ITT we talk about our parents and how they are/were

>dad is a mechanical engineer
>he is 50 now
>never saw him getting mad to anyone, just once he got REALLY mad
>always caring about his 2 sons

>mom was a teacher
>she is 48 now
>always bitching and complaining (is a woman so pretty normal)
>would get mad pretty easily with me and my brothers but che was always caring
>she told me to just never make my dad mad, never.

Backforward 14 years ago
>be me, 8
>be sleeping comfy
>burglars enters my home and took me as an hostage
>tries to scare my dad
>dad goes for the first time in my life mad
>dad shoots the burglar in the face even if he had a knife on my throat
>I got a little scratch but nothing more
>the other burglar run aeay
>dad had like a killer aura and his eyes were like ice
>after like 10 seconds he comes to senses and start kissing my forehead and tends to me while mom calls the police
>Mfw he was like a God of death in my eyes and I learnt the hard way why mom always told me to not make daddy angry
>he was a monster but also my hero
And now I'm here as a failure, I hate myself

nice blog

HEY SWEET TUMBLR YOU FUCKING WOP

Ireland can be a tough place to grow up.

I hope this is true

Moments of greatness like this get me so goddamn emotional

>Ireland
Leaf, please.

Anyone have a beta male father and a dominant mother? It seems to be a very common thing this day in age.

I feel its worse than being brought up in a single parent household. You grow up watching your father being a turbo beta cuck, and it rubs off on you. Your mothers feelings get put above everyone elses well-being, and she see's you as nothing more than a slave to feed her narcissistic desires. She dictated every little bit of my life and ruined it.


This is what happens when you bend over backwards to women, they even destroy their own children's lives. Me and my brothers are all mid to late 20's socially stunted virgins.

My dads a chemical engineer, he would probably fill a squirt gun with sulfuric acid lol

Men like this get are called enabling fathers.

Hang in there little Pepe. It's just one moment in your life. What you think matters now won't matter at all 10 years from now.

Mine mom's a dentist. I grew/am growing up in a middle upper class white house, wearing lacroste shirts and adidas/nike shoes, I have never had to work hard and have been in private/charter schools my whole life, though my parents divorced when I was 10, my dad is an INTP, my mom an ESTJ and I am an ENTP, my mom raised me and my dad is pretty great too, though they are very strict and expect extremely high levels of me, getting mad when I get a B+ because of "my high levels of culture and intelligence" (no-one in both families was born with an IQ lower than 130), I spend a lot of time with computers, tablets, phones, etc, and study computer science after-school, this has led to my existential crisis, we are also Christian. My mother met my dad in Venezuela, with her moving from Cuba, where she studied General Dentistry to help the poorest neighborhoods, my dad was in the jungle doing some shit and then they met, I was eventually born in Oregon because of some business in the south-east, we then went to Colombia and then Venezuela and now I'm living in Vegas. My dad is very manipulative but extremely flexible with non-academic stuff, my moms not manipulative but really controls my screen time, so pretty good, except they have been in an all-out war ever since the divorce. So *insert iDubbbz saying that's pretty good here*. Both of my parents are 'Alpha's' and I'm a mix, though they're pretty much nerds, and so am I. Celebrate if you made to the end, you're probably bored, so am I.

lacoste*

>Be me
>Dad and mom both work retail
>Earliest memories of my dad are him throwing shit in the kitchen and screaming in anger
>driving dangerously because he's pissed
>stalking me down the hallway and punching a hole in the wall inches from my face
>responding to every single conduct referral with hitting me
>turned me into a stuttering mess
>completely lacked any kind of confidence
>every time I was hurt or complained about being hurt he'd say "What, do you need to go to the emergency room?"
>screamed and threatened my brother and I when we were being too loud
>totally lack confidence because of it
>essentially an introvert/beta around my parents
>Bitches that I "deceive" him when I just respond with "Sure" when he says I should do this job/major I hate with a fucking passion
>this same jackass once screamed in my face to never ever say no to him
>worms his way into any circle of friends I form and decides who HE likes and dislikes
>My life since childhood has been one of pain and fear and unhappiness
>MFW I had nightmares as a kid that he'd kill us all when he got angry

Call the cops dude. Don't take this shit.

