America is going down the shitter.
A few hurricanes here;
a yellowstone there;
half of an entire nations personal info stolen everywhere.
And I'm just sitting here, so fucking cozy right now, enjoying my birthday presents. I can't wait to see what happens leading up to the 23rd.
Other urls found in this thread:
en.wikipedia.org
youtu.be
youtube.com
dailymail.co.uk
twitter.com
...
>Abbos
>chinks
>spiders biting your balls when you shit
>Dial Up Internet
>Emus
>Cassowaries
>Venomous snakes
>Desert
>Sharks
>Venomous Fish
>Jellyfish
>Crocodiles
>Venomous octopi
>Kangaroos
>Cane Toads
>Venomous Snails
Anything else I'm missing?
CME and x flares, crazy huge wildfires, 8.0M mexico tsunami, NK icbm tomorrow lol
Shit is getting pretty spooky desu. All we need next are some tornadoes.
Where's the rest of the story? Just because he's a fucking mudslime who says it's okay doesn't mean he gets away with it.
slightly higher import prices
kek
He's a Rohingya Muslim, too.
>abbos
Abbos are like docile sheep most of the time, they're literally too stupid to be aggressive like niggers.
>chinks
Chinks will be consumed.
>spiders
I trained mine, m80. Now they protect my house from flies.
>Dialup internet
I have 100MBs down and 30 MBs up.
>Emus
Taste great
>Cassowariers
The fuck you talking about?
>Venomous snakes
Fun for the whole family
>Desert
1000s of mile of dirt cheap land you can build your underground bunker in
>Sharks
I think the chinks ate all of those :(
>Venomous fish
Again, they taste great.
>Jelly fish
Okay I'll give you that one
>Crocodiles
Look great as shoes
>Venomous octopi
They're very smart and can solve puzzles so they're fun throw in a maze and watch them wriggle around.
>Kangaroos
Mans best friend
>Cane toads
:(
>Venomous snails
You think the french would be interested?
>Birthday presents.
Faggot.
Enjoy OCE servers faggots
I say cunt a lot, and appreciate the fine wildlife of Aussieland. Can I come live with you guys ?
Sure but the citizenship test requires you kill at least one lebo.
what do australian girls look like
Idk what you're talking about.
Everything is fine.
> being a Virgo
> using near perfect punctuation
Yeah fucking figures, happy birthday cunt. May everything be neat, materialistic & high value on your special cunt day.
Also sorry yanks but we're full.
This wont answer your question, but Aussie women are really shit at porn, not screaming in dog only frequencies like nips but just everyone some feels like i've recorded it myself.
Maybe thats the charm, i dunno.
Thanks cunt, have a bruce.
what the fuck is a TV licence
>>spiders biting your balls when you shit
How did you know...
This literally happened to me a couple years ago...
This apparently.
en.wikipedia.org
>all these aussies happy about the fact they wont be able to help american hitler rise to power
LMAOing at your lives
I donno how you fuckers live with those giant spiders down there. I couldnt do it. I just couldnt do it. Fuckin sittin here, chillin, browsing some internets, then a giant man eating spider comes out of nowhere. Nope.
Most of us aren't affected by it. We're all just busy working. The storms will be largely forgotten in a month. Same with the fires. The shit you see in the news, natural disasters, people protesting in the streets and everything, it's just to generate clicks/views. Those freaks make up like .01% of the population. Most people here barely have enough time to make breakfast in the morning, let alone worry about some trust fund babies with masks on in the streets of Seattle, or some storm in another state.
As if that will ever happen when one third of your country as delusional harpies and another third are bleeding heart centrists faggots.
that is fucking retarded, along with everything else in and i though murica was turning into shit.
Where is the fucking Australia you live in cunt? It's not here, that's for sure.
There's only like 2 species of spiders in the entirety of straya that are both aggresive and venomous.
When my sister was like 8 she was catching white tailed spiders and putting them in those bug container things that you're supposed to put grasshoppers in.
