So has anyone here actually read this thing? I'm thinking about it, should I?

So has anyone here actually read this thing? I'm thinking about it, should I?

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yes
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no

protip: read the book of revelations first.

Long, especially the "begats" parts. Some good porn in it. Lacks plot and consistent writing. Not sure what the author's message was... seems to conflict itself - one part of the story being pro violence and then totally anti-violance.

Good parts - this pacifist Jesus guys go Full Roman on Jewish Bankers.

Surprised they can even print that.

yea. i'm catholic

>protip: read the book of revelations first.

That part is incomprehensible... Guy was on mushrooms or something.

>feeling religiously inspired today
>flip open OT
>first word I read is "shekel"

God dammit.

Where the hell is it anti-violence?

youtube.com/watch?v=m2bdy-ZFk5s&t

this will make it easy for you

Ah! So you got the extra chapters.

I can see why they left those chapters out of the Reader's Digest version.

Holy shit Aussie we are on that same wavelength.

The Bible really should of started with the Book of Revelation.

only the new testament
the old testament is kike sorcery

Yes, it is incredible, but you should read the KJV version.

Only if you want to, Don't do it if you feel forced.

If you do decide to read it end to end, You should either start with the 4 Gospels, then turn back to Genghis and go through, or start at Genesis and realize that there's going to be a lot of questions and unfinished business until you get to the New Testament. Believe it or not, Revelation (the last book) is where I started and I found it the most helpful, it's like a quick rundown on the whole of history and tells you how things end and how you can be on the side of Good. I recommend Chuck Missler's 24 hour study if you go through Revelation first, but it's your choice. Do what you feel led to do, I hope that you can find some peace.

Also keep in mind there are several version, KJV and NKJV are pretty stable, but so is NAS, and Catholics/Orthodox have extra books in their Bibles. Try not to get too hung up on Squabbles between denominations when you start, it's almost all secondary-level arguments, all Christians accept Jesus Christ's sacrifice on the cross, that's the #1 point of the entire Bible.

youtube.com/watch?v=Ewny6LF_zXs&list=PLlTRGidk4A1AI9zwIgfnnPDU43f4Tgmx_

All over later chapters...

For example, after this Jesus guys kicks a LOT of people's asses like some Kung-Fu bad ass, these Roman guys come to take him away to be nailed to a post 'cuz these Jews don't like him and the Jews made them do it, and one of his followers actually tried to stop this murder and chops off this Roman soldiers ear, and Jesus says "nope" and actually puts the Roman's ear back on.

I'm wondering why the other Roman soldiers didn't hack the lot of them to bits. What's up with all these Roman pacifists.

Yes.

Start with the gospels and Acts.

Read slowly and carefully.

Skip the old testament.

No need, I'm already an atheist.

>KJV version.

Incomprehensible with all that ancient English shit. It does have Unicorns, tho. You don't get unicorns in the Catholic version.

I was expecting Voldermort to start vampiring the Unicorn or something.

Only mouthbreathers skip the old testament.

>That part is incomprehensible... Guy was on mushrooms or something.
"Blessed is he who reads and those who hear the words of this prophecy, and keep those things which are written in it; for the time is near."
Eyes to see, Ears to hear, user.

>You should either start with the 4 Gospels, then turn back to Genghis

Genghis was muh favorite chapter.

This hun guy rides in and take everything. They have to get Jesus a new cross cuz he took it.

Serious recommendation: Read the New Testament and see how it goes. I got all the way through that, then started on the Old and gave up around Numbers or so.

Probably going to clean my ears with page or two of psalms then burn it over a black candle while I say the lords prayer backwards in hebrew.

Hail Satan, mother fucker!

I've read this and the bible. Also read some of the gospels that didn't make it in the bible either.

Best part! 2 Kings 2:22 Something about how these children were making fun of this bald guy, so he send bears to kill 'em all.

Being bald, that was fucking epic. I became a believer right there... All men with hair loss have hope.

Never was able to summon fuckin' she bears tho'.

I figured it was because Jesus wanted to die, since it was his purpose to do so at this point. Well, according to the way we're supposed to think of it. It does seem in parts like he wanted and expected to die.

>I'm wondering why the other Roman soldiers didn't hack the lot of them to bits. What's up with all these Roman pacifists

This is extremely weird.

bahaha is this guy for real

Yeah, well, it's was a nutty chapter. Worse one on the whole book. People just pretend it's not total wacko stuff.

You wouldn't even get it you brainlet.