>mom has been a NEET all her life
>Dad never tried going into STEM or any sort of trade other than pick up his dad's tile business
>after 13 years of marriage my mom walks out saying that she was just tired of trying
>continued being a NEET until she decided to go full on beggar
>she's still begging somewhere in NC and contacts me if she every wants $20
>dad spent what he was saving from the business to keep my mom from taking me and my sisters
>my NEET mom thought she could give us a better life somehow
>good news is she never got full custody of us
>bad news is even after all that happened and my dad remarried and got a really decent job working for a fertilizer plant he never tried improving his credit or tried making a savings for at least one of his kids
>used to always pin collage on us and made us believe that it was our responsibility to pay for it
>he's in the smae bandwagon as everyone else who thinks anyone who's rich doesn't deserve it, even my own uncle who busted his ass off in dental school and makes $25k a week.
>he's exactly like my grandma and bitches about everything and how everything is everyone else's fault and bitches about how she does this but doesn't realize he does it too
>joined the military to pay for my own damn school
>he ruined my oldest sister by cosigning on to some loans with my grandpa so she could go to art school and he and my grandpa ended up butting heads so my grandpa quit cosigning for more loans after her 2nd year of school even though she was lining up an apprenticeship with cirque du soliel which is who she wanted to work for ever since we were kids
>now she's nannying in ireland to try to catch a ride to germany for that free school
>meanwhile I'm having to deal with both my mom and my dad trying to bust my ass for some cash while I'm slotting floppies in the sandbox
>I don't even have a gf and I'm too scared to meet anyone because I'm too self conscious about how they might feel if they knew my family were losers

What will I say? That he hit my mom a couple years ago and we did nothing? That he's been abusive as fuck but only growls and gets in my face today?
I want to get stronger so I can handle this like a man, but this has permanently fucked with my head and self-esteem.

drop contact for a while. I learned this during boot and IT. When you come back and he pulls some stupid shit, throw him through a wall. I don't care if you have to keep shoving him into the wall, but either way wither that wall or that man will break.

I'm thinking of keeping up some pushups everyday, just total upper body exercises I can do until I'm confident enough that he'll break.

Welp, if you don't wanna do that, get a job, get a membership at a gym, and beat the crap outta' him

my mum hates the following:
>niggers
>poos
>chinks
>americans
>canadians
>anglos in general
>gypsies
>commies
>nazis
>germans
>jews

oh and i forgot lebs, she really fuckin hates lebs

Honestly, user, I think you should keep some distance from your dad and cut ties with your mom. Hope you find some girl that won't judge because of your family.

Why domyounthink you're a failure, user?

>Mom is an arab fob
>Dad was enlisted airman then did odd jobs
>Constant yelling everyday
>No physical contact with parents ever
>No recognition of valedictorian accomplishments
>No going to church or identity instilled
>NYC
>Not excited when I come back home from college
>No I love you's or we're proud
>Never saw them kiss
Anyone wanna clinically explain this shit??

>Be me, le 56%
>Worthless R9K 30y/o NEET
>My d*d is a full fledged dune coon
>My mom is a second generation American/Irish racetraitor whore
>Mom was a secretary until she retired at 40, didn't contribute much to the house
>D*d was senior management with a lender involved in the '08 crash. Once bragged about how he got all of his promotions via false claims of racism. Gets pissed when I bring this up every time he comes downstairs to debase me for being a worthless broken sack of shit
>atleasticanactuallyspeakenglishmotherfucker.jpg
>MFW I barely have any childhood memories because I've been suppressing them all
>Because mom allowed dad to pick a stupid sand nigger name for me as a kid. School was hell
>Because d*d, being the sand nigger that he is, couldn't resist the urge to beat his property (that's sand nigger for family btw) and berate us at the top of his lungs whenever we displeased him
>*after a beating/berating* - "If I tell you to jump, you say 'how high?'. If I tell you to die, you die". Verbatim what he used to tell me as a child. When I confronted him about this as an adult, his response was "That's just a saying in (dune coon country of origin redacted)"
>All of his friends (who are exclusively dune coons who married traitorous American women) also did perfect jobs of raising their sons to be trainwrecks
>multiculturalism.jpg
>notevenonce.jpg
>MFW my mutt genes allow me to pass as an Italian
>MFW the seething hatred I have for my dad, his friends and his family have driven me to the far right
>MFW I can't wait for the race war to start
>MFW I can't wait to see people start to remove kebab IRL
>MFW I'll be leading the RWDS to kebab hideouts to extract my revenge on these subhuman scum that have caused me so much pain

feelsgoodman.jpg

Same boat senpai

yea luckily it's been easy for me to do as of late. Usually don't hear anything from them but occasionally I'll get a request for handouts. Hopefully I'll live long enough to use my GI bill in an actual school, get a degree and a good job, and meet my future child bearer.