>There's only like 2 species of spiders in the entirety of straya that are both aggresive and venomous.
that's not very reassuring when a very agitated and large spider is expressing it's discontent in your toilet bowl after you've just pissed on it
Beware the abbos, they like walking dogs.....
fuckin abbos... a couple years ago some fuckin abo cunt stole a good friday appeal collection tin thingy from my local milk bar.
Shits fucked m8.
>in your toilet bowl
Just fucking flush mate.
can't mate, the electricity bill is too high so i save money by not running my lights most of the time
i've perfected the art of using my alarm clock to see my way out of bed, then using my phone charge light to find the door, then using the moonlight to find my way to the shitter. i don't have enough money, nor enough light, to see spiders in my toilet bowl at night.
Happy birthday and enjoy watching god's wrath upon the whore of Babylon.
when a spider is a size of a teacup plate or is able to eat a fucking bird, that's where i draw the line.
>fuckin abbos... a couple years ago some fuckin abo cunt stole a good friday appeal collection tin thingy from my local milk bar.
>Shits fucked m8.
It's called work for the dole cunt.
>mfw amerifag bought into ancient aussie shitposting to keep pussies out of country
>i don't have enough money, nor enough light, to see spiders in my toilet bowl at night.
hey that almost rhymes
how about this
>i don't have enough money, nor enough light, to see spiders in my shitter at night.
Be very glad you live in a first world country, I envy Australia sometimes
Dont envy Oztralia, once Shorten comes to power after the next elections Labor and the Greens will open the borders and we will look like Indonesia.
If it's in your toilet, flush. If it's too big to flush get some hair spray & a broom.
If they're coming under the front door to get bugs inside the house, throw a cat & a dog at it. Or just let them have a gander and wander off.
If you see one outside, you won't see it outside until it's too late in which case you won't be posting on here so it doesn't matter.
Keep plaster available for when a big one is on your wall because you have to hit it pretty hard to kill it with your thong, so you'll have to patch up the wall when you're done.
If you find a female with eggs in the sink, fucking nuke the cunt with a combination of Mortein & hairspray.
Look it's not hard okay? I'm Arachnophobic & I just take my glasses off so I can do some shit from a distance before I shoo it outside.
Thanks, cunt. Have a bruce story.
what the hell happen to him? is it the same thing in tropic thunder?
i give turnbull another 6 months. then we'll start really feeling the poz.
> spiders biting your balls when you shit
That's why you squat so it only bites your ankle but you can see it before that happens anyway.
that's a good one and easy to remember, lucky for me in don't live in a place where spiders lurk in my toilet at night.
WTF mate
youtu.be
I need some motivation brothers. Im a huge consertivite that browsed b since 07 and i quickly realized pol is my board. Trump became pres and i cried tears of joy but i feel no matter what he does those evil kikes will end us.
>a female with eggs
Yeah I hate that shit, when you stomp on a spider and like 100 little spiders run out of its corpse it's slightly annoying.
Damn, I've been wanting to do this for so long. Now I have instruction I can let slip the flaming tornadoes of war.
I just always think of if I let some get away, they'll come back big for revenge so I make sure I get the lot pretty quickly.
Aus won't be so happy if you keep letting in Asians. They are so competitive, and will make it so that Native aussies can't get a fucking job unless they bust their ass like never before. How do I know? I'm from Southern California, which has already been colonized by Asians. You'll see soon enough
>Abbos
You have niggers theyre worse
>chinks
You have chinks too and they aren't that bad
>spiders biting your balls when you shit
Nice to see you have american education
>Dial Up Internet
Again american education
>Emus
Emus are awesome
>Cassowaries
American education
>Venomous snakes
Theyre not fucking everywhere you retard, thats like us saying grizzly bears are everywhere in america
>Desert
you have desert too dumb cunt
>Sharks
theyre in the water you idiot
>Venomous Fish
again in the water and theres fuck all of them here
>Jellyfish
again in water
>Crocodiles
AGAIN IN WATER
>Venomous octopi
WATER
>Kangaroos
kangaroos are mad you're just jelly cause you don't have them
>Cane Toads
Pretty much none existent now
>Venomous Snails
American education
Good argument you stupid cunt, you're just mad cause we live i the best country in the world and yours is going down the shitter
>100+ degrees
>cozy
Yeah NAH it's 65 and i can't sleep it's too fucking
God help us
65f is fucking cold man, my nipples shrink in that weather.