The real bible is just alchemical and gnostic symbolism.
The rest is just kike fan fiction

it will lower your IQ

>actually read the bible
>reads like it was written by a google translate (which I guess it was basically)
>boring as fuck history lesson about family trees that never come up again
>extreme edge out of no-where about rape, incest, incestuous rape, like GRRM wrote it
>just the same message over and over again of "do what god says"
>extremely little actual spiritual or religious mythology content

Read it all. Use Shepards chapel on you tube to help you understand what you are reading. Enjoy the red pill nigger

it's actually really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really realy really really really fucking boring.

I've read it, yes. I recommend it: the things I heard in church growing up convinced me that God wasn't real. Reading the Bible was part of what convinced me that he was.

lmao what a brainlet

Yes but only King James Version

...

>it's was a nutty chapter
How so? You have a hard time seeing what things are symbols for what? There's a lot that can confuse someone, but you can get a pretty good idea of what is what by comparing each thing listed in Rev to every other book in the Bible. it's all connected, and pretty easy to work through, it's just a slog like none other, there are so many connections to so many books it's hard to not fall asleep.

>about family trees that never come up again

Not true! It has Jesus' family tree in there twice.

Different male lines, tho'. How do you have two different male lines? I think it needs a rewrite, the author screwed up.

Yes almost finished. Used KJV YouTube series. BEST way to start imo if you're a busy guy. I listen to them in the drive to work.

>>reads like it was written by a google translate (which I guess it was basically)
>Not reading KJV

Stop reading kike fiction

This
King James Version, start at Matthew

Read it. Boring as shit and with enough sharp edges to make a 13 year old emo proud.

You must be just a hoot at parties.

Yes

Yeah... lambs kicking seals, guys on funny horses, 144,000 virgin soy boy right out of their mother's basement, animals with eyes all around their heads like spiders...

That guy was more than stoned, he was wasted.

yall better start praying bc mueller is coming

In my opinion, if you're interested in religion, you should read the Bible, Quran, and Torah.

It will open your eyes to religion as we know it on Earth. There's a lot of good things to take from the books, and there's a lot of bad things to take from them.

good man

I just can't wait until 2028-2030 when all you american brainlets finally die out

soundbible.com/book/holy-bible-pdf-download.pdf

Yeah, what you call "incomprehensible", I call a pleb filter. Stick to your NIV and your Catholic bible, brainlet.

Sheperds that discovered psychedelics.

>being this butthurt
dont worry user, here's a (You) and Jesus loves you

Revelation is a story about an alien invasion by ET.

>most significant book in all of Western Civilization
>d-d-don’t read it goy , Western values are f-f-fan fiction

Who could be behind this post

Jokes on you, leaf-fag: I'm in Canada.

Google "Moses had horns" and be surprised

stop worshipping kike gods

Edgy.

>I'm special because I read the wacko shit and pretend to understand it so fuck you!

Yeah, I get that a lot from the guys who pretend to understand it.

nah, the streets of gold is about circuitry in an AI-singularity.

*was important goyim.

the new testament is also kike sorcery. it's kike sorcery from genesis to revelations.

read genesis, John, acts and revelations. if you still have energy afterwards read the letters of st paul.

Confirmed for retard.

The Torah is already in the Bible Abdul, stick to what you know.

Youre an honorary mutt for this post.

I don't understand it :(
And then when I read interpretations of various passages, everybody says something different.

values come from the law you dumbass leaf

>muh book
>muh western values

I bet you can't even explain the bible to a 5 year old

I don't have to pretend to understand modern English, dumbass.

What a fine example of burger education.

>Isaiah 14:12
>How you have fallen from heaven, MORNING STAR, son of the dawn! You have been cast down to the earth, you who once laid low the nations!

>Revelation 22:16
>"I, Jesus, have sent my angel to give you this testimony for the churches. I am the Root and the Offspring of David, and the bright MORNING STAR."

Well that's awkward. Good thing the KJV removes that bit about Lucifer in Isaiah and changes it to this:

>How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! how art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations!

read a scholar's annotated bible. everything else is bullshit

>Reading the book results in butthurt.

No it doesn't.

> Jesus loves you.

I don't swing that way, dude. And WTF? it says stone gays and then all the people who read it go around telling guys "Jesus loves you". Am I supposed to Stone Jesus? is that what's that about!? seems harsh! I'd rather live and let live.

Also most of our values are based on the greeks and romans, not really the church.

I've read the bible, not all of it, but I have read a good portion, and it just reads like fiction. It really has only convinced me that it's full of shit, although once in a while something poetic or reasonable pops up.

I've read Genesis, Revelation, Proverbs, some of Exodus and Psalms, Song of Solomon, and The Book of Daniel.

Are there any books in there that are interesting as well, or have I read the best parts? It's not a bad source of entertainment, but the shit in there is hysterically unbelievable.

Wow I really needed that. God bless you, user.

Yes, you should. But read all of it, cover to cover. The only acceptable deviation is to read the prophets in chronological order rather than the order presented.