>mom was young when she had my oldest brother,
>got a divorce with my dad when I was 8
>died of breast cancer when I was 10
She was a badass in a lot of ways, that's what they say anyways.

>dad grew up in a big family of irish americans
>was a bit beta
>married my mom as sort of a rebound guy, joined the airforce where he had me and two other siblings
>his wife divorced him and then died
>his son, my brother died
>his daughter, my sister died
>He is very intelligent, libertarian type guy, but life just destroyed him.
pic related. my dad is a depressed husk of who he used to be and it breaks my heart.

dude ate cereal for thanksgiving this year.

I'll help you lobotomize them with a bullet when it starts

your parents clung to a loveless relationship for your good. in the process it has destroyed a lot of what made them regular people. you should tell them thank you.

He sounds like hes on the verge of death. user you are literally the only thing he cares about left. Spend some fucking time with him, bring him back from the depths of depression. Introduce him to your friend's family, help his situation. You must always remember though to help yourself first because without you you can't help him.

I know how he feels about me, I'm his only child left and he regrets a lot of his parenting decisions, He lives across the country from me now. I moved out a while ago, he asked me to move back in, I told him 'not yet' He is wallowing in loneliness, he has a wife that he married when I was 11, she's turkish, but they fundamentally don't get each other as people, although they are in love there's an underlying depression for both of them. I don't like to think about him very much.

Dad's an electrical engineer with 3 masters degrees paid for via the military. Pushes me to be a scout leader. Joined the military followed his steps. Got out after 6 became successful machinist. Dad now asks me questions.

user, spend some time with your father, dude. This brought tears to my eyes.

My dad taught me to make my bed and how to slay dragons. Get on this level bucko

He wasn't a monster he just got really scared for your autistic ass.

Threads like this make me apreciate my parents so much.

"Mama Mia, I wisha I let the a burglar kill you!"
>OP's disappointed Dad.

>Dad was a mechanic
>Mom was a decorator
>met in their early twenties
>now Dad owns his own business making fucking bank and Mom does what she wants
>they love me unconditionally and want me to do what makes me happy
>can always rely on them for anything
>Dad is pretty much my best friend
>we shoot the shit about the economy and cars for hours
>graduating from college this year
I have to provide for my future family like my parents did. I really take them for granted but I got really fucking lucky.

Seems like you’re young and have a whole life in front of you. Wishing you luck!

Jesus. From a fellow airman spend time with your pops user. I almost lost mine due to ptsd and tbi mixed with drinking. My wife just lost her dad to stave 4 peritoneal mesothelioma type 2 a month before our wedding. For the love of god. Spend time with him. Make him known that he's wanted and cared for.

Is your dad jbp?

>Mother in airforce in youth
>gets knocked up
>be me, bastard child who doesnt know father
>tries to lose me during a wedding after her pregnancy
>prompts other family to adopt me
>gets knocked up a yr later
>forms a plot with new boyfriend to kidnap me back and be a family
>does so with trickery along with local police force friends
>few years later, they break off
>shes a stripper now
>throughout childhood and teenage years be a pawn to her abuse and narcissism, singled out as the thing that destroyed her life
>move out at 17 after finally bringing cps into my life through school system
>She does taxes now

The twist is, I was brainwashed with the narrative that i was kidnapped by the person who adopted me, and only a few years ago had she finally gotten ahold of me and we were able to discuss what actually happened. this happened in a fallout moment with my biological mother and i havent spoken to her sense.

>The twist is, I was brainwashed with the narrative that i was kidnapped by the person who adopted me, and only a few years ago had she finally gotten ahold of me and we were able to discuss what actually happened. this happened in a fallout moment with my biological mother and i havent spoken to her sense.

wow it´s really like there has to be something to fuck up your trust badly to be here...