>Australian
>understanding the metric system
Happy birthday dick
Are you seriously suggesting that anything is good at all here? Everything is fucked.
What are you talking about?
Didn't they declare a war on Rabbits, go full Trump and build a wall, and then scream in terror as the Emus punched holes in the walls, allowing rabbits to invade their lands?
>rabbits
>wall
that was china mate
youtube.com
>American insults you
>Takes it out on the UK
ok then
We can fuck them in the senate though.
don't give away the secret user
It's significantly less fucked then other places. It just needs some fixing up.
most of that shit is in the outback where nobody lives.
t. abbo
t. Africanized Ameri-Nigger
I'm not sure what's the worst part about your country. But this is really, really fucked. This is like some Orwellian Ministry of Happiness level shit.
Not very nice to just bash us because you can't take on the Amerinig.
I hope a funnel web bites you in your sleep tonight and you die screaming in pain. Have a lovely evening.
Yes. You did. The most fearsome and woe-worthy creature of them all. Pauline Hanson. Gina Rinehart is a close second
Fuckin' cunt. Expat aussie here. You're making my comfy American uncomfy with your teasing.
Come back home, Bruce. We need every soldier we can muster.
I will when Yellowstone starts rumbling
On September 23 a huge earthquake is going to cause a Tsunami that will swallow most of the Canadian and American west coast, this massive earth quake will also trigger the volcano in Yellowstone to erupt and devastate all of North America, there will be few survivors
After this, world war 3 begins
I know this because I've seen it before
Prepare yourself for the apocalypse. Remember, September 23
Oz will shortly be owned by Chinese and populated by Lebs.
Now fuck off and go buy a house.
Oh....
You can't afford it.
Chinese expeditionary force is on their way. Go get yer roo shooter.
>burger who's mad that we possess 50% of all their private information makes up shit about expensive housing
Protip: It only affects the faggots in the CBD (the labour cunts).
>Anything else I'm missing?
Those little blue baby squids.
You're the laughing stock of the Anglosphere
MOTHERFUCKING SHIT. I WAS JUST MASTURBATING AND EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREAT. I WAS IN MY ROOM, I HAD MY HEADPHONES ON, I WAS TOTALLY NAKED SITTING AT MY COMPUTER FAPPING AWAY TO A VIDEO ON REDTUBE. ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE'S THIS REALLY SHARP PAIN IN MY DICK, LIKE IT JUST GOT STABBED WITH A SEWING NEEDLE. I JERKED MY HAND BACK AND IT BUMPED INTO MY COMPUTER TOWER, WHICH SITS ON THE DESK. WELL, I HAD MY STICK OF DEODORANT ON TOP OF THE TOWER, AND THAT BITCH FELL OFF AND LANDED DEODORANT-END-DOWN ON THE HEAD OF MY COCK. HOLY FUCKING SHIT DID THAT HURT, AND ON TOP OF THAT IT HIT SO HARD THAT IT ACTUALLY FORCED SOME DEODORANT INTO MY URETHRA. I'VE NEVER HAD ANYTHING BURN SO BAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I JUMPED OUT OF MY FUCKING CHAIR AND STOOD UP BECAUSE IT HURT SO BAD; THIS CAUSED MY HEADPHONE CABLE TO GET YANKED OUT OF MY SPEAKERS, WHICH CAUSED "OH YEAH BABY COME DEEP IN MY TIGHT TEEN ASSHOLE UH UH UH" TO GET BLARED THROUGH MY FUCKING HOUSE AND ALMOST MAXIMUM VOLUME. NOW MY EYES ARE WATERING FROM THE PAIN OF THE DEODORANT INSIDE MY COCK BUT I MANAGE TO PUNCH ONE OF MY SPEAKERS HARD ENOUGH SO THEY TURN OFF. I LOOKED DOWN AND NOTICED BLOOD DRIPPING OFF OF MY COCK; I GUESS THE LIP OF THE PLASTIC DEODORANT THING BIT INTO MY FORESKIN AS IT CONNECTED WITH MY COCK. THE BLOOD WAS DRIPPING DOWN MY LEG.
