[Hook: Dido] My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all The morning rain clouds up my window And I can't see at all And even if I could it'd all be gray But your picture on my wall It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad
[Verse 1: Trump (as Eminem)] Dear Trump, I wrote you, but you still ain't callin' I tweet my cell, my pager and my home phone at the bottom My crowd yelled FUCK TRUMP back in autumn, you must not've heard 'em There probably was a problem at the twitter app or somethin' Sometimes I type in addresses too sloppy when I tap 'em But anyways, fuck it, what's been up, man? How's your daughter? My daughter's pregnant too, I'm 'bout to be a grandfather If she has a daughter, guess what I'ma call her? I'ma name her Melanie I read about your Brother Fred too, I'm sorry I had a friend drink too much over some bitch who didn't want him I know you probably hear this every day, but I'm your biggest fan I loved the underground shit that you did to Guac Man I got a room full of your posters and your pictures, man I even ate Trump Steaks too, that shit was phat Anyways, I hope you get this, man, hit me back Just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan, this is Eminem
[Hook: Dido] My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all The morning rain clouds up my window And I can't see at all And even if I could it'd all be gray But your picture on my wall It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad
[Verse 2: Trump (as Eminem)] Dear Trump, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance I ain't mad, I just think it's fucked up you don't answer fans If you didn't want to talk to me outside the rally You didn't have to But you coulda signed an autograph for Hailie That's my little girl, man, she's 21 years old We waited in the blisterin' cold For you, for four hours, and you just said no That's pretty shitty, man, you're like her fuckin' idol She wants to be just like you, man, she likes you more than I do I ain't that mad though, I just don't like being lied to Remember when we met in Denver? You said if I'd tweet you, you would tweet back See, I'm just like you in a way: I was really famous and on TV I used to always do interviews and say shit outrageously I can relate to what you're sayin' in your tweets So when I have a shitty day, I drift away and scroll through 'em ‘Cause I don't really got shit else So that shit helps when I'm depressed I even got a tattoo of your name across the chest Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me See, everything you say is real, and I respect you ‘cause you tell it My ex wife's jealous ‘cause I talk about you 24/7 But she don't know you like I know you, Donald, no one does She don't know what it was like for people like us growin' up You gotta tweet me, man I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose, sincerely yours, Eminem P.S. We should be together too
[Hook: Dido] My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all The morning rain clouds up my window And I can't see at all And even if I could it'd all be gray But your picture on my wall It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad
Chase Rodriguez
[Verse 3: Trump (as Eminem)] Dear Mr. I'm-Too-Good-to-Call-or-Write-My-Fans This'll be the last song I ever write about your ass It's been six months, and still no word — I don't deserve it? I know you got my last two tweets I typed the addresses on 'em perfect So this is my cassette I'm sendin' you, I hope you hear it I'm in the car right now, I'm doin' 90 on the freeway Hey, Drumph, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive? You know the song by Phil Collins, "In the Air of the Night" About that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drownin' But didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a show he found him? That's kinda how this is: you coulda rescued me from drownin' Now it's too late, I'm on a thousand downers now, I'm drowsy And all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call I hope you know I ripped all of your pictures off the wall I loved you, Blumphy, we coulda been together — think about it! You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it And when you dream I hope you can't sleep And you scream about it; I hope your conscience eats at you And you can't breathe without me See, Drumph— shut up, bitch! I'm tryin' to talk Hey, Blump, that's my daughter screamin' in the trunk But I didn't slit her throat, I just tied her up, see, I ain't like you ‘Cause if she suffocates she'll suffer more, and then she'll die too Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now Oh shit, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this shit out?!
[Hook: Dido] My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all The morning rain clouds up my window And I can't see at all And even if I could it'd all be gray But your picture on my wall It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad
Asher Martinez
[Verse 4: Trump] Dear Eminem, I meant to tweet you sooner, but I just been busy You said your daughter's pregnant now, how far along is she? Look, I'm really flattered you would call your granddaughter that And here's an autograph For your daughter; I wrote it on a MAGA cap I'm sorry I didn't see you at the rally, I musta missed you Don't think I played interdimensional chess just to diss you But what's this shit you said about you like to cut your wrists too? I say that shit just clownin', dawg, come on, how fucked up is you? You got some issues, Eminem, I think you need some counselin' To help your ass from bouncin' Off the walls when you get down some And what's this shit about us meant to be together? That type of shit'll make me not want us to meet each other I really think you and your girlfriend need each other Or maybe you just need to treat her better I hope you get to read this letter I just hope it reaches you in time Before you hurt yourself, I think that you'll be doin' just fine If you relax a little, I'm glad I inspire you, but Em, Why are you so mad? Try to understand That I do want you as a fan I just don't want you to do some crazy shit I seen this one shit on the news A couple weeks ago that made me sick Some dude was drunk and drove his car over a bridge And had his daughter in the trunk And she was pregnant with his grandkid And in the car they found a tape, but they didn't say who it was to Come to think about it, his name was… it was you, damn
John Lopez
OK well, I hope someone got a giggle or maybe someone can make it funnier.