>>Mum teacher
>>single mother syndrome after splitting with me Pap when I was 9
>>we live basic middle class life but never really low like some
>>strong values in education, that's all really
>>both myself and sis go to college
>>become super engineer and work for aerospace corp now
>>Mum is fun to be around for a little bit but I'm too much like Pap so honestly I can't handle her for more than a week at a time

Dad was a doctor. He was usually drunk and abusive and targeted me (mostly). My mom just let him. He lost his degree because he was over doing one of the medications at his office.

My mom was hot and cold growing up and has several personality disorders but hides under her christianity.

They divorced when my brother reported some sexual abuse by my dad. We were raised by my mom who was horrible. My mom only wanted us for money.

spend Christmas with him at least

Absolutely awesome story.

Cont'd
>>Pap was electrical engineer
>>lost job when they moved to Mexico after 20+ years
>>gets a solid severence
>>gets wife who was janitor at this place from Mexcio
>>money funnels to her family on more than one occasion because he "wants to make this marriage last"
>>money funnels into "Mexican Pottery" business
>>I'm the heavy lifter, he does paperwork, step mum just says she owns a business
>>Doesn't work out
>>She thinks when a business fails you just close doors and leave
>>In reality he had put it on his credit cards because she was too stupid to do paperwork of that sort and for 15+ years hid $30k in debt which climbed to $80k
>>They respected each others space so she never bothered to look at his CC bills (they were separate)
>>In the meantime he operates a restoration shop for sports cars
>>Come home from work Sept 11 2017
>>Get call from step mum saying she's at his shop to pick him up and no one is answering
"He probably walked to McDonalds to get a bite to eat real fast. Wait 15min"
>>Get call 15min later, still no Pap, I'm the only one with key
"Ok fine I'll swing by"
>>Put pants on
>>Text GF saying I bet this jabroni is snoozing in there, we've both done it
>>Pull up
>>Step mum look of concern
"Lets see whats habbenin"
>>Unlock door
>>See him laying on floor
"Oh! He's sleeping!"
>>Get closer and see dark puddle around him
"Uh oh"
>>Run up to him thinking he slipped in oil
>>Shirt soaked in blood, eyes open, mouth open, blood spray on face
>>Blood coagulated but still looks shiny
>>Gash in arm
>>Exacto knife on other side
>>Later get his computer back from shop
>>All invoices updated Sept 11 @ 2AM & 3rd quarter taxes prepped. All car parts organized and put by their cars, all shelves were labeled for me to help move out
>>Lost best employee (and only employee) in June which was his only chance at making decent ($15k+) money
>>Books on self esteem/optimism at home
>>No note
>>Still there working, 6 days a week, 12 hours a day, on Google

This gif is pretty cool.

Dad was highly intelligent, redpilled, but lazy and degenerate, died of being fat

Mom is a piece of shit schizophrenic hypercondriac former addict who's drinking herself to death and I won't be around or even know when she goes. Her selfishness and lack of maternal skills are the reason I spent years in foster care and have no real family

Well here goes nothing
>Dad is mechanical engineer
>Mom is a 'teacher' (she had various semi teaching jobs and eventually landed at a private school, she never got a credential or anything like that)
>Dad is kind of an asshole, wants me to work at 14, I peruse academic route instead.
>I do well in school, but still but heads with dad.
>Get accepted into great college for engineering, but kind of hate dad.
>Flat out despise engineering, switch to history, dad is not pleased.
>This move causes years of animosity between myself and my father. I develop major anger towards him, and major self-esteem issues. Mom always sticks up for me and has my back. Causes immense familial strain.
> I begin drinking as a means to dealing with depression, and end up crashing cars and generally being a lowlife fuck-up. I hit the lowest point I've ever hit in my life.
>Mom begins drinking at a heavier rate that I, and she turns into a real monster when she is drunk.
>Dad leaves, mostly due to now alcoholic psychopath alcoholic mother, but a least a bit because of me (that feel when you fucked up your own family).
> Mom starts taking rage out on me
> begin visiting Sup Forums
> Wake up one day and decide I've had enough of this shit.
> Get job as a sub-teacher. Rock it so hard they hire me out of the classroom full time.
> Leave my now shithead mother.
> Begin reconnecting with my father. Turns out all he wanted was for me to be a man, he just didn't know how to teach me.
> Rock my job, make some smart investments, do alright for myself.
>tldr; pops and I are now chill as shit, go on hikes regularly, travel, and bro out. He recently told me he was proud of me. I told him to go fuck himself, but it was nice to hear. I do not communicate with my mother.
Funny how shit works out.