You and me both, buddy. So ready for us to get our shit pushed in
We have the same bday, user.
Great story, I keked.
Then what?
THIS ALL HAPPENED IN THE SPACE OF MAYBE 6 SECONDS. IT MAY SEEM BAD BUT IT GETS WORSE. JUST AS I'M STANDING THERE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, MY BEDROOM DOOR FUCKING OPENS. MY DAD WAS STANDING THERE WITH MY ACCEPTANCE LETTER TO JOHNS HOPKINS. I FROZE AND HE STARED AT ME, NAKED WITH MY BLOODY ERECTION FOR MAYBE 15 SECONDS BEFORE HE NOTICED MY COMPUTER MONITOR AND THE BRUTAL ANAL SEX SCENE GOING ON FULL-SCREEN. HE IMMEDIATELY CLOSED THE DOOR AND LEFT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING. THIS MAY SEEM EMBARRASSING BUT MY DAD IS A SERIOUSLY CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN. THIS HAPPENED ABOUT 15 MINUTES AGO AND HE HASN'T SAID ANYTHING TO ME YET. I'M STILL IN MY ROOM TRYING TO GET THE GOD DAMN FUCKING OLD SPICE OUT OF MY COCK. WHAT SHOULD I DO Sup Forums?
Then me mum slammed open the door and teh knob got stuck in me crikey.
There are no righteous men on this Earth, and the rapture has begun
I'm unironically going to live in a tent by the murray river when i get kicked out of home.
I think with the right preparation and a secluded location it sould be viable perhaps even comfy.
I've heard rumors that there are already tent settlements where the poor live.
I can't believe it has come to this though.
>WHAT SHOULD I DO Sup Forums?
Damn auto correct.
You think Australia is safe from the forthcoming destruction of mankind? Think again
All human life on this planet will be burnt away in nuclear explosions
DELET
What if an abo steals your solar panels?
How will you charge your shitposting machines!?
But yeah, if you bring enough toilet paper and multivitamins you should be able to survive off fish for a long time.
Survival will be struggle for all men, soon enough
I'll let you in on a secret. You get diagnosed are a sperg and then everyone throws free stuff at you.
Anything you need to get work -- free.
Anything you need to work -- free.
Anything you need to get to work (within reason) -- free.
They'll even subsidize your salary as well as other things just to give people that extra incentive.
>inb4 parasite
If I don't take the comfy money then they through it at who ever is left. They have to spend all the money or their funding gets cut so they literally buy people mopeds and other crazy shit.
been thinking of moving there some day, do aussies like brits / the british accent? heard they hate all foreigners, how true is it?
yeah
>dropbears
It's my birthday too user. My part of the country is comfy af tbqh. For the nonce.
Elaborate psy op to make you think foreskin gets you into crazy and bloodied foibles for no reason like this. Im onto you jew
I'll have a small inverter generator to charge a couple of electronics.
As for thieves, well that's a real tough one, the other tent dwellers stay grouped to avoid it I think, but I'm not sure on that one.
I'm already on a bunch of back-to-work programs as an autist. I'm literally unemployable and it's soul-crushing.