the debate Uhuru is a no show.
>for 90 minutes straight every screen in the nation was a one on one interview with Raila where he penetrated into the heart of man with his deep thoughtfull answers and his life struggles including how his eyes became permanently damaged during the prison time he served fighting for the country to allow for a multi party state(i told you our second presidnet was baller when i said he beat people with a belt on the bottom i should have added that he also ahd torture chambers under govt buildings incase the belt didnt work)
>The next morning uhuru says that the debate was all a planned by raila and his goons to try and embarrass him and trap him. he instead holds a facebook live stream.
>A week to the elections now raila calls a press conference and hands out millitary documents he managed to acquire.
>THey list out the Kenyan defense force getting lots of equipment including signal jammers ,bio hazard gear, electrical gear, and some plumbing tools.
>he also has details about new recruit training going on and where they will be deployed and the dates.
>using this evidence e outlines uhurus plan of starting a quarantine in all his strongholds to control the cholera outbreak. this will see a complete black out in this areas and then stuffed boxes will be put in. the quarantine would have been held till uhuru was sworn in.
>The press ask the KDF about the validity of the documents and they say that they are all real however they are all taken out of context.
>uhuru does not comment instead says this is propaganda meant to incite violence. he again asks raila to promise peace no matter what the results.

and thats where we are at lads. everyone is one toes that come that day either something shady will happen and incite violence. the situation is a bit volatile and i hope i explained it to the best of ym ability.

ill be answering questions while i figure what story to tell next.
The great dictator aka the best president we had maybe?

Is General ButtNaked already dressed for war?

Good bread, m8.

Also, post kwachas with timestamp pls

Who will win the inevitable civil war?

Are there good african shitholes, kinda like east eu where everything is okayish but not quite proper?

Apparently botswana has money.

Also, what will happen if civil war breaks out

So it's tribal warfare they pretend is western democracy.

>Also, what will happen if civil war breaks out


more refugees for yurope which yurocucks will no doubtedly accept

Ethiopia is decent. They're the only African country to fight off Europeans.

Yeah nah, people from that part of the world look like aliens, not even kidding - they have these weird elongated skulls, maybe they were herdsmen in the savannah or something, but that part - ethiopia, eritrea, somalia, has the weirdest people.

I think Ethiopia fought Italy lel

the rich parts of most of africa are ok
except the CAR, chad, south sudan, and 'western sahara' which isn't even a country

what do you think will happen? will uhuru still use the quarantine plan now that everyone knows about it or will he just stuff the ballot boxes like normal?

If it does turn violent are there armed factions loyal to raila that will fight for him?

no one wins. we are all losers a the end.

Kenya is one of those good shitholes. most of the women in the costal area are partly arabic and they live day and white for foreigners.
most drop out of school to try and be with foreigners.
this mentality is in everything including business. literally anything foreign is considered God. SO if you have no ethics you could come here and be king. IVe heard thousands of stories of dudes coming and never leaving because 1 life is cheap and two people worship you.

IF war breaks out people will die i guess?

>It only has two paved roads

hahahahAHHAHAHAHAAH literally tears in my eyes... ahhhh nice joke have a (you)

> literally anything foreign is considered God.

Yeah, that mentality is the same here with western products.

A lot of westerners have these fantasies of leaving the west and going east or to africa or whatever, but the political instability is quite severe.

>democracy doesn't work for every society

I tend to agree. For democracy to work, you need to have a losing side willing to at least begrudgingly accept the defeat, without violence so it may never really work in a lot of African countries or America.

those are nice armored cars

I rly want one

Well Ethiopians are more middle eastern than African.

I don't think there are any real good parts of Africa.

Democracy doesn't work for most societies. You have to have a majority populace that is able to think for themselves, which is much rarer than you think.

I think 60-odd percent of the population turned out for our last general election, and of that 60% the current government got just 25%, so a quarter of 60% of the country voted for them, and that somehow constitutes a mandate to run the country, Democracy was a mistake.

Uhuru will probably steal it and win. he is a smart bastard. if he does there might be some violence.

Kenya politics is all about tribes. ingrouping is innevitable in any society. Uhuru has the kikuyu who are the largest in number which is an advantage in itself. Also if i were to give you a good example of who they were like id say the jews in that they are shrewd business men and control everything so that's also a plus for them.

Raila has the luo who i would say are like the african americans of kenya. They are "opressed" and love to chimp out. (also they originally migrated from southern sudan so they are the darker compared to the fair skin kikuyu)
the are also very good at sports and are generally very athletic and physically superior to most other tribes. They are not however the second biggest tribe even so numbers are against them.

However the two also have running mates who bring in two other tribes.
The kamba who are long distance traders join the luo while uhuru the kalenjin aka the people who participate in every singe track and field event.

However there still lots of smaller leaders on each ones side so the numbers are evenly split

>Pic related is a group of luos supporting a mostly luo team. they are notorious for starting violence over nothing

i dont know what crack you are smoking my nigger Ethiopians are literally the least ape looking africans

Bump