Damn, user. I’m sorry

Mom
>worked in IT until she got cancer
>steady stream of boyfriends until after I moved out
>generally tried her best but couldn't handle having a teenaged boy around
>died a few years ago because she made poor life choices, but I know I was a shit to deal with and wish I could have done more for her in the end

Dad
>never really saw until I was out on my own
>never paid child support
>married 3 times so far
>fathered my worthless half-brother, and has to live the fact that the kid he didn't raise is doing fairly well

They were both pretty fucked up, so I'm glad they divorced when I was young so I didn't have to deal with both at the same time.
Still wish I had a real father around though, I'm literally making it up as I go along with my kids, doing everything I wished I'd had or needed.

When's the bit where he molests you?

How.is.this.political.jpeg

i like the cozy pic frend

>data mining thread

In any case, my mum was overbearing and dad was a workaholic

Get a job and leave. Leave him to be alone.
Also, one day he will be old and weak. Old men stop being abusive, when they have no strength to do so.
Forward warning, what will hurt you most is the realization that you never had a father.

>what will hurt you most is the realization that you never had a father
The silver lining here is that on some level they know they never were.

>my dad is 52
>my mom is 46
>I'm 25
>my sister is 23
>my brother is 28
>we all work
>we've been putting in 30% of our annual income in family pool
>it averages about $130k a year
>we've done this every year, for the last 5 years
>me and my siblings don't pay rent and our living expenses is cheap, because house was paid off in 1998
>my cousins and their parents do this too (about 4 other family pools, involving 19 other family members)
>if we combined our 5 family pools, it would probably be in 3 million USD
>my dad is a supervisor at a waste management facility and my mom is a cashier for community market
>my dad loves hunting
>my mom loves making clothes
Don't know what the fuck I'm typing or what this thread is about. Don't care if it's data mining, I'm in the countryside of North Louisiana.

I hope u see ur dad soon, man.

saged and hide all data mining threads. Or post funny responses

dad is 55 year old KFC manager. Raised his wifes 3 seperate sons whom she had with 3 seperate men. Mom was an AM/PM cashier but she just said that, she really licked honey off her nipples behind the library for spare change.

Fuck my parents.
Fuck my life.
Fuck this thread.

Please visit you dad and spend time with him. God I feel bad when I don't call mine for a week or two at college.

Get a job. Your boss will give you enough hell that you will forget about your parents' problems. Maybe you will learn to handle your own.
Just some advice from a working man. Glad to help.

Get a job, and move out of the house. Love them, but don't be like them. Be yourself, and find your own way.

>we've been putting in 30% of our annual income in family pool
fucking commies

Move away from them. They are toxic. Find another place to live that is at least 5 hr away. Work for yourself and save money for your dreams. When they call you tell them you are ok. Go see them twice a year, max.

Your dad is the type of guy who will never respect you until you stand up for yourself to him, come what may, fearlessly. He's shit checking you constantly. I bet you also don't notice when women are shit checking you.

(caption: beta gale)

What is this/advice/pol/? I should charge for this advice. Dear Abbey made a good living, I hear.
So, she hates almost everybody. That doesn't mean you have to hate anyone. Get a job. Move out. Find a place you can afford. Get out of that cesspool of hate.

OMG. You have been through basic training, military discipline, and you are still this clueless? I thought you must be a beta cuck who doesn't know how to make it through life on your own.
Well good luck. You must have fucked yourself very badly to have come to this situation.
But, there is still time to change the road you're on.

Nice.
>poos
>niggers
>chinks
>commies
>americans
You literally named same thing 5 times.

Now that I think about what that Louisiana user wrote, isn't that how most of these ultra modern wealthy families that came from poor beginnings, back 2 centuries ago did? generational and various combined family pool funds?
WTF?!!??! My parents made my ass get out the house at 18 with a check of $3k.
Fuck my life.