You don't have to read it as religion. It's a religious history of an era, like the Iliad is a religious history of a war. Be patient and try to figure out what the authors are trying to say and why, rather than arguing back like they're trying to convert you. Use an atlas. Use historians and secular biblical scholarship. If it ultimately does have a message for you none of that can take it away.

Just watch the movie

Also: Can somebody give me a summary of the entire bible, excluding the parts that are irrelevant to the main storyline?

I tried, the torah is boring af though. Just read a summarized version

Jesus is symbolic of the Right Hand Path while Lucifer is the Left Hand Path.

The point is that duality exists in all things. Jesus ascends to heaven to become enlightened while Lucifer reaches into the Abyss.

the only valuable thing is the Sermon on the mount
the rest are bunch of jewish tricks
emtpty bla bla bla

The most significant book in all western civ is the Roman Catholic catechism. That one sort of make sense.

Seriously, in the Bible you get everything from it's good to screw your daughter, to good to kill someone to take his wife, to stoning people for all that, to bashing babies, to bears tearing up kids for being brats, to some guy getting nailed to a stick somehow saves me and makes him my judge.

You'll get that, I doubt any one person really knows the whole truth, but all we really need is to know Jesus' love for us and his sacrifices for us, and his divinity. Don't get too stuck up on what other people tell you, just try your best to understand it on your own, if something confuses you, just let it be, and see if God gives you an answer later.

If that's how you see it, sure one hell of a coincidence that all his tripped out visions can be connected into a coherent message. Guess I'm just as crazy as he was.

Oh, and how did the three wise men know how to find Jesus? A certain star in the sky. In the Masonic body "Order of the Eastern Star" the falling star represents the star above Jesus' manger. A falling star represented Jesus' birth. A fallen angel. A morning star.

Press "G" if you want me to go on.

I know... which one of the guys telling you what it means is right? And why do any of them have to be right.

yes you should.

to spice it up, consider what "god" means. Pay attention to the language of the bible, how it uses words, how it plays with meaning, and how it tries to persuade you. It's incredibly powerful stuff and most people only know the basic plots. remember, the plot does not make the story. the execution is everything.

>And then when I read interpretations of various passages, everybody says something different.
Unfortunately, dishonest humans do that to every book that is held in high esteem. E.g. there are actually people who try to say that Jane Austen is actually satirizing traditional values, rather than trying to promote them in her books. They do that because they want to convince you of their beliefs (not Jane Austen's) by tying their beliefs to her works. Likewise, lefties try to tie their beliefs to the Bible, but you'll notice that they actually don't like the Bible and disrespect it: that's your clue. (There are also many things that are only mentioned once, and thus there is some legitimate disagreement about the meaning, but it doesn't add up to anything too significant in God's eyes: what he really hates are things like sin.

Did you guys know that 666 = Nero Ceasar in Hebrew numerology? Some people think the author was writing Revelation to the 7 Asian churches about the 7 Roman Emperors of the time and used coded messages to go under the radar of the Romans.

Also, the story of a virgin giving birth to God is in ancient mythology, and the Adam and Eve thing was kind of in Greek mythology with the Golden Race of superior humans.

Also - Why do you guys think humans lived to 930 and other really old ages in the bible?

Negative. You're thinking of Satan. Why would you think Satan and Lucifer are related?

Yes. Head over to double chan /christian/ if you'd like to learn best methods of reading

To know Jesus you have to be like Jesus, not like a dumb consumerist american who gets angry at le evil immigrant while giving money and his work to hooked nosed bankers

>Read about Moses' "horns" for two fucking minutes
>Mistaking problems translating from ancient Hebrew for general dipshittery

There are valid, compelling doctrinal / historical objections to both Judaism and Christianity. I'm sick of seeing bullshit like this instead.

> 1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
1:2 And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
1:3 And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
1:4 And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.
1:5 And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.
1:6 And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.
1:7 And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.
1:8 And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day.
1:9 And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so.
1:10 And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that it was good.
1:11 And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so.
1:12 And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good.
1:13 And the evening and the morning were the third day.
1:14 And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:
1:15 And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so.

It's like a super power! ability to summon She-bears. Not sure about He-bears.

And look at all those twos... Kek! 2 Kings 2;22.

Quads!

Start with Ecclesiastes.

they aren't related you dumbass american
I was thinking of Lucifer

The bible is a library, not a book. It's not divinely authored, but authored by men in a certain time and place wrestling with the question of divinity. Here's a good OT course at yale if you're interested:

oyc.yale.edu/religious-studies/rlst-145

Read it.

John is best book.

Then why would you think that Jesus and Lucifer using the same title and the same symbolism(the falling star) are unrelated?No need to get mad kid.

Sounds like someone sent you back.