>dad mild alcoholic likes to get drunk and do stupid shit
>terrorizes family on and off at times during childhood
>grow up be me 17
>dad throws drunk tantrum starts doing shit to mom
>try to stay out of the way
>dad turns attention to me
>chimp out and beat his ass
>mfw no more drunk tantrums and shit since then

>but life just destroyed him
Life destroys us all. Even the richest man, when he lies dying in bed has regrets.
There is so much that your father lost that he can't get back.
Don't let your regret be that you did not show him love when he needed it.

>europeens
>owning guns
you getting abducted by aliums would be a more believable story desu

fuck off blogfrog
not Sup Forums

based

I suspect your dad is an autist. He wants to create something, but has no clue what he wants.
Get his ideas, give him your ideas. Make something together.
Be honest with each other, and don't keep secrets, even if the truth is scary.
Everything will be fine if you talk.

>be mechanical engineer
>be 50 years old
>never get mad but i got REALLY mad once
>caught my 8 year old son sucking off a couple of guys fourteen years ago.
>shot one of the faggots in the head
>other faggot ran away
>looked real hard at faggot son for 10 seconds before i decided not to kill him too

he's such a failure. i hate him

Thank you guys for your replies, I think about the situation all the time, he has it worse than me because all he has is time to think about what all went wrong, I'm still young and have real world problems to deal with that keep me going and occupied. He has vast swaths of time. I visited him recently, we started building a pergola, there's no way he could erect the structures alone, he wanted it to be a father son bonding time type thing. I hope to visit him soon, which is why he mentioned it. but I can't for Christmas, must visit my mother's mother. There's no family for me in this state. Our lives feel like broken jokes of what they should've been, his especially, I can't try to fix it because there's so much bizarre shit that happened that's impossible to reconcile. As if my voice is much quieter than the astounding babble of what we all experienced, it still echoes so loudly at family reunions or whatever, you can *tell* it's what everyone thinks about, proverbial elephant in the room (the deaths of my siblings)

>now I'm here as a failure, I hate myself

Hey, come on now, I'm sure that you could kill too if you knew what motivation was.

It's never too late to strive for a better world, user.

>My dad came home drunk from jule frokost at work the other day.

>He was rambling about how he was a national socialist at heart and that he had been spreading the word amongst his "cuck colleuges", he apparently mocked a co-worker for not having 5 kids instead of a dog.

>He preceeded to yell heil Hitler when the number 88 was drawn by the bingo machine.

>When the number 88 was drawn again other coworkers joined in the fun.

>He apparently redpilled his boss and some ancap guy at work to the JQ.

>My dads a semi-boss in a insurance company.

>I couldn't really be any more proud of my dad, he truly dosen't give a single fuck any more.

that's fucking awesome, checked.

This sounds like what a 13 years old would write about his dad

Our family has always enjoyed politically inccorect humor, its pne of the reasons i've been very vocal in my beliefs amongst my family.

But i always thought this was all a joke to my dad, he's always been the libertarian capitalist type, so to see him go full out is a true joy.

He's even started talking about quiting his "wageslave" job and get into politics to quote "save this rotten country"

So keep an eye on my country, both my farthers and my name might become quite infamous here in the near future.

Here's what you should do:
>buy gun - big cpaacity
>go on shooting
>before, mail a manifesto to a bunch of news stations
>you'll die but who cares? You're NEET
>in manifesto talk about your hatred for muslims
>talk about self-hate (doesn't have to be true) for mixed race
>recount or manufacture specific life events of discrimination for your race/name
Congrats, you sacrificed yourself to redpill normies.

They aren't men at all.

Sorta related to my parents and how they screwed me over.

I've been travelling as a vagabond for a while. Someone asked me to write out my reason why, and I figured I'd share it here because why not.

It's a bit tl;dr

Why I travel
It was the middle of summer the year 2016 when I realized there was something severely wrong with my life.

The day before, I'd been to the doctor to have a mole looked at. It was the first time in years that I'd been to the doctor, and while he conclude the mole was benign, he sensed that there was something else wrong with me. Guess you can't hide your symptoms from an old, trained eye. I refused that there was anything wrong, but he still ran some tests on me, and the simple fact that he asked made me introspective.

I'd been smoking weed every day for years. My relationship with my family was hanging on to a thread. I was about to enter university but had no idea what I wanted to do in life. I'd taken on responsibilities at my dorm as the head of the resident council to at least have something to engage myself in, but that was just adding on to the growing pile of stress and pressure that would eventually culminate in a personal breakdown.

The day before my realization I'd cried myself to sleep. I didn't know why, but it was the first time in a long while that I actually felt anything except the usual numbness towards any situation. So when I went back to the doctor to get the results, and I was diagnosed with stress and high blood pressure, it became clear that something had to change.

I was given the choice to go on antidepressants and blood pressure medicine, both which I refused. The doctor told me that nothing was wrong with me physically, so everything had to be psychological. Having grown up with a mother who's a clinical psychologist (and who screwed me up really good), I knew that psychological problems for the most part could be changed through a lifestyle change.

But the idea to go travel didn't come to me right away. A lot of self loathing came first; all those years wasted trying to figure out what I wanted without any results had left me literally depressed and with a severe drug habit. I could have done so many things instead, and the realization that I'd wasted a good decade of my life and most of my youth on nothing made it tough for me to see any positive solution to my problems.

So I ended up in the shower with a knife in my hand. For an hour I contemplated ending it right there so I wouldn't have to suffer any further disappointment, but I could shake the notion that since I'm ready to give everything up, I might as well do something totally crazy. I had nothing to lose anyway.

I'd realized that for the most part, my situation could be blamed on the way my mother raised me. She'd been incredibly controlling every since my older siblings moved out and it was just me and her living alone in an apartment together. She'd forced me to get a job at the age of 13, but collected all the money I earned. My life from 13 to 18 basically consisted of going to school, getting home and going straight to work, then come home around 8 or 9 at night and force some dinner down my throat before collapsing. And I'd never see any of my salaries, my mom would collect it to pay off some imaginary debt that for some reason kept growing bigger and bigger.

So with no chance to explore myself as a teenager, I was flung into depression. Weed was the easy way out, it simulated the happiness that I craved so much. But even after moving out and getting my own life with my own money, the weed abuse continued. It simply didn't occur to me that life might actually be enjoyable without fake happiness, as I couldn't remember how the real deal felt.

And since weed was cheap and easy to get in my city, it was the logical choice for a chronically depressed young man to simply smoke his days away. So for years I'd experience no personal development and just take one day after the other, building upon the pile of stress and pressure that loomed ever taller over me.

All this dawned on me in that one hour shower session, and the idea of travelling luckily hit me. I'd been a scout for some years and still had all my outdoor equipment, so living on the road as a vagabond would prove no problem. I didn't have a house with a mortgage, I had no debt, no girlfriend, no job responsibilities, and no idea what I wanted to study anyway. So I threw the idea past my friends, and they all found it to be a brilliant solution to my problems; go explore the world, and at the same time, yourself.

At the time I worked as a hotel receptionist, a job I'd had for 4 years. I let my boss know of my plans to go travel, and set a date half a year in the future where I would leave. Ticket bought for Japan, the first destination out of hopefully many. My boss gave me all the work he could offer me, and even fired a coworker who'd been slacking in order to give me even more shifts. I ended up working an average of 7.2 hours a day, every day, for half a year, and scraped together quite a bit of money. Getting a visa for Japan was also straight forward, since Denmark and Japan have a working holiday visa agreement; one year abroad for free, and I could get a job there if I wanted.

So half a year passed. Working so much was tough, but with a clear goal in mind for the first time in a decade, it was easy peasy. I sold everything I could, gave away the rest, packed my bags, quit my dorm room lease, and left for the airport.

Was it the right choice? The whole point is to figure myself out, which I have yet to do. But the alternative was to go on medication and become a zombie, studying some degree that I might end up hating, and kill myself at some point in the future. For now, my future is open. I have no plans. I just go where the wind and the people I meet take me. And I'm actually feeling a sort of happiness, a happiness that comes naturally from within myself instead of through a paper filter.

And now you can call me a faggot.

You sound like a pathetic soyboy. Please sterilize yourself

get a job. cant do shit without money after all.